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501st ALLIANCE.


coinsu

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Okay then. I'll do the next issue.

 

*Inside Joe's room, he's still melodramatic.*

 

Joe: Like sh*t!!! I didn't think that the Stormtractor would be THIS strict with payments. Like wow. You only pay once every, like, five million galactides (that's like, five years in your time). I wonder how I can get out... Hmm...

 

*Joe notices a vent hole at the top of his room.*

 

Joe: YES!!!! THAT'S MY SOLUTION!!! I BET I CAN PULL IT OFF!!! Let's see... I need a theme song to go with my dramatic escape. Hmm...

 

*Turns on the radio.*

 

Stormreporter: Welcome idiots, to the ONE and ONLY, STORMTROOPER LIVE!!! This is the ONLY channel we have on the Death Star! Be happy! Anyways, we're going to just waste your time like always and play random bullsh*t, so we don't have to talk and just mess up because we haven't thought out our script yet. We're going to be playing the theme to Mission Strongly Possible for two hours! Enjoy, you failed Stormtroopers.

 

Joe: Well, at least he talked.

 

*The theme to Mission Strongly Possible starts.*

 

Joe: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. DOO DOO DOOOOO.... DOO DOO DOOOOOO... Okay, anyways, how to get into the vent... First, I need to take apart the vent casing. Hmm...

 

*Five hours later.*

 

Joe: I GOT IT!!! Wait, no... Wait, YES, I HAVE THE SOLUTION!!!! Oh wait, nevermind.

 

*Back in the surveillance room, the two Stormtroopers are still staring at each other.*

 

Stormtrooper A: So... You want me to basically, rape you?

Stormtrooper B: Well, yeah. Maybe I'm a girl. Who knows?

Stormtrooper A: Uhh... Wait, look at that! *Points to the monitor.* WTF is he doing? He's been saying "I got it!" for like, two hours now.

Stormtrooper B: I don't know. Should we go inside and take a look?

Stormtrooper A: Maybe... But wait, I gotta take up on your offer first.

Stormtrooper B: Oh, yeah, right. Okay, since your still messed up and too shy, I'll take myself apart.

 

*Stormtrooper B starts to unscrew his/her body parts off, one by one, starting from the feet.*

 

Stormtrooper A (thought): *gulp* This looks like some Stormography movie...

 

*Outside on the distant planet again, Stormtrooper Elite Green is at the base.*

 

Stormtrooper Elite Green: Hmm.. What was that Stormtrooper outside all about? Stormtrooperist isn't even a damn word.

 

*Stormtrooper Super Elite Red walks in.*

 

Stormtrooper Super Elite Red: It sure damn is. Now listen to my command, before I demote you back to Idiot White.

Stormtrooper Elite Green: YOU STORMTROOPIST!!!

 

*To be Continued...*

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*Inside the Monitor Room, Stormtrooper B is about to strip for Stormtrooper A, to prove that he (or she) might be a girl.*

 

Stormtrooper B: WAIT.

Stormtrooper A: What?

Stormtrooper B: Just before I unscrew this part covering the area inbetween my legs, we didn't actually tell our names out to the public yet.

Stormtrooper A: True. My name's Sam.

Stormtrooper B: Um... my name's... um... For now, it's Pat, but if I turn out to be a girl, I'll rename myself to Sea.

Sam: Sea? What?

Pat/Sea: I couldn't think of a name yet, so I'm just going for that. Alright, here goes nothing...

 

*Just before Pat/Sea strips, we go back to the base.*

 

Stormtrooper Super Elite Red: I dare you to say that again.

Stormtrooper Elite Green: Uh... HEY!!! IS THAT THE LATEST ISSUE OF STORM MAGAZINE THAT CONTAINS THE FIVE DIFFERENT RULES TO CONTROLLING THE GALAXY WITHOUT HAVING TO ACTUALLY READ THE INSTRUCTIONS?!?!?! THE ONE THAT NEVER COMES OUT EVER, EXCEPT FOR DRASTIC MEASURES?

Stormtrooper Super Elite Red: Huh? *Turns around*

Stormtrooper Elite Green: RUN!!!!

 

*Stormtrooper Elite Green turns around, and runs straight into a very inconveniently placed garbage disposal hole.*

 

Stormtrooper Elite Green: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............................

Stormtrooper Super Elite Red: Huh. Talk about coincidence. I was about to throw him down there, anyway. Oh well. *Presses the "Press here to incinerate all contents." button.*

 

*Back at the Death Star, Joe is still mentally and emotionally scarred.*

 

Joe: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to stay in my room forever. WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?!?!?!?!

 

*Suddenly, out of the middle of nowhere, a even bigger Death Star appears. Codenamed: Death Star².*

 

Death Star²: ATTENTION ALL YOU FAILURES IN OUR PREVIOUS DEATH STAR: YOU ARE TRESPASSING IN OUR GALAXY. PLEASE SELF-DESTRUCT IN FIVE MINUTES, OR WE SHALL BLOW YOU UP OURSELVES.

 

Anakin: This is bad, master. An even larger Death Star appeared. What shall we do?

Darth Sidious: That is simple, my son. Use the FORCE.

Anakin: Dude, I don't have a Force large enough to destroy THAT.

Darth Sidious: No, I wasn't talking about destroying it. I was talking about Force Warp.

Anakin: WTF is a Force Warp?

Darth Sidious: It's where, you vapourize your lightsaber to create a huge as hell worm hole in the middle of no where.

Anakin: How would you determine where the worm hole would appear?

Darth Sidious: I don't know. But might as well take a chance, and try to warp us away.

Anakin: Alright, master. But you owe me a lightsaber.

Darth Sidious: Done.

 

*Anakin uses "Force Warp," and all of a sudden, a worm hole the size of 100 Death Stars appears, sucks up Death Star², and then disappears. Anakin and Darth Sidious have no idea what happened.*

 

Anakin: Did it work?

Darth Sidious: No. We're doing to die.

Anakin: Sh*t. I wanted to keep my blue lightsaber, too.

 

*In a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY.... (you get the point) far away place in the galaxy, the Death Star² appears in the middle of nowhere.*

 

Death Star²: WTF???

 

*To be Continued...*

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