The Last Stand (OoC Thread) [Advanced] (Accepting now!) [PG-13]

[Nathanael D. Striker]

[spoiler=Plot]Okay there were several goddesses, each one wanted to make a perfect world.

 

Each time they keep messing up, making mistakes. As such they decide to work together.

 

They are the god of emotion, the god of ambition, the god of preservation, and the god of unification.

 

This was there first time working together, as such they made many errors and the world is half made, a bizzare mess.

 

Thankfully they tweak the land every now and then in there quest for perfection.

 

Piece by piece, day by day, the world got a bit more perfect.

 

And it's all going crashing down.

 

See, the thing is, the world is about to go to a war, a war so massive that it may just convince the goddesses to start over a fifth time.

 

That means armeggedon for us.

 

Everyone knows this, yet for some reason they can't stop. They are compelled to slay, compelled to obey some force that says that surviving is a even worse face.

 

The ansewer is clear to me, they are like children, they no it's dumb but they don't want to be the first ones to give up.

 

 

Anyway we have around three races in our messed up world, and about four civilizations. First is Guerrier Ciel, the sky warriors. Ambition's little pet project, they are an odd bunch. Imagine a race that immerses itself in combat but despises wars. You can't, it's ludicrous, and that's what they do. They belive that single one to one or even five to five combat is a glorious and honorable way to settle disputes and arguments. However in there eyes war is a large battle of petty grievances.

 

The race that started the whole war, known as Brandfleck are a race that was created by the god of emotion. Unfortunatly for them the goddess was a free spirit, making whatever fitted her mood, as such they were prone to being very different from each other, they weren't able to get along very well and thus split up into the Brandfleck Himmel and Brandfleck Holle. The Himmel are relitivly peaceful as they were made when the god was placent, they lived for the long run, preparing for the next day. The Holle one the other hand were made when the god had inspiration, as such they were very emotional, they belived in living life fully now, if they die soon, they only wish it will be in a blaze of glory. Despite the Goddess's questionable mentallity, it is without doubt that she was the most skilled and the Brandfleck are the most powerful race ever.

 

Then the scompiglio.... there's so much to say it's hard to know where to start. They were created by two gods, unification and perserverance, and it shows. They are divided into two, one who look beautiful and are excellent at working together, the others... monsters, built only for fuctionallity, stayin alive at all cost. They are armored, breathing death machines. And they are the same exact race. At dawn the children become beutiful, at night they are monsters, at there fifteenth birthday they must choose one form and stay as it forever. As unification implies the group naturally get's along well, the beautiful ones being slightly better at leading others though, and usually smarter.

 

So why did the war happen? Many reasons, small but numerous squabbles between patron saints, accidental breaches in treaties, major culture gap. It wasn't a big thing, it was many small things.

 

And you're in this war, grab your gun...

 

Thanks to Nexev for the help

 

[spoiler=App]

Character Name (Include First and Last):

Loyalty:

Abilities (Limit 3 and try to make them match your loyalty):

Weapons (Same as Abilities):

Bio (At least 4 Lines. 2 paragraphs at the max.):

Appearence (Pic is fine. At least 3 lines if you don't have a pic.):

 

[spoiler=My App]

Character Name: King Hoeka Bynau

Loyalty: Kingdom of Chaos

Abilities: The ability to combine the Sword of Light and the Sword of Darkness to form the Sword of Chaos. The ability to disappear into the shadows only to reappear 30 seconds later. The ability to heal any ally up to 50%.

Weapons: Sword of Light, Sword of Darkness, Staff of Chaos

Bio: The 400th King of the Kingdom of Chaos. It has been said his father happened to be the wisest king of them all. With that pressure, he passed laws that helped the Kingdom. He became just as wise as his father. He is a master of Ta Na Fighting. He also specializes in sword fighting. He was told that he would be the greatest sword fighter in the world. His magic is unmatched in the Kingdom and he has mastered the most powerful spells in both groups.

Appearence:

 

 

 

[spoiler=Rules]

1. No God Modding

2. No Power playing

3. No Meta Gaming

4. Don't do the first 3 rules (Yes, this is needed)

5. No short posting

6. The quality of your app determines your rank

7. Any side can only have 1 extra person then the side with the second most people. Same applys to the side second most people and the third

8. Erase everything in parenthesis

 

More may come in the future...

 

 

[spoiler=Ranks]

[spoiler=Sky Warrior]

Leader

 

Co-Leader

 

General

 

Soldier

 

 

 

[spoiler=Inferno Protectors]

Leader

 

Co-Leaders

 

Generals

 

Soldiers

 

 

 

[spoiler=Inferno Conquerors]

Leader

 

Co-Leaders

 

Generals

 

Soldiers

 

 

 

[spoiler=Kingdom of Chaos]

Leader

 

Co-Leader

 

General

 

Soldier

 

 

 

 

More ranks may come later

 

[Nathanael D. Striker]

No one wants to join?

[Twig]

Don't know if this is allowed or not...

 

[spoiler=I'm in a reviewing mood...So Let's Review The Last Stand by Striker]

Thousands of years ago, a group of four goddesses created the world.

 

Let me guess. These goddesses specialize in water, earth, wind, and fire. Note that I'm doing this review blind(not reading ahead). Then there's the problem with "thousands of years ago." Obviously, this is a fantasy world, so why would we have to know that this world was created thousands of years ago when we weren't even informed of what the current date of this RP is. The second problem with "thousands of years ago" is that it's a cliche. We're only in the first sentence, and there's already two cliches.

 

They each made a civilization in their own image.

 

inb4flying/underwater/volcano/earthcity

 

Third cliche. Why don't these goddesses work together to make one great civilization? Why can't a group Gods/Goddesses get along? Why do they always have to fight? Why is there always an evil god/goddess? Aren't gods/goddesses suppose to be perfect? Speaking of evil gods/godesses, I bet at least one of these goddesses is evil.

 

The goddess Skyeoua created beautiful mountains. The people who lived there was a peaceful group called the Sky Warriors.

 

Original name is original. Well there's the wind/sky goddess. Can I expect fire, earth, and water? At least it wasn't a flying city. Why are they called the Sky Warriors? Do they call everyone who lives there the Sky Warriors? We don't call everyone in America American Warriors. We don't call everyone in Texas Texan Cowboys. What's worse is that you called the people there peaceful.

 

They were called the Sky Warriors by mistake.

 

How were a group of peaceful people mistakenly called the Sky Warriors? I'm pretty sure there's a reasonable explanation, but peeking at the sentences below, Striker is not going to tell us that explanation. So we're expected to imagine the other civilizations just calling the sky people sky warriors for no reason at all. I have a feeling that one of these civilizations is evil.

 

They are actually called the Sky Defenders.

 

Original name is original. People who live in the civilization made by the sky goddess defend the sky! A five year old wouldn't have thought of that!

 

All they wanted was the three civilizations to co-exist.

 

For balance and good! Wait a minute. I thought you said that each goddess made a civilization in their own image. Wouldn't that mean that there should be four civilizations? But back to this sentence. Of course there's the fourth cliche; there's always this kingdom/empire/land that wants everything to be balanced and good, but this is an RP. So most of the dumb roleplayers who choose to join the Sky people will make their characters all angel-like. Smart roleplayers might actually make an interesting twist by making their characters not angel-like and maybe even making their character evil. Think about it. An evil character in a super nice civilization! How cool is that?

 

Also, random hyphen is random.

 

The goddess Infernia created a vast desert with lakes of fire.

 

We have our fire goddess, but now that I can barely see the rest of the paragraph, I see the words light and dark. More on my opinion on that later. Nevertheless, having a wind and fire goddess is still cliched. Amazingly original name is amazingly original. I don't know how a FIRE goddess made sand, let alone a WIND goddess making earth, but I'm not complaining since this is your fantasy. But really? Lakes of fire? There's no chance anyone can live in this environment unless they have super powers. SPOILER ALERT: They have super powers. Yup, it's another elemental super powers war RP. More cliches for the lose. I'm not even counting even more.

 

The people who lived there was a group called the Infernos.

 

Agnes: THE NAMES ARE SO ORIGINAL, I'M GOING TO DIE!

 

They must be made of fire. How else can they survive with no food and water?

 

Infernia didn't care what happened to her people and it has been said she put a curse on them.

 

Here we have our evil goddess. Who didn't see that coming? Oh look, another cliche. Why is the fire faction always evil? At least she knows how to have fun.

 

Their civilization was going to be cast into war because of it. A war was about to be declared between the peaceful Inferno Protectors and the war hungry Inferno Conquerors.

 

Hahaha, it's punny because in the war, they fight fire with fire. *shot*

 

It's hard to imagine a peaceful group of people who live in an evil goddesses' desert that's filled with lakes of fire. Striker will probably make fantasy animals that can live in fire as food for these people. Also, these names are just down right original.

 

All the Inferno Conquerors want was to gain for land for their people.

 

More land, not for land. They live in a vast desert with several lakes of fire, what more can they want? I would understand if they tried conquering lands that are not desert, but it says they're fighting the Inferno Protectors who obviously also live in the desert. But no, these people just want more deserts and fires. It must be that curse.

 

They are mostly young and rebellious while the Protectors were mature and wise.

 

So the conquerors are teenage warriors, while the protectors are old people who probably have super special awesome powers that those teenagers don't have.

 

Bleh.

 

I really don't know how a tribe is mostly young. Is it just natural that they die early? Or do they kill their elderly?

 

The goddesses Lighous and Darous both colaberated on a land that was always half day and halg night.

 

You didn't even bother to spellcheck. Also, more original names for the win!

 

I was expecting water and earth, but this is still cliched. But what's not cliched is that the light goddess actually worked with the dark goddess. That's just unbelievable, since light and dark can't sit together in the same chair unless there's something separating them.

 

And a land half day and half night? What, is it always noon/midnight? Or is there an invisible wall dividing the light and the darkness.

 

The group they created was called The Kingdom of Chaos.

 

I'm surprised it was called the Kingdom of Darklight, but why chaos? Seriously? Who names the places in this world?

 

TheGuyWhoNamesThisWorld: Oh look, a kingdom made of light and dark. What will I name it? Uhh derp derp...Oh I know! I'll call it the kingdom of chaos for no reason! Derp derp!

 

They were divided into people mostly Light and people mostly Darkness.

 

How were these people judged? If the light people were suppose to be good and the darkness people were bad, that's more cliche. But those dumb roleplayers probably thought that Light people had light skin. Props to anyone who makes a dark-skinned person on the light side.

 

They managed to get along, but without their problems.

 

I don't even know you're trying to say here. "But without their problems?" Does Striker mean they managed to get along without problems? Then why would he put the word "but?" The world may never know.

 

That was because the goddesses who created them had different views on how to create the people.

 

Of course. Who thought putting Light and Dark side to side was a good idea?

 

War was inevitable.

 

Who didn't see that coming?

 

The Counquerors and the Protectors were gearing for war.

 

I thought the Conquerors Counquerors were always at war?

 

If this happened, the Sky Warriors and The Alliance of Chaos would be drawn into the war.

 

That doesn't make any sense. Because one nation is at a civil war, the other two nations have to join in? In the real world, nations won't just join in another nation's war. I don't care if this is your fantasy world. This is just unrealistic.

 

The Sky Warriors have promised the Protectors that they would be on their side in case war happened.

 

For balance and good! I wonder how the Sky Warriors will survive the desert and the lakes of fire. Oh that's right, they'll just use super powers.

 

The Kingdom of Chaos went with the Conquerors.

 

The Kingdom of Chaos is in this too? The Sky Warriors want balance and good, but what's the reason the Kingdom of Chaos is joining? As far as I know, they won't benefit from winning. The Conquerors will get some land, but that's it. He Kingdom of Chaos is joining the bad side for no reason. They're willing to die for no reason. I can see why they're called the Kingdom of Chaos now, but the Kingdom of Idiots would have been a better name.

 

The gears of war was turning, and it looked like it couldn't stop.

 

This sentence tried to sound epic but miserably failed.

 

This plot has so many cliches and holes, and apparently, everyone has super powers. But here's the thing. What are the goddesses doing? Are they just sitting there? They will probably never be mentioned.

 

I'm not saying that this RP is unroleplayable(made up word ftw!). I'm saying that it's just another RP where a bunch of super powered characters fight each other. The plot just says, "Here's the kingdoms", "They're in a war", "You have super powers", "Gogogo!" I don't know about you, but I'd get bored of roleplaying this fast. If this RP get some pro-RPers, they might make sub-plots and plot twists that might make this RP not boring. But if it's filled with noobs, it'll just be another YCM Roleplay.

 

 

I was working on this last night, but I decided to sleep. I finished this morning.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

Thanks Twig. Since no one has joined yet, if you want to help me with the plot, I'm OK with that.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

Edited Plot is up. Still Accepting!