" Yu-Gi-Oh The Elite Duelists" (Chapter 3 is here Jan 2, 2009)

[PrimalFear]

This is my first attempt at a Fanfic, the name of my story is “The Elite Duelists”.

 

I was just letting everyone know that it will take me a little while to get my deck's for the main characters created, also I'm working everyday trying to get everything for this perfected to the point where it will be a top FanFic just realize this is my first and i will make some mistakes but i would love it if you the readers could help me out by pointing out my mistakes. right now I've started Hayate's deck the main character in my story, for now i have to make His partner's the Old man in the hat's deck i can't tell you his name just yet but it will come. If anyone has any idea's for the two Kid snatchers deck's let me know I'll give out reps for the help thanks all.

 

[spoiler=Main Characters]

Here are a list of the main characters so far:

1 Asama Takashi

2 Hayate Takashi

3 Amaru

4 Hatakashi

5 Zane Truesdale

6 Yugi Moto

7 Maximillion Pegasus

8 Jaden Yuki

9 Seto Kaiba

 

 

 

[spoiler=Main Characters Deck Lists]

 

here is Hayate's duel mat, his duel disk, and Deck:

 

 

Here is the list of Hayate's deck:

 

Extra Deck:

 

3)

3)

 

Main Deck:

 

3)

3)

3)

3)

3)

1)

3)

3)

3)

3)

3)

3)

1)

1)

1)

1)

1)

1)

 

Amaru's Deck

 

2) Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World

2) Sillva, Warlord of Dark World

2) Brron, Mad King of Dark World

2) Broww, Huntsman of Dark World

2) Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World

1) Sangan

1) Magician of Faith

1) Morphing Jar

1) Cyber Jar

3) Barrier Statue of the Abyss

1) D.D. Warrior Lady

1) Breaker the Magical Warrior

3) Dark World Lightning

1) Gateway to Dark World

1) Card Destruction

1) Mystical Space Typhoon

1) Graceful Charity

1) Heavy Storm

1) Nobelman of the Crossout

1) Premature Burial

1) Confiscation

1) Book of Moon

1) Smashing Ground

1) Deck Devastation Virus

3) Bottomless Trap Hole

3) Accumulated Fortune

1) Ceasefire

 

 

Hatakashi's Deck

 

1) Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World

1) Sillva, Warlord of Dark World

1) Brron, Mad King of Dark World

2) Broww, Huntsman of Dark World

2) Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World

1) Sangan

1) Magician of Faith

3) Morphing Jar

2) Cyber Jar

2) Barrier Statue of the Abyss

1) D.D. Warrior Lady

1) Breaker the Magical Warrior

3) Dark World Lightning

1) Gateway to Dark World

2) Card Destruction

1) Mystical Space Typhoon

2) Graceful Charity

1) Heavy Storm

1) Nobelman of the Crossout

1) Premature Burial

1) Confiscation

1) Royal Decree

1) Smashing Ground

1) Deck Devastation Virus

3) Wide Spread Ruin

3) Accumulated Fortune

1) Gravity Bind

 

 

 

[spoiler=Overall Plot:]the main Plot is Asama Takashi a former member of the chosen duelist squad turns dark because of his son's rise to the top of the chosen duelist squad at only the age of 9 by the elders of the squad, which Asama forms a new squad called The Elite Duelists and ends up capturing boys around the same age of his son to find and destroy his son, not knowing that the boys aren't his son until his members bring them back to Asama, they decide not to kill them but instead bring them to Asama to reveal the truth that they weren't his son. They turn the boys into dueling drones sent out to win duel disks and decks from others, and to find Asama's true son.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Vol. 1: Prologue]Part 1: The Beginning

 

 

It was early in the morning, but the light from the sun was shinning just enough to

light the streets of Gotham City. Former member of the Chosen Duelists

Asama Takashi had sent two of his best duelists from his newly formed

Secret underground dueling squad known as The Elite Duelists in search to

Destroy the boy who once was Asama’s son. In the background of the city you could

hear the the footsteps of a young boy who is running through the park.

Two men wearing weird black coats could be seen chasing him.

 

Both men where extremely tall and had black hair.

The boy continued running past trees and through brush, but the two

Men were just too fast for the boy to outrun. The men caught him, and

Dragged him to an abandoned warehouse just off an alleyway of the

Main Street. As they tried to bring him into the warehouse the boy kicked

the man who was carrying him in the shin, the other man was checking to

make sure no one was inside. The boy took off in a sprint, through alleyways

and around buildings. The two men eagerly and very enraged that he managed to

escape took of after him.

 

Through an alley way you could see the boy as he ran past, a man on

the opposite side wearing a cowboy hat was startled by the strange noises

coming from across the street. The man in the hat had just finished his last

cigarette, coughing the man in the hat watched as the two strange looking

men with black hair chased after the boy. Not seeing the man on the other

side the two continued on there mission.

As the boy turned into a parking lot the two men followed him and

trapped the boy in one of the corners.

 

"You boy stop!" one of the men shouted, "There is no where to run we

have caught you."

 

The boy paralyzed with fear stood crouching in the corner crying. The

two men began walking toward him, but before they got to him, they heard

a noise behind them. As they turned to find out where the noise came from

they were interrupted by the old man in the cowboy hat.

The man in the cowboy hat had spoken first,

 

"Hold on right there you two."

 

"What do you think you could really do old man?" The stocky of the two

asked.

 

Without hesitation the man in the hat grabbed both men by the collar of

their shirts and pushed them against the wall. As the two struggled to get

free with no avail the second of the two spoke.

 

"Let us go! now old man," he shouted continuing too struggle.

As the man in the hat released his grip on the two, he started to speak,

 

"I have a proposition for the two of you," the man in the hat stated.

 

"yeah and what type of proposal..." The stocky of the two was

interrupted by the older man in the hat,

 

"If you beat me and this boy in a

duel I will walk away and you can finish what you where doing, but if you

should lose you will leave and never bother this boy again, got it.

 

"Ha,” one of them started to laugh.

 

"yeah like you two nuisances could really beat one, let alone two of the

elite duelists," the other man sneered.

 

The little boy finally got the courage to stand up, and walked over to the

older man in the hat and said,

 

"Sir I know your trying to help me but these two brutes all ready stole my

dueling disk and deck."

 

The old man in the hat looked toward the boy with a slight smirk, "Do not

worry, I always carry an extra set of stuff in my bag." The old man handed

the bag to the boy and readied his own deck into its slot in his dueling disk.

The boy reached into the bag and slipped in the new deck into the dueling

disks slot, standing up the boy slid on the dueling disk. The four duelists set

themselves up with enough room in between the two sides for the improved

holographic field.

 

"Duel!" They shouted as they readied themselves.

 

-To Be Continued-

 

 

 

[spoiler=Vol, 1: Episode1]

Volume1 Episode1

Part 2: The Beginning

 

The four were standing in place as the holographic field started up. Asama's personal henchmen from his Elite Duelists Squad stood grinning.

 

"Ready?" the old man asked.

"We were born ready pops," one of them replied. "You two can go first since you’re the weaker party here," he added.

"Well if that is the case this duel shouldn't last more than five minutes," said the old man.

 

"Let’s go!" they all shouted.

 

Henchmen: 8000 LP

Old Mans Side: 8000 LP

 

As the old man drew his card he tried to hide how good his hand was. "I’ll set one monster," he said as a card appeared face down in defense on his field, "I will also add two face downs, and now I’ll turn it over to you." The two henchmen turned their heads to look at each other.

 

With a grin on his face one of them added, "If they continue playing defense in this duel it will be over before we know it." With that the henchman drew his first card, "Your going to regret challenging us old man," he stated.

 

"Before we continue this battle I should probably show you my true identity," the old man said.

"True identity?" the two henchmen repeated.

"Yes you surely didn't really think that I was just some random old man that carries a duel disk did you?" he replied as he removed his hat, "My true identity is that I am Zane Truesdale."

"Zane Truesdale what have we gotten into brother he's one of the best duelists in the world besides Master Asama," the henchmen stated, "Oh well I guess we can't back down now or Master Asama will kill us we must win."

"Agreed so let’s finish this brother," the other one added.

"I Summon Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World," the first henchman stated,” Now Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World attack Zanes face down." The tall black Holographic fiend jumped into the air, as it came down it swung his long spear like sword at Zanes face down monster.

"I activate my monsters effect," Zane said,” Cyber Jar activate, you see when a Cyber jar is flipped face up his effect activates it destroys all monsters on the field including itself, then we draw five cards and add them to our hand any level four or lower monsters that were drawn are immediately set or summoned to the field." So as both Zanes Cyber Jar and the henchman’s Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World were destroyed and sent to the graveyard, they drew five cards. First to draw was the henchman.

"I summon another Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World in attack mode." the henchman stated. The rest of the cards he added to his hand. Once again a tall black fiend arose onto the field.

“OK,” Zane said,” I summon 2 Proto Cyber Dragons to the field, the rest I’ll add to my hand.” Two small metal dragons appeared on Zanes field, “it’s still your turn,” he added.

“I shall attack once again with Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World, attack his Proto Cyber Dragon,” The henchman said. With that the Fiend jumped up again mimicking the first attack and swung his sword down on Zanes Proto Cyber Dragon destroying his monster and inflicting five hundred damage upon Zane’s team.

 

Henchmen: 8000 LP

Zane’s Team: 7500 LP

 

“Okay boy it’s your turn,” Zane said.

The boy drew his next card and then looking through his cards he choose the third from the left and said, “I activate my Swords of Revealing Light.” The boy activated his spell card and suddenly on the field lighted swords fell from the sky on top of the henchman’s Monster trapping it in a state of non attack for three of their turns.

“Now I end my turn,” the boy said.

 

The second of the two henchmen drew his card and looked through his hand. “I summon Broww, Huntsman of Dark World, and set 1 card, and then I end my turn.”

 

Zane drew another card and said, “I activate my Power Bond spell card to fusion summon my Cyber End Dragon with the tributes of Proto Cyber Dragon and 2 Cyber Dragons.” A vortex opened on the playing field and Proto Cyber Dragon and the two Cyber Dragons were sucked into it. When the vortex disappeared a three headed white metal dragon stood on the field. “Now Cyber End Dragon attack the henchmen’s Broww, Huntsman of Dark World.” The three headed dragon shot a spiraling white light from its mouth toward the henchman’s tall fiend which shattered into a million pieces, and inflicted seven thousand points of damage to the Henchmen.

“Ahhhhhhh,” the henchman cried out, “No we can’t lose Asama will kill us.”

 

Henchmen: 1400 LP

Zane’s Team: 3500 LP

 

“My turn,” the henchman said, “I activate Smashing Ground destroying your Cyber End Dragon, and then I set one monster, and I end my turn.” A monster card appeared face down in defense position on his side of the field. The boy drew for the next round and looked at the cards he had trying to come up with a strategy to win.

“I activate Reactor Core allowing me to pay 2000 life points to search my deck for one tuner and one non-tuner monster and add them to my hand.” The boy searched through his deck and took out one Armored Core Battle Solider and one Armored Core F.A.N.G. and added them to his hand. “I summon Armored Core F.A.N.G., a tall machine type dragon appeared, and I end my turn,” the boy added.

 

Henchmen: 1400 LP

Zane’s Team: 1500 LP

 

The other henchman was becoming worried he drew his next card with his head down. “I summon Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World with the tribute of Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World, lucky for you I still cannot attack,” he said. Zane stood looking at his cards and new what he had to do to win.

“I have a plan boy do you trust me?” Zane asked the boy.

“Yes Zane we can beat them I know it.” The boy replied. Zane set 1 card and then said, “I’m going to attack your Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World with our Armored Core F.A.N.G,” Zane said. As the Metal Dragon swept down toward the gold fiend it was hit back with a mighty blow from Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World destroying into pieces and inflicting damage to Zane by seven hundred. “Now I end my turn,” Zane said.

 

Henchmen: 1400 LP

Zane’s Team: 800 LP

 

“Wow what are you doing?” the henchman asked. Zane never even acknowledge his question. “Fine I’ll end this now,” the henchman said, “Now Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World attack Zane directly.”

“Not so fast,” Zane replied, “I activate the trap card Magic Cylinder.” Two tubes appeared and reflected the henchman’s attack back at them.

“Noooo,” the henchman cried.

 

Henchmen: 0 LP

Zane’s Team: 800 LP

 

“We won you better get moving before I change my mine and beat you two to a bloody pulp,” Zane said.

“Master Asama is going to kill us,” one henchman said to the other as they took of running away from the site, leaving there bag of stuff behind.

“Look they left there bag here,” the boy said, “Now I can retrieve my duel disk and deck,” the boy said cheerfully.

“What is your name boy?” Zane asked.

“My name is Hayate, Hayate Takashi,” the boy replied as they walked away.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Vol, 1: Episode2]

Volume1 Episode 2

Volume1 Episode 2

Asama and Elders

 

“We won you better get moving before I change my mine and beat you two to a bloody pulp,” Zane said.

“Master Asama is going to kill us,” one henchman said to the other as they took of running away from the site, leaving there bag of stuff behind. They took off on a run down a narrow street.

 

Hatakashi: “You idiot you left the bag there Amaru,” the shorter henchman said.

 

Amaru: “Well if you hadn’t lost the duel for us Hatakashi we would have that little bastard for Master Asama.”

They continued walking through an alleyway until they entered the abandoned building again. Slowly they walked to the back and on the floor they lifted a rug. Underneath the rug lay a door, they lifted the door and headed below.

 

Amaru: “Hatakashi how do you think Asama is going to take it when we tell him that we had his son but Zane showed up and we actually dueled him for the child.”

 

Hatakashi: “I don’t know but we better be careful knowing him he will probably kill us on the spot but if we don’t show up then he’ll just send out the Demons after us and then we’ll be brought back anyway.”

 

The two continued walking down a narrow path under the abandon warehouse until they reached another door on the ground which was locked. Hatakashi knelt down and unlocked the door with a key he had taken from around his neck. The two duelists climbed down the ladder that appeared before them until they were on flat land again. Once they got to the bottom they headed down hallway that lead into a corridor.

 

Asama: “Well boys I hoped you would have my son with you before you would return.”

 

Amaru: “Were um sorry sir, we had him but we encountered a problem when the boy was able to escape from our clutches.”

 

Hatakashi: “Yes master we chased after the boy, excuse me your son and when we finally thought we had him…”

 

Amaru: “Zane, Master he showed up and challenged us to a duel.”

 

Hatakashi: “Yes Master and then we accepted to his terms and dueled him.”

 

Amaru: “But then we lost, so we decided that Zane was too strong to take out just the two of us so we came back here to seek your advice.”

 

The two knelt down before Master Asama and begged him for forgiveness. Then Asama sat down in his chair in which he started to think about the events that had happened. He slowly pointed the two boys to a room in which they quietly stood up and scurried away into.

Mean while back on the streets Zane was explaining to Hayate about the Squad and how Asama who is his father did not except that his son was a greater duelist then he was.

 

Zane: “You have to realize Hayate that your father has no feelings for you anymore, all he wants is your death or you on his side.”

 

Hayate: “But Zane how are we going to prevent this from happening again.”

 

Zane: “Well I’m going to bring you to my Elders in which they can explain what where going to have to do with you for the time being.

 

So Zane and Hayate continued walking. They came to a brick building which was run down but still had that kind of perk to it. The two entered into the building. As they entered the building Hayate couldn’t help but look around at the beauty of the inside of the building. On the inside Hayate noticed the many huge columns that were placed in the center of the building.

 

Zane: “Let’s go Hayate we have to go this way.”

 

Hayate: “Wow this place is huge is this the building for your squad.”

 

Zane: “Actually its half our squad the rest of the building mostly the upper half is for the Elders.”

 

They walked up a staircase just to the left of the door. They followed all the way up to the top level in which there was a gold door their ahead of us. Zane walked up to the door, with Hayate close behind. As they entered the room they saw a guy who was standing next to a desk. The guy was much shorter then Zane and had spiky hair and it was blonde. He turned around and when he saw Zane he had a smile on his face.

 

Elder: “Is this the boy Zane?”

 

Zane: “Yes it is Elder, we came to find out what you and the other Elders wanted to do with him until the day in which he can fulfill his destiny.”

 

Elder: “What did I tell you Zane about referring to me as Elder you know my name please use it from know on.”

 

Hayate: “Is this guy an Elder Zane, He looks younger then you.”

 

Zane: “Yes Hayate he is an Elder he used to be known as the King of Games, but know he’s referred to as Elder Yugi Moto.”

 

Yugi: “Thank you for that introduction Zane but back to the business, I will gather the other Elders and we will meet you in the conference room Zane with the boy, in about 15 minutes.”

 

Zane: “OK I will have the boy there but right now I will show him his room for tonight.”

 

Zane and Hayate left the room and Zane lead the way to a room on the first floor in which Zane explained that he should wait there until he returns to get him in a little while. About ten minutes later Zane reappeared at the door to get Hayate.

 

Zane: “Hayate lets go we have to hurry or we’ll be late.”

 

Hayate: “OK give me a second I just have to put my deck in its slot on my belt.”

 

As they headed off to the Conference Room the Elders where just sitting down. Soon Zane and Hayate had arrived and Yugi directed them to a table in front of the Elders.

 

Yugi: “Well to start with this I believe we should introduce our selves to you Hayate, of course you know I am Yugi Moto.”

 

Second Elder: “Hello Hayate boy my name is Maximillion Pegasus.”

 

Third Elder: “Hi I’m Jaden Yuki.”

 

Fourth Elder: “I’m Seto Kaiba and I don’t see you as such a special boy, I could easily beat you.”

 

Yugi: “Enough Seto we don’t have time to play we need to focuse on the task at hand, now of course you’ve met Zane, Hayate but he will soon be an Elder along with the rest of us.

 

Zane: “Thank you Yugi but lets get on with it.”

 

Jaden: “I say you take care of the boy Zane you’ll be good for the boy.”

 

Yugi: “I agree with Jaden, I nominate Jaden’s request that the boy stays with Zane, do I hear a second.”

 

Pegasus: “I second the motion.”

 

Yugi: “All in favor say I.”

 

Elders: “I.”

 

Yugi: “There you have it Zane the boy will stay with you for now train him well.

 

Zane and Hayate left the Conference Room and headed toward Hayate’s Room. Down the stairs Zane went with Hayate surely following behind. After getting to the room Hayate went in and went to shut the door, but Zane stayed there.

 

Zane: “Well Hayate I guess you get to stick with me from now on, You get some sleep tonight and I will talk with you in the morning.”

 

Hayate: “OK Zane I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

With That Zane closed the door and went to his own room. Hayate sat up for a while, but soon ended up falling asleep.

 

 

[spoiler=Vol 1; Episode 3]

Volume 1 Episode 3

Hayate’s Destiny

 

In the morning Hayate awoke to sunlight shinning through the window.

 

“Today is a new day; I wonder what Zane will be teaching me?”

 

He got up off his bed and walked to the desk on the other side of his room where his stuff was located. Pulling on his shirt and changing into his pants he locked his cards into place in his card pouch. He then walked out of the room. There where many young duelists walking around to different places.

 

“Hey what is everyone doing?” Hayate asked.

 

“There is a competition going on in the corridor,” one of the duelist answered. Hayate followed him into the corridor to see the competition up close. As he walked in he could see all the duelists and their monsters doing battle. He watched one duel in particular that was using a deck style almost contradictory to his own. He noticed Zane walking in and ran over to him.

 

“What are we going to do today,” Hayate asked.

 

“Well you’re not going to be with me today you will be talking with the Elder Yugi. He has some stuff he will be discussing with you, and you must listen and remember everything he tells you.” Zane explained. Hayate followed Zane to Yugi’s chamber as Zane knocked.

 

Opening the door Yugi said, “Great I was just getting my things together to talk with you hayate.” Hayate stepped into Yugi’s chamber.

 

“Zane you are dismissed!” Yugi said, with that Zane turned around and closed the door. Yugi then walked over to a desk in which he pointed to another seat opposite from his hinting that he wanted Hayate to sit.

 

“Hayate do you remember your father?” Yugi asked.

 

With a dishearten look on his face he replied, “Just barely, I remember when I was about 3 but nothing else.” He then looked down awaiting Yugi’s next sentence.

 

“Well when you where 3 your father Assam was an Elder here at the Chosen Duelist Academy, but when he found out that you his only son was destined to replace him as the best duelist, He left and became a rouge Duelist. After a few years he became the leader of a group know as the Elite Duelist Squad.” Hayate unsure about what Yugi was explaining kept listening. “This Duelist squad he formed was to capture you in order to take over the world. He thinks by using you as his personnel Head duelists he can kill all the Elders and everyone associated with the Chosen Duelist Academy.”

 

“So basically my father is planning on killing everyone here and taking over the world with my dueling abilities?” Hayate asked.

 

“Yes but since you are now under the protection of the Elders here and Zane you shouldn’t be scared, in time you will become the best duelist the world has ever known even greater then me and your father together.”

 

“But why me,” Hayate replied half not knowing what to do and the other half wanting to rid the world of his father and all the evil,

 

“Because from the day you where two years old you learned every strategy known to the duelist world, and at the moment The Chosen Duelist Academy has the well known YuGiOh card maker otherwise known as Elder Maximillion Pegasus.” Yugi told him. He could see that the conversation was making Hayate uncomfortable so he decided to wrap things up. “Hayate this will be the end of our conversation and tommarow you will be Report back here for a lesson in the true secrets behind Duel Monsters.”

 

Hayate then got up and walked to the door and opening it took a glance back at Yugi and shut the door. “The true secret behind Duel Monsters?” Hayate asked rhetorically.” Then he went down stairs to watch some more of the duel competitions. As Hayate walked in he saw the kid he had spoken to earlier in the middle of a duel. Hayate decided that he would sit and watch the kids duel.

 

Match 23:

 

Kimimorou LP: 800

 

Opponent: 2300

 

Kimmimorou had two card laid face down on the field one monster and one spell or trap. His opponent had a Blue Eyes White Dragon on his field and two spell or traps.

 

Opponent: “I activate my Dragon Treasure spell from the field, giving my Blue Eyes White Dragon 300 more ATK and DEF. Then I will attack your facedown card.” His Blue Eyes shot a blast of white light from his mouth at Kimmimorou’s facedown monster. The monster appeared for a brief moment showing that it was Morphing Jar.

 

Kimmimarou: “I activate my monsters special ability, both of us must discard our hands and draw 5 new cards.” Both Kimmimorou and his opponent discarded their hand and drew five new ones from their respected decks. “It’s still your turn,” Kimmimorou said.

 

Opponent: “I set one card and end my turn,” A card formed in one of his spell or trap card zones.

 

Kimmimorou: He drew another card and then said, “I set one card and I special summon one Cyber Dragon, and end my turn.” His opponent then drew another card and was looking through his hand.

 

Opponent: “I summon one Masked Dragon and then, Blue Eyes attack his Cyber Dragon.” The dragon again shot the same white light as before, but this time Kimmimorou’s opponent wasn’t expecting his trap.

 

Kimmimorou: “I activate my Magic Cylinder trap card,” Two cylinders appeared on the field and one reflected the attack the second shot it at his opponent’s life points.

 

Kimmimorou: 800

Opponent: 0

 

Announcer: “Well there you have it another fantastic win by Kimmimorou.”

 

Hayate got up and walked over to Kimmimorou, “Great match but something is bugging me, I used that same technique in my last duel, who taught you that.”

 

“Actually Hayate it was your father back before he left.”

 

Hayate then shook Kimmimorou’s hand and walked back to his room. “He’s a good duelist and my father taught him some good strategies.” Hayate then lie on his bed and eventually fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Footnote: I want to thank Kale Part of my main plot to this story was made up by him.

[Umbra]

Spacing is just strange, not artistic in any way. Change that.

[PrimalFear]

what do you mean spacing but how'd ya like the story

[TotalObelisk]

It means the spacing between your lines, it's kind of annoying. As for the story itself it's a good start, better than most things churned out in this section at any right, but it can still use some improvement, I recommend you proof read it and check for mistakes as well as seeing what you can make better...

[PrimalFear]

you'd rather have regular not double spaced most people like it double spaced making it easier to read but if thats what you wish than i shall change it

[Umbra]

you'd rather have regular not double spaced most people like it double spaced making it easier to read but if thats what you wish than i shall change it

 

Define "most people".

 

If people need that kind of spacing to make a text readable' date=' people should look closer. I prefer paragraph spacing or dialogue spacing to [i']this[/i].

[TotalObelisk]

Actually I was referring to the line spacing, you know when you have:

 

This and

 

then this

 

 

Got me?

[PrimalFear]

its done check it out and let me know.

[PrimalFear]

I was just letting everyone know that it will take me a little while to get my deck's for the main characters created, also i'm working everyday trying to get everything for this perfected to the point where it will be a top FanFic just realise this is my first and i will make some mistakes but i would love it if you the readers could help me out by pointing out my mistakes. right now i've started Hayate's deck the main character in my story, for now i have to make His partner's the Old man in the hat's deck i can't tell you his name just yet but it will come. If anyone has any idea's for the two Kid snatchers deck's let me know i'll give out reps for the help thanks all.

[PrimalFear]

bump

[Kale]

welp, i already helped. ^_^ i guess i will post my opinion publicly now.

 

i believe that this will do well. im not sure how well, but i am sure that it would. ^_^

 

keep it going....

[PrimalFear]

thanks kale i just wish that i could get more people to look at this and to get them to tell me what they think thanks lol

[senron]

It looks pretty good and you should try giving the kid snatchers dark world decks.

[PrimalFear]

thanks for the idea i greatly appreciate it

[PrimalFear]

Bump need some help on deck builds for some characters + reps for help

[PrimalFear]

bump

[DarkDragoQueen]

Hm....How about a Stolen Strategy Deck? You know....A Mill Deck? O.o;

[PrimalFear]

i'll think about iy thanks for the help

[RAWMansonBoy]

i'm guessing you didn't take the Marik idea then?

[PrimalFear]

well i'm still trying to come up with the story line and where i want to go with the story, sorry it's taking longer then i expected, but be on the lookout marik might just pop up some where, thanks

[PrimalFear]

Bump 1st episode is finally up hope everyone injoys it, thanks everyone.

[RAWMansonBoy]

It's really cool. Some punctuation errors but great story!

[PrimalFear]

thanks raw appreciated

[PrimalFear]

New episode #2 is now up as well thanks everyone

[Aximil]

It was pretty painful to read because a lot of words were spelled wronge. You need to proof read. Plus, how did Zane bring out Cyber End Dragon with just Proto-Cyber Dragon and a Cyber Dragon that was in his hand? He would have needed one more.

 

 

But, it was pretty good. Better than most of the fan-fics.