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[Chaotix] Yu-Gi-Oh! DS {Temporarily Discontinued. Sorry)

Chaotix®

By Chaotix®
in Creative Writing

Should This Fanfic Be Continued?  

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  1. 1. Should This Fanfic Be Continued?

    • Yes. It seems mysterious, but interesting
      15
    • I can't see this going anywhere
      1

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Chaotix® Newbie

Chaotix®

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[align=center]vmvcx0.png

Yu-Gi-Oh! DS (Duel Squad)[/align]

 

The theme of the fan fiction is Riding Duel Squads. Powerful squads have territory, while weaker ones have none. I need some feedback, and I'm willing to give rep to those whose feedback i find helpful.

 

NOTE: The prologue leaves you with nothing but questions, because that is how it is designed (So Ep. 1 has much to reveal). Don't say things like "Whats his Deck Type" or "You forgot to put his name".

 

Thanks and enjoy ^_^

 

 

[spoiler=[b]Prologue[/b]]

 

The night was bright, as always perhaps. It occurred to him slowly but surely, that the rumors about Neo Domino City were true. Neo Domino City never slept. His eyes shifted up to the colossal Kaiba Corporation building, and shifted back down to the noisy, busy street.

 

"Food..." he said meekly, as he parked his emerald Green D-Wheel outside a small bar.

 

He entered the bar, ordered his meal, and took a seat. As he ordered, the bar attendant gave him a rather sickening, grim smile. A large, outsized man in a black, leather coat approached him, and sat opposite

him.

 

"That's a nice D-Wheel ya got there, kid." the man spoke in a gruff, intimidating voice, but the duelist ignored him, continuing on with his meal.

 

"I was talkin' to ya, kid!"

 

The duelist's head lifted up from his meal, until his eyes were level with the man opposite him.

 

"Do ya know where ya are, kid?! Hows' about ya look around the place, huh?"

 

The duelist scanned the bar, noticing that every man inside had on a leather coat with the same emblem embedded onto them, an Ace of Hearts playing card recolored black. Every man in the bar was watching him, with the same sinister smiles on their faces.

 

"You must be new in town, 'cause everyone knows that this is the exclusive Club House for the Ink Heart Dueling Squad!"

 

The duelist did not look the slightest bit alarmed, and he continued with his meal. The man in the leather coat stood up, passed by the duelist, and knocked his meal to the floor. The duelist rose to his feet, the same calmness influencing his facial expression. He faced the man in the leather coat.

 

"It's disrespect..." the duelist began, "To disturb a man while he is eating." The duelist's straight, black hair fell over his dark brown eyes.

 

The leather coated man began to laugh.

 

"Did ya here that boys! We've disrespected the poor baby!"

 

The whole bar burst into laughter, but the duelist's calm expression did not falter. The duelist's hand shot out, pummeling the man in the gut. The man fell to the ground, squealing in agonizing pain.

 

In an instant, the shocked attendants of the bar rose into an infuriated uproar. Men surrounded the duelist from all angles, vicious looks on their faces.

 

"Let's tear this punk to bits..." "We'll hang you by the skin of your back..."

 

The men advanced, closer and closer, until they were mere centimeters away from their strangely calm victim.

 

"Halt!" Called a deep, commanding voice.

 

A large man, almost twice the size of the duelist, emerged from the angry crowd. Stubble covered his tanned skin, and his heavily scarred face. It was a strangely shaped man. His build consisted of much muscle, but an even larger ratio of fat.

 

The duelist smiled, as though he was expecting the assault to be halted.

 

The massive man began to speak.

 

"They call me Wrench, and I am the Squad Leader of Ink Heart. You got spunk kid, standin' up against 14 men almost twice your age, and size for that matter. But what I want to know is, what you have, is it courage, or stupidity?"

 

The duelist reached into his pocket and withdrew a Deck of cards.

 

"Why don't you find that out for yourself?" the duelist smiled.

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=[b]Episode 1: Ink Heart Showdown! Behold, the Shadow Beasts! UPDATED![/b]]

 

"Duel!" declared both men, as they boarded their D-Wheels.

 

Wrench's D-Wheel was as dark as the night, but in Neo Domino, this did not matter, as even the darkest of things were revealed by the shimmering lights.

 

"Oi kid! You seem to be up for all the manners and what not, so do ya mind tellin me the name of who I'm about to crush?" Wrench's voice was hoarse choking, almost as though his voice itself had been sand-papered.

 

"Shouhei." the duelist answered decisively.

 

"Shubo... I'll rememba that. Anyway, today we ride through the streets of Neo Domino, Ink Heart Turf! Enjoy this ride on your precious D-Wheel kid, ya won't get another!"

 

"Enough talk." Shouhei said, as he applied pressure to the accelerator of his D-Wheel, sending him bolting forward. Wrench followed, with a peculiar smugness on his face.

 

 

Shouhei LP: 4000

Wrench LP: 4000

 

 

"You go first" said Shouhei.

 

Wrench chuckled in a cruel manner.

 

"Fine by me kid, but you're gonna regret this! Draw!"

 

Wrench added 6 cards from his Deck to his hand, and gave a chilling smile. The stubble on his face stood in excitement as do the quills on a hedgehog.

 

"First, I'll activate the Trap Card, Shadow Beast Meteor Impact! According to the effect of this card, I can activate it from my hand when I control no monsters! And, now, by discarding 1 Shadow Beast Monster from my hand, I can inflict 1000 Points of Direct Damage to your Life Points! I'll discard Shadow Beast Exile from my hand!"

 

A small ball of what appeared to be a shadow enveloped fur appeared above Wrench's D-Wheel. As Wrench's Trap Card flipped up, the furry ball became clouded in Dark Matter. Suddenly, it sped towards Shouhei's D-Wheel, and impacted with great force, deducting 1000 Life Points from him.

 

"Uggh!" Shouhei grunted, as the speed of his D-Wheel decreased. He was now neck to neck with Wrench.

 

"Ha! You wish that was the end of it, don't cha kid!! Now, I'll remove Shadow Beast Exile from my Graveyard, to Special Summon Shadow Beast Berserk Commander (LV/5 ATK/0 DEF/0). The ATK of Shadow Beast Berserk Commander is equal to the number of Shadow Beast monsters I control, other than Berserk Commander times 600! During the turn I Summon this monster, I cannot Normal Summon another. However, when this card is Summoned, I can Special Summon up to 2 Level 2 or lower Shadow Beast Monsters from my Deck on face-up Defense Position! "

 

Wrench's Deck ejected 2 cards, which he snatched greedily.

 

"Come, Shadow Beast Carnage (LV/2 ATK/1000 DEF/100) and Shadow Beast Dungeon Crawler (LV/1 ATK/0 DEF/600)! And for the finale, when I Special Summon a Shadow Beast Carnage from my Deck, by using it's monster effect, I can Special Summon 1 more Shadow Beast Carnage from my hand! Beat that kid! I'll Set a card and end my turn!"

 

Neither of the 4 Shadow Beast Monsters on Wrench's field had proper features. they simply appeared as strange, hairy beasts enveloped in pitch black darkness. Dungeon Crawler took the shape of a slug, Carnage took the shape of a wolf, and Berserk Commander took the shape of an armored bear.

 

"This can't be, 4 monsters on the first turn? I see I have underestimated this guy..." thought Shouhei, the smugness quickly fading from his face.

 

"Draw!" declared Shouhei, as he drew 1 card from his Deck.

 

"I Summon Chibi Knight (LV/3 ATK/1100 DEF/700) in face-up Attack Position! Now, I activate his monster effect! By discarding 1 Trap Card from my hand, Chibi Knight Cannot be destroyed during this turn! Now, Chibi Knight! Destroy Shadow Beast Dungeon Crawler!"

 

Chibi Knight, a small child equipped with comparatively weak armor and a tiny sword, slashed at Shadow Beast Dungeon Crawler, as the hologram of the shadowy slug burst into pixels.

 

"You've activated Dungeon Crawler's Card Effect!" declared Wrench triumphantly. "If the attacking monster has an original ATK of 1000 or more, it is destroyed,"

 

"But my Chibi Knight's effect negates its destruction!"

 

"Let me finish kid!! When Dungeon Crawler is destroyed, we both take 600 Points of Direct Damage!"

 

"I don't think so!" said Shouhei. "I activate my Trap Card, Parry Arrow!"

 

Wrench began to laugh.

 

"Do you even know how to play this game, kid!? You have no Set Spell or Trap Cards on your fiel.."

 

"I'm aware of that." Shouhei smiled. "Activate Trap Card, Parry Arrow, from my Graveyard!"

 

"What!?" Wrench exclaimed with a startled expression.

 

"I can only activate certain Trap Cards of mine while they are in the Graveyard by removing them from play, due to their Card Effect! You can call them a special breed, if you will! Now, by the effect of Parry Arrow, when I would lose Life Points due to an opponent's Card Effect, the Damage is instead deducted from your Life Points! That means, you lose 600 Life Points because of the effect of your card, and a further 600 becuase of Parry Arrow! But wait! I'm not finished just yet! I activate Chibi Knight's Monster Effect! When Chibi Knight destroys a Defense Position monster by battle, I can attack again! Go Chibi Knight! Attack Shadow Beast Carnage!"

 

"I was waiting for you to attack my Shadow Beast Carnage! I'll activate my face-down Trap Card, Shadow Beast Shield! It allows me negate 1 attack directed at 1 Shadow Beast monster I control! And at the end of your Battle Phase, if the monster that I protected using Shadow Beast Shield is still face-up on my field, you lose Life Points equal to its ATK!

 

"Turn End." Declared Shouhei in a defeated tone.

 

Shouhei took 1000 further Points of damage, due to the effect of Wrench's Trap Card. He became tense. His Life Points had dropped to the half mark. His D-Wheel fell behind Wrench's.

 

 

Shouhei LP: 2000

Wrench LP: 2800

 

[spoiler=Field Pic]35in8tc.png

Shouhei: Bottom Wrench: Top

 

 

 

"Draw!" Wrench's devilish smile grew only wider, when he saw what card he had just drawn. "Now, you will realize the crushing force that is the Ink Heart Dueling Squad! I Release my 3 monsters, to Summon Shadow Beast Doom Kaiser (LV/9 ATK/3500 DEF/2100)!"

 

A gigantic hologram, taking the shape of a large, shadow engulfed Goliath, ascended out of the ground.

 

"According to the effect of Doom Kaiser, I can only Summon it by Releasing 3 face-up Shadow Beast monsters I control! Once per turn, during the beginning of my Battle Phase, when I control Doom Kaiser, you must randomly discard 1 card from your hand! If the card is a monster, you take 1000 Points of damage to your Life Points, and if it is a Spell or Trap Card, you lose Life Points equal to the number of Shadow Beast monster's in my Graveyard x400!"

 

Wrench face was literally glowing with delight as Shouhei's D-Wheel trailed him with uncertainty, through the Ink Heart territory of Neo Domino. Shouhei randomly selected 1 card from his own hand, and revealed it.

 

"Do I see correctly, or is that a Trap Card!? And I have 4 Shadow Beast monsters in my Graveyard, meaning you take 1600 Points of Direct Damage!" Wrench smiled.

 

A large black blast fired out of Doom Kaiser's mouth, striking Shouhei's Life Points to a mere 400.

 

"That takes me down to 400 Life Points." thought Shouhei.

 

"And now, I'll attack your Chibi Knight, and finish off the remainder of your Life Points!"

 

"I activate the Trap discarded by the effect of your Doom Kaiser from my Graveyard, Quick Defend! it switches all face-up monsters I control to Defense Position!"

 

Doom Kaiser destroys Chibi Knight with a mighty blast of dark matter, but does not inflict any damage to Shouhei's Life Points.

 

"OK kid, so you survive this turn, but now your field is completely empty! Turn End." announced Wrench. "I'd like to see how you pull through now, kid."

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=[b]Episode 2: Be Gone, Ink Heart! Shine, Lotus Dragon! UPDATED![/b]]

 

*Shouhei's turn has just begun. He has no monsters on his field, nor any Spell or Trap Cards. His opponent, Wrench of the Ink Heart dueling squad, controls Shadow Beast Doom Kaiser (LV/9 ATK/3500 DEF/2100), and nothing else.*

 

 

Shouhei LP: 400

Wrench LP: 2800

 

[spoiler=Field Pic]2eov77d.png

Shouhei: Bottom Wrench: Top

 

 

 

Shouhei placed a shaky hand on his Deck.

 

"This draw... Will determine the outcome of this entire duel..." he thought to himself.

 

For the first time during the duel, it had occured to him that losing was a possibility. Wrench had a monster of 3500 ATK points on his field, while Shouhei had not even a Spell Card.

"No... I am here on a mission... I will not lose here!"

 

"Come on kid! Let's get this pathetic game over with!" shouted Wrench as he glanced back at Shouhei's trailing D-Wheel.

 

Shouhei slipped a thumb under the top card of his Deck, and pulled it up.

 

"Draw...! So you finally decide to show your face...." he said, as the confidence returned to his voice. Although it was small, it did not cease to exist; the smile that had appeared on Shouhei's face.

 

"I Summon the Tuner, Luster Wyvern (LV/2 ATK/900 DEF/400) on face-up Attack Position! Turn End!"

 

The hologram of a small green dragon with emeralds encrusted into its scales flipped up.

 

A wide grin revealed sickening yellowed teeth. "So that was your move, kid? What a joke! I guess I overestimated you in the bar..." shouted Wrench in happiness.

 

"My turn! Draw! Hmph, I'll just skip straight to my Battle Phase, and end this! Shadow Beast Doom Kaiser! Shooting Shadow Inferno!"

 

The hologram of Shadow Beast Doom Kaiser remained solitary.

 

"What's going on!?" Wrench exclaimed looking puzzled.

 

The hologram of Luster Wyvern burst into pixels, but no attacks were launched. Shouhei's Life Points remained intact.

 

"It seems you have forgotten to pay attention. Due to the effect of my Luster Wyvern, when my opponent declares an attack, I can Release this monster, along with discarding the top card from my Deck, to negate the attack and instantly end this turn!"

 

Shouhei removed the top card of his Deck, and showed it to his opponent before discarding it to the Graveyard.

 

"I have discarded Ishrak, Bringer of Peace from the top of my Deck. When this card is discarded from my Deck to the Graveyard, I must discard my entire hand to the Graveyard, and inflict damage to your Life Points equal to the number of cards I discarded from my hand x200!"

 

Shouhei discarded 4 cards from his hand to the graveyard, inflicting 800 Points of damage to Wrench.

 

"So ya stall me for 1 turn, ey kid? Don't get too proud of ya self now!"

 

Shouhei's D-Wheel was now only meters behind Wrench's.

 

"My turn! Draw!" Shouhei said as he added one card from his Deck to his hand. "Brace yourself Wrench! Tuning the Level 3, Chibi Knight, and the Level 2, Ishrak, Bringer of Peace with the Level 2 Tuner monster, Luster Wyvern!"

 

"How can this be?! You control no monsters!" Wrench stared in horror as a magnificent blast of light engulfed the streets of Neo Domino.

 

"Out of the darkness comes a blast of hope! Synchro Summon! Let the endless bounds of your luminescence take form, Lotus Dragon (LV/7 ATK/2000 DEF/2300)!"

 

The magnificent blast of light died down, to reveal a crystalline dragon enveloped in a radiant emerald colored aura.

 

"The effect of Lotus Dragon states that it can only be Synchro Summoned by Tuning monsters in my Graveyard instead of my field, and then removing them from play! Thats not all! The ATK of Lotus Dragon increases by 400 for every non-Tuner monster used in its Synchro Summon, meaning, it has a total ATK of 2800!"

 

"Ha ha ha! And that is how you plan to defeat me!? Your dragon lacks 800 ATK Points to defeat my Doom Kaiser!"

 

Shouhei ignored this, and continued speaking.

 

"Now, since I have 3 Speed Counters, I can activate this Speed Spell from my hand, Silver Sanctum! The effect of this stays active for 1 of my Battle Phases, and 1 of yours! This card halves the ATK of all monsters on the field, but each monster can attack 2 times during the same Battle Phase!"

 

The ATK of Lotus Dragon decreased to 1400, while the ATK of Shadow Beast Doom Kaiser decreased to 1750.

 

Before Wrench could speak, Shouhei cut him off, and continued further.

 

"And now for the finale! I activate the Trap Card, Final Bout from my Graveyard, one of the cards discarded by the effect of Ishrak, Bringer of Peace! This increases the ATK of 1 monster I control by the difference in our Life Points! However, at the End Phase of the turn, the monster affected by this card is destroyed, and I take damage equal to the ATK of the monster when it was destroyed!"

 

Wrench's eyes widened. Suddenly, his fate became clear to him. He had not Spell or Trap cards to counter this attack. Wrench was defenseless.

 

"And now, the ATK of Lotus Dragon increases to 3000 Points, as there is a 1600 Point difference between our Life Points!"

 

"No..." Wrench said weakly, realizing the outcome of the duel.

 

"Lotus Dragon, destroy Shadow Beast Doom Kaiser with Emerald Tempest!"

 

A white hot ball surrounded by green surges of energy shot out of Lotus Dragon's mouth, incinerating Wrench's monster.

 

Wrench let out a hoarse scream, as his Life Points dropped to 750.

 

And now, using the effect of Silver Sanctum, Lotus Dragon can attack once more! Finish this, Lotus Dragon!

 

It was the same scenario, except this time, the ball of white hot energy impacted head onto Wrench's D-Wheel, depleting his Life Points to 0.

 

 

Shouhei LP: 400

Wrench LP: 0

 

 

"Arrggghh!" cried Wrench, as his D-Wheel spun out of control.

 

Wrench was forced of his D-Wheel, as it collided into a building by the side of the road at great force. his D-Wheel no longer appeared a D-Wheel, as it smashed into several fiery pieces at contact with the wall. He lay on the ground, weak and damaged from the accident.

 

Shouhei parked his D-Wheel, walked over to Wrench, and knelt down beside him. He reached into Wrench's side pocket, pulled out his wallet, and withdrew $7, before placing it back.

 

"You owed me for ruining my meal." Shouhei said, as he stood up, boarded his D-Wheel, and left the area.

 

 

 

 

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Καsτοr Newbie

Καsτοr

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Hm. . . Well, Ink Heart is a real book, but this does sound interesting. First off I want to say great prolougue. And also how I really can't wait for chapter 1. Second- The Ink Heart Squad is a veryinteresting group, especially with such a large leader. Third- I appalud this, and hope that this fan- fic will rise. Very nice fan fiction.

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Skarlet Newbie

Skarlet

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I'll be watching this one closely, as always with YCM you have done well, but one critisisim: you should use a script setting for speach, eg:

Duelist: It's disrespect... To disturb a man while he is eating.

Man: Did ya here that boys! We've disrespected the poor baby!

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Chaotix® Newbie

Chaotix®

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I'll be watching this one closely' date=' as always with YCM you have done well, but one critisisim: you should use a script setting for speach, eg:

Duelist: It's disrespect... began, To disturb a man while he is eating.

Man: Did ya here that boys! We've disrespected the poor baby!

[/quote']

 

Do you think so?

 

After reading Kales one, I decided to script it like this, as Kale's is like this. Thanks anyway guys, and the first chapter will be up shortly :)

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Aelsthla-Mental Newbie

Aelsthla-Mental

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Very awesome, i like it. But a couple of errors i noticed:

 

"The ATK of Shadow Beast Berserk Commander is equal to the number of Shadow Beast monsters I control, other than Berserk Commander"

 

The way you said it makes it sound like having another Shadow Beast out would merely make it's attack one. Although that could be accredited to the man's rough speech anyway. So meh.

 

"However, when this card is Summoned, I can Special Summon up to 2 Level 2 or lower Shadow Beast Monsters from my Deck on face-up Defense Position! "

 

Wrench's deck ejected 2 cards, which he snatched greedily.

 

"Come, Shadow Beast Carnage (LV/3 ATK/1000 DEF/100)"

 

uuhh.. Level two or lower, yet carnage is a level 3?

 

ANYWAY, you did great. Very nice cards, and an interesting story so far that's got he hooked. Can't wait for the next chapter.

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Chaotix® Newbie

Chaotix®

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Very awesome' date=' i like it. But a couple of errors i noticed:

 

[b']"The ATK of Shadow Beast Berserk Commander is equal to the number of Shadow Beast monsters I control, other than Berserk Commander"[/b]

 

The way you said it makes it sound like having another Shadow Beast out would merely make it's attack one. Although that could be accredited to the man's rough speech anyway. So meh.

 

"However, when this card is Summoned, I can Special Summon up to 2 Level 2 or lower Shadow Beast Monsters from my Deck on face-up Defense Position! "

 

Wrench's deck ejected 2 cards, which he snatched greedily.

 

"Come, Shadow Beast Carnage (LV/3 ATK/1000 DEF/100)"

 

uuhh.. Level two or lower, yet carnage is a level 3?

 

ANYWAY, you did great. Very nice cards, and an interesting story so far that's got he hooked. Can't wait for the next chapter.

 

Thanks alot Aelstha, I will take all your advice into account, and thank you again for reading. +REP to you, but tomorrow, I've given max reps today :P

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Chaotix® Newbie

Chaotix®

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awesome fan-fic' date=' best one after kales:D

But 2 things:

Shouhei=Yusei

Not very original, don't you think, and yeah, carnage is level 3, and the effect allows only a level 2 :P

Only things i spoted:D

9/10

[/quote']

 

Carnage was a level 2 since Aelstha told me about that mistake. And about Shouhei...

found the name off a Japanese name website, and I like it, so I'm not changing it ^_^

 

His personality is nothing the same, although you can't really tell anything in the first episode about his back story.

 

Thanks anyway :)

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senron Newbie

senron

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I think it's great but there was an error

 

[align=center]"First, I'll activate the Trap Card, Shadow Beast Meteor Impact! I can activate this card when I control no monsters! And, now, by discarding 1 Shadow Beast Monster from my hand, I can inflict 1000 Points of Direct Damage to your Life Points! I'll discard Shadow Beast Exile from my hand.

How can he activate a trap in his first turn?[/align]

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StevenBray Newbie

StevenBray

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Nice work so far - as TO said the prologue was just detailed enough to keep people intrigued but vague enough to keep us asking questions, which in turn keeps people intrigued and interested - so excellent work.

 

Episode 1 was good too, some nice Duel action and the detail is enough to give us a sort of picture of what we are reading, and vague enough for us to use our imagination to fill in the blanks. And at the end you leave us in suspense to how Shouhei will survive with just 400 ATK (hopefully you won't make it anti-climactic how you have him survive).

 

To sum up very nice stuff so far, can't wait to see more of this and can't wait for the real storyline (if you're having one) to kick in. Excellent work :D - 8/10

 

Just 1 simple question, what time period is this taking place in? it's not important for me to enjoy this excellent bit of work, but I'm just curious.

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