Yu-Gi-Oh! Resistance Chronicles -- Chapter 2 - Wanderer [PG-13]

[Kale]

[center][b][u][size="4"]Yu-Gi-Oh! Resistance Chronicles[/size][/u][/b]

Welcome to the thread. Bundle up, open a soda, and take a moment to read.
This is a weekly fic, posted on Mondays. Check back each Monday for a new Chapter. [/center]

[b]Synopsis:[/b]
Red has encountered a duel in his dingy apartment after easily escaping the clutches of the local police.


[b]Character Bios[/b]
[list][*]Justin "the Red" Tanner
[indent]The protagonist. He frequently runs from the law. There is currently a bounty for his arrest. [/indent]

[/list]


[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Pilot // 3 Jan 2011]
The sky is beautiful today.
It is one of life’s most simple pleasures, the sky, and everyone I have met would choose not to agree.
[i]Why look at the sky?[/i] they ask me, [i]when you need to concentrate on what is in front of you?[/i]
That’s true. For where I live I need to keep my wits about me. I need to know everything that is happening around me, at least when I’m not alone.
But am I ever not alone?

Down the street I ride, remarking the sky’s reverent beauty. A cloud hung overhead. I could see it move, albeit slowly.
I wish I could be as carefree as that cloud, to not have to worry about where I am going, to move at a constant, slow pace and not worry about anyone stopping me. I wish I could fly, to be up high and away from this terrible city that is around me.
Sirens. I hear them from behind me. I glance down at my speedometer and see that I am blasting down the highway at an intense 100 miles per hour. That’s interesting, I didn’t notice. No wonder I hear sirens.
I take a quick shot over my shoulder to see one Law Enforcer, speeding up toward me on his motorcycle.
If he’s coming after me anyway, might as well give him a run for his money, right?
I cranked the accelerator and zoomed forward on my own bike, headed down the near empty highway.
The Enforcer caught up to me quickly.
“You are breaking the law!” he said, his voice sounded mechanical from behind his helmet, “Pull over now!”
He was right alongside me. Together we were going about 160 down the road. The speed didn’t affect him either. Strange.
“I said pull over!” he repeated.
I changed lanes at the last minute, speeding right down an off-ramp. The Enforcer never saw it coming. I quickly sped through a red light and merged into traffic, barely slipping between the crammed cars on the freeway below me.
I never saw that Enforcer again.

I coasted to a halt at the entrance to what appeared to be a garage, or a simple storage facility. It was just one unit, enough for perhaps two cars and a few boxes all together. It was enough space for me and my bike.
I pressed a button on my dashboard and the door opened, pulling up into the building. I hopped off the bike and pushed it into the empty space before me and closed the door behind me.
Everything looked normal in my quasi-apartment. My couch, my bookshelf, the radio. Clothes were strewn about the floor in small piles throughout the place. I had tools scattered around my bike’s spot, as well as bottles of motor oil and gasoline. Though slovenly, I could tell if my place had been tampered with.
I walked over to my coffee table, which rested in front of my couch, to look at the stack of familiar magazines. Sitting amongst the copies of [i]Resistance[/i], [i]Gears[/i] and [i]Flame Ring[/i] was one I had never seen before, a copy of [i]Cosmo[/i].
Someone is here.
I turned around, looking toward the refrigerator. If someone stood right in its shadow it would be easy to miss them if you weren’t looking for them.
“Show yourself,” I calmly called out into the darkness of my apartment.
I heard a small chuckle, a woman’s voice.
“You figured me out.”
“It’s quite easy when you leave clues in plain sight,” is replied, picking up the magazine to prove my point.
“I didn’t expect it to be difficult for you, Red...”
“Only my friends call me Red,” I interjected.
“Fine, Justin,” the woman replied.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“You.”
“What for?”
The woman laughed, “You don’t even know your own worth!”
“You mean the bounty?” I asked. Great, a bounty hunter.
“Yes. Surely you didn’t think that you could just hide out here? It was easy finding you,” she replied.
If some woman could just find me at my place, surely anyone could. How did this happen? What’d I do wrong?
“You know I won’t come quietly.”
“I thought at much. It’s why you haven’t been caught yet.”
“And why I refuse to be caught.”
I think the woman smirked, but I couldn’t tell in the darkness. She raised her arm in front of her.
“I challenge you to a duel, Justin “the Red” Tanner, winner takes all.”
“What would I want from you?” I returned.
“You’ll see,” she said as her duel disk activated in front of her.
I pulled off my jacket. On my arm was a small, metal contraption of my own design. It was smaller, but it worked just the same as those gaudy things everyone else wore. I activated my duel disk, the duel begun.
“The challenged goes first,” the lady began.
She was mysterious. The light radiating from our duel disks lit up the room enough to see her. Her hair was long and dark. She wore only a small, burgundy shirt that clung tightly to her body. It was matched by a short, black skirt, which went nicely with her svelte, black boots.
Who was this chick?
“I draw,” I said. I liked my hand, I felt like my win could be easy. Depending on what she had up her sleeve.
“I set one monster face-down, as well as two more face-downs, then end my turn.”
“My turn!” she said as she drew a card. “I summon Gearex Rose!”
A creature of mechanical nature appeared before her, though it was in the shape of a rose. ATK: 1600
“Attack his face-down monster!”
The machine flower raced forward, the card flipped on my side of the field. It revealed a small, amorphous being. It was solid black, though it did seem to have a shield. DEF: 1700
“Seems that I win,” I said.
“Not quite,” the woman said, “when my monster attacks a Defense Position monster with higher Defense Points than my monster’s Attack Points, the monster is destroyed at the end of the Damage Step!”
The Rose flailed its bio-mechanical arm at the creature, which bounced off. Although, it left a small thorn in the middle of the shield.
As the flower returned to her side of the field, the thorn on my creature’s shield exploded.
“Activate Trap! Nebula Launch!”
The card below me lifted up, revealing the Trap beneath.
“When a monster I control is destroyed and would be sent to the Graveyard, I can instead remove it from play. Then I gain 100 Life Points for each level of the monster.”
The shards of the creature disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Red: 8000 ~ 8300
???: 8000 ~ 7900

“I place two cards face down, then end my turn.”
What could this woman be planning?
“You’re playing into my hand,” I said, “My draw!”


To be continued...

[/spoiler]
[url=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/235047-yu-gi-oh-resistance-chronicles-chapter-1-pg-13/page__view__findpost__p__4926183]Chapter 2 - Wanderer[/url] // 10 Jan 2011
Chapter 3 - Friend or Foe? // 17 Jan 2011

[Legend Zero]

FIRST!

The bounty is a nice touch, first of all. I like that you're going on what seems to be a darker path, like in the Dark Signer Arc. It really got a lot of applause. My only problem is you said 'they' in your 3rd line...who are they? Other than that I'm really enjoying it...nice cliff hanger ending and I can't wait to see what kind of deck Justin uses.

KIU ~

[Kale]

Lulz, place holder FTW. XD

That's cool. I'm glad you chose to read it and are excited to be the first to comment. XD
PM me when you respond, in case i forget to refresh the screen.

[StraightEdge07]

Just finished reading it, looks pretty good. I hope you will make the cards later. I can see it being shorter this time, so why dont you fancy it up with a logo or at least add some color. It's great overall xD

[Kale]

Thank you for commenting! i appreciate it.

its going to come faster, in shorter increments. i will add art soon, i just wanted to see if i gained support for this.

And, yes, i will be making the cards. just you wait. Nearly all the cards in the fic will be custom, just like normal.

recruit some others to read!

[Legend Zero]

OK, my first post was edit'd. I don't mind the size of the chapters, I've read some with more, and some with less. I'll try to get some others to read this, too.

[EliminateHRN]

KALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!1

I remember Edge of Justice and TC, but I'm sure you don't remember me. Look in sig to see my past names and see if you remember any of them.
Anyway, the bounty is a very nice touch and I love the dark setting it seems your going for. Justin kinda reminds me of Yusei from that little bit I read, but I'm sure there are differences. I'm not a fan of the length, but I'll grow on it. At least, it'll be fast to read.

Glad your back, Kale, and loving this so far.

[Hellequin]

I haven't read any of your previous works but this one I like. The writing style is simple, which I like and the story is simple yet has plenty of room to expand, which I like. I'll be checking back for more.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

For a reason I can't understand the previous StraightEdge07 PM'ed me to comment. I suppose I can't reject.
And well, no, I don't rate based on previous TCG arguments, unlike all the others here.

The latter here is a quite interesting story. It seems like the main character is some outlaw or something, which is always generally a good thing to see. Something like a tyrant seems to be dominating[s], and well, is it just my imagination or do I see Samus Aran[/s].

I like it.

The only thing I might say is that the part where he's going 100 miles per hour doesn't seem so 1-miles-per-hour-ish, if you get what I mean. In short, it can be faster. Maybe shorten several sentences and make some 1-word or something.

But it's cool.

[Kale]

[quote name='Legend Zero' timestamp='1294076052' post='4909038']
OK, my first post was edit'd. I don't mind the size of the chapters, I've read some with more, and some with less. I'll try to get some others to read this, too.
[/quote]

Cool. thanks for posting! Yeah, the bounty is an interesting touch. i can't wait to show you guys what it's for. XD

[quote name='Canine' timestamp='1294080859' post='4909100']
KALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!1I remember Edge of Justice and TC, but I'm sure you don't remember me. Look in sig to see my past names and see if you remember any of them. Anyway, the bounty is a very nice touch and I love the dark setting it seems your going for. Justin kinda reminds me of Yusei from that little bit I read, but I'm sure there are differences. I'm not a fan of the length, but I'll grow on it. At least, it'll be fast to read.Glad your back, Kale, and loving this so far.
[/quote]

I'm glad you saw my other fics! I don't intentionally draw parallels between Yusei and Justin, but Yusei is my favorite character that has been created in this empire so far...
i'm sorry for the length, i wish i could do more at a time. =/ maybe i will try to push it up as i go, like 1500, or 2000...

[quote name='Hellequin' timestamp='1294091089' post='4909418']
I haven't read any of your previous works but this one I like. The writing style is simple, which I like and the story is simple yet has plenty of room to expand, which I like. I'll be checking back for more.
[/quote]

That's fine. i enjoy new readers! I'm glad you enjoy this writing style. i anticipate your return.

[quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1294092801' post='4909520']
For a reason I can't understand the previous StraightEdge07 PM'ed me to comment. I suppose I can't reject. And well, no, I don't rate based on previous TCG arguments, unlike all the others here. The latter here is a quite interesting story. It seems like the main character is some outlaw or something, which is always generally a good thing to see. Something like a tyrant seems to be dominating[s], and well, is it just my imagination or do I see Samus Aran[/s].I like it. The only thing I might say is that the part where he's going 100 miles per hour doesn't seem so 1-miles-per-hour-ish, if you get what I mean. In short, it can be faster. Maybe shorten several sentences and make some 1-word or something. But it's cool.
[/quote]

I don't know who Samus Aran is.. sorry. Fic character of yours?
I will review that section that you mentioned. thank you for pointing that out. i appreciate you coming by..
It's funny that Edge went and pm'd you. XD

[DARKPLANT RISING]

She's a character from Metroid. Bounty hunter too.

[Kale]

[quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1294115838' post='4910578']
She's a character from Metroid. Bounty hunter too.
[/quote]

oh, cool! i never got to watch that, i was busy watching others. =/ Yu Yu Hakusho and Fullmetal Alchemist were at the top of my list.

I hope she doesn't continue on that character's lines by accident. XD

[Legend Zero]

I don't know if it's a movie, but I know Samus is mostly recognized as a game protag.

Do you plan to have many characters? As in, too many to keep up with?

[xNightshadex]

Interesting story. I didn't get to see your other stories because I wasn't around back then, but this seems quite interesting. I'm a fan of the length, it reminds me of a Stephen King or James Patterson book. The characters (or should I say, "Red") are nice and the plot seems to be pretty good to. Can't say much from the length, but it looks good already. I'll be checking back.

[Kale]

[quote name='Legend Zero' timestamp='1294169721' post='4911395']
I don't know if it's a movie, but I know Samus is mostly recognized as a game protag.Do you plan to have many characters? As in, too many to keep up with?
[/quote]

True, i now know who Samus is. XD wow.. last night i was uber tired.
and i don't plan on having too many characters. i learned that mistake from Edge of Justice. i do plan on having around ten or so, some of them from the forum.
The card contest for this will be soon.


[quote name='xNightshadex' timestamp='1294170659' post='4911418']
Interesting story. I didn't get to see your other stories because I wasn't around back then, but this seems quite interesting. I'm a fan of the length, it reminds me of a Stephen King or James Patterson book. The characters (or should I say, "Red") are nice and the plot seems to be pretty good to. Can't say much from the length, but it looks good already. I'll be checking back.
[/quote]

I'm glad i have another new reader! and i am glad the length is working. This makes me happy about my choice.
I will be churning out the next chapter after the release of the card set. which will happen soon.


Thanks, guys!

[Vector Nightmare]

Hmm.

I was one of the first to read Edge of Justice, and one of the first ones to comment on it (I used to be Ixigo). After a certain while I dropped into inactivity, so I couldn't follow-up. But, I enjoyed that story quite a bit.

Unfortunately, I did not get the same vibe from this one. Maybe it's because it's written on a different caliber, so I have to look at it with a more critical eye. It's certainly far above the norm as far as technical writing is concerned, which I certainly approve of. But it feels rather bland. First of all, the names... every time I read Red, I jump to that Pokemon Adventures guy. Also, his thought processes seem to function kind of oddly to the average reader. "K, I should have an easy win. But wait, I don't actually know anything about her... but, I'll still have an easy win!"

Overall, the plot seemed rather contrived. The whole 'chase-down-the-streets' went by so quickly and without tension it barely even registered as part of the plot. The 'get-back-to-my-hood-get-ambushed-by-chick' was nicely done though. I feel the duel as a little underwhelming thus far, probably because you fit in essentially a single round. Since the chapter is sufficiently small, you could have packed in quite a bit more, and left it at a better cliffhanger. Also, Nebula Launch seems quite weak.

Overall, I think you started off a little weak with this one, but as one of the few writers of decent long-term stories in the site, I trust you will raise the ante. I'm looking forward to the continuation.

[KindredTether]

Usually I dont follow stories but this is an exception nice work I cant wait to see the rest.

[Kale]

[quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1294179751' post='4911787']
Hmm.I was one of the first to read Edge of Justice, and one of the first ones to comment on it (I used to be Ixigo). After a certain while I dropped into inactivity, so I couldn't follow-up. But, I enjoyed that story quite a bit.Unfortunately, I did not get the same vibe from this one. Maybe it's because it's written on a different caliber, so I have to look at it with a more critical eye. It's certainly far above the norm as far as technical writing is concerned, which I certainly approve of. But it feels rather bland. First of all, the names... every time I read Red, I jump to that Pokemon Adventures guy. Also, his thought processes seem to function kind of oddly to the average reader. "K, I should have an easy win. But wait, I don't actually know anything about her... but, I'll still have an easy win!"Overall, the plot seemed rather contrived. The whole 'chase-down-the-streets' went by so quickly and without tension it barely even registered as part of the plot. The 'get-back-to-my-hood-get-ambushed-by-chick' was nicely done though. I feel the duel as a little underwhelming thus far, probably because you fit in essentially a single round. Since the chapter is sufficiently small, you could have packed in quite a bit more, and left it at a better cliffhanger. Also, Nebula Launch seems quite weak.Overall, I think you started off a little weak with this one, but as one of the few writers of decent long-term stories in the site, I trust you will raise the ante. I'm looking forward to the continuation.
[/quote]

and i follow that with....
Perhaps i slowed down to have a more dramatic victory?
Nah, i understand everything that you said. I wrote this at a very bad hour, and i just wanted to get it down. You know, commit to it? I wanted to get it going. And now that i have feedback, i can see what you guys want to see. This way i can, in fact, roll up to a dramatic ending.
It's good to see you again, Ixigo. I wondered what happened to you.
I hope i can live up to your expectations. You are one of the people that will be harder to impress here.

[quote name='Half-Dark' timestamp='1294181514' post='4911868']
Usually I dont follow stories but this is an exception nice work I cant wait to see the rest.
[/quote]

Well, hello! Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate that you commented. I hope to come up with the next chapter very shortly.

[Vector Nightmare]

[quote name='Kale' timestamp='1294183796' post='4911947']
and i follow that with....
Perhaps i slowed down to have a more dramatic victory?
Nah, i understand everything that you said. I wrote this at a very bad hour, and i just wanted to get it down. You know, commit to it? I wanted to get it going. [/quote]

I understand that feeling. It's pretty much the writing technique I'm following right now. Meticulously bothering over every single line isn't going to cut it, you're never going to get anything done this way. And actually, this story did feel pretty good. But it looked more like a draft, a sort of "fast forward" summary you wrote, intending to expand on each scene with a bit more flair. It was still good, and I wouldn't lie about this.

[quote name='Kale' timestamp='1294183796' post='4911947']
And now that i have feedback, i can see what you guys want to see. This way i can, in fact, roll up to a dramatic ending.
It's good to see you again, Ixigo. I wondered what happened to you. [/quote]

I'll sum it up with 'real life caught up to me' =/.

But now I'm generally back, got a story of my own down, so I'll be sticking around.

[quote name='Kale' timestamp='1294183796' post='4911947']
I hope i can live up to your expectations. You are one of the people that will be harder to impress here.
[/quote]

Insert unrelated text that I just grabbed the opportunity to throw in, but I believe is worth a read:

If I could give just one, and only one piece of advice to every author out there, it would be this: you are writing first for yourself, and second for others. The hardest person to impress with your writing will be yourself. What you write should feel 'right' to you. If you are changing your writing to adapt to the expectations of others, it will come off unnaturally, and the net result will be worse. What you are writing should, first and foremost, be written by you for you. Everything else will flow in in due time.

Of course, that doesn't mean you should ignore criticism. Imagine writing as building a house. The blueprint is all yours, and you have to take the bricks yourself and put them on top of each other, forming the story you desire. Advice and criticism are the mortar that will help turn your house from a haphazard construct that will be blown away with the first storm, to a masterpiece you can be truly proud of.

And yes, I know that you know this much already, and you didn't mean what you said in that way. I just felt like throwing out some words of wisdom, for anyone who might take the chance to grab them.

[Kale]

Good advice. You're right, that was a good time and place to put it. though i mean to do this for my time.. i enjoy impressing people. I only meant that if i want to truly succeed in that regard, to feel accomplished, that you would be difficult to please. that's what i meant.

Anywho, the next segment (it feels bad to call it a chapter) will be coming soon.
However, if you would all like to see the three cards that have been played so far, please check out this thread.

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/235242-visions-of-rendor/

It is the brand new set to compliment the fic. i couldn't go without one, could i? XD

[KindredTether]

[quote name='~ Epic Hero - Saber ~' timestamp='1294185831' post='4912023']
I understand that feeling. It's pretty much the writing technique I'm following right now. Meticulously bothering over every single line isn't going to cut it, you're never going to get anything done this way. And actually, this story did feel pretty good. But it looked more like a draft, a sort of "fast forward" summary you wrote, intending to expand on each scene with a bit more flair. It was still good, and I wouldn't lie about this.



I'll sum it up with 'real life caught up to me' =/.

But now I'm generally back, got a story of my own down, so I'll be sticking around.



Insert unrelated text that I just grabbed the opportunity to throw in, but I believe is worth a read:

If I could give just one, and only one piece of advice to every author out there, it would be this: you are writing first for yourself, and second for others. The hardest person to impress with your writing will be yourself. What you write should feel 'right' to you. If you are changing your writing to adapt to the expectations of others, it will come off unnaturally, and the net result will be worse. What you are writing should, first and foremost, be written by you for you. Everything else will flow in in due time.

Of course, that doesn't mean you should ignore criticism. Imagine writing as building a house. The blueprint is all yours, and you have to take the bricks yourself and put them on top of each other, forming the story you desire. Advice and criticism are the mortar that will help turn your house from a haphazard construct that will be blown away with the first storm, to a masterpiece you can be truly proud of.

And yes, I know that you know this much already, and you didn't mean what you said in that way. I just felt like throwing out some words of wisdom, for anyone who might take the chance to grab them.
[/quote]


Woah your like the the the I dont know but thats the best advice ive ever seen!!!
No Seriously

[Legend Zero]

I saw your cards/set and am loving it.

[bury the year]

Okay. It's good, but not stellar. You certainly can do better - I know that firsthand. ;3

For starters, the flow of the story is rather... choppy. The way it's broken up into lines and sentences is a bit jarring, especially due to the first-person narration's random little interjections. Those are a bit distracting when I read it over. (However, only having written in third-person may make me a bit biased. Take this statement however you may.) Second, the descriptions in places are lacking. I realize that you're trying to churn out short chapters rather quickly, but you seem to stick mainly with describing the environment - the "external," so to speak - and not the emotional motivations, the "internal." Although you do have Justin and the unnamed girl react to each other, it seemed rather flat and forced to me. In short, I couldn't get a feel for the characters, and although this probably will change over time if I keep reading, right now it's rather disappointing.

(Also, make sure you check your spelling - saw a few errors.)

[Kale]

[quote name='Legend Zero' timestamp='1294266490' post='4914119']
I saw your cards/set and am loving it.
[/quote]

why, thank you. i appreciate that.


[quote name='Airspace' timestamp='1294268684' post='4914214']
Okay. It's good, but not stellar. You certainly can do better - I know that firsthand. ;3For starters, the flow of the story is rather... choppy. The way it's broken up into lines and sentences is a bit jarring, especially due to the first-person narration's random little interjections. Those are a bit distracting when I read it over. (However, only having written in third-person may make me a bit biased. Take this statement however you may.) Second, the descriptions in places are lacking. I realize that you're trying to churn out short chapters rather quickly, but you seem to stick mainly with describing the environment - the "external," so to speak - and not the emotional motivations, the "internal." Although you do have Justin and the unnamed girl react to each other, it seemed rather flat and forced to me. In short, I couldn't get a feel for the characters, and although this probably will change over time if I keep reading, right now it's rather disappointing.(Also, make sure you check your spelling - saw a few errors.)
[/quote]

exactly what ixigo said, and i will repeat that i completely agree.
Don't you worry. Nearly all of that will be fixed in full clarity by the next Episode. i appreciate your attention to detail in this, and i promise that you will not be disappointed in the end.




To be completely honest, guys, i didn't put my heart in this first part. I have been gone from the forum for so long that i didn't know if i would be well received or not. It's like this was the "test run." I got the reactions that i expected, for the most part, yet i got more feedback than i anticipated.

This minor success for me pushes me to do better for the rest of the fic, and to send them out in larger increments. This really is time that i enjoy spending, and i enjoy that there are more avid readers than when i first started writing on the forum. Thank you guys.





Now that that moment is over, i would like to add more news.

i have just started a custom card contest, like all the others, to create a character with cards that you have created. You can be in the fic as well as i can.

if you are interested, click [url=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/235344-custom-archetype-duelist-competition-fourth-edition/]here.[/url]



Also, there has been good progress on the new Episode. it should be out soon. I just need to tweak it a little bit.



I have also decided to release all cards mentioned [i]after[/i] they have been in the fic. Any new cards will be created and stuck in the thread in Realistic Cards afterward.



So, enjoy the stuff i'm creating. I hope you all can delve into the universe i have started to unroll soon. I know that this wasn't a great start but it will get better. I will learn from my mistakes. Thank you guys for the constructive criticism. I have been out of the game for a long time, i just had to delve back into it.


Good night.

-Kale.

[Lord Ursus]

Why did you not enlighten me of this? :/

I'll read it and give you a review by tomorrow.

I'm sure I'll enjoy it.