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Knight''s Title Book 1~ Secret of the Hyuuga: Finished. Now Discusing FanFic

Fen.

By Fen.
in Creative Writing

Is this a well written fanfic and do you enjoy it?  

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  1. 1. Is this a well written fanfic and do you enjoy it?

    • Yeah! It has a great plot and it is great to read, keep it up!
      5
    • No, it could use some work and it is a bit choppy to read, nice try though.......
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.:Abarai Renji:. Newbie

.:Abarai Renji:.

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Hey, HyuugaKing! Just wondering when you will put up another chapter. Also, if you two would like to, you can check out my latest fanfic "The Heroic Legion". It´s also a cross-over, but with a different plot and different characters. I would really love it if you checked it out and commented it. Just click the name for the link!

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Fen.

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CHAPTER 14

 

Monkey see, monkey Doom!!

 

Kellach, Jake, Hermione and Shadow ran into the room. The result was imminent.

 

“This is the same room we’ve been in!” Jake groaned in annoyance. It was. The windows, the statues, even the door! The room however, was empty.

 

“Ugh, we are getting nowhere,” said Shadow.

 

“Maybe it’s a trick room, you know, it turns into whatever you saw last I guess.” Said Hermione, completely befuddled. Jake walked to the middle of the room.

 

“Well, I guess we should, AHHHHHH!!” Jake had fallen through the floor, he was clawing onto the edge of whatever he had fallen into.

 

“Help!” Jake was gonna fall if not helped. He was slipping fast. Kellach was the first one there; he grabbed Jake’s arms and pulled. Kellach could an unknown force tugging him downward. Kellach then lost his balance, and began to fall through the floor with Jake.

 

“We’re coming!!” Hermione and Shadow yelled as they each grabbed Kellach’s legs, and pulled. The 4 kids rose from the floor, and collapsed on the ground, panting.

 

“This is a Hell House!” shrieked Jake. Suddenly the walls changed. The many windows turned into mirrors, the stone walls became black marble. The temperature began to rise. Finally, the floor magically changed into a huge cage like ground. Lava could be seen bubbling below them. Jake turned a shade of white.

 

“HEE HEH HEH HEE HEEEEE HEH HAHAHAHAHAHA!! WHO DO I GET TO PLAY WITH FIRST?!” Shadow froze; he had heard this voice before. He went rigid.

 

“Everyone!” Shadow warned, “Close your eyes and don’t open them! Get out of here now!” Shadow sounded worried. Kellach, Hermione, and Jake than ran blindingly for the doors, and went onward to go find Neji. Shadow then stepped in the middle of the room and braced himself. He knew he would be here any minute. Every mirror in the room then went black. A hand, a black hand emerged from every mirror. Then another arm. Soon, about 200 arms were flailing out of the mirrors. Then, the arms then merged all together, and a black mass was in front of him. It was like an egg. The egg then exploded, and out stepped a fiend. He had no hair, black skin, blood-red eyes, and razor sharp teeth. He wasn’t very tall, but shadow knew that didn’t make him any less dangerous. He stepped in front of Shadow.

 

“Mimic.” Said Shadow angrily.

 

“Shadow, long time no see.” Said Mimic in an eerie voice, it was like a growl with a higher tone to it.

 

“Shut up!” shouted Shadow, “Why are you with Dartz? I thought you liked to work alone.”

 

“I do,” started Mimic, “But I just couldn’t let his bargain pass me by. I mean, complete power of darkness AND a roof over my head? Come on! Anyone would take that offer!” Cackled Mimic.

 

“You psychopath!” shouted Shadow, “Look what you’ve done!” Shadow ran at Mimic and punched at him. Mimic swatted the attack away like a fly.

 

“Pathetic,” he said, “Now look at some real power!” and he landed a punch into Shadow’s chest so hard, it knocked the wind out of him. Shadow went smashing into a mirror.

 

“See that? This is true power Shadow, power only the evil can give you,” Said Mimic, “which is why you’ll never have it!!” shouted Mimic, and he transformed, molecule by molecule, into an iron bar. The bar went whizzing at Shadow. Shadow tried to dodge, but the smashed mirror seemed to have some sort of hold on him. He was forced onto his back. The iron bar hit contact at shadow’s back.

 

“AHG!!” Shadow yelled. He crumpled over. The iron bar smacked him relentlessly all over. The bar transformed back into Mimic.

 

“Had enough?” cackled Mimic. He was enjoying himself. Shadow got up, he was sore all over. His muscles were screaming at him to just lie down. But he had a job to do.

 

“I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough!” growled Shadow and he began to run in a circle around Mimic. Faster and faster he went, so fast, it looked as if there were many copies of him. The wind picked up. Some of the mirrors began to crack from the pressure. Shadow then had enough speed. The 7 Shadow copies then each took out an emerald.

 

“Not a chaos emerald!” Mimic said, a bit worried. The shadow copies then raised the 7 different colored emeralds in the air. The real Shadow was charged form the 7 emeralds. His body glowed. The 7 emeralds began to circle around the 8 Shadows. The 8 Shadows then changed color. Mimic was then baffled; staring at Shadow Red, Shadow Silver, Shadow Purple, Shadow Yellow, Shadow Blue, Shadow Green, and Shadow Indigo. The chaos emeralds had fused with the copies! In the middle, the real Shadow had transformed as well. His fur had changed to the color of pure silverish gold. He still had the red stripe on his head, and the entire room crackled with energy. Shadow had become Hyper Shadow.

 

“How. . . . how did you collect the 7 legendary chaos emeralds?!” sputtered Mimic.

 

“I was lucky,” responded Hyper Shadow with a grin. The 8 shadows then charged at Mimic like a rainbow beam. Mimic was clobbered by 8 elementla punches that sent him flying in a colorful sky dance. He was sent right up against a mirror. Hyper Shadow then flew up to Mimic, and released a blast of energy from his hands right through Mimic’s heart. He was sent right into the mirror.

 

“YAAAAAAAAA!!” Mimic was set on fire, his screaming was echoing through the room. He was gone. Shadow had won. He stopped glowing, the clones disappeared. The heat from the room was getting to him. He fell over. He was panting.

 

“That seemed a bit too easy.” Said Shadow quietly. Shadow walked towards the door to follow his friends.

 

“Shadow?” Shadow stopped. He couldn’t believe who he was hearing.

 

“Shadow? Is that you?” Shadow turned around, and gasped. It was the love of his life, Maria. Shadow was completely surprised. The thing is, Shadow’s girlfriend died about 8 years ago in a freak raid up in space. Maria’s grandfather was a renowned researcher in space; He did his research in a large base called the space colony ARK. So Maria helped him out with his research. Shadow lived on the ARK as well. One day, the government got suspicious of extraterrestrial life on the ARK, so they completely slaughtered everyone on the ARK. . . . . including Maria. Maria helped Shadow escape back to Earth with an emergency escape pod, but it was too late for Maria. The pod only fit one person. Shadow saw her get shot 8 times by the soldiers before he was shot down to Earth. It was the darkest day of his life. And yet, here Maria was, right in front of him. Shadow’s eyes grew teary.

 

“Oh Shadow, I thought we would never be together again. I have missed you. . . . . I know you have too. I just want us to live in piece again.” Said Maria, her blue eyes glistening. Shadow was hypnotized from her beauty and kind heart. He slowly began to walk to her.

 

“That’s right Shadow,” said Maria, “Give me a hug.” She was smiling heavenly. Shadow wrapped his arms around her. He felt so joyful.

 

“I love you Maria.”

 

“I love you to Shadow.” Shadow buried his face into her dress. He didn’t see Maria pull a knife from behind. He didn’t see her malicious smile. Maria then took her hand, and plunged the knife into Shadow’s Back.

 

“AAAHHH!!” growled Shadow, backing away from Maria. He wedged the knife out of his back. The tip was stained with his own crimson blood. Maria laughed, but it wasn’t her own sweet kind voice, it was the satanic voice of mimic. The seal of Orechalcos was on Maria’s forehead.

 

“You are so predictable Shadow. You may have though you have beaten me but that was a mistake; a mistake you will pay for with your blood!!” Maria then changed back into Mimic. He then slinked right through the ground, turning into sand and fell into the lava below. Shadow attempted to clean his wound. It wasn’t fatal, but it was still a wound.

 

“I was so stupid!!” Thought Shadow, “I let my emotions get the best of me, I showed him my weakness.” He wondered where Mimic would show up next. He kept alert, looking everywhere. The lava below bubbled furiously. It seemed to grow in Shadow’s opinion. Then the lava began to shoot upward. Shadow panicked and jumped at a mirror. The lava rose even faster. Shadow jumped higher from mirror to mirror, but as hard as he tried, the lava would catch up to him. Shadow looked back, and saw the seal and red eyes burned into the fiery mass. Mimic had become the lava itself! Shadow then leapt at the crystal chandelier on the ceiling. He rested on the handing crystals. The lava was now so close to him, it was singing his fur.

 

“GIVE UP SHADOW!” bubbled the lava, “I’M INVINCIBLE!” Shadow then faced the lava.

 

“You may be right about that, but no one can survive this!” shouted Shadow.

 

“I’m sorry guys, find Neji. Good luck.” Thought Shadow. He balled his hands in to fists. He clenched his teeth. His body gave off a red glow that shone all around the room.

 

“Arg! This ends now Mimic!” Shouted Shadow. He took a deep breath, and with a great yell he said,

 

“CHAOS BLAST!!”Shadow released all the strength within him in a huge catastrophic blast of pure energy. The room literally exploded. The heat in the room became unbearable; everything was sent ablaze, the mirrors all shattered in different directions. Mimic was forced to change back, and was slashed apart from the flying glass. The sky rained with Shadow’s and Mimic’s blood, staining the shattered mirrors and walls. Shadow fell from the destroyed chandelier. He heard Mimic’s voice.

 

“You may have won now, but I will be. . . . . AHHHHHH!! No master Dartz! Please!! I tried my best. . . . . I AHHHHHHHHHH!!” A blue flash of light filled the room. Shadow didn’t hear Mimic anymore. NOW Shadow had really won. Shadow was falling through nothing; the lava was gone, and replaced with a bottomless floor. Glass was embedded all over him. He felt like his entire being was on fire. He continued to fall through the dark abyss, wondering if he would ever see his friends again. . . . . . . .

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Fen. Newbie

Fen.

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Oh and thanks for the compliment Finalflash. :mrgreen:

OK, here's the next chapter. Who will fight next? Read on to find out!

 

CHAPTER 15

 

Black Rose

 

Kellach, Jake, and Hermione ran up a long spiral staircase, hoping the next door would lead them to Neji.

 

“How . . . . . long do. . . . . . These stupid. . . . Staircases . . . . . go?” Panted Jake exhausted.

 

“Shut up,” groaned Kellach, out of breath. He was clutching his side. “Damn stitch in my chest!” The group passed gruesome paintings of demonic looking people in eerie settings. Cobwebs and dust were everywhere. This staircase looked like it had never been used. Kellach bumped into an old tapestry, and a cloud of debris and dust puffed out and fell on him. Kellach went into a sneezing fit.

 

“Ugh, this castle is so old!” said Kellach, rubbing his itchy nose.

 

“Who even uses this place?” groaned Hermione, “looks like we’ll just have to keep trekking.” The 3 then came to a mysterious painting of a pair of green eyes looking over a single black rose.

 

“AW! We’ve already passed by this stupid painting!” groaned Jake.

 

“That’s impossible Jake, we’re in a staircase, and you can’t go in the same direction.” Said Kellach.

 

“I don’t know Kellach, for all we know, this entire castle could be under some sort of enchantment. They were expecting us here. They knew we would come for Neji. This could all be a trap.” Said Hermione as she the walls, looking for a clue.

 

“Oh please, nothing is wrong. . . . .” Kellach stepped onto a stone on the steps, and it sunk in the ground.

 

“That’s bad, isn’t it?” Kellach said. They were waiting for the trap Kellach had sprung. Hermione was still studying the painting of the rose. She then gasped and shouted,

 

“The painting! The trap is the painting! We have to. . .” Out of the painting’s eyes shot a thick blue powder. It engulfed the 3 in a hazy cloud.

 

“H-hey, what is this . . . . . cough! Cough!” But Kellach’s sentence was cut off from his coughing. The 3 were coughing and sputtering. Hermione began to feel very sleepy.

 

“It’s sleeping powder!” shouted Hermione. She was struggling to stay awake. Jake and Kellach were swaying back and forth.

 

“Stay awake.” She kept telling herself.

 

“Stay awake.” Her eyelids felt heavy as lead.

 

“Stay . . . . . stay awake.” She yawned.

 

“S. . . . . Stay. . . . . . awake. . . . .” Kellach and Jake were sitting on the staircase, they were both asleep. Kellach was snoring loudly.

 

“Stay. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . awake. . . . . . . . .

 

She was sitting on a sandy beach in a fold out chair. She was in her periwinkle bikini. The sun beat down upon her. It was a warm sunny day. Very warm. She decided to take a dip in the water. She started to get up, but she couldn’t move. She was stuck at the chair. She tried to move, and her wrists began to bleed slightly. Her ankles stung. She then Saw Kellach and Jake on either side. In the same position wearing swim trunks. They were struggling too. Hermione then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened her eyes.

 

“What?!” She was no longer on the beach. She was strapped to the wall of a large room by rope-like roots with thorny barbs. Her wrists, waist, and ankles were bleeding slightly from struggling. She then got a look of her surroundings. The walls were a light sky blue stone. But the ground was covered in emerald grass. Flowers and plants of many colors, shapes, and sizes grew plentifully around the room. And in the center of the room grew an enormous oak tree, its leaves a healthy green. Kellach and Jake were tied to the wall beside here. Escape looked impossible.

 

“So,” said Jake matter-of-factly, “we either hand up hire like flies trapped on a web, or slit our wrists apart trying to get out.”

 

“JAKE! Stop struggling, or you will slice yourself in half!” shouted Hermione.

 

“It’s like that SAW movie, isn’t is guys.” Said Kellach, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“This is no time for jokes, Kel,” said Hermione coolly, “now think, how do we get out of this mess?”

 

“You don’t.” Hermione’s heart sank.

 

“Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no.”

 

“What’s the matter Granger? Don’t you enjoy the sight of me?” Coming out of the ground, was Pansy. She was in a black dress that showed a slight image of cleavage. She was wearing a diamond necklace. Her long black hair flowed behind her.

 

“How did you escape?” asked Hermione.

 

“Oh please; with your weak defenses, an infant could have done it.” Hermione thought of Amy and Knuckles, did she kill them? They were the ones keeping Pansy in her cell. She hoped the 2 were alright. Pansy waved her hand in an odd swishing gesture. The vines around Hermione loosened, and she fell on a bed of lilies.

 

“As for you two. . .” said Pansy with a snarl. She snapped her fingers. The space where Kellach and Jake hung on the wall flipped around like a revolving door. Hermione heard the boys’ yelps and screams.

 

“Jake! Kellach!” Hermione shouted and she looked at the now bare wall.

 

“Jake! Kellach! Oh boo hoo!” Mocked Pansy, enjoying Hermione’s pain. Hermione then turned to face Pansy, hate seared in her eyes.

 

“That’s it Pansy, I’ve had it with you. So now, I’m going to KILL YOU!!” Hermione whipped out her wand, pointed it at Pansy’s heart, and hissed, “CRUCIO!”

 

“Enrago!” shouted Pansy. The 2 spells crashed against each other and sent the girls flying. Hermione crashed against the wall, Pansy against the oak tree. Both of their wands had snapped in half from the impact.

 

“You filthy mudblood!” shouted Pansy, “Look what you’ve done!”

 

“Mine’s broken too.” Growled Hermione.

 

“No matter,” said Pansy while sinking into the oak tree, “I don’t need my wand to kill you.”

 

“Neither do I.” said Hermione calmly. Pansy had completely dissolved into the tree.

 

“Where are you?” asked Hermione. A thick vine from the ground suddenly grabbed Hermione’s ankle and yanked her to the ground.

 

“Yaaaaaaa!!” She was being pulled towards a thorny needle bush. She would be killed for sure! She struggled with the ropy vine. It moved up her ankle to around her feet; then her waist. Hermione’s hands then glowed blue, then she slashed at the vine, and it snapped in half.

 

“Argh!” growled Pansy, as if she had been cut as well.

 

“I control the plants Hermione, EVERYTHING in this room is at my control!!” Razor-sharp leaves shot out of the tree, and flew right at Hermione. They were so fast she didn’t see what had hit her. Cuts appeared on her face, arms, and legs. The leaves slashed at her robes.

 

“I CAN BE ANYWHERE!” echoed Pansy’s voice. A branch from the oak tree flew out and slapped Hermione in the stomach. The wind was knocked out of her, she felt sick.

 

“I have no limit to my powers in this room!!” The petals fell off of the pink lily beds. They began to spin and spin. There was a large increase in air velocity in the room. Hermione was completely swept off her feet and was blown into the whirlwind of killer petals. The petals were as sharp as knives. They cut Hermione even further; her robes were shredded, she was left in a white tee and blue jeans. The petals had no mercy on her.

 

“AHHHHHH!!” she screamed in agony. She was being helplessly tossed about in the tornado. She finally was tossed out and was hurled right at the oak tree.

 

“Ooff!” The branches curled around Hermione. She was at the full mercy of Pansy now.

 

“Let me go!” struggled Hermione. She was being strangled by the tree.

 

“I said. . . . Let. . . . Me . . . . GO!!” A frigid, white blast of light burst out of Hermione’s eyes and mouth.

 

“What the. . . . . Aaaaahhhhhhhg!” Pansy was pushed out of the oak tree as it snapped to the ground with a loud thud. The tree was destroyed. It disappeared in a flash. Pansy got up and stared at Hermione. Hermione looked at her, and gasped! Pansy had the Seal of Orechalcos above her cleavage. Her eyes were bright red. Her voice was still hers however; she had complete control of her actions in this state!

 

“You will pay for that Granger!!” Pansy lunged at Hermione, and tackled her to the ground. It was an all out catfight. Hermione pulled at Pansy’s long black hair. Pansy bit Hermione’s arm. They rolled and clawed at each other while in the flower beds. They shouted insults at each other as they fought.

 

“You stuck up, thick headed brat!!” Shouted Hermione.

 

“You filthy little mudblood!!” roared Pansy. The 2 punched each other in the face. They were both sent in opposite directions from the blow.

 

“ARGH!” shouted the 2 girls. Pansy then snapped her fingers, and the flowers around Hermione puffed out different colored powders. Hermione breathed them in, and began to cough and gasp. She knelt over, and vomited at her side. It was blood. She was loosing vision. What was this powder?!

 

“Ah hahahahahahahah! Like it? It’s my special poison! It’ll kill you very quickly. Be careful!!” laughed Pansy. Hermione was choking and rubbing her eyes, she was loosing consciousness. Hermione then felt 2 jabs in her legs, she was sent downward, but before she hit the ground, she kicked outward, and kicked Pansy in the shin, she tripped to the ground.

 

“Give up already!” hissed Hermione, she was regaining sight.

 

“NEVER!” shouted Pansy as she kicked Hermione in the face. Hermione spat out blood. The poison was taking its toll. Her energy was nearly depleted.

 

“I have only 1 option left,” thought Hermione, “or I’m going to die right here. . . .” Hermione coughed up more blood. Her lips and hands were dripping of scarlet life. Pansy walked to Hermione; she had a thorn the size of a knife, it had a sharp edge, this was it.

 

“TIME TO DIE!!” shouted Pansy as she swung the thorn downward. Hermione then closed her eyes, and concentrated on the blood on her hands. The dagger swung at her chest. Hermione then screamed,

 

“FRIORA MARVANO!!” Hermione’s bloody hands turned lightning blue. The air became ice cold. The plants around the room began to wither.

 

“Do you know what happens to plants in the winter?”

 

“You wouldn’t. . . .” stammered Pansy.

 

“THEY DIE!!” A sheer cold beam of pure ice shot out of Hermione’s hands and struck Pansy full in the chest. The beam engulfed her in an icy blue glow.

 

“AHHHHHHH!!” screeched Pansy in pure agony. The beam ended. Pansy was glowing blue. Her eyes were green again. Then Pansy let out a blood curdling scream.

 

“NO MASTER DARTS!! I obeyed your commands! Don’t do it! Don’t do. . . . AHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHHHHHAHHHHHH!!” The Orechalcos burned sickeningly on her chest. The mark was encircling around her feet. Her soul was being destroyed.

 

“YOU!” screamed Pansy. She clenched her hand into a fist. Vines then shot out of the ground, and rooted her to the spot. They began to pull her under the earth. The ropy vines were around her legs, arms, chest, even neck. She was too weak to struggle. All she heard were Pansy’s agonizing screams as she was pulled down, down, down into her earthy grave.

***********************************************************************

 

Kellach and Jake were sliding down a steep slide. The 2 boys were hugging each other for dear life. Pansy had sent them down a grim ride to their deaths.

 

“I hate this castle!” screamed Jake.

 

“Join the club!” Replied Kellach. It had seemed like hours since they had been falling. Finally, a chute opened up and the boys were whooshed into a dark, tall room.

 

“OW!” The 2 had landed on something hard.

 

“What is this?” asked Jake.

 

“I don’t know,” groaned Kellach in reply, picking up what he fell on, “But I think we’re O. . . . . . . . . . Oh my, god!!” Kellach quickly dropped the object.

 

“What’s the matter?” asked Jake. Kellach was babbling. “B-bbbo-Bon-Bb-oo-Bon-bbbbs!!”

 

“Snap out of it Kellach! What are you babbling about?” He was shaking Kellach by the shoulders. Kellach gulped loudly, took out a lightning bug, then chanted; his voice very shaky.

 

“B-b-billeous L-l-Lilleum.” The bug gave off a bright glow across the room. Then Jake saw it.

 

“Bones.” They were in a wide, deep catacomb. There were bones everywhere. The floor was completely covered by them. They were probably stepping on centuries of dead carcasses. Skulls, limbs, knuckles, every kind of bone were in this pit. Every step the boys took, they heard a sickening crunch.

 

“This is just gross,” said Kellach while nearly gagging, “is there even a way out?” The ceiling above them was too high, so they couldn’t climb out; the whole wall was made of smooth sold cement. They could dig through the bones, but that would take forever.

 

“Now what do we do?” asked Jake. It happened in a second. A light purple blur free fell from the chute that Kellach and Jake had fell through and gracefully landed behind the 2.

 

“Now what do you do?” It was a cold man’s voice. Instantly, 2 swords were pressed against Kellach and Jake’s throats, “Now, you die.”

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