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Bleach: Thirteen Squadrons Remix; At It's End

Dad

By Dad
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Who should our Second In Command be? (You cannot vote for yourself, poll will be made public)  

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  1. 1. Who should our Second In Command be? (You cannot vote for yourself, poll will be made public)

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Zexaeon Newbie

Zexaeon

Posted
Posted

Aeon has teh shorts of Bleach to post!!!

 

_________________________

 

One day, Grimmjow walked into a bar with Ulquiorra. They were going to hang out.

 

Grimmjow: What do you want to drink?

 

Ulquiorra: Trash.

 

Grimmjow: o.O

 

Ulquiorra: ...

 

Grimjow: You're weird.

 

Ulquiorra: You're trashy. I'm the arrancar of the month. Aizen-sama said so. Go to hell.

 

Grimmjow: You're a bastard.

 

Bartender: You guys gonna order, or what?

 

Ulquiorra: Trash.

 

Bartender: ...what?

 

Grimmjow: We'll both have a tall glass of milk.

 

Bartender: That'll be 10 bucks.

 

Ulquiorra: That's an outrage.

 

Grimmjow: Ulquiorra challenges you to a game of chance. If he wins, we get the drinks for free.

 

Bartender: Kay.

 

Ulquiorra: *Flips a coin and catches it* Guess what side it landed on.

 

Bartender: Heads!

 

Ulquiorra: *Opens hands*

 

Grimmjow: Looks like you're right Bartender.

 

Bartender: Yes!

 

Grimmjow: The winner is Ulquiorra!

 

Bartender: What?!?!

 

Ulquiorra: I never lose.

 

*The End*

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Dad Apprentice

Dad

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It was funny as hell. I almost cried lmfao.

 

But you all should know, in some places, I'm known as. . . . . .

 

 

King Grimmjow

 

That's right ladies. Ken-chan has two favorite Bleach characters: one good one bad.

 

Zaraki Kenpachi and Grimmjow Jaquerjaques.

 

*throws cookies at Gin's head*

 

Hehe.

 

~Soon to be Xemnas

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Zexaeon Newbie

Zexaeon

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^^ More Bleach Short!

 

____________________

 

"Rukia and Ulquiorra Go to a Nice Restaurant"

__________________

 

One day, Ulquiorra and Rukia decided they would go out to eat. Ulquiorra decided that they should LOOK like they're dating, so he insisted that she wear a nice dress while he wore his regular clothes, except with a tie.

 

Rukia: *sitting at the finest table in the restaurant, because Byakuya threw some money around until he could get it for her* Ulquiorra, why do I have to wear this while you wear a tie?

 

Ulquiorra: Shut up.

 

Waiter: What can I get for you today, sir and lady?

 

Ulquiorra: I'll have the steak, side order of trash. She'll have water.

 

Rukia: You son of a jabroni. *doesn't raise voice*

 

Ulquiorra: What, you think Ulquiorra is made of money?

 

Rukia: When did you start referring to yourself in the third person?

 

Ulquiorra: Listen, maybe I can't be as rich as your brother, but at least I am trying.

 

Rukia: You just told the waiter I would only have water!!!

 

Ulquiorra: I thought you were watching your figure.

 

Rukia: You son of a jabroni.

 

*Byakuya and Renji walk up, both wearing suits.*

 

Byakuya: Unacceptable. I told them that I wanted the best table in the restaurant. This is an outrage, Renji.

 

Rukia: Nii-sama, what are you doing here? And you paid to get ME the best table, remember?

 

Byakuya: I shall solve this problem by throwing money around, like I always do. *throws some money around and gets a nice table*

 

Renji: ...gawd...

 

Byakuya: *raises hand* What was that, you insolent monkey?!?

 

Renji: Nothing, captain...

 

Byakuya: Reeeeenji!!! I cannot stand the sight of you! My hatred for you is matched only by my furious hatred of Ichigo!!!

 

Renji: Then why are you eating with me?

 

Byakuya: Silence, you filthy animal! It is because you are my lieutenant! And most devastatingly unfortunate for me, there is no one better for the job at the moment!!!

 

Renji: Wow...you're going to make me cry...

 

Byakuya: Cry, you fool. Your tears sustain me.

 

Ulquiorra: My tears make flowers die.

 

Rukia: *hangs head in hands, wishing she was somewhere else*

 

Byakuya: Please, Rukia. If there is one thing that should have happened here, it was a lesson. You should have learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

 

Rukia: And what is that, Nii-sama?

 

Byakuya: It is that I am obscenely rich. *leaves in a huff*

 

Renji: *cries*

 

Waiter: *brings Rukia some water*

 

Later That Evening...

______________________

 

Rukia: *Arrives at the Squad 13 Barracks, taking off her earings and shoes*

 

Ukitake: How was your "date" with Ulquiorra?

 

Rukia: Terrible! He only let me order water, and then Nii-sama just had to show up and rub his wealth in everyone's face! I love him to death, but he is such a pain sometimes!!!

 

Ukitake: Sounds rough. Maybe you need...a little pick me up? *holds up a bottle of whiskey*

 

Rukia: o.o Captain, are you drunk?

 

Ukitake: Maybe. Maybe you look sexy.

 

Rukia: Huh...oh. Oh, holy crap, no. Noooooo, captain.

 

Ukitake: Awww, come on Kuchiki. Don't be a square!

 

Kyouraku: *walks out of the bathroom with Nanao in tow* Yeah, Kuchiki! Don't be a sqaure!

 

Rukia: Captain Kyouraku? You were here?

 

Nanao: *Looking extremely pissed off but in a calm manner* Yes. Yes he was here. And yes, yes he just tried to hit on me. And yes, he earned himself a nice slap across the face.

 

Ukitake: Awwwwww, is Ise being a sqaure?

 

Kyouraku: Yeah, she's bein' a square.

 

Nanao: Rukia, you want to maybe get out of here?

 

Rukia: Sure. Maybe we can salvage some of the evening.

 

Nanao: I heard Unohana is throwing a rager.

 

Rukia: Nah, remember the last one?

 

*flashback*

 

Shinigami women: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

 

*Unohana and Soifon both drink out of a bear bong, clearly trying to see who will finish first*

 

Isane: Come on, captain! Whoop her! Whoop her!

 

Kyone: Don't be stupid, Nii-chan! Soifon-taicho will clearly win!

 

Isane: *jabroni-slaps Kyone* Don't talk back to your sister!!!

 

*Unohana and Soifon finish their bear bongs at the same time*

 

Unohana: Whooooooooo! I'm the richest person aliiiiiiive!!!

 

Byakuya: *suddenly appears* Do not be absurd! *robs everyone blind and flees the scene*

 

Rukia: Oh. My. God. *Leaves*

 

*END FLASHBACK*

 

Nanao: You're right. I don't want to repeat THAT performance...

 

Rukia: Let's just go to happy land.

 

Nanao: Kay.

 

*And so! Rukia and Nanao went off to Happy Land, the second happiest place on earth!!! (The first being Tiajuana Mexico).

 

Kyouraku and Ukitake got drunk and ended up setting fire to a TV store in the real world, and Unohana's rager was a smashingly drunk success!*

 

*The End*

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Zexaeon Newbie

Zexaeon

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xD Actually Roxas, my version of DiZ was inspired by Byakuya. DiZ's attitude was already pretty much the same, so I just gave him money.

 

Here's a new one!

 

___________________

 

xD Byakuya does not require condoms. His sheer amount of awesome allows him to DECIDE if a woman becomes pregnant or not.

 

He and Hisana decided they didn't want children. ._. Thought they were messy.

 

x3 Byakuya is far too rich to bother with children. He spends enough time doting over Rukia to cover for that.

He even buys Mascara for her! And in return....

 

Rukia goes to lady's stores to buy special shampoo, then runs out to the car and gives it to him.

 

Rukia: Here Nii-sama! This what you wanted? =D

 

Byakuya: Excellent! Thank you Rukia. *huggles*

 

=o He buys her lots of gifts too...even gifts she doesn't always want...

 

Byakuya and Rukia's Dress Fiasco

_____________________________

 

Byakuya: Rukia, I present to you this dress.

 

Rukia: *bows* I could never accept such an expensive gift from you, Nii-sama.

 

Byakuya: Very well. Then I shall wear it.

 

Rukia: o.O Nii-sama, I don't know if you should...

 

Byakuya: Nonsence. One must never waste money. Someone is going to wear this dress.

 

Rukia: -.- Alright, I'll wear it.

 

Byakuya: Absolutely not. You are not going to wear this dress because you cannot accept it, and I am going to wear it to prevent money from being wasted.

 

Rukia: But Nii-sama, crossdressing is-

 

Byakuya: Go to your room.

 

Later...

 

Byakuya: *in front of a mirror* I feel very pretty.

 

Rukia: *peeking in through the door* O__o;;

 

__________________________________________

Byakuya and Rukia Go Shopping

_____________________________

 

Byakuya: *Pushing a cart* First we need cereal.

 

Rukia: Yes, Nii-sama. Can we get Corn Pops?

 

Byakuya: That cereal is bad for you. We shall buy Raisen Bran.

 

Rukia: Nii-sama! I hate Raisen Bran!

 

Byakuya: I am simply concerned for your health, Rukia. I don't want you developing a terminal illness, like Ukitake.

 

Rukia: -.- I'm not going to develop a terminal illness from eating Corn Pops.

 

Byakuya: Rukia, are you paying for the groceries?

 

Rukia: No, Nii-sama. But I could, if you'd let me.

 

Byakuya: I will not have a member of my house paying for anything when I am there to throw money around.

 

Rukia: Fine, Nii-sama, how about if you just let me buy the Corn Pops myslef at least?

 

Byakuya: Absolutely out of the question. You will spend no money while in my pressence.

 

Rukia: What's next on the list? -___-

 

Byakuya: *glances at the list* We need to purchase four gallons of milk.

 

Rukia: Why four?

 

Byakuya: I shall require one, and so shall you. The other two will be thrown at Renji the next time I see him.

 

Rukia: Nii-sama, I wish you wouldn't treat him so badly.

 

Byakuya: Ooooooooh, Rukia, how I wish you would cease your complaining!!!

 

Rukia: o.o;;

 

Byakuya: I shall never forgive Renji for existing.

 

Rukia: -.- Omigod.

 

Byakuya: And I'm not too crazy about that friend of yours either. The Kurosaki brat.

 

Rukia: Nii-sama, you seem to hate him because he stood against you on my execution day! But you yourself had a change of heart regarding that!

 

Byakuya: That may be true, and I am truly thankful that you are alive, but it does not change the fact that he stood against and DISRESPECTED ME.

 

Rukia: ...sonofajabroni...

 

Byakuya: You watch your mouth, young lady.

 

Rukia: You know what? I'm just gonna go wait in the Hyundai.

 

Byakuya: ...sonofajabroni...

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