Kale Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 i just read the entire thing, truely, and i will be giving my honest opinion. Very very good start compared to many of the fics that some people try to pass out here. this might have a future up there with Azuh, WYHE, and myself. i like the general idea, but you will need to do a few things to make it better. 1) Try not to go stale. this idea is cool, but the idea for win a tournament = awesome riches is a common thought. try to make it more interesting than that, alright? 2) learn a bit more grammAr. you are above average for most of the people here. you have the few problems of run on sentences and placement of clauses and phrases. if you can learn how to arrange the wording a bit better it would be almost perfect. 3) have fun with it. ^_^ thats what a good fan fic writer does, writes for the sake of writing, not to impress us. now for your title, i think that it needs to be something short, to the point, and catchy. some of the other ones above my post seem to be alright, but they are too long. Try: InheritanceConquestDestiny ( i liked that one from one of the above posts. ^_^ ) And of course you an always add other words, like “The” in front or other things.. I hope you take my advice. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 i just read the entire thing' date=' truely, and i will be giving my honest opinion. Very very good start compared to many of the fics that some people try to pass out here. this might have a future up there with Azuh, WYHE, and myself. i like the general idea, but you will need to do a few things to make it better. 1) Try not to go stale. this idea is cool, but the idea for win a tournament = awesome riches is a common thought. try to make it more interesting than that, alright? 2) learn a bit more grammAr. you are above average for most of the people here. you have the few problems of run on sentences and placement of clauses and phrases. if you can learn how to arrange the wording a bit better it would be almost perfect. 3) have fun with it. ^_^ thats what a good fan fic writer does, writes for the sake of writing, not to impress us. now for your title, i think that it needs to be something short, to the point, and catchy. some of the other ones above my post seem to be alright, but they are too long. Try: InheritanceConquestDestiny ( i liked that one from one of the above posts. ^_^ ) And of course you an always add other words, like “The” in front or other things.. I hope you take my advice. ^_^[/quote'] Thanks for backing me up with the start, now i will definitly continue to the end:-) I know my grammar isn't the best but i do live in denmark and i speak danish at home and it is about 3 years ago i moved from england so it needs to be refreshed every now and then. And thanks everyone lse for your advice i will decide on the title soon:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skarlet Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Accendance or Accendence or how ever it's spelt, as some one will accend to the throne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 It's spelt ascend. BTW i have decided on a title from the ones that have been suggested and the winner is *drumroll* Raviel Priest WYHE with "Inheritance of the Throne"!!! He will recieve his 2 reps very shortly. Everyone else you all suggested very good titles but none of you could beat WYHE. EDIT: I need a partner to help me with this FanFic. You see, i am rubbish at making decks (or maybe just too lazy) so i need someone to help me with the deck creating. I was thinking of Kale or Chaotix but anyone is welcome to Pm me with an example of their work (at least 2 deck lists, custom cards are welcome) and then i will see who i will hire. The payment is credit in my FanFic and 1 rep for each deck you make that i use in the FanFic. PS. If you have Custom Cards in the example deck list please post them in the Pm so i can see their effects etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 It's spelt ascend. BTW i have decided on a title from the ones that have been suggested and the winner is *drumroll* Raviel Priest WYHE with "Inheritance of the Throne"!!! He will recieve his 2 reps very shortly. Everyone else you all suggested very good titles but none of you could beat WYHE. EDIT: I need a partner to help me with this FanFic. You see' date=' i am rubbish at making decks (or maybe just too lazy) so i need someone to help me with the deck creating. I was thinking of Kale or Chaotix but anyone is welcome to Pm me with an example of their work (at least 2 deck lists, custom cards are welcome) and then i will see who i will hire. The payment is credit in my FanFic and 1 rep for each deck you make that i use in the FanFic. PS. If you have Custom Cards in the example deck list please post them in the Pm so i can see their effects etc.[/quote']I appreciate for helping you out there & I may not be able to help you in decks,but my talent lies in characters & the plot advices I could give. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Characters i can do myself but thanks for offering your help and double thanks for giving me a title (you will get your last rep shortly ive given you the first) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 It's a really great start. I have no more advice to give though, since Kale and WYHE already said it all :P Anyway I look forward to the continuation of this :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 ---bump--- (yes, i know i'm impatient) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Chapter 1 will soon be up and BTW... bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Alright everybody Chapter 1 is now up and running! There are field pics in the duel so get reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Noez! No Megarock from Luke!? Otherwise, great start. I will be following this one :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Nope, no megarock. soz. i would have used it but then an entirely diiferent idea swept me away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schyshter Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 hmmm. i spot several inconsistencies already... Alex and his family are poor, but they can afford a motorcycle? and they have a spare 100$ laying around for a duel disk? not good... during turn 2 of the duel between Alex and Luke, Alex starts off by Normal Summoning Chthonian Soldier, but later during the same turn he tributes that monster to Normal Summon Cyber Dragon. not possible... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hang on a sec you're right about the Chthonian Soldier - Cyber Dragon bit i can see it aswell. Sorry but i didn't notice it untill now. And have i ever said that they bought the motorcycle whilst they were poor? Wait for the next chapters and your questions will be awnsered... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schyshter Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 okay. so you're saying they bought the bike back when they weren't poor? and they would rather continue living the poor life instead of selling the bike for some mula? riiiiiiiight. gotcha. -_- and don't forget the 100$ Alex needed to pay for the duel disk. like i said, it's inconsistent... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inazuma101 Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 i love the story but why dont you make the decks more original, like have the decks match thair passions like my deck i use a japanese deck with grandmaster ninja sasuke, getsu fuma, and six samurai. I also have an infexus aditude so i have a burn deck with style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 okay. so you're saying they bought the bike back when they weren't poor? and they would rather continue living the poor life instead of selling the bike for some mula? riiiiiiiight. gotcha. -_- and don't forget the 100$ Alex needed to pay for the duel disk. like i said' date=' it's inconsistent...[/quote'] Good god you keep asking questions... I've said that they wil be awnsered later on! i love the story but why dont you make the decks more original' date=' like have the decks match thair passions like my deck i use a japanese deck with grandmaster ninja sasuke, getsu fuma, and six samurai. I also have an infexus aditude so i have a burn deck with style.[/quote'] This almost counts as spam... almost. And i do not make the decks Chaotix® does. I only make the theme for the deck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 good chapter,but the main problem lies in the decks they use so far...it looks somewhat random. who would use Cyber Dragon & fiend monsters in same deck? Just my opinion,but the decks need a more-focused play in it to succeed in the duel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 good chapter' date='but the main problem lies in the decks they use so far...it looks somewhat random. who would use Cyber Dragon & fiend monsters in same deck? Just my opinion,but the decks need a more-focused play in it to succeed in the duel[/quote'] Don't look at me, look at Chaotix®. He's the one who made the decks, i just tell him the theme. For the cyber dragon one i just told him to make a cyber dragon deck that's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 ---bump--- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted November 1, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2008 ---bump--- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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