This my first CC based on Greek/Roman Mythology

[certtechtom]

 
 
This Card's special ability can only be activated when "Olympian Goddess, Artemis" is present on the field at the same time as Olympian God, Apollo
 
 
This my card the photo is courtesy of the wonderful artists on Deviantart.com I forget the exact artist's screen name

[Yu-gi-oh Dude]

Quick (half-decent) OCG fix for you. I'm assuming you want the effect, so I'm going to have to get rid of the lore at the beginning. However, I'm going to have to do 2 separate OCG fixes, for reasons I'll explain afterwards:

 

OCG Fix 1 

"This card can attack your opponent directly, but when it uses this effect, any Battle Damage it inflicts to your opponent becomes 500. This effect can only be activated if you control a "Olympian Goddess, Artemis" on your side of the field."

 

OCG Fix 2

"This card can attack your opponent directly, but when it uses this effect, any Battle Damage it inflicts to your opponent is increased by 500. This effect can only be activated if you control a "Olympian Goddess, Artemis" on your side of the field."

 

Now, the reason for requiring 2 fixes. These are the 2 interpretations (to me) of the effect that can be taken from reading the effect of the card. The first makes this card bad, the second makes this card pretty broken. The first effect is bad because Crystal Beast Amethyst Cat does the same thing, inflicts 600 damage instead of 500 (more with Crystal Release or another Equip Spell card), and is wayyyy easier to summon. The second effect is broken because it's a free direct attack inflicting 2700 damage; enough said. 

 

The choice is yours, choose the first effect but make it better, or choose the second effect but make it balanced. I'm aware that this is the CC forum but you should still try to make it somewhat balanced. 

[certtechtom]

Is that better? I used your guide but didn't understand what you meant by make it better?

[Azure Wolf]

This is quite lacking, when you have a level 6 which can attack directly it shouldn't have a restriction on its battle damage. Ventdra, the Empowered Warrior is a level 5 direct attacker with no damage draw backs, while this card does 2000 less damage and needs another monster on the field whose effect we don't know yet. Probably getting rid of the damage reduction for direct attacking and it should be fine. As is, until we know what Artemis does it is pretty terrible as it is a vanilla level 6 unless she is also out, then Apollo becomes a 200 ATK direct attacker.

[Yu-gi-oh Dude]

You made it worse. It's now a third of a Amethyst Cat for more than twice the effort. How about you just increase its attack a little (emphasis on 'a little') and change the effect to halving the battle damage instead, like this:

 

"This card can attack your opponent directly, but when it uses this effect, any Battle Damage it inflicts to your opponent is halved. This effect can only be activated if you control a "Olympian Goddess, Artemis" on your side of the field."

 

At least this way, it's better than Amethyst Cat (which it should be) but it's also not unnecessarily over the top with how much it can deal you without any increases.

[certtechtom]

This is why I posted this card, I am only familiar with TV series terminology, This card is more of  a rough draft or prototype So I can get a feel for how monster cards are structured the final version of this card should be more acceptable

[Yu-gi-oh Dude]

Needless to say, the anime is a poor guide for card text. Some anime cards have different effects, or different stats, than their actual game counterparts. For example, Earthbound Immortal Wiraqocha Rasca has 1 ATK and 1 DEF in the anime, but 100/100 in the actual game, plus its anime effect reduces your opponent's LP to 1 if you skip your Battle Phase. 

 

If you want to learn more about card text, you're better off actually looking at cards and trying to adopt the wording that they use. Also, there's a thread on here that handles this topic of OCG (Official Card Grammar) that you might wanna take a look at. 

 

The card, as it is right now, is weak, however. 

[certtechtom]

Thanks for the input, just as luck would have it I have whole tin full any tips aside aforementioned like what should I change to make Apollo and Artemis at least halfway decent card. I also have created a fusion pair that a long with the others in this set

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/322020-ocgpsct-thread-writing-your-card-properly/

 

Here's that thread that deals with OCG.

Or you can ask Gadjiltron or myself about fixes and stuff.

 

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As things are though, you can afford to allow Apollo to just pierce for his full 2200 ATK, given that you still need that other monster for him to do anything. 

You can also pump his ATK a bit though if you want, but cap it at 2400 (go over that, and it's a little risky for Level 6s that aren't Extra Deck).

 

Right now, it does too little.

[certtechtom]

Thank you, I will update the card and post it along with the others I've made so for with this series