AB72 Posted September 19, 2008 Report Share Posted September 19, 2008 my fan fic please read. “Ancient gear golem attack.” Screamed Jeff. That’s the seventh duel he won in a row. “Ha.” Snarled Billy Bob Joe. “You and those pathetic gears of yours. My heroes can win any day.” “Well let’s see.” “Fine.” This duel will be simple they both thought. “Let’s duel”. They both yelled. BBJ= 8000 Jeff= 8000 “I’ll go first.” Jeff said. “I activate spell gear and send these 3 ancient gears to the graveyard to special summon two Ancient gear golems. I play this face down and call it a turn.” “I activate dark hole. Now I summon Evil hero infernal gainer. I play this card face down now attack directly. “I activate Mirror force.” “I activate Mystical space typhoon.” “Now continue your attack.” BBJ=8000 Jeff=6400 “I play this card face down your turn.” “Game over. I activate ancient gear workshop to get gear golem. Now I activate polymerization to fuse gear golem, solider, and knight to summon Ultimate ancient gear golem now I play gear town and summon gear beast. Now to finish you I activate mystical space typhoon to destroy your face down. Attack gear best to destroy evil hero infernal gainer. Now ultimate gear golem attack him directly now I activate de- fusion to end the duel all monsters attack end this.” BBJ=0 Jeff= 6400. To be continued………… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Beast 123 Posted September 19, 2008 Report Share Posted September 19, 2008 Could be better. Duel is a little short, but it's okay.Final Rating: 5.5/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. 23 Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 fail/10 no setting or background, it starts with a pointless duel, and how do you negate a set card's effect with mystical space typhoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 Absolutely no setup, the duel seemed to start right in the middle, and you used horrible dialogue skills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Beast 123 Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 Could be better. Duel is a little short' date=' but it's okay.Final Rating: 5.5/10[/quote']Whoops, I messed up. Let's fix this.Started with 2 cards in hand. By his end phase, he had -5 cards in his hand. Mind explaining how this works?:twisted:-42/10I voted for good, but I take that back. Keep that in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeppeli Gyro Supreme Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 Your rulings are also a bit off. Especially Spell Gear and Mystical Space Typhoon >> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. 23 Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 btw ancient gear golem cannot be special summoned smart one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 and you spelled jewel wrong >.> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slayer1 Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 wooooowwwww......epic-fail/ULTRA-N00B/FACEPALM!!!!!!!!/10.all that -1000000000000000000000how much can i say itnot good at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 btw ancient gear golem cannot be special summoned smart one!I would consider that flaming... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. 23 Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 btw ancient gear golem cannot be special summoned smart one!I would consider that flaming...sorry, i just know him offline so im used to talking to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Beast 123 Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 yeah, I know him offline too........And I know you, Dr. 23!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 Way too short. And why aren't you describing anything? You need to add more detail about the characters, the surroundings. Even describe the way the talk, make it more interesting to read. We don't know whats going on, you need a better introduction, it starts off by saying “Ancient gear golem attack.” Screamed Jeff. That’s the seventh duel he one in a row. That dosen't tell us much and you never did describe the characters, you didn't even tell us were they are. Oh, and you have some grammar errors, like " That’s the seventh duel he one in a row. " It's won. Cheack through for grammar errors before you post it, thats what I use to do. Extend the chapter, or was that an intro? Anyway, It should be extended. Main thing though, description. Thats what you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2008 Enjoy. “Ha, that’s game now your jewels please” said Jeff in his British accent. “Well I guess I did find the best duelist in Iowa congratulations you’re my new partner,” said Billy Bob Joe in his Southern accent. “What” said Jeff? “I mean you and your baggy jeans and t-shirt and my scarf, bandana, ripped shirt, and tight jeans are going to win.” said Billy Bob Joe. “Uh, how about I beat you violently so I can get my jewels. 6 seconds later Jeff is being carried to the hospital with a broken spine. Three days later Jeff makes an instant recovery. “Fine I’m in, but who are we facing them,” he pointed to a sign “Louishce and Jose” he snarled. “They are undefeated until they meet us.” All of a sudden they appear out of nowhere. “Let’s Duel.” They both screamed looking the exact same activating their beautiful golden covered duel disks. Jeff and Billy Bob Joe=8000 Jose and Louishce=8000 “I think I’ll go first,” said Louishce drawing, “I play Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus in attack mode. Now with its effect I play Crystal Beast Amber Mammoth in the spell and trap card zone. Now I activate crystal promise.” Amber Mammoth in attack mode. “I end my turn with a face down.” “My turn,” said Jose drawing a card. “I use polymerization to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon. I lay three cards face down then end my turn.” Before Jeff could even draw a card Jose activated Limiter Removal, then Ring of destruction, and finally, they both looked at each other and yelled, “We activate ring of defense. Jeff and Billy Bob Joe=0 Louishce and Jose=8000 It was all over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Beast 123 Posted September 24, 2008 Report Share Posted September 24, 2008 I am adding everything above to this post.1. What are "jewels"? Jeff said to give him his jewels. What did you mean by that?2. Needs more background on this....tournament?3. The part where Jeff gets taken to the hospital is just plain stupid.3. Check your grammar and spelling.4. Too short duels.5. No setup.6. Mystical Space Typhoon can't negate a card's effect.7. In the first chapter, by the duel was over, Jeff had -5 cards in his hand.8. BTW Dr. 23, he Special Summoned Gear Golem. Spell gear says ignoring the summoning conditions. I think you owe someone an apology.9. For Spell Gear, you must send three face-up monsters to the Graveyard.10. Not very good dialogue.I think that's it.Overall: Horrible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2008 Your fan fic was pointless crystal best 123 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Beast 123 Posted September 26, 2008 Report Share Posted September 26, 2008 Your fan fic was pointless crystal best 123That is totally off-topic (BTW it isn't). You are what your avatar says. Spammer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 12, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 i really rate your fanfic cb123 ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 2.5/10 because of your new chapter. here is why1.the duel was messed up.2.xavier????? thats more pointless then jose or loushcie3.half of the cards they activated didn't have names.4.why dark worlds and not lightsworns.5.mark cheated6.half the cards that xavier attacked with weren't even summoned.7.this reminded me of season 4 or 5 were the seal of orichalcos.8.why would he just tell mark his name.9.how does that make the duel easier10.aren't they so possed to be at a childrens trading card game school not regular school.11.why would he lay in bed and think about the duel he won if he won.12.i'm pourpesely not captilazing amd adding ?13.why would he stay at school till dusk.14.wouldn't the teacher tell him to leave.15.overall 2.5/10 yes i did mean to say that twice.yes i did mean to mess up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted October 12, 2008 Report Share Posted October 12, 2008 Keep the arguments out of your threads. You've been warned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 “That was embarrassing,” said Louishce, “let’s go Jose. The next morning everything was going to change. “Look,” sighed Jeff “I think it’s time we go are separate ways.” “How about this we duel if you win you can leave, but if I win we have to stay partners that sound good,” proposed Billy Bob Joe. “Fine.” Answered Jeff “Duel” they both yelled. Jeff = 8000 Billy Bob Joe = 8000 “I go first,” yelled Jeff “I activate Blaze Accelerator set one card face down then summon Volcanic Rocket and use its affect to add a Tri-Blaze Accelerator, I end my turn.” “New cards I see” Billy Bob Joe thought “I play this card face down set one card and call it a turn.” “I send Volcanic Scattershot to the graveyard to use Blaze Accelerator to destroy your face down then thanks to Volcanic Scattershshots effect to take out all monsters on your side of the field and take out 1500 of your life points using Volcanic Scattershots effects. Your turn.” Said Jeff. Billy Bob Joe just stood there and did not make his turn. “Ha that move was pathetic,” he said looking crazy “I draw.” He still stood there staring at his card. This card he thought can win me the duel. “I play two cards face down then activate heavy storm. Next I activate pot of greed. I activate graceful charity. Finally I activate card of sanctity. I activate miracle fusion to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon, then I activate share the pain so good bye cyber end and you have no more monsters now.” “You don’t have any either.” “But that is the point. I activate power bond to summon the cyber dark dragon.” Then all of a sudden Billy Bob Joe felt a sharp strike and the next thing he knew he was on the ground dead. To Be Continued.Oh yeah the set card was a cyber dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 “That was embarrassing,” said Louishce, “let’s go Jose. The next morning everything was going to change. “Look,” sighed Jeff “I think it’s time we go are separate ways.” “How about this we duel if you win you can leave, but if I win we have to stay partners that sound good,” proposed Billy Bob Joe. “Fine.” Answered Jeff “Duel” they both yelled. Jeff = 8000 Billy Bob Joe = 8000 “I go first,” yelled Jeff “I activate Blaze Accelerator set one card face down then summon Volcanic Rocket and use its affect to add a Tri-Blaze Accelerator, I end my turn.” “New cards I see” Billy Bob Joe thought “I play this card face down set one card and call it a turn.” “I send Volcanic Scattershot to the graveyard to use Blaze Accelerator to destroy your face down then thanks to Volcanic Scattershshots effect to take out all monsters on your side of the field and take out 1500 of your life points using Volcanic Scattershots effects. Your turn.” Said Jeff. Billy Bob Joe just stood there and did not make his turn. “Ha that move was pathetic,” he said looking crazy “I draw.” He still stood there staring at his card. This card he thought can win me the duel. “I play two cards face down then activate heavy storm. Next I activate pot of greed. I activate graceful charity. Finally I activate card of sanctity. I activate miracle fusion to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon, then I activate share the pain so good bye cyber end and you have no more monsters now.” “You don’t have any either.” “But that is the point. I activate power bond to summon the cyber dark dragon.” Then all of a sudden Billy Bob Joe felt a sharp strike and the next thing he knew he was on the ground dead. To Be Continued.Oh yeah the set card was a cyber dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 “That was embarrassing,” said Louishce, “let’s go Jose. The next morning everything was going to change. “Look,” sighed Jeff “I think it’s time we go are separate ways.” “How about this we duel if you win you can leave, but if I win we have to stay partners that sound good,” proposed Billy Bob Joe. “Fine.” Answered Jeff “Duel” they both yelled. Jeff = 8000 Billy Bob Joe = 8000 “I go first,” yelled Jeff “I activate Blaze Accelerator set one card face down then summon Volcanic Rocket and use its affect to add a Tri-Blaze Accelerator, I end my turn.” “New cards I see” Billy Bob Joe thought “I play this card face down set one card and call it a turn.” “I send Volcanic Scattershot to the graveyard to use Blaze Accelerator to destroy your face down then thanks to Volcanic Scattershshots effect to take out all monsters on your side of the field and take out 1500 of your life points using Volcanic Scattershots effects. Your turn.” Said Jeff. Billy Bob Joe just stood there and did not make his turn. “Ha that move was pathetic,” he said looking crazy “I draw.” He still stood there staring at his card. This card he thought can win me the duel. “I play two cards face down then activate heavy storm. Next I activate pot of greed. I activate graceful charity. Finally I activate card of sanctity. I activate miracle fusion to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon, then I activate share the pain so good bye cyber end and you have no more monsters now.” “You don’t have any either.” “But that is the point. I activate power bond to summon the cyber dark dragon.” Then all of a sudden Billy Bob Joe felt a sharp strike and the next thing he knew he was on the ground dead. To Be Continued.Oh yeah the set card was a cyber dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 “That was embarrassing,” said Louishce, “let’s go Jose. The next morning everything was going to change. “Look,” sighed Jeff “I think it’s time we go are separate ways.” “How about this we duel if you win you can leave, but if I win we have to stay partners that sound good,” proposed Billy Bob Joe. “Fine.” Answered Jeff “Duel” they both yelled. Jeff = 8000 Billy Bob Joe = 8000 “I go first,” yelled Jeff “I activate Blaze Accelerator set one card face down then summon Volcanic Rocket and use its affect to add a Tri-Blaze Accelerator, I end my turn.” “New cards I see” Billy Bob Joe thought “I play this card face down set one card and call it a turn.” “I send Volcanic Scattershot to the graveyard to use Blaze Accelerator to destroy your face down then thanks to Volcanic Scattershshots effect to take out all monsters on your side of the field and take out 1500 of your life points using Volcanic Scattershots effects. Your turn.” Said Jeff. Billy Bob Joe just stood there and did not make his turn. “Ha that move was pathetic,” he said looking crazy “I draw.” He still stood there staring at his card. This card he thought can win me the duel. “I play two cards face down then activate heavy storm. Next I activate pot of greed. I activate graceful charity. Finally I activate card of sanctity. I activate miracle fusion to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon, then I activate share the pain so good bye cyber end and you have no more monsters now.” “You don’t have any either.” “But that is the point. I activate power bond to summon the cyber dark dragon.” Then all of a sudden Billy Bob Joe felt a sharp strike and the next thing he knew he was on the ground dead. To Be Continued.Oh yeah the set card was a cyber dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 “That was embarrassing,” said Louishce, “let’s go Jose. The next morning everything was going to change. “Look,” sighed Jeff “I think it’s time we go are separate ways.” “How about this we duel if you win you can leave, but if I win we have to stay partners that sound good,” proposed Billy Bob Joe. “Fine.” Answered Jeff “Duel” they both yelled. Jeff = 8000 Billy Bob Joe = 8000 “I go first,” yelled Jeff “I activate Blaze Accelerator set one card face down then summon Volcanic Rocket and use its affect to add a Tri-Blaze Accelerator, I end my turn.” “New cards I see” Billy Bob Joe thought “I play this card face down set one card and call it a turn.” “I send Volcanic Scattershot to the graveyard to use Blaze Accelerator to destroy your face down then thanks to Volcanic Scattershshots effect to take out all monsters on your side of the field and take out 1500 of your life points using Volcanic Scattershots effects. Your turn.” Said Jeff. Billy Bob Joe just stood there and did not make his turn. “Ha that move was pathetic,” he said looking crazy “I draw.” He still stood there staring at his card. This card he thought can win me the duel. “I play two cards face down then activate heavy storm. Next I activate pot of greed. I activate graceful charity. Finally I activate card of sanctity. I activate miracle fusion to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon, then I activate share the pain so good bye cyber end and you have no more monsters now.” “You don’t have any either.” “But that is the point. I activate power bond to summon the cyber dark dragon.” Then all of a sudden Billy Bob Joe felt a sharp strike and the next thing he knew he was on the ground dead. To Be Continued.Oh yeah the set card was a cyber dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB72 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 “That was embarrassing,” said Louishce, “let’s go Jose. The next morning everything was going to change. “Look,” sighed Jeff “I think it’s time we go are separate ways.” “How about this we duel if you win you can leave, but if I win we have to stay partners that sound good,” proposed Billy Bob Joe. “Fine.” Answered Jeff “Duel” they both yelled. Jeff = 8000 Billy Bob Joe = 8000 “I go first,” yelled Jeff “I activate Blaze Accelerator set one card face down then summon Volcanic Rocket and use its affect to add a Tri-Blaze Accelerator, I end my turn.” “New cards I see” Billy Bob Joe thought “I play this card face down set one card and call it a turn.” “I send Volcanic Scattershot to the graveyard to use Blaze Accelerator to destroy your face down then thanks to Volcanic Scattershshots effect to take out all monsters on your side of the field and take out 1500 of your life points using Volcanic Scattershots effects. Your turn.” Said Jeff. Billy Bob Joe just stood there and did not make his turn. “Ha that move was pathetic,” he said looking crazy “I draw.” He still stood there staring at his card. This card he thought can win me the duel. “I play two cards face down then activate heavy storm. Next I activate pot of greed. I activate graceful charity. Finally I activate card of sanctity. I activate miracle fusion to fuse my three cyber dragons to summon the cyber end dragon, then I activate share the pain so good bye cyber end and you have no more monsters now.” “You don’t have any either.” “But that is the point. I activate power bond to summon the cyber dark dragon.” Then all of a sudden Billy Bob Joe felt a sharp strike and the next thing he knew he was on the ground dead. To Be Continued.Oh yeah the set card was a cyber dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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