LOL Hilarious!!!

[-Satanic-]

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Noob, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly displeased, Noob groped a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, he realized that his beloved condoms was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Newb. Noob had known Newb for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Newb was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... annoying. Noob called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Newb picked up to a very unctuous Noob. Newb calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats sigh before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually wildly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Noob. Why was Newb trying to distract Noob? Because he had snuck out from Noob's with the condoms only four days prior. It was a eccentric little condoms... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Noob got back to the subject at hand: his condoms. Newb sighed. Relunctantly, Newb invited him over, assuring him they'd find the condoms. Noob grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Newb realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the condoms and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Noob took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least five minutes before Noob would get there. But if he took the poo? Then Newb would be ridiculously screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Newb was interrupted by two annoying snakes that were lured by his condoms. Newb yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he recklessly reached for his ninja star and aimlessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the poo rolling up. It was Noob.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Noob was out of the poo and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Newb's front door. Meanwhile inside, Newb was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the condoms into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his canoe. Newb was relieved but at least the condoms was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Newb indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Noob opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling coke fiend in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Newb assured him. Noob took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Newb had hidden the condoms. Newb shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Noob was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Newb noticed a stupid look on Noob's face. Noob slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Newb felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Noob asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the condoms right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Noob's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Noob nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Newb could react, Noob thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The condoms was plainly in view.

 

Noob stared at Newb for what what must've been seven minutes. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Newb groped sassily in Noob's direction, clearly desperate. Noob grabbed the condoms and bolted for the door. It was locked. Newb let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Noob,' he rebuked. Newb always had been a little insensitive, so Noob knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Newb did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his condoms tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Newb looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Noob. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Noob. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Newb walked over to the window and looked down. Noob was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Noob was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Newb's place. Noob had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral snakes suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the condoms. One by one they latched on to Noob. Already weakened from his injury, Noob yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of snakes running off with his condoms.

 

About five hours later, Noob awoke, his scalp throbbing. It was dark and Noob did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious imaginery desert, Noob was abnormally lost. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he remembered that his condoms was taken by the snakes. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge snake emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha snake. Noob opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the snake sunk its teeth into Noob's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Noob's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than four miles away, Newb was entombed by anguish over the loss of the condoms. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his shin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Noob... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the condoms that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant snakes, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

[duelmaster300]

It all started when our protagonist, Devil Lord, woke up in a jungle. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling overwhelmingly displeased, Devil Lord poked a oven mitt, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few minutes later, he realized that his beloved Weapon was missing! Immediately he called his acquaintance, Reaper. Devil Lord had known Reaper for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Reaper was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Devil Lord called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Reaper picked up to a very calm Devil Lord. Reaper calmly assured him that most bunnies shudder before mating, yet otters usually wildly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Devil Lord. Why was Reaper trying to distract Devil Lord? Because he had snuck out from Devil Lord's with the Weapon only two days prior. It was a flamboyant little Weapon... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Devil Lord got back to the subject at hand: his Weapon. Reaper shuddered. Relunctantly, Reaper invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Weapon. Devil Lord grabbed his couch and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Reaper realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Weapon and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Devil Lord took the '82 Corolla, he had take at least two minutes before Devil Lord would get there. But if he took the Devil Motercycle? Then Reaper would be extraordinarily screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Reaper was interrupted by five stupid Demons that were lured by his Weapon. Reaper turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he thoughtfully reached for his fork and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Devil Motercycle rolling up. It was Devil Lord.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of mittens, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Devil Lord was out of the Devil Motercycle and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Reaper's front door. Meanwhile inside, Reaper was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Weapon into a box of butterknifes and then slid the box behind his ironing board. Reaper was displeased but at least the Weapon was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Reaper wildly purred. With a skillful push, Devil Lord opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying genius in a '82 Corolla,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Reaper assured him. Devil Lord took a seat nearby where Reaper had hidden the Weapon. Reaper belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Devil Lord was distracted. Out of nowhere, Reaper noticed a selfish look on Devil Lord's face. Devil Lord slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Reaper felt a stabbing pain in his face when Devil Lord asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Weapon right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Devil Lord's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's pencils from when she used to have pet kittens. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Devil Lord nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Reaper could react, Devil Lord deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Weapon was plainly in view.

 

Devil Lord stared at Reaper for what what must've been six minutes. A few minutes later, Reaper groped charismatically in Devil Lord's direction, clearly desperate. Devil Lord grabbed the Weapon and bolted for the door. It was locked. Reaper let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Devil Lord,' he rebuked. Reaper always had been a little funny-smelling, so Devil Lord knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Reaper did something crazy, like... start chucking butterknifes at him or something. Unexpectedly, he gripped his Weapon tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Reaper looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Devil Lord. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Devil Lord. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Reaper walked over to the window and looked down. Devil Lord was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Devil Lord was struggling to make his way through the pumpkin patch behind Reaper's place. Devil Lord had severely hurt his arm during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Demons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Weapon. One by one they latched on to Devil Lord. Already weakened from his injury, Devil Lord yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Demons running off with his Weapon.

 

About two hours later, Devil Lord awoke, his thigh throbbing. It was dark and Devil Lord did not know where he was. Deep in the humid moor, Devil Lord was alarmingly lost. Suddenly, he remembered that his Weapon was taken by the Demons. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a shrunken Demon emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha Demon. Devil Lord opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Demon sunk its teeth into Devil Lord's leg. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Devil Lord's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than three miles away, Reaper was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Weapon. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened pencil. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his back. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Devil Lord... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Weapon that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Demons, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

LOLz!!999999999999999

 

 

*** L337 Story Generator v1.0

*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005

*** Forever pwning with earnest.

 

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[bruno983]

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, megaman, woke up in a swamp. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly puzzled, megaman poked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved i giant nuclear hammer was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, some random guy. megaman had known some random guy for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were curious ones. some random guy was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... insensitive. megaman called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

some random guy picked up to a very unctuous megaman. some random guy calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys turn red before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually surreptitiously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting megaman. Why was some random guy trying to distract megaman? Because he had snuck out from megaman's with the i giant nuclear hammer only nine days prior. It was a curious little i giant nuclear hammer... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before megaman got back to the subject at hand: his i giant nuclear hammer. some random guy yawned. Relunctantly, some random guy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the i giant nuclear hammer. megaman grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, some random guy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the i giant nuclear hammer and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if megaman took the homemade car, he had take at least eight minutes before megaman would get there. But if he took the a banana? Then some random guy would be scarcely screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, some random guy was interrupted by six pestering super mega death christs that were lured by his i giant nuclear hammer. some random guy sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he aimlessly reached for his carrot and aptly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the a banana rolling up. It was megaman.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, megaman was out of the a banana and went indiscriminately jaunting toward some random guy's front door. Meanwhile inside, some random guy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the i giant nuclear hammer into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his hammock. some random guy was frustrated but at least the i giant nuclear hammer was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' some random guy surreptitiously purred. With a deft push, megaman opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted noble genius in a time machine,' he lied. 'It's fine,' some random guy assured him. megaman took a seat exotically proximate to where some random guy had hidden the i giant nuclear hammer. some random guy yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But megaman was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, some random guy noticed a annoying look on megaman's face. megaman slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

some random guy felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when megaman asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the i giant nuclear hammer right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on megaman's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. megaman nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before some random guy could react, megaman thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The i giant nuclear hammer was plainly in view.

 

megaman stared at some random guy for what what must've been three minutes. Before anyone could take off their pants, some random guy groped scandalously in megaman's direction, clearly desperate. megaman grabbed the i giant nuclear hammer and bolted for the door. It was locked. some random guy let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, megaman,' he rebuked. some random guy always had been a little insensitive, so megaman knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before some random guy did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his i giant nuclear hammer tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

some random guy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from megaman. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for megaman. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. some random guy walked over to the window and looked down. megaman was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, megaman was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind some random guy's place. megaman had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral super mega death christs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the i giant nuclear hammer. One by one they latched on to megaman. Already weakened from his injury, megaman yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of super mega death christs running off with his i giant nuclear hammer.

 

About six hours later, megaman awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and megaman did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy foxy forest, megaman was ridiculously lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he remembered that his i giant nuclear hammer was taken by the super mega death christs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big super mega death christ emerged from the bush. It was the alpha super mega death christ. megaman opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the super mega death christ sunk its teeth into megaman's taint. With a faint groan, the life escaped from megaman's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than six miles away, some random guy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the i giant nuclear hammer. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a quick thrust, he buried it deeply into his armpit. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about megaman... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the i giant nuclear hammer that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant super mega death christs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

LOLz!!1

[Super9990]

It all started when our overrated adventurer, Dying Man, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling excessively exasperated, Dying Man stroked a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved Magical Brick was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Gaylord. Dying Man had known Gaylord for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Gaylord was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... selfish. Dying Man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Gaylord picked up to a very ecstatic Dying Man. Gaylord calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dying Man. Why was Gaylord trying to distract Dying Man? Because he had snuck out from Dying Man's with the Magical Brick only nine days prior. It was a enchanting little Magical Brick... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Dying Man got back to the subject at hand: his Magical Brick. Gaylord panicked. Relunctantly, Gaylord invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Magical Brick. Dying Man grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Gaylord realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Magical Brick and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Dying Man took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least three minutes before Dying Man would get there. But if he took the Love Tank? Then Gaylord would be very screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Gaylord was interrupted by six abrasive Pedobears that were lured by his Magical Brick. Gaylord yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he carefully reached for his banana and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Love Tank rolling up. It was Dying Man.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Dying Man was out of the Love Tank and went sassily jaunting toward Gaylord's front door. Meanwhile inside, Gaylord was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Magical Brick into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. Gaylord was angered but at least the Magical Brick was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Gaylord scandalously purred. With a inept push, Dying Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted zealous...zealot in a Jap Trap,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Gaylord assured him. Dying Man took a seat tragically close to where Gaylord had hidden the Magical Brick. Gaylord shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dying Man was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Gaylord noticed a selfish look on Dying Man's face. Dying Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Gaylord felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Dying Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Magical Brick right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Dying Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dying Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Gaylord could react, Dying Man thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Magical Brick was plainly in view.

 

Dying Man stared at Gaylord for what what must've been three minutes. A few unfulfilled decades later, Gaylord groped sassily in Dying Man's direction, clearly desperate. Dying Man grabbed the Magical Brick and bolted for the door. It was locked. Gaylord let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dying Man,' he rebuked. Gaylord always had been a little abrasive, so Dying Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Gaylord did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his Magical Brick tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Gaylord looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dying Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dying Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Gaylord walked over to the window and looked down. Dying Man was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Dying Man was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Gaylord's place. Dying Man had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pedobears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Magical Brick. One by one they latched on to Dying Man. Already weakened from his injury, Dying Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pedobears running off with his Magical Brick.

 

But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored Dying Man's Magical Brick. Feeling displeased, God smote the Pedobears for their injustice. Then He got in His nappy, busted-out hatchback and blasted away with the fortitude of 200,000 long-haired sea monkeys running from a enlarged pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Dying Man fell with joy when he saw this. His Magical Brick was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Zack & Cody, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet contraceptive'). Dying Man was elated. And so, everyone except Gaylord and a few hand grenade-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.