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Brendano Harns

By Brendano Harns
in Creative Writing

How ist it so far?  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. How ist it so far?

    • Good, continue it.
      36
    • Ehh...not that well done. Maybe go back to the drawing board to try something a little different next time.
      8

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Weather Report - Stand Newbie

Weather Report - Stand

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Posted

Ugh...I'm really sorry to say this, and don't hate me for it...THIS DISGUSTS ME.

You seem to be cashing into the 'five dragons' thing(I only read the first, second and last chapters). The characters have ONLY one expression and all look eight years old. You have Ash Ketchum. The monsters look crappy, like scribbles made on Microsoft Paint. Some of your names are mockeries of the human alphabet(Defragmighte Dragon?! Is it pronounced Dee-frag-might-ee Dragon?! It's overpowered, too!!) I tried to force myself to like it, but I couldn't. My best tips: Make better 'sprites'. Put more effort into planning the story. Make Ash somebody else. Stop cashing in on all things 5D's, it's better in Japanese than by 4Kids, kill 4kids. And lastly, this isn't a manga. I feel bad about saying this part in particular, but just because you like Naruto doesn't mean that you can make a story of equal 'quality'(did I just call Naruto...good?! I hate Naruto!!). And a manga is made in Japan. Widen your horizons, this is just a comic. Now I know that you put effort into this, but try to make something you won't be embarrased about in 5 years. I've been there.

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Brendano Harns Rookie

Brendano Harns

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Ugh...I'm really sorry to say this' date=' and don't hate me for it...THIS DISGUSTS ME. [b']Well it isn't like you're going to eat it.[/b]

 

You seem to be cashing into the 'five dragons' thing(I only read the first, second and last chapters). Exactly [/point]

 

The characters have ONLY one expression and all look eight years old. I know they all have one expression. I never said I was pro at this.

 

You have Ash Ketchum. Where the heck does Pokemon come into this?!?

 

The monsters look crappy, like scribbles made on Microsoft Paint. If you do your homework, you'll notice I didn't make them all, so don't complain to me when I have to render other's cards for their pics. No offense to anyone else, because I think they're cool. :D Oh, and the reason some of them look like they were made in paint is because they were! *_*

 

 

Some of your names are mockeries of the human alphabet(Defragmighte Dragon?! Is it pronounced Dee-frag-might-ee Dragon?! Does that matter?

 

It's overpowered, too!!) I tried to force myself to like it, but I couldn't. Go ahead, rant on about things I can't control.

 

My best tips: Make better 'sprites'. Put more effort into planning the story. You don't know how much effort I put in those at all.

 

Make Ash somebody else. Pokemon?!?

 

Stop cashing in on all things 5D's, I'll cash in all I want. Ka-shing! :D

 

it's better in Japanese than by 4Kids, That is like saying the sky is blue.

 

kill 4kids. DO WANT :twisted:

 

And lastly, this isn't a manga. I just adapted it to the internet form.

 

I feel bad about saying this part in particular, but just because you like Naruto ...I don't like Naruto...

 

doesn't mean that you can make a story of equal 'quality'(did I just call Naruto...good?! I hate Naruto!!). And a manga is made in Japan. And so are yugioh cards. So does that mean they aren't yugioh cards in america? Hmm?

 

Widen your horizons, this is just a comic. I like how narrow my horizons are.

 

Now I know that you put effort into this, *_* You're controdicting your self now!

 

but try to make something you won't be embarrased about in 5 years. I've been there. Great. Now, if you wouldn't mind going there again and not coming back...

 

 

Sorry to be harsh, but you are a newbie. And also, can you do anything like this? If so, I'd like to see it. If you can't:

 

You controdicted yourself telling me I'm doing a bad job at doing something you cannot even do, and you rant on while randomly bringing other charachters into the conversation that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

 

See my point? Sorry, but I think you are the one that needs to think about what they're doing before they embarass themselves. ;)

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Weather Report - Stand Newbie

Weather Report - Stand

Posted
Posted

Ugh...I'm really sorry to say this' date=' and don't hate me for it...THIS DISGUSTS ME. [b']Well it isn't like you're going to eat it.[/b]

You don't have to eat something for it to be disgusting.

 

You seem to be cashing into the 'five dragons' thing(I only read the first, second and last chapters). Exactly [/point]

But I like not wasting time! The pictures scare me.

 

The characters have ONLY one expression and all look eight years old. I know they all have one expression. I never said I was pro at this.

Well, at least you acknowledge this, so I'll let you off on this one.

 

You have Ash Ketchum. Where the heck does Pokemon come into this?!?

He has the hat and the hair. Can't you tell? Even without the mark on the 'precious hat', it's too obvious.

 

The monsters look crappy, like scribbles made on Microsoft Paint. If you do your homework, you'll notice I didn't make them all, so don't complain to me when I have to render other's cards for their pics. No offense to anyone else, because I think they're cool. :D Oh, and the reason some of them look like they were made in paint is because they were! *_*

They all look like they were worked on for about five-to-ten minutes. Plus they have pokemon names. I don't feel bad about comparing your work to pokemon, it deserves it.

 

Some of your names are mockeries of the human alphabet(Defragmighte Dragon?! Is it pronounced Dee-frag-might-ee Dragon?! Does that matter?

Yep.

 

It's overpowered, too!!) I tried to force myself to like it, but I couldn't. Go ahead, rant on about things I can't control.

So I shall. You're SUPPOSED TO MAKE SOMETHING THE READER LIKES. If you're posting it, that is.

 

My best tips: Make better 'sprites'. Put more effort into planning the story. You don't know how much effort I put in those at all.

So where's the plot? All I saw were two people having a game in a cool cave near a city...wait. Are there cool caves near cities?

 

Make Ash somebody else. Pokemon?!?

Read above, this is about as good as pokemon Master Quest(IMO. NOT EVERYBODY ELSE'S, BUT JUST MINE).

 

Stop cashing in on all things 5D's, I'll cash in all I want. Ka-shing! :D

But if you're cashing in on it, you have to make it GOOD. Why should 'Chocolate Angel' be...creative...or even created?

 

it's better in Japanese than by 4Kids, That is like saying the sky is blue.

Hey, we AGREE on something!!

 

kill 4kids. DO WANT :twisted:

I like that side of you...:D

 

And lastly, this isn't a manga. I just adapted it to the internet form.

Bleach is manga. D. Grey Man is manga. Heck, there's a manga called Cyber Grandpa-G! The point is, you don't seem to be Japanese. Unless you are, and then I should die. Or something like that.

 

I feel bad about saying this part in particular, but just because you like Naruto ...I don't like Naruto...

Well, okay then!

 

doesn't mean that you can make a story of equal 'quality'(did I just call Naruto...good?! I hate Naruto!!). And a manga is made in Japan. And so are yugioh cards. So does that mean they aren't yugioh cards in america? Hmm?

No, here it's the 'Yu-Gi-Oh! Official Trading Card Game'.

 

Widen your horizons, this is just a comic. I like how narrow my horizons are.

Well if they're so broad, then call it a comic. Russians, Africans and even Australians have comics, but in Japan there's true manga.

 

Now I know that you put effort into this, *_* You're controdicting your self now!

UGH! Spell check!! Besides, I was TRYING to be NICE here by saying 'you didn't put a bunch of crap together in ten minutes and called it cool'. And yet you didn't get that...

 

but try to make something you won't be embarrassed about in 5 years. I've been there. Great. Now, if you wouldn't mind going there again and not coming back...

You know, that's kinda mean, telling me to be eight again. Do I have to be eight again?! I don't want to. Why don't YOU be one again! Burned...I'm sorry about that, that was actually uncalled for.

 

 

Sorry to be harsh, but you are a newbie. And also, can you do anything like this? If so, I'd like to see it. If you can't:

 

You controdicted yourself telling me I'm doing a bad job at doing something you cannot even do, and you rant on while randomly bringing other charachters into the conversation that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

 

See my point? Sorry, but I think you are the one that needs to think about what they're doing before they embarass themselves. ;)

 

Well, I noticed that you misspelled 'contradicted' and 'characters', which dulls your statement. It's also not quite my fault that noobs are still noobs when they use good grammar. But you should be 'embarassed' about your 'speeling and grammer'.

 

I'm not here to start a flame war, and I tried to show signs of 'niceness' every now and then, but I know what you're gonna say. So I'm gonna be smart, evade mods and not come back to this topic, 'kay? And also, this is some of the quality work I can produce: Mega Man Battle Network: The Fan Fic

FYI, a good point for newbies(to the series) to start here would be the first big chunk of text in Book 2, Chapter 1, as it gives a semi-blunt bit of overview as a gimmick(for old readers).

Once you respect my work(via pm, at least slightly), I'll start to respect yours.

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TrickyPooBoy Newbie

TrickyPooBoy

Posted
Posted

Ugh...I'm really sorry to say this' date=' and don't hate me for it...THIS DISGUSTS ME. [b']Well it isn't like you're going to eat it.[/b]

You don't have to eat something for it to be disgusting.

 

You seem to be cashing into the 'five dragons' thing(I only read the first, second and last chapters). Exactly [/point]

But I like not wasting time! The pictures scare me. Good. People need to be scared. That's the point.

 

The characters have ONLY one expression and all look eight years old. I know they all have one expression. I never said I was pro at this.

Well, at least you acknowledge this, so I'll let you off on this one.Good. Stop being so stuck-up.

 

You have Ash Ketchum. Where the heck does Pokemon come into this?!?

He has the hat and the hair. Can't you tell? Even without the mark on the 'precious hat', it's too obvious.Every Anime needs an "Ash"

 

The monsters look crappy, like scribbles made on Microsoft Paint. If you do your homework, you'll notice I didn't make them all, so don't complain to me when I have to render other's cards for their pics. No offense to anyone else, because I think they're cool. :D Oh, and the reason some of them look like they were made in paint is because they were! *_*

They all look like they were worked on for about five-to-ten minutes. Plus they have pokemon names. I don't feel bad about comparing your work to pokemon, it deserves it.5 to 10 minutes on a pic is good.

 

Some of your names are mockeries of the human alphabet(Defragmighte Dragon?! Is it pronounced Dee-frag-might-ee Dragon?! Does that matter?

Yep.Why?

 

It's overpowered, too!!) I tried to force myself to like it, but I couldn't. Go ahead, rant on about things I can't control.

So I shall. You're SUPPOSED TO MAKE SOMETHING THE READER LIKES. If you're posting it, that is.Make one.

 

My best tips: Make better 'sprites'. Put more effort into planning the story. You don't know how much effort I put in those at all.

So where's the plot? All I saw were two people having a game in a cool cave near a city...wait. Are there cool caves near cities?It has just begun. No chapter can carry the whole story.

 

Make Ash somebody else. Pokemon?!?

Read above, this is about as good as pokemon Master Quest(IMO. NOT EVERYBODY ELSE'S, BUT JUST MINE).I like "Ash" for who he is.

 

Stop cashing in on all things 5D's, I'll cash in all I want. Ka-shing! :D

But if you're cashing in on it, you have to make it GOOD. Why should 'Chocolate Angel' be...creative...or even created?'Cause it's cool.

 

it's better in Japanese than by 4Kids, That is like saying the sky is blue.

Hey, we AGREE on something!!Good, stop fighting children.

 

kill 4kids. DO WANT :twisted:

I like that side of you...:DGood.

 

And lastly, this isn't a manga. I just adapted it to the internet form.

Bleach is manga. D. Grey Man is manga. Heck, there's a manga called Cyber Grandpa-G! The point is, you don't seem to be Japanese. Unless you are, and then I should die. Or something like that.He doesn't have to be.

 

I feel bad about saying this part in particular, but just because you like Naruto ...I don't like Naruto...

Well, okay then!Me too.

 

doesn't mean that you can make a story of equal 'quality'(did I just call Naruto...good?! I hate Naruto!!). And a manga is made in Japan. And so are yugioh cards. So does that mean they aren't yugioh cards in america? Hmm?

No, here it's the 'Yu-Gi-Oh! Official Trading Card Game'.He can make a YuGiOh manga from anywhere he wants.

 

Widen your horizons, this is just a comic. I like how narrow my horizons are.

Well if they're so broad, then call it a comic. Russians, Africans and even Australians have comics, but in Japan there's true manga.Who made you the boss?

 

Now I know that you put effort into this, *_* You're controdicting your self now!

UGH! Spell check!! Besides, I was TRYING to be NICE here by saying 'you didn't put a bunch of crap together in ten minutes and called it cool'. And yet you didn't get that...Fuzzie's fine. Get over it.

 

but try to make something you won't be embarrassed about in 5 years. I've been there. Great. Now, if you wouldn't mind going there again and not coming back...

You know, that's kinda mean, telling me to be eight again. Do I have to be eight again?! I don't want to. Why don't YOU be one again! Burned...I'm sorry about that, that was actually uncalled for.If you be 8 again, may be you won't be a jerk.

 

 

Sorry to be harsh, but you are a newbie. And also, can you do anything like this? If so, I'd like to see it. If you can't:

 

You controdicted yourself telling me I'm doing a bad job at doing something you cannot even do, and you rant on while randomly bringing other charachters into the conversation that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

 

See my point? Sorry, but I think you are the one that needs to think about what they're doing before they embarass themselves. ;)

 

Well, I noticed that you misspelled 'contradicted' and 'characters', which dulls your statement. It's also not quite my fault that noobs are still noobs when they use good grammar. But you should be 'embarassed' about your 'speeling and grammer'.

 

I'm not here to start a flame war, and I tried to show signs of 'niceness' every now and then, but I know what you're gonna say. So I'm gonna be smart, evade mods and not come back to this topic, 'kay? And also, this is some of the quality work I can produce: Mega Man Battle Network: The Fan Fic

FYI, a good point for newbies(to the series) to start here would be the first big chunk of text in Book 2, Chapter 1, as it gives a semi-blunt bit of overview as a gimmick(for old readers).

Once you respect my work(via pm, at least slightly), I'll start to respect yours.

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Brendano Harns Rookie

Brendano Harns

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Well' date=' I noticed that you misspelled 'contradicted' and 'characters', which dulls your statement. [b']Yeah, because that matters when you're talking to someone online. It wouldn't really matter if you were writing a formal business letter, but definately on forums.[/b]

 

It's also not quite my fault that noobs are still noobs when they use good grammar. But you should be 'embarassed' about your 'speeling and grammer'. A lot of people should be a lot of things.

 

I'm not here to start a flame war, and neither am I.

 

and I tried to show signs of 'niceness' every now and then, You did? I hadn't noticed, because there was scarcely anything even close to that. I guess that is my fault as well, hmm?

 

but I know what you're gonna say. So I'm gonna be smart, That's new.

 

evade mods and not come back to this topic, 'kay? Miracles do happen.

 

And also, this is some of the quality work I can produce: Mega Man Battle Network: The Fan Fic

FYI, a good point for newbies(to the series) to start here would be the first big chunk of text in Book 2, Chapter 1, as it gives a semi-blunt bit of overview as a gimmick(for old readers).

Once you respect my work(via pm, at least slightly), I'll start to respect yours. Whether you like someone's work or not, you should always respect it. Now for my respect for you...

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