SaTuRnPaLaDiN's fanfic - Duel or Die

[Saturn of Elemia]

Hello everyone. This is my first attempt at a fanfic, but I hope you enjoy it. I call it "Duel or Die". (Sounds cool, right?) First, here are the characters of our story:

 

[spoiler=CHARACTERS]

Name: Marvel Lexington

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Deck: Visionaries

Bio: A professional duelist, Marvel searches the world for his lost father who left him and his mother at an early age. He uses a Deck consisting of Visionary monsters - a Deck that once belonged to his mother.

 

Name: Annette Allenford

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Deck: Cute Crusaders

Bio: Annette is the childhhod friend and rival of Marvel Lexington. She has always been a source of motivation and comfort for Marvel ever since the disappearance of his father. Her Deck is based around Cute Crusaders - a band of monsters who specialize in Fusions and Synchros.

 

Name: Travis McHallen

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Deck: Pirates of the Medea

Bio: Travis has been fascinated with pirates ever since he could remember. He is lazy unless it comes to dueling. He uses a Deck based around a small band of pirates and shir ship - the Medea.

 

Name: Regina Orleans

Age: 22

Gender: Female

Deck: Hellspawns

Bio: Regina is the heiress to the wealthy Orleans family, but longs for a life outside high class. She ran away from home and established a gang called "Outlanders". She is not above cheating to get what she wants and often stacks her Deck in her favor. She uses Hellspawn monsters in her Deck.

 

Name: Virgina Vallens

Age: 16

Gender: Female

Deck: Powerpuff Girls

Bio: Virginia is a young and upcoming duelist. She is very fragile and is not very respected due to her age. She uses a Deck based around the Powerpuff Girls since they inspire her to keep doing her best no matter the odds.

 

Name: Jonathan Everford

Age: 33

Gender: Male

Deck: Organization XIII

Bio: Not much is known about him except that he uses a Deck based around Organization XIII from Kingdom Hearts.

 

Name: Natalie McHallen

Age: 18

Gender: Female

Deck: Princess

Bio: Natalie is the younger sister of Travis. She is the exact opposite of Travis and is a bit of a perfectionist. She uses Princess monsters in her Deck as she considers them a challenge to use effectively.

 

Name: Kyle Robbins

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Deck: Cheerleaders

Bio: Kyle is a very calm and relaxed person. He inspires others with his kind nature. He uses a Cheerleader Deck that supports monsters on his field while weakening his opponent's monsters.

 

Name: Victor Vanguard

Age: Unknown

Gender: Male

Deck: Beastfreaks

Bio: Not much is known about him except that he uses a bizarre group of monsters known as Beastfreaks.

 

Name: Claire Maxwell

Age: 15

Gender: Female

Deck: Galaxy Angels

Bio: Claire is an spunky anime fangirl. She has an encyclopedic knowledge of all things anime and Yu-Gi-Oh. She uses a custom-made Deck based around the characters of her favorite anime - Galaxy Angel.

 

Name: Roland Lexington

Age: 48

Gender: Male

Deck: Revengers

Bio: He is the father of Marvel Lexington and a former champion.

 

 

 

Without further ado, I give you "Duel or Die":

 

[spoiler=CHAPTER ONE - BEGINNING]

The crowd cheered as a new champion was crowned. The person in question was Marvel Lexington. He has just won the Duel Monsters International Championship. As he looked around to see the thousands of fans cheering, he breathed a sigh of relief. He had just faced one of the toughest duels of his entire dueling career. He looked down at his Duel Disk to see the number -0800- displayed. This was the lowest amount of Life Points that he had ever been taken down to without losing a duel. It was no surprise; his opponent was Jacque Deloquoix, the Number 1 duelist from France. Marvel couldn't stop wondering how on earth he emerged victorious from the battle. He thought back to the final moments of the match:

 

(Ten minutes ago)

 

Marvel - 0900 LP (3 cards in hand)

Jacque - 1400 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

"You silly boy, you should quit now while you still have the chance," Jacque said as he looked on Marvel's side. Marvel only had 1 monster face-down on his field and 2 face-down cards in his Spell/Trap Card Zone. Jacque, on the other hand, had 2 face-up [Metal Armored Bug] (2800 ATK / 1500 DEF) and a face-up [insect Knight] (1900 ATK / 1500 DEF) with no Spell or Trap Cards on his field and no cards in his hand. Marvel, however, did not show the slighest bit of concern on his face. Instead, he gave a smirk on his face as if to mock his opponent. Jacque yelled the command, "[Metal Armored Bug], attack the face-down monster!" With that, the large insect rampaged toward Marvel's side of the field and slammed down its enormous body on the face-down monster. The impact had brought up a large cloud of dust that covered the entire field.

 

When the cloud cleared, Jacque was stunned to find that the monster that had just been crushed under the weight of the enormous insect was still on the field. "What is this?' Jacque exclaimed, demanding an explanation. "It's quite simple," Marvel began, pointing at the monster on his field. The monster was [Guardian of Enlightenment]:

 

Guardian of Enlightenment

4-Star / EARTH / Warrior/Visionary

ATK 1300 / DEF 1900

When this card is Normal Summoned, you can discard 1 Monster Card from your hand. When this card is destroyed by an opponent's card effect, you can remove the discarded monster from play to Special Summon this card to your field. If this card is Special Summoned this way, increase the DEF of this card by half the original ATK of the removed monster. This card cannot be destroyed in battle by a Level 8 or higher monster.

 

The silver armored knight held its shield proudly in one hand while flicking her blond hair back. It turned toward Marvel to give a wink. "This monster," Marvel began," is not destroyed by battle by any monster whose Level is 8 or higher - including your giant cockroach there. Also, its DEF is high enough to repel the attack of your 'Insect Knight' with little effort." Jacque just smiled, "That may be true, but I still hold the field advantage. What can you possibly do to me in your condition?" Marvel was not phased by Jacque's words. He just looked at the cards in his hand and smiled. "Since I can't do much, I have no choice but to end my turn," Jacque said. With that, Marvel drew his card.

 

Marvel - 0900 LP (4 cards in hand)

Jacque - 1400 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

Marvel looked at the card he had just drew. It was just the card he needed to turn the whole duel around. "Here we go," Marvel exclaimed as he picked the card he just drew from his hand. "First, I play the Field Spell [Monastery of Enlightenment]."

 

Monastery of Enlightenment

Field Spell Card

Increase the ATK and DEF of all Visionary monsters by 300. When a Visionary monster is destroyed by battle, it is treated as having been destroyed by a card effect.

 

Marvel - 0900 LP (3 cards in hand)

Jacque - 1400 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

The field had turned into a chapel with a ray of moonlight shining through an arch. "Next, I will summon my monster [shining Archangel Visionary] to the field!"

 

Shinging Archangel Visionary

4-Star / LIGHT / Fairy/Visionary

ATK 1800 / DEF 0900

When this card is Normal Summoned, you can discard 1 LIGHT monster from your hand. When this card is destroyed by an opponent's card effect, you can remove the discarded monster from play to Special Summon this card to the field. If this card is Special Summoned this way, inflict damage to your opponent equal to the Level of the removed monster x 200.

 

Marvel - 0900 LP (2 cards in hand)

Jacque - 1400 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

An angel with six wings and dressed in a white gown emerged.

She wielded a long red sword and had shiny pink hair. "I now activate my monster's special ability," Marvel said, "I discard 1 LIGHT monster from my hand to activate this card...and I choose to discard [Alchemic Visionary]." With that, Marvel discarded the monster to the Graveyard.

 

Marvel - 0900 LP (1 card in hand)

Jacque - 1400 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

Marvel pointed at Jacque and yelled, "[shinging Archangel Visionary], attack his [insect Knight]." The monster rose up, extended its wings, and hurled itself toward the [insect Knight]. Jacque simply laughed and said, "So THIS is your great comeback strategy? To sacrifice your own monster?" The [insect Knight] blocked the attack of the [shining Archangel Visionary] and embedded its sword into its abdomen.

 

Marvel - 0800 LP (1 card in hand)

Jacque - 1400 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

Jacque's monster still stood on the field, but this is what Marvel had planned. "You just activated my monster's secondary effect." "What do you mean?" Jacque said. Marvel quickly said, "Well, you know that my Visionaries allow me to discard a card when they are Normal Summoned. Well, when the monster is destroyed by a card effect, I can remove the monster I discarded from the Graveyard to Special Summon the destroyed monster back to the field." Jacque smiled and replied, "Ah, but it wasn't destroyed by a card effect. It was destroyed by battle." Marvel simply smiled and said, "True, but that is where my Field Spell comes into play. It makes it so that when my Visionary monsters are destroyed by battle, it is treated as though they were destroyed by a card effect. So, my [shining Archangel Visionary] comes back to the field." The monster emerged back to the field, displaying its six shinging wings. "The secondary effect of my monster," Marvel began, "inflicts damage to my opponent's Life Points equal to the Level of the monster I removed x 200. The [Alchemic Visionary] monster I just removed was a Level 7 monster. That means you take 1400 damage - enough to end the Duel!" Jacque's face displayed a look of utter shock and disbelief...

 

Marvel - 0800 LP (1 card in hand)

Jacque - 0000 LP (0 cards in hand)

 

(Present time)

 

Marvel walked over to his opponent, who was kneeling down as to hide his face in shame. Marvel extended his hand to his opponent as a sign of sportsmanship. Jacque looked up and smacked Marvel's hand away. Afterwards, he stood up and quietly left the building. Marvel did nothing but look as his defeated opponent hung his head in shame and proceeded to leave the building.

 

[.:|Fallen|:.]

nice begining

[2sick4u]

Wow.

 

Nice. :D.

 

This comes second to Azuh's in my book. At least, so far. :D.

 

However, if your field spell card increases the ATK of all your visionary monsters by 300, Shining Archangel Visionary would have 2100 ATK, enough to kill insect knight. =/.

 

Other than that.

Great fan-fic. =].

[Wyhe]

great begining for a fanfic,I would love to see more from you

 

You have proven yourself as a great cardmaker, let's how good you are in fanfic writing...

[Καsτοr]

Great!

Just that in the character list, Natalie is suppose to be the younger sister of Travis, but Travis is younger.

[Alexander²]

Very Nice

[Saturn of Elemia]

Thanks for pointing out the Field Bonus. I had forgotten about that. My bad. I also edited Natalie's profile to show that she is 18 instead of 22. Thanks again for pointing that out to me. :?

 

Glad you like it so far. I'm gonna TRY and make a chapter every two weeks if possible - perhaps sooner. I als might change the format of the writing style so it is easier to follow. 8)

[Silas Angel]

man.. you really have become an amazing member on this site.. i love your sets, your beaten me there.. and it also seems that same way here in fanfictions..

 

congrats ^_^

[Deucalion]

Not a lot to suggest, it is certainly a very good fanfic, better than most on this site. However, a few suggestions - make the Chapters much longer. Second, try separating speech.

 

"Talky talky talk" said Bob. "Talky talky talky." I'mma do some actions now, y' know, a bit of verbing, in order to fill up this example paragraph. Yeah. "More talky, more talky. Blah blah!"

And back to the very, verby, verby shtuff.

 

Is what you are doing.

 

"Talky talk" said Bob. "Talky talkty talky."

 

Bob does some actioning, wiv dose wordy t'ings. Action, action, verb, verb. Wewt yeah.

 

"Talky talk." said Bob. "TALK BLAH!"

 

See? You space out speech and actions - it makes things easier to read.

 

Finally, descriptions.

 

An angel with six wings and dressed in a white gown emerged.

She wielded a long red sword and had shiny pink hair.

 

This is a bit awkard. If you want to be more flowing in your description style, you describe things as part of an action. Pour un example:

 

An angel emerged, beating her six wings, her lustrous pink hair and shining white gown a stark contrast to her blood red sword.

 

This description is the same description as the other, but flows much better. Instead of a "list" ie, the angel has wings, sword, etc, it becomes flowing prose, the angel does something related to her wings, sword - it is much nicer to read.

 

That said, your fanfic is pretty good. I'd give you an 8/10 as is.

[bury the year]

It's good, but the brackets surrounding card naems made it visually distracting. Also, if you put the new monsters in at the bottom, instead of breaking up the story to put them in, it'd be a lot better.

[Saturn of Elemia]

I'm going to try and make a Master Archive of all the cards being used in this fanfic and provide a link for people to view the cards. I will just list the name, ATK and DEF (if a monster) and what set it comes from in the fanfic in parenthesis and BOLD the name of the cards being played to clear up confusion. I will also change how the story is told. I will keep the more descriptive style when not dueling, but it will change to play style when the duels are in motion.

 

Thanks for the comments. 8)

[Holy R. Enigma]

Damn, that's a pretty good first fan fiction. Even though you are trying to make it every two weeks or less. I would like more of these Fan Fictions. >.>

 

Can you add me to your friends? Because you make excellent cards. All I have made was a Sub-Set of the Great Soviet Union Vs NATO. (More or less, RA2 Sub-Set.) >.>;

 

I'm making Written Cards, of a new set called "The New World Order."

 

Thank god that set, is more or less you can't get any better pictures because it's about a Pixel'd Video Game for PC. And I don't think anyone would actually want to spend all there time in creating those weapons, or it would start a New Cold War or Start World War 3. >.>

[Spire]

A great start the the fanfic.

 

Can't wait to read more.

[Saturn of Elemia]

I'm going to work on a Master Archive of all my works so foar so that it will be easier to show the readers what the cards look like. I will put the link in the first post when it is finished. In the future, I will just bold the card name so the reader can check the Master Archive to get an idea of the card. If it's a Monster, it will have its ATK and DEF in parenthesis after its name:

 

Shining Archangel Visionary (1800 ATK / 900 DEF)

 

Something like that. Anyway, I will post Chapter Two when I finish the Master Archive and my newest set. The next chapter will also be in a new format so it will be easier to follow.

 

Thanks for reading. 8)

[Chaos Impact™]

nice fan fic