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Please Delete...


Reketsumi Tirayuka

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Slow down the pace. Focus more on characters than events. Give us more insight into your world, don't rush into things else the setting becomes blurry and expendable, and the fanfic is reduced into a series of random duels. Take your time. There's no rush.

 

The effort is decent, but you need to take things more slowly. You already give away too much and kill a lot of interest, plus most of the supposedly unique things in your story are taken in unexplainable stride by your characters. You think any doctor would give a boy that sprouted from a newborn baby's mouth to an orphanage at the mother's request? That's ridiculous, and that's just the start of it.

 

Focus more on realism and less on bending the laws of the universe to serve your plot. For now, I can only give this a 6/10. Sorry, but I'm not one to hold back when reviewing.

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true but Ixigo knows what he is talking about, not only that but how did Semaj know Nerid's deck instantly, in his first duel he found out her strategy before she even went, that doesn't seem physically without cheating, it is good however, espically for a guy who only posted 5 times

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Thanks for the very helpful feedback, Ixigo. I will definitely make HUGE changes to the storyline, and as a side note, I am going to ask Umbra to delete chapter 1 for me, as it doesn't seem to want me to delete my own posts. I will add positive reputation for the rating, even if it is lower than I like, because I am doing this to get better, not because I am better...

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Well, yeah. I didn't mean to be discouraging or anything, and it wasn't really that bad, else I wouldn't even have bothered posting. I was just giving pointers on how to improve. Glad to see someone who actually wants to become better, for a change. Keep it up.

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I know I must sound like a perfectionist' date=' but I am not trying to be perfect. I just want all of you guys to know that I can do better than I already have, and am restarting.

[/quote']

 

Don't worry. You're doing great. And every fic has its share of flaws, there's no exception to this rule. I'm sure what else you've got in store will be great when it goes up.

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My advice is not to restart - rather, stick with what you have, and when you've finished what you deem a suitable portion, go back and rewrite it. That's how all books are written. A really bad first draft comes first, and then the author keeps improving it. My favorite author only sends his books for editing when he has written the fourth draft.

 

Keep writing, but try to fix the problems with it. That's a sure-fire way to get better, whereas if you start from scratch, you'll just get frustrated and get nowhere.

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