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Attention All Adults! AMA


Ember McLain

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My name is Michael Bersback,and I've come to this forum to inform you about my prestigious cruise line. My cruise is 100% kid and teenager free, now how great does that sound? No more annoying crying or under-the-breath comments. Just feel free to ask any questions you have about me or my cruise.

-M. Bersback

 

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Oooohohohohooooo! That sounds positively DELIGHTFUL! I might just have to buttwalk over and check it outoutoutoooouuttt. Tell me, do you happen to have cabins in the rear?

Yes sir, indeed it is. Not to brag about it, that would be childish of course, but my cruise line only receives the most positive remarks.

 

As for your question: We do indeed have cabins in the rear. I've found that many guests, including myself, like to look out the window and see all their troubles seem to drift further and further away as we sail deeper into the ocean blue.

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Do you need a rad as funk music act on this cruise?

No offense sir, but we have a very special musical performance in store. However we do offer a celebrity discount on our cruises if you were looking to sail. I also don't believe our musical talent would mind an amazing show opener like you and your adult friends.

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1Y4GdQ2.jpg Now if the cruise is kids-friendly, why is he advertising this thread to adults?

 

i6AgMov.jpg Kids-FREE! Turn up your hearing aid!

 

1Y4GdQ2.jpg But if I do that I have to hear him talk.

 

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Haha! You two are a funny pair. I'm sure there would be lots of fun to be had if you joined my cruise. You know what? I'd even pay YOU to do a comedy act on stage. All you would have to do is insult the audience. Our generation is nowhere near as sensitive as these millennials. It'll be fun!

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This is something most peculiar. Quite the fun little trick, but I suppose I'll remain silent until the moment is right. What is the policy you have on acts dealing with the old mystic arts that this world has all but forgotten?

No trick here, sir. Just pure relaxation, I'm afraid our cruise line only feels magical.

 

As for your question, a few parlor tricks wouldn't be anything too horrible, however I would ask you do not bother the other guests and do not teleport the ship. Would this mean you are interested in joining my cruise?

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What do you think about ghosts?

I'm afraid I don't believe in such things. Stories about the supernatural are for children. Why do you think the story of the Boogeyman was invented. To scare kids into behaving. As such, you won't find any ghosts on my cruise. Sorry to any edgy teenagers out there that want to call upon Bloody Mary. You can rest assure you'll be safe on my cruise.

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What booze do you have onboard this fine cruise gentleman?

We have a large assortment of booze from all the world. We even have our own personal helicopter delivery service that comes in every other day. We can surely special order anything we do not already have in stock. Although I'm more than certain you'll find what you want.

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No trick here, sir. Just pure relaxation, I'm afraid our cruise line only feels magical.

 

As for your question, a few parlor tricks wouldn't be anything too horrible, however I would ask you do not bother the other guests and do not teleport the ship. Would this mean you are interested in joining my cruise?

 

You may have others fooled, my dear captain, but the Great Mysterio sees differently. Nevertheless, I believe a bit of rousing entertainment on this cruise would be quite enjoyable. I'll have to see where in my schedule I can pencil this in.

 

The Great Mysterio has an inquiry for you, captain. Do you have anything of any value aboard your vessel?

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You may have others fooled, my dear captain, but the Great Mysterio sees differently. Nevertheless, I believe a bit of rousing entertainment on this cruise would be quite enjoyable. I'll have to see where in my schedule I can pencil this in.

 

The Great Mysterio has an inquiry for you, captain. Do you have anything of any value aboard your vessel?

Why, the ship itself is worth 1.2 Billion USD. I would very ashamed to stock this ship with nothing less then mahogany, but not just any mahogany, but rather mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7, where the trees are seven hundred feet tall and breath fire! It is from these trees that my furniture was forged two thousand years ago, using ancient blood rituals of the Malchior people. Not only does it make furniture nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! (At least that is what the catalog I ordered them from said)

 

 

Hmm, what is your policy towards electronics usage onboard the ship?

 

I've seen a few of my associates texting or talking loudly on their mobile devices during social gatherings and it's quite rude.

Electronics are free game for all guests. However it would be ask that in certain locations and times that electronics be shut off. You of course have free reign to do as you wish in your cabin.

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Hmm... a cruise? There has to be a catch. This is too fishy...

 

You're trying to hide me from my adoring public, aren't you?!

 

Well, I appreciate the offer, but I need to be here to assure everyone that they are safe! 

You know what would be best for the public? To come on the cruise with you! That way everyone can enjoy themselves full time and feel protected. How about a sponsorship? You give out a public message about the M. Bersback Cruise Line in positive light, and you'll be paid quite handsomely. What do you say? Of course, you'll need to come on the cruise, wouldn't want to lie about your experience would you?

So, what is there to do on your cruise?

Anything and everything. Whatever an adult would like to do, they have free reign. This is a ship where we care about your relaxation and enjoyment. However, if you are wanting to know the scheduled activities, well then you'll have to come aboard and see yourself.

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You know what would be best for the public? To come on the cruise with you! That way everyone can enjoy themselves full time and feel protected. How about a sponsorship? You give out a public message about the M. Bersback Cruise Line in positive light, and you'll be paid quite handsomely. What do you say? Of course, you'll need to come on the cruise, wouldn't want to lie about your experience would you?

 

Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no? It'd be nice to take a break. So when does this ship take off, anyways?

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You know what would be best for the public? To come on the cruise with you! That way everyone can enjoy themselves full time and feel protected. How about a sponsorship? You give out a public message about the M. Bersback Cruise Line in positive light, and you'll be paid quite handsomely. What do you say? Of course, you'll need to come on the cruise, wouldn't want to lie about your experience would you?

Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no? It'd be nice to take a break. So when does this ship take off, anyways?

Color me impressed, captain. I had no idea you had the power of suggestion over the simple-minded.

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