v8561v Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Oh....nice....Just some stuff I noted:You need to put dots after the phrases....''Salamence: She's was my partner before I came here.'' ^ What the heck???I'm not perfect at English but I know this is wrong. I know, you maybe did that unpropositally, but, I'm just warning.Keep the good work ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
v8561v Posted June 17, 2008 Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Oh....nice....Just some stuff I noted:You need to put dots after the phrases....''Salamence: She's was my partner before I came here.'' ^ What the heck???I'm not perfect at English but I know this is wrong. I know, you maybe did that unpropositally, but, I'm just warning.Keep the good work ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2008 Episode 5 Salamence: Lord Kyogre you wanted to see me? Kyogre: Yes as you know Groudon has been corrputed my darkness Salamence: What's his plan Kyogre: I'm not sure. Salamence: Ok then. Later Back at the city... Aggron and Charizard: WHAT?! Jirachi: Don't tell him okay Aggron: W...We wouldn't tell right Charizard Charizard: Yeah we wouldn't tell Lady Jirachi Dialga: I'll make sure they don't tell Salamence: Hey why are you 2 acting strange? Aggron: ... Charizard: ... Dialga: Did Kyogre knows what Groudon is up to? Salamence: No Dialga: That sucks Salamence: You don't scare me. Stop hiding Aggron and Charizard: ??? ???: You're really are good Salamence Salamence: Who are you ???: I'm Dark Typlosion. ???: I'm Dark Amparhos ???: I'm Dark Dragonair Salamence: You we're sent by Dark Groudon weren't you? Dark Typlosion: You're smarter than I thought Salamence: Enough. Lord Dialga, Lady Jirachi...looks like it's time to fight Dialga: Yes it does Jirachi: I'm ready Dark Typlosion: Take this: FIRE BLAST Salamence: Hydro Pump Dark Typlosion: ARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!! Dark Typlosion was instantly taken out Dialga: ROAR OF TIME!!!! Jirachi: Hyper Beam!!!! The other 2 were taken out as well ???: Ah well played Salamence: Dark Scizor. One of Dark Groudon's top servants Dark Scizor: I'll deal with you later. I came for these losers. See you They leave Afterwards.... Aggron: Dark Pokemon? Salamence: Yes there corrupt pokemon that work for Groudon or should I say...Dark Groudon Charizard: What are they planning Dialga: Groudon's going to make Celebi into a Dark Pokemon so he can travel back in time and make it so he rules this region Salamence: I'm going to stop him. Even if it means dying*, I'll do it Aggron: So will I Charizard: Me too Jirachi: Count me in Dialga: I shall help too but we need more to help Salamence: Got it Will everyone help. Also what did Jirachi tell Aggron and Charizard? *Salamence dies in ep 12 but is revived by Dialga's powers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2008 Umm at the end you put what did jirachi tell aggron and salamence? but jirachi told ggron and charizard.... Crap. Thanks for letting me know. I'll fix it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman Posted June 19, 2008 Report Share Posted June 19, 2008 hey nice chapter and i can be the kind person to help you if thats okay with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted June 19, 2008 Report Share Posted June 19, 2008 Nice episode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2008 hey nice chapter and i can be the kind person to help you if thats okay with you. Sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2008 One more thing: If anyone want to learn more info about this, PM me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted June 19, 2008 Report Share Posted June 19, 2008 Before it goes any further, I would like to request a team. It was my team on Blue rescue team. Team Titan:Leader: SwampertBlazikenSceptile If you can't make that team, make this one. Team CrushLeader: RhyperiorTyranitarNidokingArmaldo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2008 I'll take both but add one more for the first one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey Posted June 20, 2008 Report Share Posted June 20, 2008 well nice fan fic so far, if possible, can i help you write the episodes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2008 well nice fan fic so far' date=' if possible, can i help you write the episodes?[/quote'] Sure it's me you and Protoman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman Posted June 21, 2008 Report Share Posted June 21, 2008 yes more people to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted June 21, 2008 Report Share Posted June 21, 2008 I'll take both but add one more for the first one I'll add Raichu to team Titan as the leader instead of Swampert. Team Titan:Leader: RaichuSwampertBlazikenSceptile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2008 Ok and ep 6 should be up soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted June 22, 2008 Report Share Posted June 22, 2008 Awesome, I can hardly wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 How long will it be before you have the next one up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2008 By the end of the week hopefully Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted June 24, 2008 Report Share Posted June 24, 2008 Good. I'm going insane waiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 It's better. Remember to always add punctuation marks, and that all numbers twenty and below should be written out. I still hate the legendaries being included, but there's nothing to do about that, so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aximil Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Is it anywhere close to being done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted June 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Is it anywhere close to being done? I'm leaving but I'll come at random to post it. I'm having trouble with the episode Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
v8561v Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Thanks for another episode!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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