Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 Four objectives.•Improve the plot so it makes a grain of sense.•Improve the character roster.•Improve the personalities.•IMPROVE THE DECKS. [spoiler=Season 1][spoiler=Episode 1: Enter Duel Academy... Literally!]"I play Cost Down!" Joseph Rinn began. "This reduces the level of every monster in my hand by two." He slotted a card into his Graveyard slot, and tiny holographic swords pierced one of the cards in his hand. "So now I can Summon this guy without any Tributes! Go, Tigerdragon!" The swords evaporated as a white flame erupted in an empty card zone. The flame formed a white pillar, which condensed until it ceased to exist. It revealed an orange-and-black striped dragon with dark green wings and formidable statistics.[align=center]/Tigerdragon\[••••••] -2|ATK/2400||1800/DEF|[/align]"Next, I play Monster Reborn, to bring back the Cursed Fig you destroyed last turn!" he continued, slotting in the cards with what Syrus considered gusto. The shimmering ankh morphed into the far uglier beast he'd destroyed so recently. "Cursed Fig is a Tuner," he finished, words at which Syrus flinched. Malufijis rarely Synchro Summoned. Syrus hadn't been able to get the hang of using Tuners, and Ryo, his older brother and a dueling master, simply hadn't found any Synchros worth Summoning. However, it was a devastating maneuver which could call forth mighty beasts. "So now I can Synchro Summon! I tune Tigerdragon to Cursed Fig, to Synchro Summon the mighty Frigice Serpent!" Both monsters glowed, split into several pieces, and began to rearrange as acid-colored rings surrounded them. The result was a massive white sea serpent with glistening spines — and incredible power.[align=center]/Frigice Serpent\[•••••••]|ATK/2900||0900/DEF|[/align]"Attack, Frigice Serpent!" he commanded, pointing. "Destroy Drillroid!" Now it was just as well Drillroid had destroyed Cursed Fig instead of, say Carrierroid, also in his hand. "I activate my face-down card," he revealed. "Threatening Roar!" A massive burst of sound startled the audience, and frightened the jumble of rocks out of attacking. "I end my turn," Rinn admitted as Syrus drew. "But you're going down next turn. The Serpent has a powerful effect, too. With that in mind, the young Malufiji couldn't take any chances. His draw was helpful, but he'd saved a different card just in case a powerful creature like the Serpent came along. "I play Swords of Concealing Light!" he declared. Several black swords obscured his monster, whose plaque indicated it had switched positions. "This means all your monsters are switched to Defense Position. "Next, I play Monster Reborn, to get back Tigerdragon from your Graveyard!" he smirked. The ankh reappeared, this time transforming into the mighty Tigerdragon. "Both monsters, attack!" he ordered. They obeyed with gusto. Drillroid methodically obliterated the face-down Serpent, while Tigerdragon simply exhaled flames on Rinn. Strangely, his Life Points dropped to zero. "When it's destroyed by a monster effect, I take damage as if that card had attacked directly," he mumbled as he lowered his Duel Disk. "The Malufiji boy wins," Vellian Chronos, the tall, pale Italian who had been judging the Duel, hissed into his walkie-talkie. "Thus con—" the orotund voice of Chancellor Sheppard, headmaster of Duel Academy, stopped suddenly. Duels were supposed to have ended in all six arenas, so the dorm sorting would be complete. All the examiner duels had been fought. "Er, we have one more Duel to do," he corrected himself a bit sheepishly. Syrus stared. "Jaden Yuki versus Vellian Chronos, please enter Stadium B, thank you." ~COMMERCIAL BREAK~ Chronos smirked. He had specifically asked for a match against the boy. He had to ensure he would not have to teach the boy until he learned to be properly studious, responsible, and dedicated. There was no way he was Obelisk Blue material now — indeed, he was the very opposite. Leave it to Banner to get him up to speed. Jaden stepped onto the podium; Crowler fought hard to keep from scowling. By the look of him, it was a miracle he'd been able to pay the tuition! His faded black jacket was torn and filthy; pine needles stuck the front of his dirty shirt, his shoes were scuffed and worn, his hair greasy and stuck with burrs... "Hello," he greeted cheerfully. "Thanks for offering to Duel me. I bet you're great at this." Hmph. Well, at least he knew his place. "Oh, I wouldn't say that," Chronos smiled falsely, his perfect, shining teeth showing blatantly. "I guess I'll have to see for myself," Jaden shrugged, raising his Duel Disk. Even that was grimy, and stalled a bit before opening. Chronos activated his own Duel Disk, secretly appreciating the effect it had on the scruffy youth. It was a prototype of a mechanical wonder, designed by the famous Zimmerman Juneau of KaibaCorp., that had been sent to Scotland Duel Academy specifically for use by its professors. Its shuffling was automatic, its card reading was Internet-based and held all Industrial Illusions-approved cards in the world, it took Duel Terminal cards, and its arena was unmatched. Best of all, it was shiny, sharp, and massive, so it impressed scum such as Jaden. "You can go first," he said calmly. Jaden didn't hesitate to obey. He looked somewhat surprised at his draw, but continued anyway. "I play E - Emergency Call!" he began. "This lets me grab an E-Hero from my Deck and add it to my hand! And I choose Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!" His Duel Disk ejected a card, and after displaying it to Chronos, he added it to his hand. Chronos blinked. Card ejection? Somehow Jaden had such little respect for his Duel Disk that he didn't even care that he had sullied a Cyclone model! That had been a collaboration between the most powerful figures at KaibaCorp., including Zimmerman Juneau, Lilly Deffans, and Seto Kaiba himself! Surely such famed figures deserved respect, even if the technology itself didn't. It was highly modular, common among Deffans's work, and had Seto's traditional sharp edge, so it almost resembled an Indonesian tribal weapon. How he could ever have defamed such a masterpiece, he'd never know. However, he'd be surprised by Jaden's next move. "I play Polymerization!" he declared. "Now I can fuse that same Burstinatrix with the Avian in my hand to Summon the Elemental Hero Flame Wingman! Go now!" There was a shimmer in midair as white and scarlet flecks began to flash about the arena. Soon a semi-draconic figure had appeared in midair, aiming a vicious dragon's head at Chronos.[align=center]/Elemental Hero Flame Wingman\[••••••]|ATK/2100||1200/DEF|[/align]"I end my turn," he smirked. Chronos snapped out of it: It was just a lucky draw. Besides, I'll easily be able to gain field advantage. He wasn't telling himself the truth, and he knew it, but he didn't care. "My turn," he said as pleasantly as he could, accepting the draw as it came. He mentally leered wickedly. This should fix him. "I activate Geartown!" There was a tremendous rumble accompanied with an incessant whirring. It was evident why as stack upon stack of gears seemed to spring up from the ground. "Next, I Summon the Ancient Gear Beast!" he continued. "Tell me why that's legal?"[align=center]/Ancient Gear Beast\[••••••]|ATK/2000||2000/DEF|[/align]He was again surprised; he had thought the boy would be unable to answer. He was surprised again: "Geartown's effect, I don't doubt." He was examining a display shining up from his Duel Disk. "You need to Tribute one less monster to Summon your Ancient Gears!" "Exactly," Chronos smiled, masking his fury. "Also, having Ancient Gear Beast on the field allows me to Summon an Ancient Gear Mk2, in Defense Position."[align=center]/Ancient Gear Mk2\[•]|ATK/0100||0800/DEF|[/align]"I'll just Set a face-down, and end my turn," he finished with another faux smile. Jaden drew. "I play R - Righteous Justice!" he decreed triumphantly. "I choose to destroy your face-down card! Go!" Flame Wingman pointed its other finger at the holographic projection of a face-down Yu-Gi-Oh! card. A massive "R" projected from it and promptly annihilated it, though the face-down had time to reveal its identity as Mirror Force. There goes Plan A, Chronos frowned. Oh, well. I'll be able to make do. After all, there's always Plan B. Jaden flashed a grin. "Now, attack his Ancient Gear Beast! Hero Downdraft, go!" They're always idealists, Chronos silently sighed as his Beast was destroyed, dropping his Life Points to 1900. It's almost a pity. "I end my turn," he smirked. The blond Italian drew. Not his card, but something almost as good. "I activate Cydraw!" he declared. "Cydraw! allows me to draw 2 cards, then discard a Machine-Type that's more than Level 1." He did so, smirking as he drew his second card. "I'll just discard this Ancient Gear Mk2," he smiled. "Now, I Tribute my Ancient Gear Mk2 to Summon the Ancient Gear Golem!" His voice was almost savage as his monster erupted into white flame. Gears from Geartown floated down, feeding the fire before replacing themselves. Soon, a massive humanoid fiend of metal had appeared on the arena.[align=center]/Ancient Gear Golem\[••••••••]|ATK/3000||3000/DEF|[/align]Jaden was alarmed after reading the effect. Chronos was vicious now. "Attack and destroy Flame Wingman!" he spat. The golem advanced on the steadfast hero, who valiantly tried to blast it with a fireball from its dragon arm. However, the golem simply shot it out of the air, and another shot blasted the dragonoid to pieces, dropping Jaden's Life Points to 3100. "I end my turn," smiled Chronos with a sort of vile triumph. Jaden closed his eyes and drew. It evidently wasn't the card he needed, but he did play. "I Summon the Winged Kuriboh, in Attack Position!" he said cautiously. The little thing blinked as it rose from its light, and stared, stunned, at the Gear Golem.[align=center]/Winged Kuriboh\[•]|ATK/0300||0200/DEF|[/align]"I end my turn," he concluded, almost mournful. Chronos drew, unperturbed. "Attack now and end this, Ancient Gear Golem!" It opened fire — — and the little fairy-fiend vanished in a burst of light, taking the bullet with it. Jaden was relieved. "When Winged Kuriboh is destroyed," he explained, "I take no damage for the rest of the turn." "I end," the instructor admitted, "but you have virtually no time." Ha. A one-trick pony. How pathetic. He was very wrong. Jaden was smiling. What?! "I discard King of the Swamp from my hand," he began, "to fetch a Polymerization from my Deck!" The card was ejected immediately. "Then I Summon Elemental Hero Prisma!" Several crystals sprouted from the ground, forming into a monster.[align=center]/Elemental Hero Prisma\[••••]|ATK/1700||1100/DEF|[/align]"With this guy, I can send Elemental Hero Sparkman from my Deck to my Graveyard, to have Prisma turn into Sparkman for the turn!" he grinned. The crystals flickered, exchanging with a sparking armored humanoid until it exactly resembled the late Hero. "And now I play the Polymerization I just got!" he continued with a grin. "This lets me fuse 'Sparkman' with my King of the Swamp... to Summon my Legacy monster, the Elemental Hero Shining Flare Wingman!" A swirl of green sludge morphed into the recently destroyed Flame Wingman, though it exploded into a series of flecks alongside the transformed Prisma. The specks flew together, forming a final armored dragonoid of immense power.[align=center]/Elemental Hero Shining Flare Wingman\[••••••••]|ATK/2500||2100/DEF|[/align]Chronos smirked. That's it? He just wanted to bring out his Legacy monster for me to trample? I haven't even used my Legacy monster! His smile inverted on his opponent's next words, however: "He gains 300 ATK for all five Heroes in my Graveyard!" The professor was stunned as apparitions of the late monsters flowed into the Wingman's golden arm, which began to glow as the ATK meter rose to 4000. "And he doesn't lose the original Flame Wingman's effect, either," Jaden grinned. "Attack with Valiant Nova!" The golem opened fire on the soaring hero, who deflected the bullets with its energy-charged arm. It then seized a gear in the center of the Golem's body and threw it into the surrounding Geartown, before blasting it into oblivion with a surge of golden light. What a lucksack, Jaden thought ironically to himself as he flashed a smile of triumph. But hey, I'm in the Scotland DA now! It was safe to say that it had been the luckiest day of his life. He was just glad Chronos was a good loser. Oh, wait. [spoiler=Episode 2: Demonstration of the Duel Master! Enter the Malufiji Quandary!] [spoiler=Created Cards][align=center]/Frigice Serpent\[•••••••]|ATK/2900||0900/DEF|/Type/Sea Serpent/Attribute/WATER[synchro, Effect: During battle between this attacking monster and a Defense Position monster whose DEF is lower than the ATK of this card, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent, and your opponent removes the top card of his/her Deck from play. When this card is destroyed by a Spell or Trap Card effect, negate the effect of the next Spell or Trap Card your opponent activates and destroy it. When this card is destroyed by a monster effect, you take damage equal to the ATK of the monster that destroyed this card.][/align] [align=center]/Cydraw!\[sPELL]/Type/Quick-Play/Attribute/SPELL[spell ({) / Effect: Draw 2 cards, then send 1 Level 2 or higher Machine-Type monster from your hand to the Graveyard. You cannot activate Trap Cards until the End Phase.[/align] [spoiler=Decklists so far][spoiler=Syrus Malufiji]Ambulanceroid x3Carrierroid x2Decoyroid x3Drillroid x3Expressroid x2Marauding Captain x3Rescueroid x2Sangan x1Stealthroid x2 Burden of the Mighty x3Giant Trunade x1Monster Reborn x1Monster Reincarnation x2Polymerization x1Shrink x3Swords of Concealing Light x1 Magic Cylinder x1Mirror Force x1Threatening Roar x3Waboku x2 [spoiler=Joe Rinn]Blizzard Dragon x2Blowback Dragon x2Chthonian Emperor Dragon x2Clone Dragon x3Cursed Fig x3Mother Grizzly x3Prime Material Dragon x2Tigerdragon x2White-Horned Dragon x2 Cost Down x3Double Summon x3Fissure x1Lightning Vortex x2Monster Reborn x1Offerings to the Doomed x2Ookazi x2Smashing Ground x1 Limit Reverse x3Ultimate Offering x1 [spoiler=Jaden Yuki]Elemental Hero Avian x2Elemental Hero Bustinatrix x2Elemental Hero Clayman x1Elemental Hero Sparkman x1Elemental Hero Bubbleman x1Elemental Hero Prisma x3Elemental Hero Stratos x1Jutte Fighter x2King of the Swamp x3Marauding Captain x2Winged Kuriboh x1Wroughtweiler x2 E - Emergency Call x2Future Fusion x1Miracle Fusion x3Monster Reborn x1Polymerization x3R - Righteous Justice x2Reinforcement of the Army x3 Hero's Guard x2Mirror Force x1Torrential Tribute x1 (Extra Deck) Elemental Hero Flame Wingman x3Elemental Hero Mariner x1Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster x2Elemental Hero Shining Flare Wingman x2Elemental Hero Tempest x1Elemental Hero Thunder Giant x2Colossal Fighter x1Frembell Urquizas x1Magical Android x1X-Saber Wayne x1 [spoiler=Vellian Chronos]Ancient Gear Mk2 x3Ancient Gear Beast x2Ancient Gear Engineer x2Ancient Gear Gadjiltron Chimera x2Ancient Gear Golem x3Ancient Gear Knight x2Dummy Golem x1Giant Rat x3Junk Synchron x2Morphing Jar x1 Ancient Gear Workshop x3Cybernetic Fusion Support x3Geartown x3Heavy Storm x1Limiter Removal x1Magical Stone Excavation x2Megamorph x1Monster Reborn x1Mystical Space Typhoon x1Polymerization x2 Mirror Force x1Torrential Tribute x1 (Extra Deck) Ancient Gear Arachnid x2Ancient Gear Junker x2Junk Warrior x2Ultimate Ancient Gear Golem x3 Before I start, I wanna know what you folks think of the idea. Will post the first chapter Sunday afternoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freeman The Master Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 so your going off of the GX series and trying to imporve it right? go ahead i never seen any of the episode so its all new to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 Awesome idea! I hope you tie up the Light of Destruction, I couldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~The Red Crusader~ Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 A nice one, and a good idea. But what is epic, its:~COMMERCIAL BREAK~ In fact, this is 9/10 ~Wuja Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 A bit confusing, to be honest. (Synchros in GX?) But I'll run with it. Also, I think you mixed up Crowler's name. I thought Chronos was the first name. I don't really have anything to complain on storywise, apart from that it's sort of short. Really good, but too short for me to judge better as of now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 dude u went strate 2 teh comercal w/out eyecatchs wut y u phail ...anyhow, if you want to make GX make sense, why is Judai running 2 Avian? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 6, 2008 Report Share Posted October 6, 2008 @Crab: Even I was surprised how well two Avian worked. Wound up averaging a Flame Wingman or two on turn one, and Flame Wingman actually can work, or so it seems. Anyway, it's better than the random crap from the show. @PR: I have something great in mind for that. @Umbra: The chapters are bipartite, so more will come soon. @Wuja: The chapters are bipartite. Commercial break separates Part 1 and Part 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Bump with Part 2! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davok Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Awesome. Hope you actually continue with this one this time. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Of course I will, I don't even have to write it. XD Joke, joke. I'm turning the plot on its side. Eppy 1 is probably the only one like its anime equivalent; Eppy 2 is Ryo VS Chazz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 I see no chapter... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 It's not a new chapter, I just finished the first one. They come in halves for speed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 10, 2008 Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 Ba-dump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 12, 2008 Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 >>BUMP<< Episode 2 should be coming soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Seriously no comments? And I'm not even a quarter of the way done with Ep 2. I need to step it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrimalFear Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 nice work supreme its a pretty solid FanFic start i'll be looking forward reading more in the future while writing my own, 9/10 nice work so far Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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