The Intrusion

[pumpkin_972005]

At KaibaCorp:

 

Kaiba:I don't care if you want a lower price, that's how much I'm selling them for!!!

 

???:But Mr. Kaiba, I'm sure it will be worth it for a certain something... what about a card???

 

Kaiba:Keep talking...

 

???: What about... The Right Arm of the Forbidden One?

 

Kaiba: Oh, ha ha. Another one of your fakes?

 

???: No Mister Kaiba, it is not a fake. In fact... I'm willing to give you THREE copies of that card for one of them!

 

Kaiba: You've got yourself a deal! I'll mail them to y...

 

Joey: KAIBA!!! Just what do you think you're doing!

 

Kaiba: Selling cards... (talking to ???) You want him too?

 

Joey: NO, I MEAN SELLING IT FOR A PIECE OF EXODIA... when you can sell it for this new snazzy card!!!(shows card)

 

Kaiba: Kuribo?

 

Joey: YES!!!

 

Kaiba: And what in the world will make me sell my Five-Headed Dragon for that???

 

Joey: Easy. (Rips skin on face to reveal robot) I'm going to force you! (snatches card and activates duel disk)

 

Kaiba: One of you again. (stares at ???) These robots of yours are getting old.

 

???: Seto, I REALLY had nothing to do with this! (runs out of room)

 

Kaiba: (Sigh) all right. Duel.

 

Robot: DRAW! I summon Doom Dragon in attack mode (1900/1400)!

 

Kaiba: Draw. I summon Vorse raider in attack mode and equip it with Megamorph. Then, I activate the spell Extra summon, allowing me to pay 1000 LP to summon another Vorse Raider. Then I activate Power Unity, adding Vorse Raider's ATK to another Vorse Raider. (Kaiba:3000, Vorse Raider ATK:3800+Megamorph=7600)

Finally, I activate Pot of Greed and then activate The Death of a Dragon, allowing me to send a card from my hand to the grave to destroy your monster. Go Vorse Raider, (sigh) attack.

 

Robot: Not so fast! I activate my Doom Dragon's effect: it redces your monster's ATK by the amount of lifepoints I give! And I choose 3800! (Robot: 200) Now that my LP are lower than yours, your Megamorph deducts your monster's ATK by half!

(Vorse Raider destroyed, Kaiba 2350) And now that it's my move, I activate THREE of my own Megamorphs! (Doom Dragon: 1900x2x2x2=15600) attack his LP directly!!!

 

Kaiba: But... how...

 

Robot:(takes hand and paralyzes Kaiba) and I'll also take your deck, that is, if you mind.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

[ragnarok1945]

Joey trying to get the 5 headed dragon for Kuriboh. Ah the humor

[CrabHelmet]

Why do both of your fanfics involve Kaiba using a Five-Headed Dragon? He has never been shown to even have one in his deck; in fact, it is primarily used by his enemies, Big Five, once as the final boss of Legendary Heroes and once as their big monster during Virtual World. KaibaCorp certainly owns one, since it was sued by a Duel Computer at the start of the KC Grand Prix, but Kaiba himself has never used it.

 

The most glaring error here is that The Death of a Dragon supposedly destroys Doom Dragon, and yet it still seems to be on the field when Kaiba attacks, since it activates its effect and destroys Kaiba's Vorse Raider by battle.

 

It's nice to see that you got Megamorph's secondary effect right, but you've messed up with it several times. First of all, Megamorph affects Original ATK, not ATK, so the powered-up Vorse Raider should have 5400 ATK, not 3800. Second of all, how on earth do Kaiba's Life Points go down to 2350 after the battle? Since Doom Dragon has 1900 ATK, this implies that the Vorse Raider in question had 1250 ATK, and I don't see any way in which this number could be produced. And finally, multiple Megamorphs don't stack; having three Megamorphs equipped is no different from having just one.

 

Also, Kaiba being randomly defeated by a simple robot minion seems completely out of character. The only people who I can remember defeating him were:

 

1) Yugi/Yami, who is the best duelist in the world and the king of games and generally a boring invincible hero.

 

2) Pegasus, who cheated with mind reading powers.

 

3) Noah, who had spent a ridiculous amount of time preparing for that very duel, stacked the duel in his favour by making up Deckmaster rules that gave him a huge advantage, and cheated by using Mokuba to force Kaiba to make sub-par moves.

 

4) Dartz, who was the big bad boss of an ancient evil mind control cult and who used an incredibly overpowered series of cards, and cheated (sensing a pattern here?) by using Yugi and his friends as shields. And Kaiba's teammate, Yami, was still able to win the duel after Kaiba was eliminated.

 

So, who's beaten him? Yugi, and three Big Bad arc villains who cheated, and even then it was near the arc's climax and occurred because the writers wanted Yugi to be the one to win. Yeah. Losing to some random robot at the very start after only a couple of turns is not what Kaiba does.

[pumpkin_972005]

Why do both of your fanfics involve Kaiba using a Five-Headed Dragon? He has never been shown to even have one in his deck; in fact' date=' it is primarily used by his enemies, Big Five, once as the final boss of Legendary Heroes and once as their big monster during Virtual World. KaibaCorp certainly owns one, since it was sued by a Duel Computer at the start of the KC Grand Prix, but Kaiba himself has never used it.

 

The most glaring error here is that The Death of a Dragon supposedly destroys Doom Dragon, and yet it still seems to be on the field when Kaiba attacks, since it activates its effect and destroys Kaiba's Vorse Raider by battle.

 

It's nice to see that you got Megamorph's secondary effect right, but you've messed up with it several times. First of all, Megamorph affects Original ATK, not ATK, so the powered-up Vorse Raider should have 5400 ATK, not 3800. Second of all, how on earth do Kaiba's Life Points go down to 2350 after the battle? Since Doom Dragon has 1900 ATK, this implies that the Vorse Raider in question had 1250 ATK, and I don't see any way in which this number could be produced. And finally, multiple Megamorphs don't stack; having three Megamorphs equipped is no different from having just one.

 

Also, Kaiba being randomly defeated by a simple robot minion seems completely out of character. The only people who I can remember defeating him were:

 

1) Yugi/Yami, who is the best duelist in the world and the king of games and generally a boring invincible hero.

 

2) Pegasus, who cheated with mind reading powers.

 

3) Noah, who had spent a ridiculous amount of time preparing for that very duel, stacked the duel in his favour by making up Deckmaster rules that gave him a huge advantage, and cheated by using Mokuba to force Kaiba to make sub-par moves.

 

4) Dartz, who was the big bad boss of an ancient evil mind control cult and who used an incredibly overpowered series of cards, and cheated (sensing a pattern here?) by using Yugi and his friends as shields. And Kaiba's teammate, Yami, was still able to win the duel after Kaiba was eliminated.

 

So, who's beaten him? Yugi, and three Big Bad arc villains who cheated, and even then it was near the arc's climax and occurred because the writers wanted Yugi to be the one to win. [i']Yeah[/i]. Losing to some random robot at the very start after only a couple of turns is not what Kaiba does.

 

Dude, I had no other idea about any other REALLY powerful card he had... and my Megamorph doesn't have the original ATK thing, I don't watch yu gi oh as much as you do, I was just trying to make it sound interesting, and what if Final Bribe was a continuous card??? I mean, I just want people to admire my work, I appreciate what your saying but... can you explain to me Kaiba's character?

---

Oh, and maybe he had the old megamorph version?

---

Oh, and maybe he had the old megamorph version?

[CrabHelmet]

Dude' date=' I had no other idea about any other REALLY powerful card he had...

[/quote']

 

Chaos Emperor Dragon - Envoy of the End could certainly qualify, considering that, if I remember correctly, it has been banned in-universe by the time GX rolls around. He is also shown to have Dark Magician of Chaos (unused, but in his briefcase), XYZ-Dragon Cannon, and Masked Beast Des Gardius (won from Lumis and Umbra).

 

and my Megamorph doesn't have the original ATK thing' date='

[/quote']

 

It doesn't? These are the only texts that I know Megamorph to have:

 

While your Life Points are lower than your opponent's' date=' the original ATK of the equipped monster is doubled. While your Life Points are higher, the original ATK of the equipped monster is halved.

[/quote']

 

While your Life Points are lower than your opponent's' date=' double the original ATK of a monster equipped with this card. While your Life Points are higher, halve the original ATK.

[/quote']

 

If your Life Points are lower than your opponents' date=' the original ATK of a monster equipped with this card is doubled. If your Life Points are lower, the original ATK is halved.

[/quote']

 

Even as far back as Spell Ruler, Megamorph has had "original ATK" in its text. What set is yours from?

 

At any rate, all versions of Megamorph have the same effect, despite being worded differently.

 

I don't watch yu gi oh as much as you do' date='

[/quote']

 

Not an excuse. Do the research.

 

and what if Final Bribe was a continuous card???

 

This is actually plausible' date=' but since it has a one-shot effect, it is assumed that it was a Normal Spell. It would have made more sense to mention this.

 

Of course, that still leaves the other ten problems...

 

I mean, I just want people to admire my work,

 

Then create duels where things can happen without characters making bizarre moves for no reason, where the established rules aren't ignored the turn after they are explained (or simply not read properly off the original cards), and where characters act in-character. It would also be nice to have a stronger plotline than "guy shows up out of nowhere and duels Kaiba".

 

I appreciate what your saying but... can you explain to me Kaiba's character?

 

Kaiba is the anti-hero. He's highly conceited and very ruthless, but his motives (at least post-Mind Crush) are generally for a good cause of some sort, or occasionally simply for him to defeat Yugi. He has an extremely strong attachment to the Blue-Eyes White Dragon, to the point where he always makes it the central card of his deck and so on.

 

He is also very power-hungry, always trying to improve his deck and defeat Yugi, so his attachment to BEWD faltered during Battle City when he was presented with a card possessing literally godly power. This was indicated by Kaiba finishing his duels with Obelisk instead of BEWD, and of the three duels we saw before the finals, each one involved him disrespecting BEWD, often in favour of Obelisk: he once gave his BEWDs to a computer to duel against in order to test Obelisk's power (and won by killing BEUD), he once tributed all three BEWDs to summon Obelisk, and he once allowed his BEWD to be destroyed in order to protect Yugi. This got put to an end in the finals, however, when he rediscovered his ancient connection to BEWD, to the point where he tributed Obelisk in order to summon BEWD - and after that, BEWD permanently returned to its position as his key card. In ancient Egypt, the original Seto Kaiba had used the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon as his key warrior in order to fight the evil demon Zorc to a draw, showing that the Blue-Eyes is actually more powerful than the three Egyptian Gods.

 

There only exist four Blue-Eyes White Dragons in the world; Kaiba obtained three of them through coercion, while the fourth (temporarily torn up by Kaiba but repaired with tape) belongs to Yugi's grandfather.

 

If you want an easy idea for a plot explaining why people are going after Kaiba, consider the motives of those pursuing him in the anime:

 

1) The entire plot of Duelist Kingdom revolves around Pegasus's attempt to seize control of KaibaCorp in order to use its Solid Vision to conjure a lifelike image of his dead wife. Any references to him trying to collect all seven Millennium Items were not in the original.

 

2) The Big Five of KaibaCorp try to overthrow Kaiba for betraying them after they helped him betray his father. They also want to seize control of KaibaCorp.

 

3) Marik wants to get Kaiba's Egyptian God Card (which Kaiba received and can used because of his soul's connection to ancient Egypt) as part of his scheme to gain the title of "Pharaoh" and thus free his family from servitude.

 

4) Kaiba's father and Noah used the Big Five to get revenge on Kaiba for stealing Noah's place as Kaiba's father's heir (after Noah nearly died in an accident and was trapped in the virtual World) and killing Kaiba's father (who survived by entering the Virtual World). Oh, and they want to steal the bodies of those they have captured, including Kaiba and Mokuba - which, in turn, means that they want to seize control of KaibaCorp.

 

5) Alister grew up in a war-torn area where KaibaCorp, under Kaiba's father, sold weapons to both factions. One tank exploded, killing Alister's brother, which filled Alister with a hatred for the Kaiba family, causing him to attack Seto Kaiba, the heir of Gozaburo Kaiba. (Of course, it wasn't really Kaiba's father who caused the attack; it was Dartz in disguise, as part of a long-term plan to gain Alister's support.) He also uses the money of Dartz's organizations to seize control of KaibaCorp, but this is mostly to draw out Kaiba.

 

6) Dartz himself, through the Doma and Paradius organizations, wants to get Kaiba because Kaiba has a "strong soul" as part of his connection to ancient Egypt, and due to this strength has received a Legendary Dragon card.

 

7) Siegfried wants revenge on KaibaCorp for developing the virtual dueling systems before his own SchroederCorp could do so (the dub claims that Kaiba the plans from Siegfried, but this is not in the original). He wants to ruin KaibaCorp so that he can both get revenge and make SchroederCorp the biggest gaming company in the world.

 

8) Bakura has a special interest in Kaiba due to Kaiba's connection to ancient Egypt.

 

1, 2, 4, 5, and 7 all involve seizing control of KaibaCorp (or an equivalent action); 2, 4, 5, and 7 all involve getting revenge on Kaiba or his family; and 3, 6, and 8 relate to Kaiba's spiritual connection to ancient Egypt and to whatever plot McGuffin he happens to be holding at the time.

 

As for how to get Kaiba to duel the villains without resorting to "villain dashes in and challenges Kaiba", take another look at the anime:

 

1) Pegasus kidnaps Mokuba and brainwashes him.

 

2) The Big Five lead Kaiba into a trap, leaving him stuck in Legendary Heroes. And just to be thorough, they kidnap Mokuba.

 

3) Marik ends up in the same tournament as Kaiba as a result of Ishizu tempting Kaiba to start the tournament by promising him more power. Oh, and unless I'm misremembering, Marik kidnapped Mokuba, and might have used the Millennium Rod to brainwash him (I can't remember).

 

4) The Big Five under Noah and Gozaburo trap everyone in the Virtual World. And then, within the Virtual World, Noah uses one of the Big Five to kidnap Mokuba, who he brainwashes.

 

5) Alister takes over Kaiba's company, then pretends to be Pegasus. In their second duel, he pretends to be Kaiba's pilot in order to get to duel him. He doesn't actually kidnap Mokuba, but considering that their second duel takes place on a plane with only Alister, Kaiba, and Mokuba on board, and it is explicitly stated Alister plans for the plane to crash regardless of the outcome of the duel, killing the three of them and giving their souls to the Orichalcos, it's close enough.

 

6) Dartz...I'm not really sure why Kaiba is going after Dartz at this point. Maybe her wants revenge, or maybe he believes the whole the-world-will-be-destroyed stuff.

 

7) Siegfried simply crashes the tournament Kaiba threw as a publicity stunt.

 

8) Bakura kidnaps Mokuba.

 

The pattern should be obvious; Mokuba gets kidnapped by five or six villains trying to force Kaiba to fight. But if Kaiba needs a second motivation, power should be enough.

 

For more information:

 

http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Seto_Kaiba

[Luna Diviner]

It is alright. But I don't like the idea, make your own characters then you don't have to worry about them being out of character until you've made a few episodes to actualy reveal their character.