Parting Shot Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 [align=center] Prologue: The Game[/align] Azrael, a 19-year-old college student, did not take dueling lightly. He approached every battle with courage and determination, and had many wins under his belt to prove his skills. On this day, he faced an especially incredible challenge: he was up against his 1000th enemy. If he lost, his game would be over and it would take him forever to work back to this level. If he won, the rumors said the maker of the game invited you personally to his chalet in a tropical location as reward for being one of the few to actually beat the game. He checked his watch: 2:37pm. Azrael: Good, I still have time to finish off this baddie before heading to class. He clicked into the battle, and the stats of his enemy popped onto the computer screen:Level 999 MinionDeck: ???LP: 8000 Azrael: Just like the last ones; gotta go at him 'til he drops. Taking a deep breath he moved his mouse and pressed the Duel button. [align=center]DUELVS[/align] The screen changed to a Duel Field, and a game to see who goes first. Azrael picked rock, and soon found out his opponent picked scissors. A smile crept over Azrael’s lips as he drew his first 6 cards. Being a very passionate duelist, Azrael would talk aloud, even during his duels on the computer. Today was no exception, and as he played his cards he called them aloud just as if he was dueling a real person. Azrael: I summon Evil Hero Infernal Gainer! Then, I’ll play one face-down card and end my turn. And the duel began. ~~~~ After twenty minutes, Azrael was in dire straits. He was down to his last 600 Life Points with no monsters, while the computer still had 3200 Life Points with a Rainbow Dragon at 7000 ATK and a Scapegoat Token on their field. Luckily, his turn had come around, but if he didn't draw the right card, he would lose the duel, the game, and the rumored prize. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and drew his card. He breathed a sigh of relief, for he held in his hand the one card that would win this duel for him. Azrael: Alright, here I go! I activate my face-down card, Mystical Space Typhoon and destroy your face-down card. Then, from my hand, I activate Dark Calling. With this I can remove from play Granmarg the Rock Monarch and The Wicked Dreadroot in my Graveyard to Dark Fusion Summon Evil Hero Dark Gaia! And, the best part, my Gaia has the combined ATK points of the monsters used to Fusion Summon it, which means he has a whopping 6400 ATK. Now, I attack your Scapegoat Token, and by Gaia's effect, it's turned to Attack Position. That's game! And he stood up triumphantly as the game confirmed his win. [align=center]Winner:[/align] Azrael: I've finally done it! He looked at the screen. It was loading a page he had never seen before. Suddenly, a white light flashed from his computer screen, and Azrael fell to the floor, unconscious. Little did he know that this "prize" did in fact exist, but wasn't quite what he was expecting. To Be Continued... Note: For dialogue, italics mean thoughts and regular text means spoken words.Note 2: In future installments the duels will be fully featured, I was just running short on time today so I couldn't post the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Welche Posted October 7, 2008 Report Share Posted October 7, 2008 Great!, I give a 345643567/345623566/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Great!' date=' I give a 345643567/345623566/10[/quote']Lol, thanks! I'm glad you like it so far ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Besides that Janken-Po part, the rest is iffy lol.but I am sure you will improve ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 'Tis a good idea, but skipping over the meat of the duel is a no-no, and makes the chapter too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 'Tis a good idea' date=' but skipping over the meat of the duel is a no-no, and makes the chapter too short.[/quote'] They do this sometimes in the official Yu-Gi-Oh material. For example, the first duel in Yu-Gi-Oh! R jumps directly to Osiris being summoned, IIRC. But when it gets to the point where we only even see one turn of the duel, I do agree that we need to see more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Were all 1000 of his duels against computers? It's not bad, but you could try to improve the descriptions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 'Tis a good idea' date=' but skipping over the meat of the duel is a no-no, and makes the chapter too short.[/quote']They do this sometimes in the official Yu-Gi-Oh material. For example' date=' the first duel in Yu-Gi-Oh! R jumps directly to Osiris being summoned, IIRC. But when it gets to the point where we only even see one turn of the duel, I do agree that we need to see more.[/quote']Yeah, sorry about that. I promise the rest of the duels will be shown in their entirety. Thanks for the comments ^_^ ' pid='1204161' dateline='1223428507']Were all 1000 of his duels against computers? It's not bad' date=' but you could try to improve the descriptions.[/quote']Yeah, those 1000 were all against computer opponents. His real life wins I didn't include in there, though, but they are numerous ^_^ Besides that Janken-Po part' date=' the rest is iffy lol.but I am sure you will improve ^^[/quote']Lol, I still don't get what's so weird about it, but w/e. Can you give a few examples on what I need to improve on (besides the short duel :P)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Καsτοr Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Interesting. . . Will you ever be accepting characters? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I need to see a full duel, and an actual plot to give my full opinion.I also would like to see how the characters develop throughout the story, Keep it up ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Interesting. . . Will you ever be accepting characters?I'm not planning on it' date=' but who knows :P I need to see a full duel, and an actual plot to give my full opinion.I also would like to see how the characters develop throughout the story, Keep it up ;)Yeah, the next installment will have a full duel, a little bit more plot, and some character development as well as new character introduction ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Hopefully a charcater based on your good pal rubeh =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Out of curiosity, what sort of banlist is in effect in this fic? The canon anime started out in Traditional but switched to Advanced sometime during GX. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Hopefully a charcater based on your good pal rubeh =DLol' date=' perhaps ;) Out of curiosity, what sort of banlist is in effect in this fic? The canon anime started out in Traditional but switched to Advanced sometime during GX.Um, I hadn't really thought about it. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~The Red Crusader~ Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I like this. Actually I didn't have to put much effort into reading this one. Also, our hero won in a realistic, very possible way. 9.5/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I like this. Actually I didn't have to put much effort into reading this one. Also' date=' our hero won in a realistic, very possible way. 9.5/10[/quote']Thanks! I actually pride myself on being as realistic as I can, both in making cards and now in this fic. Thanks for the comments ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brushfire Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 As said on MSN; this is the only Script-Format Fan-Fic that I have enjoyed.I HATE script format.It's not even the proper way to write.Hopefully you'll start writing in novel-format as you said on MSN. =]Nice good; good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 As said on MSN; this is the only Script-Format Fan-Fic that I have enjoyed.I HATE script format.It's not even the proper way to write.Hopefully you'll start writing in novel-format as you said on MSN. =]Nice good; good luck.Thanks much! And, yeah, I do plan on writing the next part in novel/story format to see how well it goes ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exyst Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 IsTehBestEVAR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 IsTehBestEVAR!Lol, thanks! I'm glad you like it so much ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 O_p Wow, this is a booster. If you liked Exovarcéôs, I don't see how it can't sell. By that, I mean that this stuff is awesome, save perhaps for the massive plot hole manifest in the opening, so far. However, I'm confident it will be addressed soon via flashbacks, and that the opening was intentionally en media res. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:|Fallen|:. Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 that was great10/10 can u pm me when the other chapters come our please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 Great!' date=' I give a 345643567/345623566/10[/quote'] The Mathologist in me felt like telling that the above rating equals nothing more than a 1/10. Also, And she went on to explain about the evil Master and his henchmen who were gathering all the duelists in this land (she didn't know what it was called either) and turning them into evil minions. That line killed it for me. The lack of descriptions in your duel bothered me too. I'll give it a 7/10. For now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 O_p Wow' date=' this is a booster. If you liked Exovarcéôs, I don't see how it can't sell. By that, I mean that this stuff is awesome, save perhaps for the massive plot hole manifest in the opening, so far. However, I'm confident it will be addressed soon via flashbacks, and that the opening was intentionally en media res.[/quote']Hey, thanks! I'm glad you like it, but I'm not sure which hole you're talking about (there's several, some intentional, and probably some not), so if you could elaborate I might be able to let you know how/when it'll get resolved :P ' pid='1240212' dateline='1224187361']that was great10/10 can u pm me when the other chapters come our pleaseLol' date=' thanks! And, I'll try to remember to PM some people each time I update ;) ' pid='1240219' dateline='1224187442']And she went on to explain about the evil Master and his henchmen who were gathering all the duelists in this land (she didn't know what it was called either) and turning them into evil minions. That line killed it for me. The lack of descriptions in your duel bothered me too. I'll give it a 7/10. For now.Well, I didn't want to give away too much of the plot (as you'll find out more later in regards to another character Azrael's going to meet), but I guess I could have explained it a little better. Also, what exactly in the duel could use more description? I'd like to know so I can work on that in the next installment :P Thanks for reading ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 You lost me half way through :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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