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Knight''s Title Book 1~ Secret of the Hyuuga: Finished. Now Discusing FanFic

Fen.

By Fen.
in Creative Writing

Is this a well written fanfic and do you enjoy it?  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. Is this a well written fanfic and do you enjoy it?

    • Yeah! It has a great plot and it is great to read, keep it up!
      5
    • No, it could use some work and it is a bit choppy to read, nice try though.......
      0

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Fen. Newbie

Fen.

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OMG!!! Come on' date=' Neji!! Go, Neji, Go Neji, GO![hr']

I know It's tritos. 12 year old me didn't know that though when I wrote it. I'm copy pasting this from Fanfiction.net........

 

WHAT?! Y-you-you´re copying it from Fanfiction.net?! Or what do you mean? I´m confused.

 

???

 

Yeah' date=' copying from MY account........[hr']

Heh Heh' date=' Yep, h's a trooper that Neji, But Dartz has a secret weapon (HINT HINT!- pendant- Hint! HINT!)

 

Oh, this entire Fanfic now has a theme song. I would love this Fanfic to become a live anime.

 

[/quote']

 

That pendant is the one I talked to you about earlier in terms of the foreshadowing, isn't it?

Bingo sherlock. ^_^

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Fen. Newbie

Fen.

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And now the exciting conclusion. This is the longest chapter in the Fanfic and it was the HARDEST thing I EVER had to write EVER!

 

Chapter 19

 

The Secret of the Hyuuga

 

“ORECHALCOS TRITOS!!” Dartz threw his pendant to the ground, and it shattered in a million pieces. A blue plume of smoke came out of the pendant and entered Dartz’s nose and mouth. A third ring spun around the seal. Neji could feel a dangerous level of spirit pressure in the air. Dartz’s body began to transform.

 

“GIVE,” 4 large thorny vines shot out of his back. His shirt tore right off. He was surprisingly extremely muscular for a 10,000 year old man.

 

“ME,” bone like spikes erupted onto his body.

 

“YOUR,” He grew a pair of red dragon wings.

 

“EYES!!” His long blue hair tuned into blue fire. His hands and feet had blue rings of fire circling around each leg and hand. His entire body gave off a purplish black glow. He was now a monster. Neji backed away in fear against the invisible walls of the seal. Dartz’s eyes were still an eerie blue and yellow, but they had a tint of red evil in them now. Dartz had the essence to kill. He would kill Neji if he could. This is what frightened Neji the most of all.

 

“The vines of Pansy, the bones of Kimimaro, the fire of Azula, the wings of Jake, the chaos energy of Mimic and Shadow, and the divine magical energy of Kellach and Hermione!” Laughed Dartz, his voice sounded like a mix of many that were not his. A vine then smacked Neji and sent him soaring into the ceiling. A fire ring flew off of Dartz’s arm and encircled around Neji. The ring began to spin, burning Neji in the process. Then he blasted bones out of his chest like torpedoes, two of them flew right into Neji’s back.

 

“Ahhhhgggg!” Neji cried in pain.

 

“Yes, feel the pain!” cackled Dartz like a maniac. Neji then fell from where he was on the ceiling. He was going to make a belly flop onto the hard ground.

 

“And now that you are weak enough,” Right before Neji hit the ground, Dartz stuck his finger out, and Neji landed on Dartz’s fingertip. The curse mark was under dart’s thumb. Neji’s head nearly split open.

 

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” Dartz was attempting to take away Neji’s powers, just like what he saw him doing to Azula. Neji was in pure agony.

 

“For too long I have waited for this moment!! The secret of the Hyuuga is mine!!” Neji’s eyesight became a little fuzzy. He got dizzy with nausea; this was going to be the death of him. The Orechalcos was already invading his mind.

 

“He’ll have my power, and I’ll be corrupted by darkness. . . . .” His curse mark burned, the seal of Orechalcos was already being etched onto his head.

 

“Kellach. . . . . . Hermione. . . .Jake. . . . . Shadow. . . . . . . everyone. . . . .” He saw nothing but white. All was silent.

 

“I’m sorry. . .”

 

All of a sudden, Dartz was magically pushed away from Neji. He was slammed against the seal, and he crumpled to the ground. Neji fell to the floor. He was regaining his sight.

 

“You can NEVER put the seal on me,” said Neji, “Because this caged bird protects my mind from being probed by power hungry psychos like you. You will NEVER find the secret of the Hyuuga!!” Dartz got up. He looked menacing.

 

“Well, if I can’t have the secret,” barked Dartz, his blue and yellow eyes in frenzy, “NO ONE CAN!!” Dartz sent out a black aura sphere at Neji, thousands of them. The balls then flew at him.

 

“Protective 8 trigrams!” Neji then bashed the balls with his hands with great speed. More and more balls were rocketing towards him. A purple mist sprayed out of the spheres whenever Neji broke one. They were making him cough, which slowed him down.

 

“Don’t stop now! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!” Dartz was enjoying Neji squirm, “The aura spheres contain a little special poison of my own creation. It is mixed with orechalcum and pansy’s special poison.”

 

Neji’s eyes were watering like crazy from the acrid mist, he was slowing in movements. Some of the balls attached to his body. The balls then grew 1 eye and little spikes around their body. They prickled Neji.

 

“Ouch!” Yipped Neji. Soon, about 50 spiked balls were on Neji’s body. He was breathing heavily; the toxic was beginning to take its effect.

 

“Kutoras, An ancient race of little monsters that are loyal to the Orechalcos. Don’t let them attach to you though; their personality will go off with a bang.” Suddenly, the Kutoras on Neji’s body began to glow white.

 

“ORECHALCOS BLAST!” About 50 Kutoras then exploded right on Neji.

 

“Ahh!” howled Neji. He had burn marks all over his body. Everything was happening so fast.

 

“I’m not finished yet!” Dartz ran at Neji,

 

“ROSE DANCE!” Thousands of rose petals then blasted out of Dartz’s mouth like a faucet. They all flew into the air. There they just drifted; floating down to the earth. Then, without warning, they all shot at Neji like bullets in different directions and cut him apart like knives.

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Neji fell to the ground, doubled over in pain. He wanted to die. The pain was unbearable. He was crying in fear. Everywhere he bled, he was a bleeding mess. He was shaking with terror and from the loss of blood. He leaned over and vomited blood onto the stone floor. He broke into a cold sweat. He was loosing his sanity.

 

“I knew it. . . . .” Dartz spat at Neji, “You are just a sniveling little kid. Get up and fight me boy!!” Neji was still shuddering, struggling to hold on to life. “You aren’t in little ninja school anymore; you are in the real world. People will kill you without a thought. If you don’t fight back, your death will be all for naught, but does it matter to me? No!” Dartz stood over the half living Neji. He picked him up by the front of his collar. “Now to finish you off.” Dartz held out his free hand. 7 colors circled around his clawed hand till it was beautifully multicolored.

 

“THE HAND OF JUDGEMENT!” Dartz’s hand was swirling with many beautiful colors.

 

“This will be the end of you Neji. And why stop there? There are other Hyuugas out there that share the same secret as you do. It won’t end here, oh no. I’ll kill every Hyuuga alive!!”

 

“I’m nearly out of chakra . . . . . even my own life,” Thought Neji. “I only have the strength for 1 more attack.” Neji then slowly raised his hand; it took all the strength in his body to just do that.

 

“Good boy, facing death like a man.” The two were standing face to face.

 

“Any last words?” Asked Dartz. Neji nodded. He opened his mouth.

 

“8 trigrams, Hyuuga’s ultimate secret resort.” Neji then slammed Dartz’s chest area where his heart would have been with his palm. Dartz then plunged his hand through Neji’s chest.

 

“I WIN!! Your- urk!” Dartz then vomited nearly a gallon of blood. Each time Dartz’s heart beat; he vomited blood like a gushing fountain.

 

“You rotten bas- (gak, kof!)” Neji’s breath shortened, all was white, and then he heard a loud piercing sound like shattering glass. Dartz’s coughing, and shouting. He felt the blood draining quickly out of his body. He saw nothing but a flashing blue light. . . . . . . . Then nothing.

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.:Abarai Renji:. Newbie

.:Abarai Renji:.

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................................................................................................................................................................................................... GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTT!!! XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD. seriously it was the most, frickin´ awesome thing I´ve ever read.

 

Just a little thing: When you end your fanfic, does it mean that you´re going to stop reading mine? :( :(

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Fen. Newbie

Fen.

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It's not THAT gory............ok....maybe a little. I won't spoil anything, but I'll just say that the enemy from the next book is from a very popular video game.

 

Of couse not Finalflash, I love ur Fanfic to death. I'm not stopping till it's over. I'm glad u enjoyed the chapter. :wink:

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Fen. Newbie

Fen.

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Speaking of finishing, here's the second to the last chapter in the story.

 

Chapter 20

 

Lost thoughts

 

Beep. . . . . . . Beep. . . . . . . .Beep . . . . . . . . Beep. That’s all he was hearing. There was a blinding white light. He couldn’t move. He tasted cotton. Neji tried to speak, but no sound was coming out. He was in a daze. He just lay in his spot, days, weeks, it felt like years he was there. Then one day, a black shadow appeared against the white light. Neji managed to squeak out,

 

“Am I dead?” The figure threw back its head and laughed a very familiar laugh.

 

“Would you be breathing in the infirmary if you were?” The shadow disappeared to reveal a lanky 14 year old boy in purple robes. His straw blonde hair went down to his shoulders. On of the locks near his forehead was braided. He had a big smirk on his face, like he always did.

 

“Kellach?” Asked Neji.

 

“Yours truly.” The boys hugged. They were both grinning at each other.

 

“AHHHH!!” Neji’s whole body felt inflamed.

 

“What did he do to me?!” Kellach picked up the clipboard from the foot of Neji’s bed and read it.

 

“Oh boy! Did he put a number on you!” Grinned Kellach, “we got fractured ribs, internal bleeding, hematoma of the lungs, poisoning of a very high level, spinal fractures, and a complete severing of the right arm. You are very lucky to even be alive Neji.” Kellach was now very serious.

 

“How are the others?” Neji blurted, “Hermione, shadow Jake?”

 

“All fine; our wounds have been healing up rather nicely. . . .” Kellach then gave a loud cough.

 

“Are you ok?” asked Neji. Kellach cleared his throat.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a minor cold. Don’t worry about it.” Neji was suspicious of Kellach’s answer, but ignored it.

 

“How did I even survive?”

 

“Well, you have me to thank for that. . . . .”

 

Well Neji, remember when Dartz used the second ring?

 

“SILENCE!!”

 

And he knocked out you and the others? Yeah I remember that.

 

Well, I was safe.

 

How?!

 

I had a piece of the Orechalcos around my neck, remember? I took it from Azula when she broke into the tower.

 

Yeah, so that stone protected you Kellach?

 

Uh huh. I just pretended to pass out.

 

But that doesn’t answer my question!

 

Hold your horses! I’m getting to it.

 

Sorry, please continue.

 

Thank you Neji, where was I? Oh yes, how you lived. Well, when Dartz stabbed you clean through the chest, I knew it was now or never for you. So. . . . . . .

 

“WITH THIS SHARD OF THE ORECHALCOS I BREAK THE SEAL!!”

 

That was you shouting Kellach? Kellach nodded.

 

You were about to die, so I broke the seal. Wasn’t easy mate, it nearly corrupted me when I attempted to break it. The second the seal broke, I ran straight to you. I had to get you out of there. You were barely clinging to life then. When I went to check on the others, they were all near death. I almost lost her Neji. . . . . . . .

 

Kellach’s eyes watered a bit. Neji understood. Kellach’s sad face then brightened.

 

“But luckily, no one died!”

 

Neji was very happy to hear that. He was glad to be back home. It is very lucky that no one had died in his friend’s mission to save him. And then it dawned on him. No one died? No one? The shocking, cold slap of reality hit him like a ton of bricks. Neji felt dizzy, he lay back in bed.

 

“Kellach?”

 

“Yeah?” He was just about to leave the room.

 

“Was our true mission a success?” Kellach took one solemn look at Neji.

 

“No.” said Kellach flatly, and he strode out of the room.

 

No one had died. No one. Not him, not Kellach, not Hermione, not Jake, or Shadow. . . . . . . . . Not Azula, not Ti Lee, not Pansy, not Mimic, not Kimimaro.

 

Not Dartz.

 

Their mission was a complete failure. Yes, he was saved, but at what cost? They were all nearly dead, but Dartz is still alive and well. They may have won the battle, but Dartz had won the war.

 

Kellach strode through the infirmary hallways. He turned a corner and began to walk up the spiral staircase. Halfway up the stairs he clutched at his chest and went into a fit of coughing. He had his hands over his mouth. He then got back up, and then examined his left hand. It was dripping with blood.

 

“So,” Kellach thought, “It’s just what I have feared. . . . . . .”

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