SHINI [THE CHAOS] Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 [align=center] [spoiler=Prologue - The Legend Foretold]The night was quiet, as the king's assassin high-stepped along the stairs on the west side of the castle. The assassin jumped on the last step of the stairs, carefully entering the door leading into the King's Throne room. He carefully opened the door, and pounced to the middle of the spacious room. His landing made no sound, he carefully slid into the stance, bowing to his loyal king. The man looked at his King straight in the eyes, then started to reported the results of the mission his king had bestowed upon him. King Thomas: Well? Is it done? ???: I cannot say. The King stared into his Assassin's eyes, then slowly clutched his hands into a fist. King Thomas: What do you mean, you cannot say? You are my best Assassin, Admus. Admus looked at the ground, then removed the cloth covering his mouth. He wiped the blood off his cheek, then continued to stare at the ground. King Thomas: You mean to tell me, that you could not kill the man who's life is set upon the goal of awakening the Being Foretold? The King sighed, then the two men stared each other in the eyes. Admus: It's not as simple as you think, my lord. Admus removed the upper part of his stealth-suit, revealing gruesome battle scars and bloody wounds. Admus: This task you bestowed upon me, was harder than I expected. Admus continued explaining what happened. The more he revealed, the more frustration built in the King's eyes. King Thomas: So it is...inevitable. My reign will end to the hands of this Being Foretold. The signs of the prophecy are true. The king frowned, then slowly turned it into a smile. He chuckled, as tears ran down his cheek. King Thomas: I'm glad, my reign was one I will never forget. Many things have happened to me that I would not trade for this world. The marriage between my wife and I is one I will cherish in the afterlife, and the birth of my son..something so majestic. Admus: But according to prophecy, you will not die until your son is the age of Fifteen! Why are you shedding tears of sorrow now? King Thomas: Because the rest of my years will be the same as they have been, excluding the fact of how I want to prepare the kingdom for what is to come. The king stared out the window in his Throne room, then opened his mouth. King Thomas: I know I cannot stop my end, but I can stop the end of the world. Admus looked at the king with a questionable look on his face, then interrupted his lord's speech. Admus: But do you think your son can live up to prophecy? He will only be fifteen years of age? The king turned his head towards Admus. King Thomas: The prophecy speaks of the Being Foretold being destroyed by the son of the king the Being first conquered. Admus: But my lord, your son? Wouldn't you want him to live rather than sacrifice his life at the age of fifteen? For god's sake he'll only be a teenager! King Thomas: I would certainly not want him living a life under the rule of a Demon! I'm sure he would not want that either. Admus: But the prophecy says that your son will have to go through so much pain and suffering to have a chance to kill this Being Foretold, and the chances of the Being actually dying are slim to none! King Thomas: My son can overcome the odds! He is from my blood! Admus: ...Yes, I believe you my lord. Admus was dismissed, then quickly escorted himself out the door he entered. King Thomas sighed, then sat in his throne, thinking what he was going to do when that time came. As the king continued to think, he heard the cry of his child. King Thomas: Guess that's a sign to take a break, and play with my baby boy. The king stood up and smiled, knowing he was going to die in fifteen years. But for now he was to live in the moment, a moment that goes by quick. Almost too quick.. [spoiler=Chapter 1 - The Time is Now] CHARACTER.BIOS~Coming Soon~ LOCATIONS Main Area - Description• Sub-Area located In Area Above • Sub-sub Area • Sub-sub Area, etc. Velmagmus - Continent of the Six KingdomsFenes - Ruled by FelixRegulas - Ruled by Thomas• Regulas CastleGrantine - Lead by Gratia, Is not a Kingdom, merely a place of refugeCrados - Ruled by HannorRarbinwill - Ruled by WidoJaustnia - Ruled by Marcus CHARACTER.STATS NameClassWeaponsCurrent StatsDescriptionSkill - Skill Description AdmusSilent AssassinSwords, Knives, Throwing BladesSTR: 11/20 - SPD: 22/20 - DEF:13/20 - RES: 12/20 - SKILL: 20/20 Admus is the most stealth-like Assassin in the land of Magvel. His speed is above his limits, and is stronger than most of his kind. His skill is at it's limit, killing many with one stroke of his skill known as Shi Strike. A definite master of the killing arts, his strikes are almost always critical.Shi Strike - A strike that blends Magic and Weapon. It's so powerful that one hit is just enough to kill a regular Berserker. WEAPONS Weapon CategoryWeapon Name - Character(s) that own Weapon - Description SwordsSteel Yamato - AdmusJudgement Striker - King Thomas Axes KnivesKunai Knife - Admus Blades Glove Lances Bows Staffs Magic Other CHARACTER.CLASSES Character Class - Character(s) in this class Master Assassin - AdmusKingdom Lord - King Thomas [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Heh, not bad, for the style you're trying to pull. It lacks adequate description and a lot of other stuff, but I see you're going for a more scriptish format. The spelling and grammar is good, so there are no issues there. The only problem is... Naruto? Rasengan? Zangetsu? These names just don't fit Fire Emblem very well - the names in Fire Emblem have a Latin feel, mostly. Plus being used to them from Bleach and Naruto doesn't make it much better. Eh, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwhale Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Great Opening Shini! Were's my Rep? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 *gasp* FIRE EMBLEM! Finally, someone realizes the tactical genius of the game! *reads fic* WTF? Naruto?! That's just wrong. W'ever. I like how you made the scriptish stuff like in the real FE games, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHINI [THE CHAOS] Posted June 1, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Thanks Ixigo, I will make a lot of changes. I see what your saying, I'm gonna make a lot of changes character-wise and the way I write. Yeah, I'm gonna basically restart this fan-fic. New Characters, New more descriptive writing, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Thanks Ixigo' date=' I will make a lot of changes. I see what your saying, I'm gonna make a lot of changes character-wise and the way I write. Yeah, I'm gonna basically restart this fan-fic. New Characters, New more descriptive writing, etc.[/size'] But you do not have to. Or rather, you shouldn't. The writing style is exactly right for the type of story you are writing - it sticks to the actual FE experience and that's very important. Heck, I'd actually encourage you to integrate FE battle system, but that's probably just me =/. If you were actually writing a non-scripted story I'd probably be the first to complain, but as it is, it works very well. You don't have to rewrite anything. My only real issue are the character names so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Thanks Ixigo' date=' I will make a lot of changes. I see what your saying, I'm gonna make a lot of changes character-wise and the way I write. Yeah, I'm gonna basically restart this fan-fic. New Characters, New more descriptive writing, etc.[/size'] But you do not have to. Or rather, you shouldn't. The writing style is exactly right for the type of story you are writing - it sticks to the actual FE experience and that's very important. Heck, I'd actually encourage you to integrate FE battle system, but that's probably just me =/. If you were actually writing a non-scripted story I'd probably be the first to complain, but as it is, it works very well. You don't have to rewrite anything. My only real issue are the character names so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHINI [THE CHAOS] Posted June 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 I re-wrote the prologue, so please read it. Chapter 1 coming tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHINI [THE CHAOS] Posted June 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 I re-wrote the prologue, so please read it. Chapter 1 coming tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiffMaster Alex Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Well done! The writing style is well composed and it has a good story behind it. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiffMaster Alex Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Well done! The writing style is well composed and it has a good story behind it. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 I can't say I like it better. It's a different style, and though it's definately far more presentable and clean, the old one was very Fire Emblem-ish. Well, this one's good, too. Keep writing though. The story seems interesting, and all flows smoothly so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 I can't say I like it better. It's a different style, and though it's definately far more presentable and clean, the old one was very Fire Emblem-ish. Well, this one's good, too. Keep writing though. The story seems interesting, and all flows smoothly so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Hm. I like the new writing style better. It has better flow, and yet still maintains some of Fire Emblem's gameplay essence. Just so you know, I've been working on an FE fic for quite some time now, and am thinking about posting it on YCM, so don't think it's a ripoff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Hm. I like the new writing style better. It has better flow, and yet still maintains some of Fire Emblem's gameplay essence. Just so you know, I've been working on an FE fic for quite some time now, and am thinking about posting it on YCM, so don't think it's a ripoff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHINI [THE CHAOS] Posted June 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 Hm. I like the new writing style better. It has better flow' date=' and yet still maintains some of Fire Emblem's gameplay essence.[/quote']Thanks ;). That's what I was going for. But thanks to Ixigo and Zebra too. Please keep in touch with the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 3, 2008 Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 Its title is Fire Emblem the Majestic Story. Do you really think Bleach and Fire Emblem mix? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoloa37 Posted June 3, 2008 Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 YES, GO FIRE EMBLEM. most awesome game for the gba there is. this is an interesting fan-fic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHINI [THE CHAOS] Posted June 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 i thought this was gonna be a bleach fan fic cuz of the sig Yeah I meant to change that. But it seems to get some people's attention' date=' so yeah.[/size'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 3, 2008 Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 YES' date=' GO FIRE EMBLEM. most awesome game for the gba there is. this is an interesting fan-fic[/quote'] WTF? FE has been around since Famitsu... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 YES' date=' GO FIRE EMBLEM. most awesome game for the gba there is. this is an interesting fan-fic[/quote'] WTF? FE has been around since Famitsu... Yes, but he just said that the GBA version is the best game for the GBA, not that there aren't any other versions =/. A notion with which I agree, too. Anyway, bring us chapter 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mew 101 Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 Awsome. Can't wait for next chap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoloa37 Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 i'll make sure i read that one too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 YES' date=' GO FIRE EMBLEM. most awesome game for the gba there is. this is an interesting fan-fic[/quote'] WTF? FE has been around since Famitsu... Yes, but he just said that the GBA version is the best game for the GBA, not that there aren't any other versions =/. A notion with which I agree, too. Anyway, bring us chapter 2. So, wait, is he talking about VI, VII, or VIII? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoloa37 Posted June 5, 2008 Report Share Posted June 5, 2008 fire emblem, the sacred stones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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