Furious Reaper I Posted January 30, 2009 Report Share Posted January 30, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 1: New Allies] Harvey knew that time was running out. the MASAKO team would soon catch upto him and Flamedramon. "There he is" shouted the Masako Team Leader "Crap. Gotta go" whispered Harvey, picking Flamedramon back up and hoisting him onto his shoulders. He sprints away despite carrying Flamedramon on his back. Soon he comes across an abandoned building and enters it. He turns around to find a gun in his face "Who are you and how did you find this place" Mark asked, as he held the gun to Harvey's head "I was running from the MASAKO and saw this place was abandoned so I ducked in here to hide out for a while" Harvey replied, as he was carrying Flamedramon "You're trying to tell me that you outran a entire MASAKO unit whilst carrying this digimon" Mark stated, looking at Harvey as if he was mad "Yes I did" "That's impossible. It can't be done" AeroVdramon lands just outside the warehouse and walks in, he spots Harvey and readies himself for battle "He's not a hostile. Calm yourself Aero, Now can you tell me that his story is true" "Yes. I was watching from the skies" said Aero, still thinking Harvey was a hostile "Unbelivable. Now to business, how did you get mixed up in all this stuff with D.E.B.T.S?" asked Mark "D.E.B.T.S?" answered Harvey, wondering what the hell this guy was on about "Digital Extermination, Beatdown and Torture Sqaud" "Flamedramon had just saved me from an attack by Devimon but he was beat down by MASAKO and taken away. I with the help of a few of my friends, determined where he was being held captive. So I broke into the factory and secured Flamedramon onto my back and ran for my life. As soon as I made it outside the factory I heard MASAKO helicopters high above and decided the best option would be to outrun them with my highly developed sprinting ability" "Well atleast that's one digimon that D.E.B.T.S haven't killed yet. My name is Mark Jones and I'm the leader of the resistance. I'll take to our base. It's not to far from here" Mark said proudly "You're going to let this outsider join the resistance. He hasn't even got a proper digimon" Aero said, his anger quickly rising Mark looks over to Flamedramon and to Harvey "Flamedramon will be his digimon. As soon as he wakes up" opening chapters are always going to be small EDIT: changed format from script to the other one. not sure I did a good job of it though Next chapter will be called: United Front Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 30, 2009 Report Share Posted January 30, 2009 Nice chapter! Although, not to be mean, but I kinda don´t like it when you write in Script mode. It is kinda confusing for me, and it´s a lot better if you write it in this format, as an example: "Who are you and how did you find this place?" Mark asked, as he held the gun to Harvey´s head. "I was running from the MASAKO and saw this place was abandoned so I ducked in here to hide out for a while" Harvey replied, as he was carrying Flamedramon. And as you see, when writing in this format, you get a LOT more description of what the characters are doing, the surroundings, and so on... Just to tip you! :D :D I´m looking forward to when my character appears! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigma_Horrizone Posted January 31, 2009 Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Impressive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 31, 2009 Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Nice work with the format change! I like it to 150%!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 31, 2009 Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Sorry for the double posting, but I just wonder when the next chapter is going to be up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furious Reaper I Posted January 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Monday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legendhiro Posted January 31, 2009 Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 nice work. a little short, but you explained why, so no big deal. could use a little more description, but still good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted February 1, 2009 Report Share Posted February 1, 2009 Keeping things alive for ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Any new chapters soon?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furious Reaper I Posted February 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 I know it's been a while but now i am back and there will a new chapter soon if this doesn't get locked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Yay! K9991 is back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furious Reaper I Posted February 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 I have already written outlines for the next 10 chapters. I just the time to flesh them out as a full chapters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Okay! I am just so happy you´re back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furious Reaper I Posted March 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 2: United Front] Mark and Harvey were walking down a deserted and run down street. Mark stopped suddenly and turned around and looked back down the alley, making sure that no one was following them. Then he walked towards a wall and tapped 5 times and the bricks istantly moved the left "Cool way to conceal your secret base" commented Harvey, looking in awe at the moving wall "Our Intel Officer, Ernest Hammond came up with that. I think he's losing sight of the finish line though, he's been acting weird recently" Harvey steps over the threshold of the HQ and looks around. A woman rushes up to him and pulls a gun and points it directly at Harvey, just as she is about to fire Mark steps in between them and lowers the gun by himself "He's with me Jenny" said Mark, taking the gun away from her "Why is he here?" asked Jenny, slightly confused "He is joining the resistance. He outran a Masako Unit with a digimon on his back" answered Mark calmly "Come on Mark, you know full well that I did the same and you still put me through some challenges to decide if I was worthy" said Ernest, as he walked through the door "No, you outran just a Masako Commander. He outran an entire unit whilst carrying Flamedramon on his back" Ernest visibly shook and then his eyes turned pitch black and then in a loud commanding voice he shouted "YOU CANNOT HOPE TO STOP US!!!" Jenny lifted her gun and was about to fire when Ernest collasped to the floor. Mark ran over to him and checked his pulse. "He's dead. Whatever possessed him sucked him dry of all bodily fluids including his blood" stated Mark "We need an Intel Officer if we are going to take down D.E.B.T.S" commented Jenny "I know a guy. He is brilliant with computers and all that stuff" said Harvey, realising his friend would be perfect "What's his name?" asked Mark "Fredrik Caryston" replied Harvey quickly --------------------------- This chapter was to bring a character in and therefore no digimon have appeared. This looked a lot bigger on my saved draft page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted March 5, 2009 Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 It´s ok. But nice Chapter!! Hopefully it won´t take as long time before chapter 3 shows up?:? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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