LOL Hilarious!!!

[Guest Blud]

Oh man! You just HAVE to try this! It is downright HILARIOUS!

 

Random Story Generator

 

[spoiler=Random Story]

It all started when our (former porn) star, Matt Lothe, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling barely angered, Matt Lothe hit a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Nintendo DS was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Barack Obama. Matt Lothe had known Barack Obama for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Barack Obama was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... selfish. Matt Lothe called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Barack Obama picked up to a very unhappy Matt Lothe. Barack Obama calmly assured him that most legless puppies turn red before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually sassily turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Matt Lothe. Why was Barack Obama trying to distract Matt Lothe? Because he had snuck out from Matt Lothe's with the Nintendo DS only six days prior. It was a sassy little Nintendo DS... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Matt Lothe got back to the subject at hand: his Nintendo DS. Barack Obama turned red. Relunctantly, Barack Obama invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Nintendo DS. Matt Lothe grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Barack Obama realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Nintendo DS and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Matt Lothe took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least four minutes before Matt Lothe would get there. But if he took the Cadillac CTS? Then Barack Obama would be exceedingly screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Barack Obama was interrupted by six abrasive Cats that were lured by his Nintendo DS. Barack Obama grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he aptly reached for his dull pencil and aptly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Cadillac CTS rolling up. It was Matt Lothe.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Matt Lothe was out of the Cadillac CTS and went earnestly jaunting toward Barack Obama's front door. Meanwhile inside, Barack Obama was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Nintendo DS into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Barack Obama was relieved but at least the Nintendo DS was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Barack Obama exotically purred. With a heroic push, Matt Lothe opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying spite-toting jerk in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Barack Obama assured him. Matt Lothe took a seat hilariously close to where Barack Obama had hidden the Nintendo DS. Barack Obama yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Matt Lothe was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Barack Obama noticed a funny-smelling look on Matt Lothe's face. Matt Lothe slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Barack Obama felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Matt Lothe asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Nintendo DS right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Matt Lothe's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Matt Lothe nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Barack Obama could react, Matt Lothe randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Nintendo DS was plainly in view.

 

Matt Lothe stared at Barack Obama for what what must've been five microseconds. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Barack Obama groped sassily in Matt Lothe's direction, clearly desperate. Matt Lothe grabbed the Nintendo DS and bolted for the door. It was locked. Barack Obama let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Matt Lothe,' he rebuked. Barack Obama always had been a little funny-smelling, so Matt Lothe knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Barack Obama did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his Nintendo DS tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Barack Obama looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Matt Lothe. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Matt Lothe. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Barack Obama walked over to the window and looked down. Matt Lothe was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Matt Lothe was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Barack Obama's place. Matt Lothe had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Nintendo DS. One by one they latched on to Matt Lothe. Already weakened from his injury, Matt Lothe yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Cats running off with his Nintendo DS.

 

But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Matt Lothe's Nintendo DS. Feeling frustrated, God smote the Cats for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and sputtered away with the fortitude of 200,000 man-eating capybaras running from a oversized pack of albino cats. Matt Lothe shimmied with joy when he saw this. His Nintendo DS was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Hannah Montana, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet gun'). Matt Lothe was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Barack Obama and a few pipe bomb-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.

 

 

[Death Metal]

LOLROFLLYKEOMGTHATWASSOFUNNYITHINKIMGONNAPEEMYSELF.

 

Meh, it was alright.

[Brushfire]

It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Fail Man, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously stunned, Fail Man poked a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved Failure Book was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, I-Fail-More Man. Fail Man had known I-Fail-More Man for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. I-Fail-More Man was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... abrasive. Fail Man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

I-Fail-More Man picked up to a very unhappy Fail Man. I-Fail-More Man calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths turn red before mating, yet albino cats usually charismatically shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Fail Man. Why was I-Fail-More Man trying to distract Fail Man? Because he had snuck out from Fail Man's with the Failure Book only ten days prior. It was a enticing little Failure Book... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Fail Man got back to the subject at hand: his Failure Book. I-Fail-More Man turned red. Relunctantly, I-Fail-More Man invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Failure Book. Fail Man grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, I-Fail-More Man realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Failure Book and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Fail Man took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least nine minutes before Fail Man would get there. But if he took the Fail Car? Then I-Fail-More Man would be ridiculously screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, I-Fail-More Man was interrupted by five stupid Fail-Tigers that were lured by his Failure Book. I-Fail-More Man yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he randomly reached for his live hand grenade and skillfully grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Fail Car rolling up. It was Fail Man.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Fail Man was out of the Fail Car and went flamboyantly jaunting toward I-Fail-More Man's front door. Meanwhile inside, I-Fail-More Man was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Failure Book into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his whale. I-Fail-More Man was angered but at least the Failure Book was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' I-Fail-More Man explosively purred. With a hasty push, Fail Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish rationality-deprived retard in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' I-Fail-More Man assured him. Fail Man took a seat not remotely close to where I-Fail-More Man had hidden the Failure Book. I-Fail-More Man turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Fail Man was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, I-Fail-More Man noticed a insensitive look on Fail Man's face. Fail Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

I-Fail-More Man felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Fail Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Failure Book right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Fail Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fail Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before I-Fail-More Man could react, Fail Man recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Failure Book was plainly in view.

 

Fail Man stared at I-Fail-More Man for what what must've been six days. Giggling like schoolgirl, I-Fail-More Man groped explosively in Fail Man's direction, clearly desperate. Fail Man grabbed the Failure Book and bolted for the door. It was locked. I-Fail-More Man let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fail Man,' he rebuked. I-Fail-More Man always had been a little abrasive, so Fail Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before I-Fail-More Man did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his Failure Book tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

I-Fail-More Man looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fail Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Fail Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. I-Fail-More Man walked over to the window and looked down. Fail Man was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Fail Man was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind I-Fail-More Man's place. Fail Man had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fail-Tigers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Failure Book. One by one they latched on to Fail Man. Already weakened from his injury, Fail Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fail-Tigers running off with his Failure Book.

 

About eleven hours later, Fail Man awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and Fail Man did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited fanstic pumpkin patch, Fail Man was very lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, he remembered that his Failure Book was taken by the Fail-Tigers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy Fail-Tiger emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha Fail-Tiger. Fail Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Fail-Tiger sunk its teeth into Fail Man's scalp. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Fail Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than three miles away, I-Fail-More Man was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Failure Book. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his ear. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Fail Man... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Failure Book that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Fail-Tigers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

LOLz!!1

[Death Metal]

Oh yeah I forgot to post minez.....this is the story of EPIC FAIL GUY

 

 

It all started when our over-heralded star, Epic Fail Guy, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly puzzled, Epic Fail Guy punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved Sword Of Epic Fail was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Epic Fail Boy. Epic Fail Guy had known Epic Fail Boy for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Epic Fail Boy was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... annoying. Epic Fail Guy called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Epic Fail Boy picked up to a very calm Epic Fail Guy. Epic Fail Boy calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras sneeze before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually wildly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Epic Fail Guy. Why was Epic Fail Boy trying to distract Epic Fail Guy? Because he had snuck out from Epic Fail Guy's with the Sword Of Epic Fail only eight days prior. It was a flamboyant little Sword Of Epic Fail... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Epic Fail Guy got back to the subject at hand: his Sword Of Epic Fail. Epic Fail Boy panicked. Relunctantly, Epic Fail Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Sword Of Epic Fail. Epic Fail Guy grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Epic Fail Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Sword Of Epic Fail and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Epic Fail Guy took the deliciously practical 4-door, he had take at least nine minutes before Epic Fail Guy would get there. But if he took the Epic Fail Mobile? Then Epic Fail Boy would be exceedingly screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Epic Fail Boy was interrupted by five insensitive Fail Bears that were lured by his Sword Of Epic Fail. Epic Fail Boy yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he aimlessly reached for his ripened avocado and aimlessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Epic Fail Mobile rolling up. It was Epic Fail Guy.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Epic Fail Guy was out of the Epic Fail Mobile and went earnestly jaunting toward Epic Fail Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Epic Fail Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Sword Of Epic Fail into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his time machine. Epic Fail Boy was pleased but at least the Sword Of Epic Fail was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Epic Fail Boy wildly purred. With a mighty push, Epic Fail Guy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying coke fiend in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Epic Fail Boy assured him. Epic Fail Guy took a seat tragically close to where Epic Fail Boy had hidden the Sword Of Epic Fail. Epic Fail Boy panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Epic Fail Guy was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Epic Fail Boy noticed a stupid look on Epic Fail Guy's face. Epic Fail Guy slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Epic Fail Boy felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Epic Fail Guy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Sword Of Epic Fail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Epic Fail Guy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Epic Fail Guy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Epic Fail Boy could react, Epic Fail Guy aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Sword Of Epic Fail was plainly in view.

 

Epic Fail Guy stared at Epic Fail Boy for what what must've been two seconds. Just as zero people expected Epic Fail Boy groped scandalously in Epic Fail Guy's direction, clearly desperate. Epic Fail Guy grabbed the Sword Of Epic Fail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Epic Fail Boy let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Epic Fail Guy,' he rebuked. Epic Fail Boy always had been a little funny-smelling, so Epic Fail Guy knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Epic Fail Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his Sword Of Epic Fail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Epic Fail Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Epic Fail Guy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Epic Fail Guy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Epic Fail Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Epic Fail Guy was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Epic Fail Guy was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Epic Fail Boy's place. Epic Fail Guy had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fail Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Sword Of Epic Fail. One by one they latched on to Epic Fail Guy. Already weakened from his injury, Epic Fail Guy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fail Bears running off with his Sword Of Epic Fail.

 

About two hours later, Epic Fail Guy awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and Epic Fail Guy did not know where he was. Deep in the lonely swamp, Epic Fail Guy was barely lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his Sword Of Epic Fail was taken by the Fail Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy Fail Bear emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Fail Bear. Epic Fail Guy opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Fail Bear sunk its teeth into Epic Fail Guy's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Epic Fail Guy's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than eight miles away, Epic Fail Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Sword Of Epic Fail. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Epic Fail Guy... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Sword Of Epic Fail that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Fail Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

[Willieh]

My story! :D

 

[spoiler=warning language] It all started when our uber geek, Willieh, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling abundantly exasperated, Willieh deflowered a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved penis was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Willieh's jabroni. Willieh had known Willieh's jabroni for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Willieh's jabroni was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Willieh called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Willieh's jabroni picked up to a very nervous Willieh. Willieh's jabroni calmly assured him that most albino cats grimace before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually earnestly sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Willieh. Why was Willieh's jabroni trying to distract Willieh? Because she had snuck out from Willieh's with the penis only two days prior. It was a exotic little penis... how could she resist?

 

It didn't take long before Willieh got back to the subject at hand: his penis. Willieh's jabroni cringed. Relunctantly, Willieh's jabroni invited him over, assuring him they'd find the penis. Willieh grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Willieh's jabroni realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the penis and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Willieh took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, she had take at least eight minutes before Willieh would get there. But if he took the Super cool motorcycle? Then Willieh's jabroni would be barely screwed.

 

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Willieh's jabroni was interrupted by four stupid pokemans that were lured by her penis. Willieh's jabroni shuddered; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she fearlessly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and fearlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Super cool motorcycle rolling up. It was Willieh.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Willieh was out of the Super cool motorcycle and went scandalously jaunting toward Willieh's jabroni's front door. Meanwhile inside, Willieh's jabroni was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the penis into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her elephant. Willieh's jabroni was concerned but at least the penis was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Willieh's jabroni surreptitiously purred. With a quick push, Willieh opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering flaming idiot in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Willieh's jabroni assured him. Willieh took a seat wonderfully far from where Willieh's jabroni had hidden the penis. Willieh's jabroni sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Willieh was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Willieh's jabroni noticed a annoying look on Willieh's face. Willieh slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Willieh's jabroni felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Willieh asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the penis right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Willieh's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Willieh nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Willieh's jabroni could react, Willieh fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The penis was plainly in view.

 

Willieh stared at Willieh's jabroni for what what must've been four millseconds. Before anyone could take off their pants, Willieh's jabroni groped earnestly in Willieh's direction, clearly desperate. Willieh grabbed the penis and bolted for the door. It was locked. Willieh's jabroni let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Willieh,' she rebuked. Willieh's jabroni always had been a little abrasive, so Willieh knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Willieh's jabroni did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his penis tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Willieh's jabroni looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Willieh. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Willieh. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Willieh's jabroni walked over to the window and looked down. Willieh was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Willieh was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Willieh's jabroni's place. Willieh had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral pokemans suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the penis. One by one they latched on to Willieh. Already weakened from his injury, Willieh yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of pokemans running off with his penis.

 

But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Willieh's penis. Feeling displeased, God smote the pokemans for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 153 spotted wolf hamsters running from a bloated pack of man-eating capybaras. Willieh vomited with joy when he saw this. His penis was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, Full House, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet contraceptive'). Willieh was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Willieh's jabroni and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

 

 

My story is without a doubt MUCH funnier.

[Silencerleader]

Sad end :'(

....do I live? :(

[Death Metal]

Yeah you use "Willieh" I love you and your exotic little penis :shock:

[Willieh]

Lol my story is the funniest one so far :D

[Brushfire]

Lol my story is the funniest one so far :D

 

That is a fact that cannot be denied. :P

[Buffer]

It all started when our protagonist, Demyx, woke up in a swamp. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling overwhelmingly relieved, Demyx punched a sock, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Subsequently, he realized that his beloved sitar was missing! Immediately he called his sworn enemy, Dusk. Demyx had known Dusk for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were striking ones. Dusk was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... stupid. Demyx called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Dusk picked up to a very mad Demyx. Dusk calmly assured him that most capybaras sigh before mating, yet beavers usually charismatically grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Demyx. Why was Dusk trying to distract Demyx? Because he had snuck out from Demyx's with the sitar only ten days prior. It was a enchanting little sitar... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Demyx got back to the subject at hand: his sitar. Dusk sneezed. Relunctantly, Dusk invited him over, assuring him they'd find the sitar. Demyx grabbed his piano and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Dusk realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the sitar and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Demyx took the ricer, he had take at least ten minutes before Demyx would get there. But if he took the water? Then Dusk would be really screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Dusk was interrupted by three abrasive heartlesss that were lured by his sitar. Dusk yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he skillfully reached for his pencil and aimlessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the water rolling up. It was Demyx.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of oven mitts, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Demyx was out of the water and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Dusk's front door. Meanwhile inside, Dusk was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the sitar into a box of oven mitts and then slid the box behind his coffee table. Dusk was relieved but at least the sitar was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Dusk charismatically purred. With a skillful push, Demyx opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying genius in a Vette,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Dusk assured him. Demyx took a seat proximate to where Dusk had hidden the sitar. Dusk belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Demyx was distracted. Almost immediately, Dusk noticed a annoying look on Demyx's face. Demyx slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Dusk felt a stabbing pain in his thigh when Demyx asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the sitar right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Demyx's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's staplers from when she used to have pet wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Demyx nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Dusk could react, Demyx recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The sitar was plainly in view.

 

Demyx stared at Dusk for what what must've been two seconds. Soon afterward, Dusk groped surreptitiously in Demyx's direction, clearly desperate. Demyx grabbed the sitar and bolted for the door. It was locked. Dusk let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Demyx,' he rebuked. Dusk always had been a little stupid, so Demyx knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Dusk did something crazy, like... start chucking butterknifes at him or something. All of a sudden, he gripped his sitar tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Dusk looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Demyx. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Demyx. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Dusk walked over to the window and looked down. Demyx was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Demyx was struggling to make his way through the desert behind Dusk's place. Demyx had severely hurt his chest during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral heartlesss suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the sitar. One by one they latched on to Demyx. Already weakened from his injury, Demyx yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of heartlesss running off with his sitar.

 

But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Demyx's sitar. Feeling worried, God smote the heartlesss for their injustice. Then He got in His Geo Metro and bolted away with the fortitude of half a million beavers running from a enlarged pack of otters. Demyx stumbled with joy when he saw this. His sitar was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, baywatch, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When bunnies meet ebola'). Demyx was giddy. And so, everyone except Dusk and a few contraceptive-toting otters lived blissfully happy, forever after.

[Silencerleader]

Oh...happy ending ^_^

I can sleep alone and happy tonight.

[Kizzi]

[spoiler=I did it for the hell of it]

It all started when our (former porn) star, Toxic guy, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly pleased, Toxic guy punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Giggling like schoolgirl, he realized that his beloved bomb was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Drunk. Toxic guy had known Drunk for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Drunk was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Toxic guy called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Drunk picked up to a very mad Toxic guy. Drunk calmly assured him that most legless puppies sigh before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually earnestly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Toxic guy. Why was Drunk trying to distract Toxic guy? Because he had snuck out from Toxic guy's with the bomb only five days prior. It was a flamboyant little bomb... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Toxic guy got back to the subject at hand: his bomb. Drunk yawned. Relunctantly, Drunk invited him over, assuring him they'd find the bomb. Toxic guy grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Drunk realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the bomb and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Toxic guy took the time machine, he had take at least five minutes before Toxic guy would get there. But if he took the Toxicmobile? Then Drunk would be abundantly screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Drunk was interrupted by five insensitive mechanical spiders that were lured by his bomb. Drunk turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aimlessly reached for his live hand grenade and thoughtfully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Toxicmobile rolling up. It was Toxic guy.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Toxic guy was out of the Toxicmobile and went wildly jaunting toward Drunk's front door. Meanwhile inside, Drunk was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the bomb into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his elephant. Drunk was worried but at least the bomb was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Drunk explosively purred. With a quick push, Toxic guy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling spite-toting jerk in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Drunk assured him. Toxic guy took a seat RIGHT next to where Drunk had hidden the bomb. Drunk sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Toxic guy was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Drunk noticed a annoying look on Toxic guy's face. Toxic guy slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Drunk felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Toxic guy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the bomb right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Toxic guy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Toxic guy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Drunk could react, Toxic guy recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The bomb was plainly in view.

 

Toxic guy stared at Drunk for what what must've been eight minutes. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Drunk groped sassily in Toxic guy's direction, clearly desperate. Toxic guy grabbed the bomb and bolted for the door. It was locked. Drunk let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Toxic guy,' he rebuked. Drunk always had been a little oafish, so Toxic guy knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Drunk did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his bomb tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Drunk looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Toxic guy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Toxic guy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Drunk walked over to the window and looked down. Toxic guy was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Toxic guy was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Drunk's place. Toxic guy had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral mechanical spiders suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the bomb. One by one they latched on to Toxic guy. Already weakened from his injury, Toxic guy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of mechanical spiders running off with his bomb.

 

About five hours later, Toxic guy awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Toxic guy did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable swamp, Toxic guy was abundantly lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he remembered that his bomb was taken by the mechanical spiders. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge mechanical spider emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha mechanical spider. Toxic guy opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the mechanical spider sunk its teeth into Toxic guy's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Toxic guy's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than ten miles away, Drunk was entombed by anguish over the loss of the bomb. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dangerous oil-soaked rag. With a quick thrust, he buried it deeply into his prostate. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Toxic guy... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the bomb that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant mechanical spiders, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

LOLz!!1

 

 

[Guest KAJN]

..................... not funny at all. My pants fell off because of the boringness.[sarcasm] Lawl keep up your funny stories[/sarcasm]

[Silencerleader]

No...I can't sleep...new story!!! Read me another bed time story. >_

[Willieh]

..................... not funny at all. My pants fell off because of the boringness.[sarcasm] Lawl keep up your funny stories[/sarcasm]

Lol read my story XD. It's an enticing adventure in which a man loses his beloved penis. *not lying*

 

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder why you're reading it.

[Mr. Best Male 2008]

It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Radioactive Man, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously displeased, Radioactive Man backhanded a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Teh Evil Bat Of Duum was missing! Immediately he called his enemy in training, Fallout Boy. Radioactive Man had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Fallout Boy was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... pestering. Radioactive Man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Fallout Boy picked up to a very mad Radioactive Man. Fallout Boy calmly assured him that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet legless puppies usually scandalously grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because he had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum only three days prior. It was a sassy little Teh Evil Bat Of Duum... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: his Teh Evil Bat Of Duum. Fallout Boy cringed. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum. Radioactive Man grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Radioactive Man took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least four minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Fallout Boy would be exceedingly screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by eleven selfish Care Bears that were lured by his Teh Evil Bat Of Duum. Fallout Boy panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he carefully reached for his live hand grenade and carefully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. Fallout Boy was exasperated but at least the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Fallout Boy surreptitiously purred. With a deft push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid genocidal maniac in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured him. Radioactive Man took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Fallout Boy had hidden the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum. Fallout Boy sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Fallout Boy noticed a dimwitted look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Radioactive Man randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Teh Evil Bat Of Duum was plainly in view.

 

Radioactive Man stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been five nanoseconds. Before anyone could take off their pants, Fallout Boy groped charismatically in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' he rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little annoying, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his Teh Evil Bat Of Duum tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Fallout Boy's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from his injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Teh Evil Bat Of Duum.

 

About ten hours later, Radioactive Man awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Radioactive Man did not know where he was. Deep in the arid fanstic pumpkin patch, Radioactive Man was abundantly lost. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he remembered that his Teh Evil Bat Of Duum was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated Care Bear emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Care Bear. Radioactive Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Radioactive Man's prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Radioactive Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than eight miles away, Fallout Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a heroic thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Radioactive Man... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Teh Evil Bat Of Duum that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

[Silencerleader]

Awww...now you got me crying :'(

ANOTHER Bed time story >_<

[Buffer]

No...I can't sleep...new story!!! Read me another bed time story. >_<

 

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Dean, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously puzzled, Dean slapped a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved kingdom hearts was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Lucia. Dean had known Lucia for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Lucia was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... stupid. Dean called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Lucia picked up to a very happy Dean. Lucia calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually surreptitiously sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Dean. Why was Lucia trying to distract Dean? Because she had snuck out from Dean's with the kingdom hearts only five days prior. It was a eccentric little kingdom hearts... how could she resist?

 

It didn't take long before Dean got back to the subject at hand: his kingdom hearts. Lucia panicked. Relunctantly, Lucia invited him over, assuring him they'd find the kingdom hearts. Dean grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Lucia realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the kingdom hearts and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if Dean took the spaceship, she had take at least five minutes before Dean would get there. But if he took the bike? Then Lucia would be abundantly screwed.

 

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Lucia was interrupted by nine pestering pikachus that were lured by her kingdom hearts. Lucia yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she aptly reached for her banana and thoughtfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the bike rolling up. It was Dean.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Dean was out of the bike and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Lucia's front door. Meanwhile inside, Lucia was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the kingdom hearts into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her whale. Lucia was concerned but at least the kingdom hearts was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Lucia explosively purred. With a heroic push, Dean opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling zealous...zealot in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Lucia assured him. Dean took a seat ridiculously far from where Lucia had hidden the kingdom hearts. Lucia cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Dean was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Lucia noticed a stupid look on Dean's face. Dean slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Lucia felt a stabbing pain in her armpit when Dean asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the kingdom hearts right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Dean's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dean nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Lucia could react, Dean aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The kingdom hearts was plainly in view.

 

Dean stared at Lucia for what what must've been two minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Lucia groped surreptitiously in Dean's direction, clearly desperate. Dean grabbed the kingdom hearts and bolted for the door. It was locked. Lucia let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dean,' she rebuked. Lucia always had been a little clueless, so Dean knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Lucia did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his kingdom hearts tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Lucia looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dean. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Dean. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Lucia walked over to the window and looked down. Dean was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Dean was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Lucia's place. Dean had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral pikachus suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the kingdom hearts. One by one they latched on to Dean. Already weakened from his injury, Dean yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of pikachus running off with his kingdom hearts.

 

But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Dean's kingdom hearts. Feeling relieved, God smote the pikachus for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and sped away with the fortitude of half a million long-haired sea monkeys running from a little pack of albino cats. Dean fell with joy when he saw this. His kingdom hearts was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes his favorite TV show, pokemon, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet contraceptive'). Dean was jubilant. And so, everyone except Lucia and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.

[bury the year]

[spoiler=The Eff?!]

It all started when our uber geek, Teh Cheese, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly worried, Teh Cheese attacked a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his annoying neighbor, Senor Irrelevant. Teh Cheese had known Senor Irrelevant for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Senor Irrelevant was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... insensitive. Teh Cheese called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Senor Irrelevant picked up to a very angry Teh Cheese. Senor Irrelevant calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually surreptitiously grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Teh Cheese. Why was Senor Irrelevant trying to distract Teh Cheese? Because he had snuck out from Teh Cheese's with the diary only four days prior. It was a flamboyant little diary... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Teh Cheese got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Senor Irrelevant grimaced. Relunctantly, Senor Irrelevant invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Teh Cheese grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Senor Irrelevant realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Teh Cheese took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least two minutes before Teh Cheese would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Senor Irrelevant would be ridiculously screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Senor Irrelevant was interrupted by three clueless giant pandas that were lured by his diary. Senor Irrelevant cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he aimlessly reached for his dull pencil and thoughtfully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was Teh Cheese.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Teh Cheese was out of the time machine and went wildly jaunting toward Senor Irrelevant's front door. Meanwhile inside, Senor Irrelevant was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Senor Irrelevant was stunned but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Senor Irrelevant wildly purred. With a calculated push, Teh Cheese opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless flaming idiot in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Senor Irrelevant assured him. Teh Cheese took a seat conveniently far from where Senor Irrelevant had hidden the diary. Senor Irrelevant yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Teh Cheese was distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Senor Irrelevant noticed a dimwitted look on Teh Cheese's face. Teh Cheese slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Senor Irrelevant felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Teh Cheese asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Teh Cheese's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Teh Cheese nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Senor Irrelevant could react, Teh Cheese fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.

 

Teh Cheese stared at Senor Irrelevant for what what must've been eleven nanoseconds. As if it really mattered Senor Irrelevant groped earnestly in Teh Cheese's direction, clearly desperate. Teh Cheese grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Senor Irrelevant let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Teh Cheese,' he rebuked. Senor Irrelevant always had been a little funny-smelling, so Teh Cheese knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Senor Irrelevant did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Senor Irrelevant looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Teh Cheese. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Teh Cheese. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Senor Irrelevant walked over to the window and looked down. Teh Cheese was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Teh Cheese was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Senor Irrelevant's place. Teh Cheese had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral giant pandas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Teh Cheese. Already weakened from his injury, Teh Cheese yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of giant pandas running off with his diary.

 

About eight hours later, Teh Cheese awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Teh Cheese did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable haunted thicket, Teh Cheese was barely lost. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he remembered that his diary was taken by the giant pandas. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy giant panda emerged from the bush. It was the alpha giant panda. Teh Cheese opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the giant panda sunk its teeth into Teh Cheese's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Teh Cheese's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than three miles away, Senor Irrelevant was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ripened avocado. With a hasty thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Teh Cheese... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant giant pandas, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

LOLz!!1

 

 

*** L337 Story Generator v1.0

*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005

*** Forever pwning with earnest.

 

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

 

 

[Phantom Roxas]

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Link, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling excessively puzzled, Link punched a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Taco was missing! Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, Kirby. Link had known Kirby for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Kirby was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... stupid. Link called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Kirby picked up to a very nervous Link. Kirby calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys belch before mating, yet venomous koalas usually indiscriminately shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Link. Why was Kirby trying to distract Link? Because he had snuck out from Link's with the Taco only five days prior. It was a flamboyant little Taco... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Link got back to the subject at hand: his Taco. Kirby sneezed. Relunctantly, Kirby invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Taco. Link grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kirby realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Taco and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Link took the tricycle, he had take at least eleven minutes before Link would get there. But if he took the Go-Cart? Then Kirby would be abundantly screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kirby was interrupted by seven funny-smelling Squirrels that were lured by his Taco. Kirby grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he recklessly reached for his gerbil and skillfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Go-Cart rolling up. It was Link.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Link was out of the Go-Cart and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Kirby's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kirby was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Taco into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his canoe. Kirby was displeased but at least the Taco was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Kirby earnestly purred. With a skillful push, Link opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kirby assured him. Link took a seat frighteningly close to where Kirby had hidden the Taco. Kirby sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Link was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, Kirby noticed a selfish look on Link's face. Link slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Kirby felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Link asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Taco right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Link's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Link nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kirby could react, Link skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The taco was plainly in view.

 

Link stared at Kirby for what what must've been four hours. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Kirby groped scandalously in Link's direction, clearly desperate. Link grabbed the taco and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kirby let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Link,' he rebuked. Kirby always had been a little clueless, so Link knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kirby did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his Taco tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Kirby looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Link. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Link. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kirby walked over to the window and looked down. Link was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Link was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Kirby's place. Link had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Squirrels suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the taco. One by one they latched on to Link. Already weakened from his injury, Link yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of squirrels running off with his taco.

 

But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored Link's Taco. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Squirrels for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and whizzed away with the fortitude of 11,000 Indonesian devil cats running from a misshapen pack of legless puppies. Link ran with joy when he saw this. His Taco was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Hannah Montana, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When 3-legged wallabies meet weapon of mass destruction'). Link was elated. And so, everyone except Kirby and a few malaria-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.

[Mr. Best Male 2008]

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Krow, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely displeased, Krow poked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he realized that his beloved John McCain Porn Collection was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Tkill. Krow had known Tkill for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Tkill was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... oafish. Krow called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Tkill picked up to a very calm Krow. Tkill calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths panic before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually explosively panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Krow. Why was Tkill trying to distract Krow? Because he had snuck out from Krow's with the John McCain Porn Collection only eleven days prior. It was a striking little John McCain Porn Collection... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Krow got back to the subject at hand: his John McCain Porn Collection. Tkill sneezed. Relunctantly, Tkill invited him over, assuring him they'd find the John McCain Porn Collection. Krow grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Tkill realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the John McCain Porn Collection and he had to do it aptly. He figured that if Krow took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), he had take at least ten minutes before Krow would get there. But if he took the Poe-Kei? Then Tkill would be ridiculously screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Tkill was interrupted by eleven annoying Obamas that were lured by his John McCain Porn Collection. Tkill sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he aggressively reached for his banana and thoughtfully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Poe-Kei rolling up. It was Krow.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Krow was out of the Poe-Kei and went charismatically jaunting toward Tkill's front door. Meanwhile inside, Tkill was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the John McCain Porn Collection into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his elephant. Tkill was stunned but at least the John McCain Porn Collection was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Tkill sassily purred. With a heroic push, Krow opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive social outcast in a time machine,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Tkill assured him. Krow took a seat ridiculously far from where Tkill had hidden the John McCain Porn Collection. Tkill grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Krow was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Tkill noticed a selfish look on Krow's face. Krow slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Tkill felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Krow asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the John McCain Porn Collection right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Krow's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Krow nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Tkill could react, Krow aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The John McCain Porn Collection was plainly in view.

 

Krow stared at Tkill for what what must've been nine nanoseconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, Tkill groped wildly in Krow's direction, clearly desperate. Krow grabbed the John McCain Porn Collection and bolted for the door. It was locked. Tkill let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Krow,' he rebuked. Tkill always had been a little pestering, so Krow knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Tkill did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his John McCain Porn Collection tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Tkill looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Krow. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Krow. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Tkill walked over to the window and looked down. Krow was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Krow was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Tkill's place. Krow had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Obamas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the John McCain Porn Collection. One by one they latched on to Krow. Already weakened from his injury, Krow yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Obamas running off with his John McCain Porn Collection.

 

About three hours later, Krow awoke, his armpit throbbing. It was dark and Krow did not know where he was. Deep in the broad foxy forest, Krow was exceedingly lost. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he remembered that his John McCain Porn Collection was taken by the Obamas. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy Obama emerged from the foxy forest. It was the alpha Obama. Krow opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Obama sunk its teeth into Krow's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Krow's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than three miles away, Tkill was entombed by anguish over the loss of the John McCain Porn Collection. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Krow... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the John McCain Porn Collection that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Obamas, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

[CeDeFiA]

It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Sora, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously pleased, Sora deflowered a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Keyblade was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Riku. Sora had known Riku for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Riku was unique. He was clever though sometimes a little... selfish. Sora called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Riku picked up to a very calm Sora. Riku calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys grimace before mating, yet venomous koalas usually explosively grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Sora. Why was Riku trying to distract Sora? Because he had snuck out from Sora's with the Keyblade only five days prior. It was a eccentric little Keyblade... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Sora got back to the subject at hand: his Keyblade. Riku yawned. Relunctantly, Riku invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Keyblade. Sora grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Riku realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Keyblade and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Sora took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least two minutes before Sora would get there. But if he took the Gummi Ship? Then Riku would be very screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Riku was interrupted by seven annoying Ducks that were lured by his Keyblade. Riku yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aptly reached for his banana and skillfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Gummi Ship rolling up. It was Sora.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Sora was out of the Gummi Ship and went scandalously jaunting toward Riku's front door. Meanwhile inside, Riku was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Keyblade into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his elephant. Riku was pleased but at least the Keyblade was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Riku sassily purred. With a calculated push, Sora opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish noble genius in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Riku assured him. Sora took a seat just under where Riku had hidden the Keyblade. Riku yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Sora was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Riku noticed a funny-smelling look on Sora's face. Sora slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Riku felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Sora asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Keyblade right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Sora's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sora nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Riku could react, Sora aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Keyblade was plainly in view.

 

Sora stared at Riku for what what must've been four days. Ever so extemperaneously, Riku groped flamboyantly in Sora's direction, clearly desperate. Sora grabbed the Keyblade and bolted for the door. It was locked. Riku let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sora,' he rebuked. Riku always had been a little selfish, so Sora knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Riku did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his Keyblade tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Riku looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sora. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Sora. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Riku walked over to the window and looked down. Sora was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Sora was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Riku's place. Sora had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Ducks suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Keyblade. One by one they latched on to Sora. Already weakened from his injury, Sora yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Ducks running off with his Keyblade.

 

But then God came down with His smart smile and restored Sora's Keyblade. Feeling frustrated, God smote the Ducks for their injustice. Then He got in His deliciously practical 4-door and darted away with the fortitude of 550,000 albino cats running from a little pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Sora tripped with joy when he saw this. His Keyblade was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet gun'). Sora was relieved. And so, everyone except Riku and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.

[jamief]

It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Captain Steel, woke up in a swamp. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling very exasperated, Captain Steel hit a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved napkin was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Failure boy. Captain Steel had known Failure boy for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Failure boy was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Captain Steel called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Failure boy picked up to a very mad Captain Steel. Failure boy calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks sneeze before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually scandalously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Captain Steel. Why was Failure boy trying to distract Captain Steel? Because he had snuck out from Captain Steel's with the napkin only four days prior. It was a exotic little napkin... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Captain Steel got back to the subject at hand: his napkin. Failure boy grimaced. Relunctantly, Failure boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the napkin. Captain Steel grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Failure boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the napkin and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Captain Steel took the deliciously practical 4-door, he had take at least five minutes before Captain Steel would get there. But if he took the bannana van? Then Failure boy would be ridiculously screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Failure boy was interrupted by ten insensitive sangans that were lured by his napkin. Failure boy shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he carefully reached for his carrot and randomly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the bannana van rolling up. It was Captain Steel.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Captain Steel was out of the bannana van and went charismatically jaunting toward Failure boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Failure boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the napkin into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his canoe. Failure boy was concerned but at least the napkin was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Failure boy scandalously purred. With a heroic push, Captain Steel opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted self-righteous ass in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Failure boy assured him. Captain Steel took a seat ridiculously unclose to where Failure boy had hidden the napkin. Failure boy turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Captain Steel was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Failure boy noticed a stupid look on Captain Steel's face. Captain Steel slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Failure boy felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Captain Steel asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the napkin right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Captain Steel's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Captain Steel nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Failure boy could react, Captain Steel aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The napkin was plainly in view.

 

Captain Steel stared at Failure boy for what what must've been eight hours. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Failure boy groped charismatically in Captain Steel's direction, clearly desperate. Captain Steel grabbed the napkin and bolted for the door. It was locked. Failure boy let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Captain Steel,' he rebuked. Failure boy always had been a little insensitive, so Captain Steel knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Failure boy did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his napkin tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Failure boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Captain Steel. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Captain Steel. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Failure boy walked over to the window and looked down. Captain Steel was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Captain Steel was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Failure boy's place. Captain Steel had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral sangans suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the napkin. One by one they latched on to Captain Steel. Already weakened from his injury, Captain Steel yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of sangans running off with his napkin.

 

But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Captain Steel's napkin. Feeling concerned, God smote the sangans for their injustice. Then He got in His nappy, busted-out hatchback and sputtered away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion albino cats running from a enlarged pack of albino cats. Captain Steel shimmied with joy when he saw this. His napkin was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, ben 10, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet ebola'). Captain Steel was relieved. And so, everyone except Failure boy and a few ebola-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

[Yasu]

Too lazy to read...but

 

All started when our (former Card Maker) star, YCMaker, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling scarcely pleased, YCMaker backhanded a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Book was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Falling Pizza. YCMaker had known Falling Pizza for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Falling Pizza was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... annoying. YCMaker called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Falling Pizza picked up to a very mad YCMaker. Falling Pizza calmly assured him that most venomous koalas yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually scandalously sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting YCMaker. Why was Falling Pizza trying to distract YCMaker? Because he had snuck out from YCMaker's with the Book only eight days prior. It was a curious little Book... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before YCMaker got back to the subject at hand: his Book. Falling Pizza turned red. Relunctantly, Falling Pizza invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Book. YCMaker grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Falling Pizza realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Book and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if YCMaker took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least ten minutes before YCMaker would get there. But if he took the YCMovil? Then Falling Pizza would be excessively screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Falling Pizza was interrupted by five funny-smelling Pikachus that were lured by his Book. Falling Pizza yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he recklessly reached for his carrot and carefully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the YCMovil rolling up. It was YCMaker.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, YCMaker was out of the YCMovil and went earnestly jaunting toward Falling Pizza's front door. Meanwhile inside, Falling Pizza was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Book into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Falling Pizza was relieved but at least the Book was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Falling Pizza indiscriminately purred. With a apt push, YCMaker opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling zealous...zealot in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Falling Pizza assured him. YCMaker took a seat tragically close to where Falling Pizza had hidden the Book. Falling Pizza cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But YCMaker was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Falling Pizza noticed a abrasive look on YCMaker's face. YCMaker slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Falling Pizza felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when YCMaker asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Book right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on YCMaker's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. YCMaker nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Falling Pizza could react, YCMaker fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Book was plainly in view.

 

YCMaker stared at Falling Pizza for what what must've been nine seconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Falling Pizza groped scandalously in YCMaker's direction, clearly desperate. YCMaker grabbed the Book and bolted for the door. It was locked. Falling Pizza let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, YCMaker,' he rebuked. Falling Pizza always had been a little selfish, so YCMaker knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Falling Pizza did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his Book tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Falling Pizza looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from YCMaker. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for YCMaker. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Falling Pizza walked over to the window and looked down. YCMaker was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, YCMaker was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Falling Pizza's place. YCMaker had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pikachus suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Book. One by one they latched on to YCMaker. Already weakened from his injury, YCMaker yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pikachus running off with his Book.

 

About nine hours later, YCMaker awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and YCMaker did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting lemur-infested moor, YCMaker was really lost. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he remembered that his Book was taken by the Pikachus. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a little Pikachu emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha Pikachu. YCMaker opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pikachu sunk its teeth into YCMaker's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from YCMaker's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

 

Less than three miles away, Falling Pizza was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Book. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about YCMaker... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Book that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Pikachus, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

 

LOLz!!1

 

 

*** L337 Story Generator v1.0

*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005

*** Forever pwning with earnest.

 

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/

[Tabris]

Lessee dis:

 

It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Mike Paige, woke up in a imaginary desert. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Mike Paige stroked a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he realized that his beloved necklace was missing! Immediately he called his so-called best friend, Ally Wardner. Mike Paige had known Ally Wardner for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Ally Wardner was unique. She was attractive though sometimes a little... clueless. Mike Paige called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Ally Wardner picked up to a very unhappy Mike Paige. Ally Wardner calmly assured him that most albino cats sneeze before mating, yet legless puppies usually sassily shudder *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Mike Paige. Why was Ally Wardner trying to distract Mike Paige? Because she had snuck out from Mike Paige's with the necklace only eight days prior. It was a sassy little necklace... how could she resist?

 

It didn't take long before Mike Paige got back to the subject at hand: his necklace. Ally Wardner cringed. Relunctantly, Ally Wardner invited him over, assuring him they'd find the necklace. Mike Paige grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Ally Wardner realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the necklace and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Mike Paige took the nappy, busted-out hatchback, she had take at least ten minutes before Mike Paige would get there. But if he took the car? Then Ally Wardner would be very screwed.

 

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Ally Wardner was interrupted by three stupid horses that were lured by her necklace. Ally Wardner cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she fearlessly reached for her carrot and aptly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the car rolling up. It was Mike Paige.

 

----o0o----

 

 

ROFL.

---

And again, starring The Will:

 

It all started when our over-heralded star, Tabris, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling very worried, Tabris backhanded a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Bible was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Israfel. Tabris had known Israfel for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Israfel was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... insensitive. Tabris called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Israfel picked up to a very ecstatic Tabris. Israfel calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths cringe before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually indiscriminately turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Tabris. Why was Israfel trying to distract Tabris? Because he had snuck out from Tabris's with the Bible only seven days prior. It was a curious little Bible... how could he resist?

 

It didn't take long before Tabris got back to the subject at hand: his Bible. Israfel panicked. Relunctantly, Israfel invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Bible. Tabris grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Israfel realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Bible and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Tabris took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least four minutes before Tabris would get there. But if he took the small white cloud? Then Israfel would be abnormally screwed.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Israfel was interrupted by nine annoying s that were lured by his Bible. Israfel grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he recklessly reached for his gerbil and aptly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the small white cloud rolling up. It was Tabris.

 

----o0o----

 

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!