Chidori Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 This is my 1st fanfic so don't be to harsh on teh ratings kay :D Thsi is sort of a prologue/1st chapter thing to see how u guys like the story and if i should carry on with it. Please comment. I would also enjoy any constructive critcisim to help make it better. Enjoy!~Chidori Duel WarriorsChapter 1 Duel Stones were discovered many years ago by miners in the Kafar Kingdom. Kafar was a ruled by the noble and wise Lord Frunk. Sadly Kafar was often under attack by bloodthirsty nations that surrounded its borders. These nations were warlike and their warriors were armed to the teeth with the most well crafted weapons the nations’ smiths could forge and too many Kafarian castles had been felled by rival nations’ advanced siege weaponry. Kafar was not a military nation; it was simply a country that constantly targeted because of its mineral rich ground. Lord Frunk was beginning to despair as it seemed that Kafar was defenceless against the military might of nations that surrounded its borders, until Duel Stones were discovered by a party of Kafarian miners west of Mersteed the capital of Kafar. The chunk of rock was unlike any other, it glowed with a vigorous blue light that rivalled even the brightest star. Lord Frunk was presented with the piece of rock, which was about the size of a baseball, about a week after it was found. Unfortunately unlike like it special appearance the rock seemed to do nothing more than lighting a room without having to clean up the ashes of a fire. However the stone’s magical qualities weren’t discovered until a few years later when the Renderks a rival nation raided Mersteed. “Heh this should be easy we just run kill some old geezer and start the lootin’,” said Noobiiz drawing his sabre. He smirked at his companion Spamalot. “Hmm I’m don’t think we should be that confident Noob,” said Spamalot nervously. “You’re such a worry whelp. Don’t worry it’ll be fine,” said Noobiiz. Spamalot sighted and drew his sabre. Together they slowly crept into the huge granite castle. “There he is,” whispered Noobiiz. Spamalot nodded brushing some dirt off his light leather amour that covered almost his entire body expects for the eyes and hands. Lord Funk stood alone a long dagger with a large ruby made up part of the pommel. Spamalot and Noobiiz rushed forward sabres flashing in light cast by the Duel Stone. Frunk parried the first blow but was disarmed by Spamalot’s stroke. Funk with no time to lose grabbed onto the gold light staff which lighted the room with the Duel Stone. With a loud battle cry Frunk spun the staff over his head. Suddenly the Duel Stone began to glow even brighter and began to emit a loud hum. The 2 Renderks were astonished. The Duel Stone flashed and its light engulfed the room. After the flash had died down a huge brown orange dragon stood between the Renderks and Lord Frunk. “What sorcery is this?!” screamed Spamalot. “This is not my doing fool,” rasped Frunk still stunned. The dragon grinned and opened its mouth and a pillar of fire engulfed Spamalot and Noobiiz. Realizing the Duel Stones’ great power the Kafarians scoured their land for Duel Stones. However Duel Stones were rare and only a small amount were found and only the elite were given them. They were called “Summoners”. If one would want to become a summoner they had to pass the Test. The Test only ended in 2 ways. Failure equalled death and pass equalled the right to be called a Apprentice Summoner and a Duel Stone. A Duel Stone once given to a person bound with their soul meaning that no one else could use it. Using a Duel Stone one could bring forth powerful creatures and cast terrifying spells but at a price. A Duel Stone had limits. A Duel Stone had a limited amount called Summon Points which were represented by a rune on the Duel Stone. However the Duel Stone’s energy recharged over time. If a Summoners’ monster(s) are destroyed they lose Lifepoints. If they reach 0 the Summoner dies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I do not watch Yugioh so much these days, actually, so I am kinda bored of the duels. But this fan fic was kinda nice! You just read my fic, you said? You know that you can leave some space between the dialouges between the characters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyubi20017 Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 [spoiler=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-87713.html check out my fanfic[spoiler=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-87713.html] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chidori Posted January 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 ok thanks but what do u mean by space between dialouge?Here's Part of chpter 2 Chapter 2 – The Assault Alec ran towards the Great Hall almost stumbling on cobblestone path which led from the barracks to the hall. Once inside Alec managed to shove his way through to a place where he could see James, an experienced Summoner. Alec was a boy of 16 years of age. He had brown hair which went down to his shoulders and was a Apprentice Summoner who had just passed the gruelling Test. He tapped on his agate-green Duel Stone as he waited for James to announce the Summoners that would be going on simple assault mission. Apparently he was choosing some Apprentice Summoners due to easiness of the mission. Almost all of Apprentices stood in the hall anxiously hoping they would be picked. “Ahem, I shall now read out the list of the Summoners who will take part on this mission,” James said unfurling a scroll. The entire hall hushed. “Now, I shall read out Summoners, Fred Tommers, Nikki Lloyd,” said James and tjhen carried on reading the list. Alec sighed the list was nearly done and he still hadn’t been picked. “And last but not least Alec Somers,” said James folding the scroll back up and tucking back deep inside his robe. Alec nearly cried out with joy. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked over and saw Jess Geiger. She was a few years older than Alec and had glossy black hair. A tight leather tunic and trousers displayed every curve in her beautiful lithe body. “Congratulations on getting in Alec,” she said sweetly. Alec was glad the hall’s lighting was dim so she and everyone around could not see his reddening cheeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Like this: U write like this: “Heh this should be easy we just run kill some old geezer and start the lootin’,” said Noobiiz drawing his sabre. He smirked at his companion Spamalot. “Hmm I’m don’t think we should be that confident Noob,” said Spamalot nervously. But it´s more easier to read if u write like this: “Heh this should be easy we just run kill some old geezer and start the lootin’,” said Noobiiz drawing his sabre. He smirked at his companion Spamalot. “Hmm I’m don’t think we should be that confident Noob,” said Spamalot nervously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chidori Posted January 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Ok, thanks i'll edit later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaos Impact™ Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 write in spaces like it has been mentioned i liked your refference to frunk on this website, try and maybe stretch out the chapters maybe when you space it out it will look longer also maybe start a new line for speechand plz don't advertise your fan fics on others it's just stupid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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