Pichu Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Ahhhh! It's good to be back! Pichu's back to [s]YCM[/s]Hell! How how the site been since I left? Good? Bad? Well now it's time to write a fanfic! Here's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Distorted Days........ [IMG]http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/1771/abgiibbzlekxxjgf.jpg[/IMG] [spoiler=Characters] Dyl [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] The Hero of the story. Mudkip [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] Dyl's partner Zorua [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/e/ef/Spr_5b_570.png[/img] The new member of Team Dreamers! Lucario [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/4/49/MDP448.png[/img] Owner of Aura Bar Riolu [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] Lucario's son Kangaskhan [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/c/c9/MDP115.png[/img] Owner of Kangaskhan Storage Sableye [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/7/75/MDP302.png[/img] Owner of Sawile Mawile [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/e/e2/MDP303.png[/img] Co-Owner of Sawile Dr. Snivy [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6a/Spr_5b_495.png[/img] Owner of Snivy's Care Wise Old Scolipede [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/9b/Spr_5b_545.png[/img] Ambipom [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] The strange Pokemon...... ? [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/3e/MDP025.png[/img][img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/30/MDP149.png[/img] The dark figure? [b]More characters to be released.[/b] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Prolouge] Dylan, nick named Dyl, was normal ten year old boy. He is in the 5th grade and lives a good life. But one night his parents got into a fight. His older brother called the police after blood was drawn. The two had to spend the night in their neighbor's house. It was storming. Terrible lightning and golf ball sized hail. Dyl drifted to sleep as lightning struck the house. His dreams were blank and he wouldn't wake up. Then something appeared in the blank dream. It looked like a doorway. It came closer, and closer. He went through the doorway and his dream went black. He soon woke up. He was in a tree in a weird town. There was a couple shops but he couldn't see the workers. He sat up and fell down. He hit the ground and drew blood. He looked up and a Mudkip was standing before him. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Chapter One] It was a sunny Monday afternoon. There was noise coming from a Riolu's Head shaped building. The door on the building slammed opened and a Lucario walked out carrying a Mudkip. He drop kicked the Mudkip and yelled: [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/4/49/MDP448.png[/img] [i]"GET THE HELL OUTTA MY BAR AND NEVER COME BACK!"[/i] [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Fine! And I'll take my money with me!" Lucario walked back inside his bar and slammed the door behind him. Mudkip got up and shook his head. He stared at the bar and walked away into a forest. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Stupid Lucario! All I did was tell him that his drink was tasteless! God!" He stopped as a Pokemon fell out of a tree. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "A Pokemon!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "A Mudkip!?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Yes. And you're a Pichu." The Pichu looked down at his self. He was indeed a Pichu and had a bleeding foot. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "What!" [i]H-How is this possible?[/i] A Sableye walked by the two and and saw the Pichu's foot. He took them to Snivy's Care. The Pichu's foot was treated by Dr. Snivy. Mudkip was in the room with them. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6a/Spr_5b_495.png[/img] "Be more careful next time! Ok?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "Ok Doctor..." Dr. Snivy walked out of the room as Mudkip turned to Pichu. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "So who are you?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I'm Dylan. But call me Dyl. And I'm not really a Pokemon. I'm a human!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Yeah right! Human! HAHA!" Dyl gave Mudkip a Death Stare. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Wait, you were serious!?" Dyl nodded. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I don't know how it happened! I fell asleep and woke up in a tree. Then I fell and saw you, Mudkip!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Yay! My new friend is a human!" Dyl cocked his head to the side. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "You don't want to be my friend, do you?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I'll be your friend. Since I might be stuck here for awhile...." Mudkip check Dyl out and they went walking. Mudkip brought Dyl to a small house. Inside there was a TV, couch, chair, bookshelf, stove, fridge, and two beds. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "This is my house! Since there's an extra bed, you can stay here!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "R-Really! Thanks!" Dyl hugged Mudkip and spin around the room. Mudkip stopped them and looked at Dyl. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Wanta make a Rescue Team? To help the troubled Pokemon!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I guess if it's to help Pokemon." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Yeah! And I have the perfect name for our team! Team Dreamers!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "Yeah! I like it!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Team Dreamers go!" They stuck their hands in the air and yelled Team Dreamers. Today was the day that Dyl's adventure back to the real world started.... and it won't end soon. A small Ambipom walked into a purple portal. He skipped down a small road in the portal to a dead end. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] "M-Master~?" A huge dark figure appeared. [b]?[/b] "Yes my loyal Ambipom." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] "I found the Pokemon! It's a Pichu! A wimpy little Pichu!" [b]?[/b] "So the thing that entered the Pokemon World is a Pichu... Thank you, Ambipom." The dark figure disappeared and Ambipom walked away with a smile. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Chapter Two] It had been a week since Dyl had entered this strange world. Team Dreamers did rescue missions and bought items at Sawile. Dyl and Mudkip soon walked by Aura Bar. Dyl smiled and pointed at the bar. Mudkip looked away. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "What's wrong, Mudkip?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "The owner of that shop hates my guts." Mudkip hung his head in shame. Dyl patted his back. Then a Riolu walked out of the bar with a red beach ball. He saw Dyl and Mudkip and wandered over. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "What's wrong with your friend?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I want to go to the Aura Bar but Mudkip can't because the owner hates him." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "Daddy hates him?" Mudkip looked up at Riolu. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Wait, what? Daddy? Lucario is your Dad!?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "Yeah. He is. You two seem nice. I'm Riolu. And you are?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I'm Dyl and this is my friend Mudkip." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Greetings." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "Come with me! I'll get Daddy to like you!" Riolu dropped the beach ball and ran inside the bar. Dyl and Mudkip looked at each other, then followed Riolu. The bar was blue and had a small fog. Sitting at one table was Dr. Snivy and Mawile. At another was an Ambipom with sunglasses on. The Ambipom was also reading a newspaper. Lucario was shining a glass. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "Hiya Daddy! Meet my new friends! Dyl and Mudkip!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/4/49/MDP448.png[/img] "Oh hi-!" Lucario looked up and saw Mudkip. He threw the glass at the wall. The Ambipom took out a video camera and pointed it at the sence. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/4/49/MDP448.png[/img] "What the hell is [b]that[/b] thing doing here?" Riolu grabbed Lacario's paw and pulled him to the back of the shop. Then loud yelling and screaming were heard. Then the two came out, Riolu with a smile on his face. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/4/49/MDP448.png[/img] "Welcome Mudkip and Dyl! Might I escort you to a table?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "S-Sure! Thank you, Mr. Lucario!" Lucario took the three to a small table in the center of the bar. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "What did you do?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "I'm Daddy's little boy!" The three laughed and had some Zinc. Ambipom walked out of the shop and laughed. He wandered into a deep forest. The next day Dyl and Mudkip went out on a mission to find a Oran Berry for Riolu. The traveled the dugeon and couldn't find anything. Meanwhile, Ambipom sat in a tree looking down at Dyl and Mudkip. He spoke into a tape recorder. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] "The subjects are strolling through the Black Forest." Dyl stopped walking. Mudkip looked at him. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Something wrong?" Dyl looked around. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "Someone is watching us." He stared at the tree Ambipom was hiding in. Ambipom became nervous. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] "God Darkrai it!" Dyl pointed at the tree. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "There!" Then Ambipom fell out of the tree in front of Team Dreamers. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Who are you?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] "MASTER! HELP! I'VE BEEN SPOTTED!" Dyl and Mudkip both had confused looks on their faces. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "M-Master? Did you hit your head on the way down?" Just then, the sky went dark and the wind picked up. Then a huge dark figure appear above them. But then it grew smaller. And smaller. The figure landed and turned around. Dyl and Mudkip gasped. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/3e/MDP025.png[/img] "Hello~!" [/spoiler] [spoiler=Chapter Three] [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/3e/MDP025.png[/img] "Hello~!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "H-How? How did a huge dark shadow appear and then turn into a Pikachu?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/99/MDP424.png[/img] "Master has Transform!" The Pikachu looked at Ambipom and nodded. Then turned into a Pichu, then Mudkip, then a Servine. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Master? A Ditto?" The Servine scoffed, then turned into a Dragonite. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/30/MDP149.png[/img] "I am nothing but a mere Pokemon, am I not?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Show us your true form!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/30/MDP149.png[/img] "My true form is hidden till you become strong enough. I will also become stronger. And kill the human." The Dragonite stared at Dyl. Then rose his hands into the air. Beedrill swarm out of the deep of the dungeon. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/3/30/MDP149.png[/img] "Destroy their city." The Dragonite grabbed Ambipom and disappeared. The Beedrill flew at Dyl and Mudkip. Mudkip pulled an Escape Orb out of the Treasure Bag and activated it. Dyl and Mudkip disappeared and reappeared in Lucario's bar. Lucario, Riolu, Mawile, Stableye, Kangaskhan, and a Zoura crowed around a Scolipede. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Wise Old Scolipede!" Pichu became confused. Mudkip told him about the Bug Type Pokemon and wandered over. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/9b/Spr_5b_545.png[/img] "Young Children. Please greet Zorua. He is new here." Dyl and Mudkip nodded at Zorua. You could tell he was shy. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "Listen up! An evil thing has sent Beedrill to destroy our town! They're on their way now! We need to stop them! Watch out for an Ambipom and like 18 Beedrill!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/db/MDP447.png[/img] "How many?!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "I counted 17." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/e/e2/MDP303.png[/img] "17!?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "I thought there was 27." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "That's not important right now, Mudkip! There's a swarm of thoses beasts heading straight to Poketown and you're worried about how many of them there is!" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/9b/Spr_5b_545.png[/img] "Calm, Dylan. Calm. We need to block the way into town." [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/c/c9/MDP115.png[/img] "Like a blockaid?" [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/9b/Spr_5b_545.png[/img] "Yes. Lucario and Riolu, get all the boxes of Pokedrinks you have. Mawile and Sableye, get anything heavy. Dyl, Mudkip, Zorua. Find the swarm. Keep them away from the town as long as possible. Kangaskhan, find Ambipom." They all nodded and ran away from each other. The blockaid was set up. Scolipede stood by the blockaid to see the Beedrill. Then they all stopped and turned around. They flew back. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/9/9b/Spr_5b_545.png[/img] "Strange." Weeks passed and no activy of the figure were found. Scolipede returned to his home in the center PokeTown. Zorua appeared more often. Then Zorua walked up to the Team Dreamers Duo. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/e/ef/Spr_5b_570.png[/img] "I want to join you guys!" Dyl and Mudkip looked at Zorua. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/6/6b/MDP172.png[/img] "You want to join our reasue team?" Zorua nodded. Mudkip smiled. [img]http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/d/d0/MDP258.png[/img] "Mama always said the more the merrier!" Zorua was then welcomed to Team Dreamers. Zorua moved in with Dyl and Mudkip. He brought a bed, laptop, and toothbrush. Mudkip said he would have the rest at his place. The team settled and watched a movie to celebrate Zorua's entry to the team. Elsewhere, the dark shadow was talking to his Beedrill and Ambipom. The words were strange. It was more of a morse code. The Pokemon nodded and walked away. [/spoiler] Sorry that the Thrid chapter is short. Longer chapters will be coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 So far, it is a very well-written piece. I do encourage you to continue this wonderous fanfiction, and I hope you succeed in terms of YCM standards, which are pretty low anyways. A few nitpicks, however. I cannot criticize you on your flawless writing, but I have a bit of a concern with your layout. It feels somewhat conflicting to post a plot summary (which isn't very in-depth, although extremely well-written) and then post chapters. I suggest you remove the plot summary and let the YCM population read the entire amazing fanfiction by themselves, instead of skimming it or reading some SparkNotes-esque bullshit. Furthermore, although your character descriptions are very descriptive and of a high level of vocabulary, I feel that they aren't necessary. Wouldn't you agree? Why would one need a character list when the characters appear in your story regardless? It seems a bit excess; if anything, just post a few-paragraph description about Dylan and any other main protagonists or antagonists. It would really shape up the entire format of the fanfiction. I look forward to your posting of Chapter 1, and I am very excited to read this fanfiction. I have been a secret admirer of your works before you sadly left YCM, and do believe that I will continue praising you for your excellent writing. [i]Buena suerte![/i] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Why thank you Dark! Chapter one will be up soon! I'm almost finished typing it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 I personally love how short and concise the prologue is, just because it provides an ingenious segway into the first chapter. I also truly admire the cliffhanger you left the audience with at the end of the prologue. Keep up the astounding work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 I like the main character. Mainly cuz my own name is Dylan and I'm in 5th grade! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 Thank you!Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolta Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 so i herd u liekz mudkipz? Boy, wonder if there will be any Gen V Pokemon. Such as [s]Smugleaf[/s] Snivy! Probably not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 [quote name='â–º Jolta â—„' timestamp='1298012065' post='5015990'] so i herd u liekz mudkipz? Boy, wonder if there will be any Gen V Pokemon. Such as [s]Smugleaf[/s] Snivy! Probably not... [/quote] you never know...... hint hint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazooie Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 I must say, you have a masterful grip on story telling. Never before have I ever seen someone who could make such a short segment so captivating. I applaud you, young rat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 Why thank you Chapter One will be up tonight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Chapter one is up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazooie Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Why, I must say, I never thought it would be better then the prologue! The masterful idea of putting pictures in so we always know who speaks, instead of adding more cumbersome details, how pro that is. And in all honesty, the originality astounds me! Never, and I mean NEVER, have I heard of a dark figure in a story. Keep up the amazing work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolta Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Sounds like Lucario doesn't liekz mudkipz. Snivy seems like a Witch Doctor, or should I say, troll doctor! [/incrediblylamepun] The Dark Figure is a legendary, right? Possibly Kyurem/Genesect/Shiny Arceus/Darkrai. Or any evil being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------------- Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Meh. The story is good, but it doesn't really fit the style of Mystery Dungeon. Their meeting was too quick and drama-less. There doesn't seem to be any danger whatsoever (which in itself is fine, but PMD usually gives away at the beginning that there's danger). Plus, Dylan is seriously under reacting. He suddenly woke up as a Pichu and a Mudkip is recruiting him into a Rescue Team. They barely even know each other, so he should be like "OMGWTFBBQ!?!?!?1" K? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 @Nastasia: Thank you! @Jotla: So i heard Lucario hatez Mudkipz.... Snivy+Doctor=Bad Idea! The Dark Figure..... is a Dark figure.... duh! @atman: I'm trying to follow the plot od PMD but add my little twist to it. Dyl is a real happy-go-lucky guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I am Fate. Embrace me. Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Amazing. You, my friend, have potential to make this great! The suspense... Who might the figure be? Mewtwo? Darkrai? Maybe Zoroark? Ooh... the suspense is killing me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Thank you! Ambipom was supose to be Zoura but I changed it to something else. Who could that Dark Figure be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squidward Tentacles Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 i like this story. never really got into mystery dungeon, but this, i like. keep up the good work ^.^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 What is this? A fanfic praised by YCM's finest members? It must be a must read! [quote name='Pichu' timestamp='1297895055' post='5012774'] [spoiler=Prolouge] [i]Dylan, nick named Dyl, was normal ten year old boy.[/i] [b]Removing the article to make Dyl special? He isn't a normal boy. He isn't the normal boy either. So what does Pichu do? He just leaves the article entirely! Amazing! Why didn't I think of that? Quite original writing. The sentence itself is original. I mean, how many normal ten year old boys named Dylan do you see everyday?[/b] He is in the 5th grade and lives a good life. [b]The simplicity of the description enhances the reading experience like no any other! What an exciting life this boy has! 5th grade going on 6th, and a good life! What a special thing about Dyl![/b] But one night his parents got into a fight. [b]Oh snap! Here comes in the action! Look at that wonderful description. His parents are really quite something. It's not like parents fight all the time.[/b] His older brother called the police after blood was drawn. [b]What's this? Dyl has an older brother? Wow, I'm learning SO MUCH about his life! And this fight sure was intense. I liked the part where blood was drawn.[/b] The two had to spend the night in their neighbor's house. [b]They had a neighbor too? Cool![/b] It was storming. Terrible lightning and golf ball sized hale. [b]Hail is such an overused word. That's why the brilliant Pichu intentionally misspelled it. He also left sentence fragments to get to the point instead of leaving the readers bored with useless words that don't need to be in the sentence.[/b] Dyl drifted to sleep as lightning struck the house. His dreams were blank and he wouldn't wake up. [b]I find it intriguing that he wouldn't wake up during a dream. I also find it amazing that Dyl fell asleep just as when lightning struck the house. That is so badass. And a blank dream! Wow! What a cool way to describe a world where anything and everything is possible![/b] Then something appeared in the blank dream. [b]Suspense is driving me crazy. Good thing Pichu doesn't waste anytime with useless detail![/b] It looked like a doorway. It came closer, and closer. [b]Is the doorway moving? Or is Dyl moving? This is so exciting![/b] He went through the doorway and his dream went black. [b]It was blank in the beginning, and now it's black again! Genius![/b] He soon woke up. He was in a tree in a weird town. There was a couple shops but he couldn't see the workers. [b]A single tree! A werid town? A couple shops! All these details are just painting a picture in my head![/b] He sat up and fell down. [b]Oh no! What happened to Dyl?[/b] He hit the ground and drew blood. [b]I had no idea that he would hit the ground. Thanks for informing me, Pichu![/b] He looked up and a Mudkip was standing before him. [b]Where did that Mudkip come from? It must be a ninja Mudkip! That sure is a spectacle. wow WOW! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! That was the most riveting tale that's ever come to this site! We are truly blessed to have met such a gifted writer, and we are even more lucky that he would gladly show us one of his masterpieces for free! It is such an honor to read the work of a resurrection of Shakespeare![/b] [/spoiler] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 .......... thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Twig, stop being an ass. He can write better than you, so stop being an annoyance. The grammar is still perfect, the prose is purely excellent, and the story is developing at a perfect pace. I am sold, hook, line, and sinker. The lack of description for the characters just adds more mysteriousness to the story itself, an the cliffhanger at the end models what you did in the prologue. The story is beautiful so far, and do alert everyone when the next chapters are out, since this is a story I really want to read from start to finish. The addition of Gen V Pokemon also appeals to Pokemon nerds like myself. If a dark figure (which is a very creative idea, so props to you) is controlling an [i]Ambipom[/i], I feel like it should be Giratina. I don't know, and I'm eagerly waiting to find out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice. Posted February 21, 2011 Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 Oh my god. Pichu, this is possibly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Are you sure you didn't steal this from somewhere, because it is amazing. I applaud you, good sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pichu Posted February 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 @Dark: thanks! the dark figure will be revealed soon..... @Wind: All my! Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legolover09 Posted February 21, 2011 Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 I really feel like you guys are being sarcastic, but know, I don't know. If you aren't being sarcastic, then that is just sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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