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Knight''s Title Book 1~ Secret of the Hyuuga: Finished. Now Discusing FanFic

Fen.

By Fen.
in Creative Writing

Is this a well written fanfic and do you enjoy it?  

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  1. 1. Is this a well written fanfic and do you enjoy it?

    • Yeah! It has a great plot and it is great to read, keep it up!
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    • No, it could use some work and it is a bit choppy to read, nice try though.......
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Fen. Newbie

Fen.

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Here is one of my favorite chapters from my favorite characters in this story. BTW, This is a two parter.

 

CHAPTER 16

 

The Bone Master

 

Kellach and Jake were deep in a catacomb. They had 2 swords pressed at their necks. And a mysterious man was behind them. Who was he?

 

“Turn around and I’ll kill you where you stand.” Said the man curtly. The boys stood stock still. They even held their breath for fear of decapitation.

 

“Put your hands behind your head,” The man said. They did so, “what is your purpose for trespassing in our castle?” He sneered. The 2 were flabbergasted.

 

“We, uh, we were just . . . . . . . taking a stroll?” guessed Jake.

 

“Wrong answer,” he said coldly. He kicked the 2 boys into a nearby pile of remains, “you two are pathetic.” He growled. The boys got up and straightened themselves. They got a better look of the man. He had silver white hair. He wore a purple garb. He had a red bead clipped to a strand of his silvery long locks. He looked to be about in his 15’s. He had red and green eyeshadow and 2 red dots on his forehead. In the middle of the dots shone the Orechalcos on his head. He was tall, yet calm and collected. But now the boys saw what was clasped in the man’s hands. They were bones. The ends were as sharp as knives. Jake gulped.

 

“I’ll teach you fools a lesson,” The man said.

 

“WAIT!” spat Kellach, “who are you?” The man laughed and flicked his hair.

 

“I am Kimimaro Kaguya, of the Kaguya clan.”

 

“Wait a second,” stammered Kellach, “I heard that the Kaguya clan was wiped out years ago.” Kimimaro then glared at Kellach.

 

“Yes, they were eradicated from their own genocide; they foolishly went to war with the mist village. They were slaughtered in an instant. They were no match for an actual army. I was the only survivor of the onslaught. I was alone. Life had no meaning to me anymore. Then . . . . . . . he came.”

 

“Dartz,” Interrupted Kellach. Kimimaro continued.

 

“He came, and gave me a life again. Now I protect him with every fiber in my body. And for your trespassing, I must dispose of you,” he raised his bone swords in the air, and pointed them at Kellach and Jake, “En Guarde!” he shouted, and then ran at them at breakneck speed. Jake crept to Kellach and whispered in his ear.

 

“Kellach, at the count of three, jump on my back. One, two, three!” Kellach hopped onto Jake’s back.

 

“Dragon up!” Jake’s hands and feet turned into claws. He grew a red tail, green wings, and his body became taller and very scaly. His head looked mythical with sharp teeth. His black and green hair was still on his head. He was now a mythical dragon. Jake flew upward just as Kimimaro slashed at his chest. He just barely missed him. Jake and Kellach were then heading to the chute.

 

“You dolts think it’s that easy?!” growled Kimimaro. He held out his fingers.

 

“Shatter shrapnel!” Out of Kimimaro’s fingers shot his 10 knuckle bones like a gun. They struck Jake right in the chest, and wings.

 

“Agh!” The boys fell like rocks. They crash landed in the bone pile across from Kimimaro. Kellach was reeling from the fall, but Jake was out cold, blood seeping slowly out of the bullet-like wound in his chest.

 

“One down, one to go.” Said Kimimaro, but suddenly his body jerked, and he coughed into his hand. Kellach could see blood seep slowly from Kimimaro’s hand. Kellach shot upward and began to chant, running at Kimimaro. He waved his hands into intricate patterns. Then Kellach roared,

 

“Hamon, Morea, Morte!!” Lightning filled the air and struck right into Kimimaro. Kellach laughed, “Bull’s-eye!” Kimimaro was sent rocketing to the ground.

 

“Ooofhh!” He flipped right upward. “You little brat,” sneered Kimimaro, “You got lucky that time.” Kellach then ran at Kimimaro again, and sent a punch into Kimimaro’s chest. Suddenly, the bones in Kimimaro’s chest squeezed out, and completely blocked the punch. His ribs had blocked the blow.

 

“What. . . . . . are you?” stammered Kellach. His fist was stuck in Kimimaro’s rib cage, his hand slightly bleeding. Kimimaro then sent a roundhouse kick to Kellach’s head and made contact at the face, and Kellach was air born. He landed in the bone yard.

 

“His strength is unfathomable!” Thought Kellach as he dodged a lightning-fast punch to the stomach. Kimimaro then disappeared. Kellach caught his breath.

 

“TOO SLOW!” Kimimaro appeared behind Kellach and slashed a deep wound into Kellach’s back.

 

“Aghhh!” screamed Kellach in pain. Kellach had had enough of this; he ran at Kimimaro and began to punch every inch of him. But he dodged Kellach’s moves so easily; he might as well have been trying to punch at a leaf.

 

“Damn, he’s fast too, and graceful!” Thought Kellach. Kimimaro then without warning spun in the air and slashed Kellach with his pointy shoulder bone.

 

“Ugh!” Kellach crumpled to the floor, bleeding. The bones around him were soaked in blood. Kimimaro flicked his hair and stood before Kellach,

 

“You’re just pitiful. I thought that you would have been more of a challenge. Well then, I have 5 dances in my arsenal; each one stronger than the last. I will willingly show them to you. The first one,” Kimimaro held his sword in the air,”

 

“Camellia dance!” Kellach got up, clutching his side. But then Kimimaro began to stab at Kellach so fast, he could barely keep up. Kellach grabbed a leg bone from the ground and struggled to parry some of the blows, but Kimimaro shattered the defense in an instant.

 

“I bet you’re wondering how I did that. I can make extra bones in my body by combining proteins and calcium to great densities. In short, my bones can be stronger than steel.” Kellach was panting on the ground. Never in all his life had he ever faced such an unorthodox, disturbing, and overall powerful foe. He had wounds all over his body. And Kimimaro didn’t even have a scratch on his body. Kellach had to think fast.

 

“AHA!” Kellach cleared his throat, and picked up a rather large skull.

 

“What are you doing?” asked Kimimaro lazily. Kellach concentrated hard on the bones in the room. Kellach moved his hands in weird patterns around the skull. He chanted,

 

“Daix, anistor, monera comon, instorgia, dinosin, xeniox, yorasta . . . . . . . . FALDON!” The ground began to shake; Kimimaro had to put a hand to the ground to stay level. Some of the bones began to connect together. Kellach was concentrating very hard now, beads of sweat dripped down his forehead. The bones were all connected and grew flesh and blood. The creature standing in front of Kimimaro was a dinosaur; a Tyrannosaurus Rex to be exact. Kimimaro was open mouthed.

 

“Fetch rexie,” grinned Kellach. The hulking dinosaur then ran at Kimimaro. It opened its mouth and swallowed Kimimaro whole.

 

“Heh heh, it’s over.” Sighed Kellach. The dinosaur was grinning. Then it literally fell apart, sliced to ribbons.

 

“That may have worked on an imbecile, but it won’t work on me,” Kimimaro was standing in a pile of dinosaur remains. His shirt was torn clean off. Kellach noticed a pinwheel shaped tattoo on Kimimaro’s chest, “but you are tougher than I thought.” The tattoo on his chest glowed red and began to spread across his body. Now he had black intersecting lines all over his body,

 

“No more games, I’m taking you dow- urk!” Kimimaro stopped speaking. He lurched forward and launched into a tremendous coughing fit. Kimimaro covered his mouth with his hands and fell to his knees. He was crumpled on the ground, coughing away, his hands stained with his scarlet blood. He was retching on the floor. Kellach took this chance to run to the unconscious Jake. He tried to heal the dragon. It was very hard, but he managed to stop the bleeding. Kimimaro then got back up. He had blood dripping from his hands and mouth.

 

“I’m taking you down,” Panted Kimimaro. Kellach turned to him, “Willow dance!” Kimimaro then began to spin. He spun round and round.

 

“Willow!” Nearly every part of his body shot out a sharp bone. He was a living saw. He smashed up against Kellach. Kellach’s hip was hacked at gruesomely. Blood poured from his open wound. Chunks of skin fell off his side. Kellach shakily took out his last bottle of Essence of Dittany. HE quickly downed the bottle. His wound began to magically heal and sew itself together.

 

“Damn you.” Spat Kimimaro. He looked a bit tired. Kellach took this advantage and kicked Kimimaro in the face, this time it hit; he was flung into the concrete. Kellach ran at Kimimaro while chanting,

 

“Ine Shuk, Binal, Remor!” The concrete then stuck to Kimimaro, he could no longer move.

 

“Perfect.” Said Kellach smugly. He then took out a jagged piece of metal from his spell component pouch.

 

“Metnal, Pretencia, Onal!” He slapped the metal through his arm, and his hands. His hands then turned into the qualities of iron. He began to punch Kimimaro everywhere he could. After about 5 punches, something didn’t feel right. Kellach saw Kimimaro. He had a blank look on his face. The lines on his face turned red. The red lines then disappeared. His skin turned beet red. His pants ripped slightly. He got clawed feet. His teeth turned into fangs. HE grew a long spiked tail. Kimimaro had the traits of a dinosaur. He easily broke through Kellach’s concrete spell. He flicked his tail at Kellach and he was sent flying into Jake.

 

“Ooff!” Kimimaro then stood upward. He looked monstrous.

 

“Vine Dance.”

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Just read on, there are only like 4 chapters left.

 

 

Chapter 17

 

Dragons Released!

 

Kimimaro crouched downward. He put a hand to the back of his neck. Then, with a gross sucking sound, he pulled out a long spiky bone from his back. Kellach felt sick and he held back the bile rising up in his throat.

 

“Did he just rip out his spine?!” Kimimaro had a cruel, sinister look upon his face. He held his spine like a spear.

 

“Vine bind!” The sine became loose, lightweight. The spine then lashed at Kellach and wrapped around him like a viper.

 

“Ouch!” The spikes on the spine cut him like knives. His hands were binded, his spells were useless!

 

“Now I’ve got you right where I want you.” Kimimaro laughed. He then held out his hand.

 

“Flower dance!!” Kimimaro’s hand grew a spike. Then that spiked bone grew larger, and larger. And sharper. Soon, his left hand was no more, and a huge drill-like bone was in its place. Kimimaro charged at Kellach.

 

“You’re mine!!” He bellowed. Kimimaro stopped. He began to cough again. Blood gushed from his mouth. He fell back to the ground again.

 

“I don’t have much time,” thought Kimimaro as he continued to cough blood, “I need to finish this brat off now, or it’s over for me. . . .” The vine constricting Kellach released its grip. Kellach instantly ripped out his spell book from his component pouch. He quickly flipped to the last page of the book. He had to do this quickly while Kimimaro was detained. He took out a pin shaped like a dragon. He smeared it with his own blood. He drew a pentagram on the only bare space on the floor with Kimimaro’s coughed up blood. He sat in the pentagram and held out the bloodied pin. He began to chant the complex spell.

 

“Aman, Befon, Cadin, Demic, Enrago, Fetid, Gralt, Hiis, Illistor, Jinsti, Kadako, Lindil, Malcasta,” Kellach was beet-red with concentration. The last page of his spell book was set on fire. The pin and pentagram then glowed a dark red. Kimimaro had stopped coughing. He was righting himself up,

 

“Ninnin, Orak, Plekaz, Queccartz, Riixit,” Kimimaro was furious, He charged at Kellach with bloodlust,

 

“Sinerts, Talcin, Uunal, Viniciano,” Kellach was now glowing blue. The air was crackling with pure power. Kimimaro held out his spear-like arm,

 

“Wistanvior, Xionaltinca,” Kimimaro stood before Kellach,

 

“Yamanato,” Kimimaro arced his hand back, preparing to impale Kellach.

 

“ZEN!! 26 DRAGON GATES RELEASE!! AHHHHHHHHH!!” Kellach had finished the spell, but Kimimaro had speared straight through him. However, the spell had granted him temporary immortality. Though Kellach had been speared through, there was no wound. Kellach still felt the shocking, fatal pain from the blow. Kimimaro removed his hand from Kellach’s body. The entire room was shaking from magical energy. A hole appeared from the air. Then 26 different colored dragons flew from the heavens and encircled Kimimaro. Kellach was barely conscious to speak.

 

“The 26 ancient dragons of Knight’s Title. Aman, Befon, Cadin, Demic, Enrago, Fetid, Gralt, Hiis, Illistor, Jinsti, Kadako, Lindil, Malcasta, Ninnin, Orak, Plekaz, Queccartz, Riixit, Sinerts, Talcin, Uunal, Viniciano, Wistanvior, Xionaltinca, Yamanato, and Zen. This will be the last thing you will ever see. Goodbye Kimimaro Kaguya. DIVINE FIRE!” The dragons opened their mouths, and 26 different colored flames swirled around Kimimaro in a fiery white hot vortex.

 

“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The flames were so strong; it melted his bones and blood. After the blaze, there was nothing left of him. The dragons winked at Kellach, and disappeared in a boom, leaving behind a beautiful cloud of sparkles. Kellach felt dizzy. He saw Jake, unconscious. Before he knew it, he was falling. The bones were gone. He was falling away, what would he become?

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FinalFlash, can't wait to read it.

 

Ragnarok, yeah that's where I was going with it. OK, I'm gonna read Final's chap. When I come back, the next chapter will be up, k?

 

Ok, here's the begining to an amazing fight.....you will understand very quickly why. ^_^

**********************************************************************************************

 

 

Chapter 18

 

Orechalcos Deuteros

 

“Now I’ll ask you again, do you really wish to fight me?” asked Dartz. Neji stood his ground. All of a sudden, the 2 heard screaming. A hole opened up in the ceiling. Glass and blood rained down from the hole, and a black furry blur fell on Dartz.

 

“Shadow?!” gasped Neji. Then through the same hole came a lot of dirt, and a very cut op girl with ginger hair and torn robes.

 

“Hermione?!” And finally, a huge pile of bones, and 2 unconscious boys.

 

“Jake. . . . . . Kellach?!” Neji was flabbergasted by the friend’s arrival.

 

“What is this madness?!” Roared Dartz. Kellach, Jake, Shadow, and Hermione all came to and got up and stood beside Neji. They were cut, beaten, bruised, slashed, and bleeding.

 

“You . . . . . you guys, came to save me?” stammered Neji.

 

“Well we couldn’t have let you rot in here, now could we?” Grinned Kellach.

 

“We had to come.” Added Hermione.

 

“You’re part of the team after all.” Continued Shadow.

 

“Yeah, so we’ve come to bust you out!” Finished Jake.

 

“ENOUGH!” Dartz pushed the rubble out of the way. He put his hand to the altar floor.

 

“THE SEAL OF ORECHALCOS!!” The lightning-blue star shaped seal appeared on the floor. The mark then glowed on his forehead. The floor gave off an eerie blue glow. Neji and Dartz were caught in the seal. The other 4 were physically pushed right out of the seal by an unseen force. They ran back into the seal, but they were stopped.

 

“It’s hopeless,” Dartz said, “the seal is unbreakable. It prevents those from coming in, or running out. The seal. . . . . . needs a body. The only way to break the seal is a death within it.”

 

“So it’s a fight to the death.” Answered Neji.

 

“Precisely.” Dartz then shot blue fire out of his fingertips. A ring of fire snaked around the seal.

 

“No way out now,” Cackled Dartz. “Fight!” Dartz leapt into the air and shot a vine from the ground at Neji. It latched to his legs and he was pulled to the ground.

 

“You see knights; I have absorbed the powers of Azula, Mimic, Pansy, Ti Lee, and Kimimaro. I’m invincible!” Dartz then made about 10 copies of himself. They all began to charge for a lightning strike.

 

“Byakuga-ahh!” The pain in Neji’s eyes was excruciating.

 

“Byakuga-Ahhh!” He had to use his power, or he was a goner!

 

“BYAKUGAN!!” It worked, the veins swelled, his eyes bulged, and he had done it. The lightning was then fired, but Neji was ready this time.

 

“Rotation!” The lightning backfired and ricocheted around the seal. The lightning hit all ten copies.

 

“AAAAA!!” Growled Dartz. Neji then leapt at the real Dartz.

 

“8 trigrams 4 palms,” He jabbed Dartz 4 times, “8 palms,” 8 more jabs, “16 palms, 32 palms, 64 palms, 128 palms, 256 palms, 512 palms, 1024 PALMS!! 2048 PALMS!! 4096 PALMS!! 9192 PALMS!! Hyuga’s 12 gates explosion!!”

 

He had slammed Dartz 90192 times at the speed of light. The air was filled with debris from the explosion. Dartz was sent flying. He had done it! He had killed Dartz! No one ever survived that devastating attack! But something wasn’t right. The seal was still on the ground. That meant. . . . . .

 

“I’m impressed Neji,” His heart sank, “I mean, If I hadn’t used Kimimaro’s bone armor, I don’t think I would be standing.”

 

“No. . . . . . . . .” Neji was confused.

 

“You can’t kill me that easily boy.” Dartz laughed. Neji’s blood boiled.

 

“Aaaarg!!” Neji charged at Dartz and tried to strike at him.

 

“Fear the gentle fist!” Neji’s speed was unfathomable, but Dartz looked as if he wasn’t even trying. Then, without warning Dartz threw a punch that sent Neji crashing against the seal’s invisible wall.

 

“He’s so strong. . . . .” Thought Neji as he got up.

 

“If you thought I was strong then, wait till I show you my true strength!” Dartz put his had to the sky and yelled,

 

“ORECHALCOS DEUTEROS!” A second ring formed around the seal on the ground.

 

“No way!” Gasped Hermione.

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of evil. Orechalcos Deuteros! This second, stronger layer of darkness gives me even more strength. And oh, as an added little bonus. . .” Dartz pointed to Neji’s friends with a bony finger. All of a sudden Jake, Shadow, Hermione, and Kellach began to cough. They were clutching at their throats, gasping for breath. They were coughing in fits; they were on their knees on the ground struggling to breath.

 

“What’s going (Wheeze, cough, cough) on?” The 4 bodies began to convulse, and they went limp one by one.

 

“And the seal drains them!” laughed Dartz.

 

“You monster,” said Neji, choking back tears, “you’ve gone too far now. I will kill you and end your reign of hell.”

 

“You will try to, but your anger will blind you.” Said Dartz, his voice was calm, and it was more chilling then anything. Neji ran at Dartz with pounding bloodlust. He began to use the gentle fist. Dartz grabbed Neji’s hand in an instant.

 

“Like I said, your rage and anger will blind you”.” And he bent Neji’s hand backward with a gross graphic crunch.

 

“AHHHHHH!!” His right hand was broken. Neji then blocked a kick to the stomach, and then dodged another. He could see everything with his eyes.

 

“Why-can’t-I-kill-you?!” Dartz seethed.

 

“I’m focused now, concentrating on his moves,” Thought Neji, “I can see his every move!” Neji’s movements became sharper now. Neji then aimed a blow to Dartz’s forehead. It struck.

 

“That’s it?” asked Dartz, “That’s your ace in the hole?” He had a look of malice on his face.

 

“That’s all I need.” Answered Neji. Suddenly, Dartz clutched at his head and coughed up blood. Dartz looked horrified.

 

“My attacks don’t physically wound my foes,” began Neji, taking off his headband, “It punctuates them internally, like a scalpel.” Neji’s curse mark shone on his head. Dartz’s eyes went wide. He goggled at Neji’s curse mark.

 

“Finally, the eyes of the Hyuuga! The secret kept from others for centuries, I will finally have it!! The ritual is all set!!” Dartz ripped the pendant off from around his neck.

 

“ORECALCOS TRITOS!!”

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