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Aix Newbie

Aix

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I'm quite unconvinced that Jack is someone who would ever be in a situation to calmly explain herself in that tryhard "badass" tone. It also seems really weird they couldn't kidnap some other suitable guinea pig; it's not hard to make up some explanation, but without said explanation, it sounds awfully contrived.

 

While her whole motivation seems to be revenge, there seems to be some morality in her (or that's the idea I get when she comments on the criminal acts she was forced to do), and I'm disappointed that her moral views are not elaborated on at all.

 

Overall, the character seems pretty one-track with the vengeful rebel image and feels lacking in depth. I'm sure writing her will get her more depth, but what I see in the app itself doesn't impress me.

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LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Experienced

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow

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Since the other one is short I figured I might as well review too.

 

[spoiler=Review]First I just realized how many weebnames you use. Anyway....

I really like how you described her looks and the whole disguise thing. Not something a lot of people in RP do so that's cool.

 

Ah yes the first person, forgot about that. Anyway the bio amuses me because it reminds me of one I did...so clearly I have to say it's a pretty cool idea. XD

Though I will agree and say that it's a bit odd they chose her. Mostly because there wasn't any indication that the father would have reason to risk her like that. Especially not as the first test. Which there could be reasoning for but it does seem somewhat off.

It makes me wonder what kind of company this is, doing this dangerous and shady things. More focus on some kind of corruption might've been good because I can't tell really.

We come to my only big issue with this now...She's 19, and apparently spent years on the run (I assume at least three) and had to have what a year of training? Seems even weirder to test something like this on such an undeveloped brain, ya know?

 

The personality is really simple, not a ton there, but it's a good one. In the sense it doesn't skirt around that she's not really that great of a person. It doesn't cover it up or try and make it not as bad with small details that really don't mesh. She's, even if she has reason to be, kind of a bad person. I kinda would like to see her being maybe not as functioning at times. As in have moments that her less than sound mind causes her to do stuff that goes against her goal or in some way hinders her.

 

I know why the bow exists but I will say there probably are more practical ways to do this...might've been cool to give a reason why it's a bow, tbh.

 

I like the abilities. Not much else to say on that. They cool.

 

Overall very solid character. Could use a little more elaboration on this company or, at least, why they'd choose a gifted young girl as a lab rat. And there's just the smallest bit missing imo for a completely solid personality. But it's a good character. One I shall be giving 77/100.

 

 

Okay so I am gonna say now that I likely won't do reviews very fast. That's clear from the dates of these things but I wanted to get it said. I've done a lot and it can be a little draining at times.

I'm also gonna contact my other reviewers to see if they're still interested and set some kind of "You must review or be taken off list" because honestly I'm weird and having the names there without good reason bugs me.

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ÆƵ– Newbie

ÆƵ–

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Well, I've somehow made a character in 1 day. Guess that means I really like the RP he's gonna be in. 

 

Dear, sweet cow, Would you review my ostrich boi?

 

OoC:https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/361935-temple-of-myth-signupsoocns/

Synopsis of OoC: It's earth but the Timeline has been altered a bit in that some historical events took a different turn. Also there's magic. And not just humans. There's a magic school in the sky and the chars are students there. 

 

Char:

[spoiler=Head in the sand... Literally]
Member Name: Aez (bird w/ sprinkler]

Character Name: Akukho Ezindizayo ((litteraly translates as "No Flying"))
Age: 12 ((Average lifespan for an ostrich is 45 at most, so they're basically like a 20-year-old))
Gender: Male

Appearance:
Standing at a towering height of 6'7" (A little over 2m), Akukho is an abnormality among Garudes. His black plumage tipped with white is rather stubbly, his wingspan extending only about half his arm length. They are still capable of covering a large amount of his back, though. His hair color matches his feathers, extending down to about his ears. His grey-green eyes seem to bug out a bit, but then again so does his hooked nose.He lacks any facial or body hair besides eyebrows, eyelashes, and that of his head.

He normally keeps his leathery, chocolate-colored skin wrapped up in loose-fitting harem shorts and a short leather mantle. He runs around barefoot, which tends to disturb people considering he only has 2 toes. His legs are quite muscular, at least compared to his scrawny arms. His hands are large and spindly, and if they had feathers they would probably make more suitable wings than what he has now..

Species: Garude, Ostrich Subspecies.
Alternative Forms: While not official, Akukho is very good at mimicking an actual ostrich (for obvious reasons)
Birthday: April 1st
Magical Mastery: Pentex Earth, Raga Fire
National Origin: Zulu

[spoiler=Personality:]
Despite being born earth-aligned, Akukho is an air-head. He's brash, he's forgetful, and he's not afraid to shout out the wrong answer. Despite this, though, he's fairly intelligent, especially by Garude standards.

He's fairly sociable, too. Whenever he sits next to someone he doesn't know in class, he makes an effort to try and get to know them. He'll usually talk about whatever the teacher is talking about, then veer off onto something completely irrelevant. But because he does this with such charisma, people can't help but like him.

 

Bio:
Akukho was a surprise to everyone.

Both his mother and his father were capable of flight and had an affinity for Wind magic. But when Akukho hatched, his wings were tiny, his legs rather large, and he had just missed the date to be wind-compatible. Because neither of his parents could use Earth magic, they weren't sure how to care for their new son. So, they did the most sensible thing they could think of: Shipped him off to a magic school in Mali under the guise of him being human. Because his wings were so small, it was easy to hide them. He never removed his shirt, even in the bath, just to be safe.

Eventually, he got good enough at his earth magic to make pillars. Really, really big pillars. Pillars so big that he was able to make one high enough that he could make it to The Isle of the Sky when he saw it passing by. He had heard stories about the floating school where the best mages were trained, and he wanted to be a part of it.

And after filling out the mind-numbing paperwork and demonstrating his magic skills, he was.

Miscellaneous Info:
Likes to (try and) sit in on wind magic classes, even though he's incapable of using it.
Speaks Zulu fluently, and knows enough Arabic to get by in Mali.

 

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ÆƵ– Newbie

ÆƵ–

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Approved by the mighty beef himself, I have reviewed one of his chars.
 

Now that I got things all cleared up with...things, I will try and review soon. Just making sure y'all know I didn't forget. Probably tomorrow I'll get one or two done.
 
In the meantime. Here, my literal first RP character. It's not good, but I am very fond of them nonetheless. I don't expect much from this. I assume the review will be very short, given there's not a ton there. I was very unsure how much I was supposed to write, and how in depth I could go and such.
 
The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/325495-hotel-atlantica-ooc
The character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/325495-hotel-atlantica-ooc/?p=6520782

 

Alrighty then, let's crack open this cyber-trap-maid. That's a list of words I've never thought I'd use together.

Appearance wise, they do fit the trap aesthetic, but I personally would've preferred more than just a head shot. Either a bust at the very least or a written description, specifically the cybernetics and if they're visible. His weight is also not mentioned, which while not exactly the most important thing, I like so that I have a general idea of their body shape.

Next we have the personality. A hyper-focusing perfectionist who needs auditory stimulation. From my understanding, this character just might be on the autism spectrum. I like that, it's a subtle and impacted personality. But besides that, the maid-sub cliche is strong with this one. There's also the cliche of being faunaphobic without any real explanation. I, for one, would like to know why he's so spooked by animals.

Biography is short and more than a little bit vague. was a nanny child until he almost died, then his dad used him as a test tube. I wanna know more about this accident. Gimmie the juicy details about how he danced with death. Also still no explanation as to where the cybernetics are. Rather... irksome.

The abilities at first seam pretty standared for a cyborg, but then the cloaking device. It's a bit abnormal, but fits fairly well with his personality. Not sure how much it'd be used, since from what I can gather the RP was more of a comedy than anything that required cloaking.

All in all, This char is the typical kind of trap maid with a little bit of cybernetics thrown in for good measure. I would've liked to have had more details, especially in regard to the cybernetics, his overall appearance, and his biography.

C+ bordering B- overall.

 

CAW!

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LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Experienced

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow

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Well, I've somehow made a character in 1 day. Guess that means I really like the RP he's gonna be in. 

 

Dear, sweet cow, Would you review my ostrich boi?

 

OoC:https://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/361935-temple-of-myth-signupsoocns/

Synopsis of OoC: It's earth but the Timeline has been altered a bit in that some historical events took a different turn. Also there's magic. And not just humans. There's a magic school in the sky and the chars are students there. 

 

Char:

[spoiler=Head in the sand... Literally]

Member Name: Aez (bird w/ sprinkler]

Character Name: Akukho Ezindizayo ((litteraly translates as "No Flying"))

Age: 12 ((Average lifespan for an ostrich is 45 at most, so they're basically like a 20-year-old))

Gender: Male

Appearance:

Standing at a towering height of 6'7" (A little over 2m), Akukho is an abnormality among Garudes. His black plumage tipped with white is rather stubbly, his wingspan extending only about half his arm length. They are still capable of covering a large amount of his back, though. His hair color matches his feathers, extending down to about his ears. His grey-green eyes seem to bug out a bit, but then again so does his hooked nose.He lacks any facial or body hair besides eyebrows, eyelashes, and that of his head.

He normally keeps his leathery, chocolate-colored skin wrapped up in loose-fitting harem shorts and a short leather mantle. He runs around barefoot, which tends to disturb people considering he only has 2 toes. His legs are quite muscular, at least compared to his scrawny arms. His hands are large and spindly, and if they had feathers they would probably make more suitable wings than what he has now..

Species: Garude, Ostrich Subspecies.

Alternative Forms: While not official, Akukho is very good at mimicking an actual ostrich (for obvious reasons)

Birthday: April 1st

Magical Mastery: Pentex Earth, Raga Fire

National Origin: Zulu

[spoiler=Personality:]

Despite being born earth-aligned, Akukho is an air-head. He's brash, he's forgetful, and he's not afraid to shout out the wrong answer. Despite this, though, he's fairly intelligent, especially by Garude standards.

He's fairly sociable, too. Whenever he sits next to someone he doesn't know in class, he makes an effort to try and get to know them. He'll usually talk about whatever the teacher is talking about, then veer off onto something completely irrelevant. But because he does this with such charisma, people can't help but like him.

 

 

Bio:

Akukho was a surprise to everyone.

Both his mother and his father were capable of flight and had an affinity for Wind magic. But when Akukho hatched, his wings were tiny, his legs rather large, and he had just missed the date to be wind-compatible. Because neither of his parents could use Earth magic, they weren't sure how to care for their new son. So, they did the most sensible thing they could think of: Shipped him off to a magic school in Mali under the guise of him being human. Because his wings were so small, it was easy to hide them. He never removed his shirt, even in the bath, just to be safe.

Eventually, he got good enough at his earth magic to make pillars. Really, really big pillars. Pillars so big that he was able to make one high enough that he could make it to The Isle of the Sky when he saw it passing by. He had heard stories about the floating school where the best mages were trained, and he wanted to be a part of it.

And after filling out the mind-numbing paperwork and demonstrating his magic skills, he was.

Miscellaneous Info:

Likes to (try and) sit in on wind magic classes, even though he's incapable of using it.

Speaks Zulu fluently, and knows enough Arabic to get by in Mali.

 

 

[spoiler=Review]Holy cow an ostrich

 

I would really have liked a pronunciation for that name. Unique names are fine but being hard to actually read is bad when we're going to be reading it a lot. I enjoy the translation though it's hammy but amusing.

I'm glad you checked ostrich lifespans but hopefully you made sure that's how it'd actually work in the RP.

I absolutely love the appearance though. You described a mix of person and ostrich really well and did it in a way that was easy to picture but also interesting. I'm actually really liking what you did there.

Earth and fire, for a Zulu, is a really cool idea.

 

Now on to the more meatier bits.

Sort of lol

 

Air-head is always a fun character and I enjoy that he shouts out wrong answers. I'd like more explanation of that. As in does he not mind being wrong and just wants to be heard, or does he get things wrong for fun, or is he just unknowingly wrong about things but thinks he's right?

Also I'd like more info about in what ways he's intelligent. I worry about lines like that. "He's an airhead but he's fairly intelligent" cause it can sometimes serve to cause traits to matter less. Sort of a jack of all trades syndrome where by adding too much to let them do more things you make the traits have less impact.

 

Not a fan of the "fairly" description used too much either because I'm unsure what the basis is. But for the social you at least explained it. I enjoy his personality overall but I feel there are some concerns about being wishywashy. Also his charisma should be explained a bit more. There's a lot of ways to be charismatic. There's the "power of personality" where they just are larger than life. There's the "Commanding". There's "Charming intentionally" there's "Goofy and lovable" and so on.

 

Basically it's solid but also lacking in detail on key things.

 

Bio is very basic but it isn't as though it needs to be a super detailed thing. I like the realistic response the parents gave but I also am unsure he can pass that easily for a human. It might've been nice to know a bit more about his school life and such, especially in regards to how it shaped how he viewed things.

 

Overall I like it a lot. It's a good example of how apps don't need to be huge to be good. Though there are touch ups to be had. Not everything needs detail but a few details in key places can really help shape an image of the character.

Overall I would give them a very solid 79/100

 

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LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Experienced

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow

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Whoops I got so used to there not being anything here.

 

[spoiler=Review]Is that a Dragon's Quest character again? gdi man. XD

Anyway.

 

First of all he is bigger than he looks apparently. And I do have to say I hope there's a reasoning for why he wears that turban. Just because it's quite an odd thing for someone to just choose to wear.

 

I'm going to say that first line sort of bugs me. "He seems like this at first. He is this." Redundant and all that.

Okay so you threw a bunch of traits at me in rapid succession and it's gonna take a bit to make sure I get what's going on here. A little messy presentation there...but let's see....Friendly, sarcastic, prankster, open-minded and open, loyal, shameless, and used to attempts on his life. Okay so. I feel like this is almost a bit much. Like it's a ton of things to keep in mind when writing and I find often when someone has this many more vague traits they become almost generic when written. The traits don't really mesh badly or anything it's just at high risk of coming off as a bit lackluster.

 

The rage thing though. It bothered me a lot because it quite literally is "Oh also he gets angry for some reason idfk why it just happens." Which is just kind of bad. Especially because it is very clear every single other part of his personality points away from such a thing. It's not like people don't have anger issues for little reason but it's a bit of an issue when it just is absolutely conflicting. Almost like the point was to make it make as little sense as possible.

 

His bio was decent for the most part. It's simple and explains, well, how he grew up. The whole rage thing, again, just feels so out of place...and the package randomly exploding was...well, random and kind of just tacked on and confusing. Reading the OP I see what the intention was but it just...fell flat.

 

The powers is "Fighting Game" which is perfectly fine.

And the flowing hair part was an amusing touch.

 

Overall..unsure, most of the personality is fine if a bit haphazard feeling but the rage thing just doesn't sit well with me. Similar with the bio in that it's mostly fine but that one thing bothered me.

 

I think overall this one would be a 70/100. It's nothing bad but it doesn't really stand out to me and has a couple parts that just bother me.

 

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