overheat Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 it was nice i have to say but it need more mmm duels and more ppl in it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Rose Phoenix® Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 COOL, i'd say it's pretty good, great job!!Infin/550000000000000000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreezingNinja Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Jin:[/b] Draw your last pathetic card so I can end this Max.Max: My grandfathers deck has no pathetic cards Jin.Jin: Come up with something origanal you fool! lol at the yugioh abridged reference! Keep working on it. it has great potential! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted April 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 This chapter should be more exiting. CHAPTER 4- RISE OF THE DARK ARMY 2 days later at home..Max:With the Rainbow Dragon in the past to whole world could be in danger.Zak:This is all my fault. If I hadn't of kicked that dam time machine this would not of happend.Max:Don't say that. Besides nothing bad has happend yet.MEANWHILE IN DOMINO CITY....A dark, evil creature suddenly appeared from nowhere.Creature:The darkness has granted me the power of time travel and limitless dark powers. So this is the period of time where two of the four chosen duelists live. I will need some assistence to find them. Once I defeat them my plan will fall to place, HAHHAA!!! Many people saw the creature and ran, ran as fast as they could.Man:AHHH!!! Monster!!!The man ran off crying, screaming for his life. The creature soon saw a man wearing a duel disk.Creature:YOU! Duel me!?????: Who are you?Creature:Never mind that! Duel me or i'll destroy this city!The monsters hands began to glow.?????:NO! Fine i'll duel you. I'll save this city just as my great grandfather did.The man was called Robby Wheeler. He was the great grandson of the legendary Joey Wheeler. Some say he is even more talented at dueling then Joey.Creature:Fine, i'll explain the rules. If you win the city is saved. If I win you become my servent of darkness!Robby:I ain't gonna lose! Let's duel! Wait! Wheres your duel disk?Creature:HAHAH!! The power of the darkness has given me the power to summon real monsters without a pathetic machine.Creature=8000LPRobby=8000LPRobby:I'll start!Robby's heart was beating at a very high rate. He was very intimidated by the creature.Robby:I summon Rocket Warrior (ATK/1500 DEF/1300) in attack mode. Your move.Creature: In mear momments you shall feel the darkness! I summon Dark Jeroid (ATK/1200 DEF/1500) in attack mode. Robby: Thats weak!Creature:Not untill he feels the darkness! First of all it's affect activates, so your monster loses 800 points.(New Attack:700)Robby:No!Creature:Now i'll equip him with Dark Energy! Feel the darkness my creature! (New Attack:1500). Now attack!The creature shot out a powerful dark blast, inflicting alot of pain to Robby.Robby:AH!!!Creature:Haha! Look at you suffer!Creature=8000LPRobby=6500LPRobby:Who are you?Creature:You may call me The Dark One. The one who will be the ruler of dimensions. Quit now and join me!Robby:Never! I play Swordsman of Landstar (ATK/500 DEF/1200) in defence mode. I'll place two cards face down and end my turn.The Dark One:Are you ready! For once I crush you my plan will fall to place! Then I will be the ruler of dimensions! HAHAHHA!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted April 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 I've updated the character bios. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 does it hurt to simply ask for more emotions put in your fan fics? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aquarian alessa Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 I can't wait for the 5th Chapter, way to go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maspe Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 whoa I think this fan fic is in my top ten! (#4) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted April 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 lord wyhe don't worry. There will be plenty of emotions. Ok in chapter 7/8/9 someone is going to die, is that enough emotion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 I'll see about that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 1, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 CHAPTER 5- GIFT FROM THE DARKNESS The Dark One=8000LPRobby=6500LPThe Dark One:Why don't you just give up?Robby:Never! I will protect the people I love. I will save this city.The Dark One:Love? There will be no love when I transform this universe. Quit and join me. Become a powerful ruler and have anything you want!Robby:Maybe hes right? I get everything I want. The Dark One:Yes, give in to your darkness!Robby:What am I saying! I can't!The Dark One:You won't have a choice!A figure from faw saw all of this take place. It was Jin.Jin: (*whispers*) No way!He quickly hid behind a bush and watched to rest of the duel.The Dark One:I summon Slate Warrior (ATK/1900 DEF/400). Attack his swordsman!Robby:Not so fast!The Dark One:Whats this!Robby:I activate my trap! Shadow Spell!The Dark One:NO! Now my monster is unable to attack!Robby:Yep, and it loses 700 ATK!(New Attack:1200)The Dark One:It matters not. Dark Jeroid attack! Robby:Wait! I use Skull Dice!The Dark One:What the hell dose that do!?!?!Robby:Heres how it works. I role a die. What ever number I get is multiplyed by 100. Then you monster loses that much attack. So I need a 3 or above. The Dark One:Your risking the life of your creature on a simple roll of a dice.A huge, red dice was roled.Robby:Come on!It wrigled and wrigled.The Dark One:Hmm...Untill it stopped. It landed on 3.Robby:Yes! Since your monster has the same amount of attack as my monsters defence nothing happens.The Dark One:I end my turn.Robby:My turn! I summon Gearfried The Iron Knight (ATK/1800 DEF/1000) . Then I activate Double Summon so I can summon another creature. So say hello to Panther Warrior (ATK/2000 DEF/1600) Next i'll sacrifise my swordsman so my panther can attack your Dark Jeroid.Panther Warrior raised its sword. It charged at Dark Jeroid and sliced it with it's sword.The Dark One:No!The Dark One=7500LPRobby=6500LPRobby:Gearfried The Iron Knight attack his Slate Warrior!The Dark One=6900LPRobby=6500LPThe Dark One: I use Dark Hole! Say goodbye to all your monsters!Robby:Crap!A huge dark hole sucked up all of his monsters.The Dark One: I summon Gill Garth (ATK/1800 DEF/1200). Attack!It hit Robby with it's razor, sharp claws.Robby:Ahh! The Dark One=6900LPRobby=4700LPRobby:I wont give up! I activate Monster Reborn to get my Swordsman of Landstar (ATK/500 DEF/1200) back. Then i'll sacrifise him to summon the mighty Jinzo (ATK/2400 DEF/1200)!A cyborg sort of creature rose from the ground.Robby:Attack Gill Garth! Jinzo shot out a powerful shock of electricity which destroyed Gill Garth.The Dark One=6300LPRobby=4700LPThe Dark One:My move! I draw! Ha! I end my turn.Robby:What are you planing? Jinzo attack his life points!The Dark One=3900LPRobby=4700LPRobby:Now i'm winning.The Dark One:No! Now you have lost! My turn! I activate Change Of Heart!Robby:Oh no! Now you get my Jinzo! For only 1 turn though.The Dark One:I don't need a second turn! I activate Limiter Removal.Robby dropped the cards in hand and fell to his knees. He already knew that Limiter Removal doubles the attack of a machine type.(New Attack:4800)The Dark One:Attack Jinzo! Finish it!Jinzo shocked Robby with blasts of lightning which got him flat on the ground.The Dark One=3900LPRobby=0LPJin:Wa..? He lost?Jin ran off.The Dark One:You remember our deal? You must become my loyal servant.Robby:Never!! The Dark One: Feel the darkness my new slave!The Dark one let lose dark, shadow energy which was being transfered to Robby.The Dark One:You must not be afraid! The power! The darkness! Robby struggled to fight but in the end Robby got up. But he got up with the millenium symbol on his forehead.Robby:I've felt the darkness, master. It has given me power!The Dark One:Now use the darkness to summon Dark Soiders. Robby started to glow purple. Soon evil creatures rose from the ground.The Dark One:Excellent my new slave! I shall rule with you at my side. I have a task for you. Show more people the darkness. Also, defeat the one known as Zak Thomas. He is friends with one of the chosen ones.Robby:Yes master. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 well,this series has finally aroused my interest,I would like to see how it goes now (8/10) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 1, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 ^Thanks, I knew you would change your rating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2008 CHAPTER 6- DARK DUELS The sky was covered with dark clouds. It was freezing cold and pitch black.Robby:My soilders of the dark hear my call.Creatures rose from the ground.Dark Soilder:What is it my master.Robby:Send Dark Soilders to defeat the chosen ones. Send Dark Knight, our newest recruit to duel Zak Thomas. I want to test him.Dark Soilder:Right away sir.Robby:Even though The Dark One ordered me to kill Zak, I have more important things to do then wast my time on a kid. Only if he can defeat Dark Knight, will I duel him. I'm going to see Maximillion Pegasus The 3rd anyway. With his help, the Dark Soul card will be created. HAHAHHAHAH!!!!The next day.....Jin:I can't beleve Robby Wheeler lost to that thing. What was that thing anyway?Dark Soilder:He is known as The Dark One.Jin:Who the f**k are you?Dark Soilder:Duel me!Jin wanted to refuse but he knew the only way he could find out what was going on was by dueling.Jin:Fine! Lets duel!Jin=8000LPDark Soilder=8000LPJin:I draw! I summon Elemental Hero Clayman (ATK/800 DEF/2000) in defence mode.Dark Soilder:Prepare for your defeat!________________________________________Meanwhile...Max:I feel like something bad is going to happen.Dark Soilder:Correct! You shall feel the darkness!Max:Who are you? Dark Soilder:Duel me!Max was very scared. He had no idea of what was going on but he knew it was caused be the incident with the time machine a couple of days ago.Max:Lets duel!He was extreamly frightened but he knew he had to duel.Dark Soilder=8000LPMax=8000LPDark Soilder:I summon Headless Knight (ATK/1450 DEF/1700) in attack position.____________________________________________Meanwhile in Domino City....Zak:Rainbow Dragon is gone because of me.Dark Knight:Ah, you must be Zak Thomas.Zak:Who the hell are you?!!?!?Dark Knight:I am known as Dark Knight. Zak:What do you want?Zak shivered. He was very, very, scared.Dark Knight:Duel me! See the darkness my friend.Zak:I don't accept.The Dark Knight drew out a sword.Zak:Ok I accept!!Dark Knight=8000LPZak=8000LPZak:I'll start! I summon, D.D Crazy Beast (ATK/1400 DEF/1400) in defence mode. Your move.Dark Knight:I summon Dark Blade (ATK/1800 DEF/1400). Then i'll equip him with Axe Of Despair. Zak:What dose that do?Dark Knight:It raises my monsters attack by 1000!(New Attack:2800)Zak:You still can't touch my life points.Dark Knight:Oh really? I use Stop Defence to swith your monster to attack mode!Zak:No! Please no!Dark Knight:Attack with Dark Slash!Dark Blade stabbed D.D Crazy Beast with it's sword which easily destroyed it.Zak:NO!Dark Knight=8000LPZak=6600LPZak:AHHH! Why did that hurt? Dark Knight:I have the power of darkness you fool!Zak:The power of darkness?Dark Knight:Yes and soon you shall die! And I'll please The Dark One and The Dark Servant! HAHAH!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelioSpark Posted May 3, 2008 Report Share Posted May 3, 2008 Wow really great job. Its funny that even the grandson of Joey wheeler still uses swordsman of landstar!!=) Also, really great character development. Can't wait to read more from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 4, 2008 Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 I wonder what would Evil Robby use in his deck:proably something opposite of wheeler's theme,which is luck (maybe a strategy similar to the Supreme King) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 Heres Chapter 7: CHAPTER 7- FROM THE DARKNESS TO LIGHT Dark Knight=8000LPZak=6600LPZak: I summon Battle Ox (ATK/1700 DEF/1000) in defence mode.Dark Knight:Look at you hiding behind your monsters! Ha!______________________________________________________Jin=1200LPDark Soilder=4100LPJin:Go Elemental Hero Bladedge! Attack!Bladedge struck the creature with full force.Dark Soilder:ARHH!! But I still have more life points then you.Jin=1200LPDark Soilder=1500LPJin:You think I care?Dark Soilder:You will feel the darkness!Jin:Feel the darkness? Why dose that sound so familiar. Oh! You shall see the light!Thats why! Sartourius and the light 60 years ago! If that was The Light of Destruction, then this must be The Powers of Darkness. This thing must be controlled by it.Dark Soilder:I summon Ryu Kishin (ATK/1000 DEF/500) in defence mode.Jin:HAHAHAHAH!!Dark Soilder:What's so funny?Jin:You! Your such an idoit!Dark Soilder:What do you mean? With a monster in defence mode my life points are safe.Jin:Oh really? Bladedge attack Ryu Kishin!Bladedge easily destroyed Ryu Kishin.Dark Soilder:AHH!! Whats happening!?!?Jin:Even though your monster was in defence mode, the difference between my monsters attack and your monsters defence come out of your life points.Jin=1200LPDark Soilder=0LPDark Soilder:No! I'm sorry master! AHHHH!!!The creature vanished.Jin:What's going on?____________________________________Dark Soilder=1000LPMax=550LPDark Soilder: Shadow Ghoul (ATK/2700) attack his Red Eyes Black Dragon!Dark Soilder=1000LPMax=250LPMax:AHH!! No! Red Eyes!Dark Soilder:Are you ready to give up?Max:Never! I tribute my Mirage Dragon and Luster Dragon to summon Tri Horned Dragon (ATK/2850 DEF/2350).Dark Soilder:No!Max:Next i'll ativate Mega Morph. Dark Soilder:Oh no!Max:I guess you already know that it doubles my monsters attack.(New Attack:5700)Max:Attack!Shadow Ghoul was destroyed.Dark Soilder=0LPMax=250LP___________________________________________Dark Knight=6000LPZak=50LPDark Knight:One more attack and you die! Attack myGaia The Fierce Knight!Zak:Wait! I use Negate Attack! Now your attack is negated and your battle phase ends.Dark Knight:I end my turn.Zak:(Come on heart of the cards, guide me) I draw! Yes! Dark Knight:You seem happy about dying.Zak:No, I'm happy about winning.Dark Knight:What!Zak:I use Soul Exchange.Dark Knight:And that dose what....?Zak:If I tribute this turn I can use your monsters as the tributes.Dark Knight:Oh crap!Zak:So I sacrifise your Gaia to summon my ultimate beast! Manticore of Darkness (ATK/2300 DEF/1000)! Dark Knight:Ha! That creature isn't powerful enough to finish me off. Next turn i'll crush it.Zak:There won't be a next turn! I activate Wild Natures Release!Dark Knight:No! Not that!(New Attack:3300)Zak:It raises my monsters attack by its defence points.Dark Knight:It's still too weak!Zak:Wow! I didn't know that. I activate Mega Morph, so my monsters attack doubles!(New Attack:6600)Dark Knight:No! I can't lose to a kid!!!Zak:Finish it!The creature slashes the knight with its claws, dropping him to his knees.Dark Knight=0LPZak=50LPDark Knight:AHH!!! HELP ME!!!!Suddenly a dark spirt appeared.Spirit:Your soul.Dark Knight:AHH!! PLEASE HELP!!!Zak wanted to walk away but he knew it wasn't the right thing to do.Zak:Manticore of Darkness attack!The spirit vanished. Suddenly, the darkness around Dark Knight was gone. The dark armor of his vanished. Then their sitting, was a well known figure.Zak:No way! Your the general of the army!Bryan:Actually, i'm his son Bryan. Zak:Whats going on here?Bryan:I will tell you everything I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 4, 2008 Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 too bad I didn't see the whole duel,but they're still decent.That's for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 Character Bios updated once more. Name:Bryan KnightAge:22Deck:WarriorsSignature Card:The Great Shogun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 4, 2008 Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 Pretty cool fic a few errors here and their but I can't wait for some cool thing to happen. I like how it is't situated in Duel Academy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 Thanks. I think after my next chapter i'm going to edit all errors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtkitpenguin Posted May 4, 2008 Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 wow great job I enjoyed it alot 10/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted May 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 ^ Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spartanricky Posted May 5, 2008 Report Share Posted May 5, 2008 woah so awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spartanricky Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 how did you create character bios Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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