[Fanfiction] Remake of the Kachidoki Duel

[Yuya-Kun]

"Fall into the Pitch Black Drakness."

Yuya looked in at Kachidoki's Monster. Terror consumed him as he remembered the sacrifice that Yugo and Yuto made for him against Yuri. Yuya looked down at his deck, and something called him. He saw it, the clear wings of the beautiful dragon, and the pitch black fangs of the Rebellion, it all made sense. Suddenly a dark cloud surrounded the arena. "Well folks, seems like were experiencing some technical difficulties!'' Nico Smiley shouted. But the arena wasn't the only thing that changed, Yuya's eyes had become a glowing Red. Suddenly it all turned dark, Yuya turned around and saw it, Yuto, Yugo, they were with him. A peircing white light engulfed him as rage built up inside. "DRAW!" Yuya said, a calm but fierce tone in his voice. "I activate the Action Spell - Force whirlwind. with this card's effect, i can return 1 Pendulum Monster in my scales to the deck, then draw 1 card. So begone Performapal Trump Witch!" A whirlwind ensued, causing trump witch to fall out of the scales and land in the Deck. "I now draw, and i activate the Monster i drew in the Pendulum Scales, so Stargazer Magician, go!" Yuya said. "Whats happened to Yuya?" Yuzu asked. "With my scale 1 Stargazer Magician, and my scale 8 Stargazer Magician, i Pendulum Summon!

Appear my Monsters!

Level 4, Performapal Silver Claw! Level 4, Performapal Camelump, And finally Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon!"

Everyone looked in shock as Yuya's monsters emerged from the Extra Deck. 

"I use the effect of Nobledragon Magician in my Hand, by reducing Odd-Eyes level by 3, i can Special Summon her! Now! Level 3 Nobledragon Magician tunes level 4 Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon

Spread those wondrous and beautiful wings, and strike down your opponents at the speed of light

SYNCHRO SUMMON

Appear, Level 7!

Clear Wing Synchro Dragon!" Everyone stared in shock. "Yuya has just performed the worlds first Pendulum Synchro Summon!" Announced Nico Smiley. "Now, with the level 4 Performapal Camelump, and level 4 Performapal Silver Claw, i build the overlay Network.

Formed from pitch-black darkness, to fight those foolish enough to oppose it with its treacherous fangs! 

Xyz Summon!

Rank 4!

Dark Rebellion Xyz Dragon!" The stadium was in awe as Yuya summoned an Xyz Monster with ease. "Yuto, and Yugo's monsters!" Yuzu stuttered in shock. Shun watched from the sidelines. "Well done Yuto.." He whispered to himself, and noticed the shadow of yuto nod to him from Yuya.

"Now, i use the effect of Dark Rebellion Xyz Dragon, by using 1 overlay unit he gains attack equal to halve your Supreme Victory Star Idaten, then your monster's loses halve it's ATK! Treason Discharge! I now use 1 more overlay unit and use it's effect again! Now Dark Rebellion Xyz Dragon has 5200 ATK, Go! Attack, Lightning Disobey!

"You forgot the effect of Supreme Victory Star Idaten, if it battles a monster with a lower level, it's ATK becomes 0!" Kachidoki sneered. Yuya looked at him smugly. "I activate the effect of Clear Wing Synchro Dragon! If a level 5 or higher monster activates it's effect, i can negate it's effect and destroy it! Dichroic Mirror!" Yuya announced and a white blast hit Idaten, destroying him. "With no monster to protect you, your wide open, Dark Rebellion, attack him directly, Lightning Disobey!" Yuya roared as Dark Rebellion struck Kachidoki with a huge blast! "The Duel is over, Yuya is the winner!" Nico Smiley called, but Yuya was still going. "Clear Wing, Attack him directly!" Yuya called. And Clear wing shot a huge blast of energy at Kachidoki, causing him to double over. Yuya turned his back on the duel as the action field dispersed. "You're pathetic"

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So i made some changes to the original episode. The fight that took place before was Yugo Vs Yuto Vs Yuri, who landed early to plan the invasion. Yuya witnesses both get destroy due to Starve Venom, and the 2 Dragons called to odd-eyes, and the souls of Yugo and Yuto became 1 with Yuya. 

Hope you enjoyed, and maybe some other suggestions for re-writes would be cool!

[evilfusion]

It feels a bit unfair to criticize on these merits, but it's such a MAJOR problem that I can't really ignore it, either.

 

[spoiler=I just criticize everything]

 

Firstly, the entire premise of the "remake" is flawed. I don't object to you creating an alternate series of events, but you did so without establishing this before hand. If anything, it would have been better to actually have SHOWED the alternate events before even considering remaking the Kachidoki Duel/ one scene. Not even sure why you remade a single scene of the Duel, either. Was the canon episode not good enough? Because it was one of the best scenes in the series, and your remake...kind of just butchers it.

 

Secondly, you set the scene as being almost literally identical to how it happened in the canon episode, which creates a snag - Yuya didn't NEED Clear Wing. Dark Rebellion alone was enough to beat Kachidoki, and there was no point to including Clear Wing for the negation effect, because Dark Rebellion was immune to Idaten's effect anyway.

 

Also of note - you had Yuzu express shock at seeing "Yugo's" monster, by citing Yugo's name...but Yuzu never met Yugo prior to when this episode takes place. She didn't meet him until after evading Yuri in the Battle Royale. She has never seen Clear Wing, nor Yugo before. Maybe you can justify it by saying that when Yuya explained the events (as he did post- Yuto vs Yugo), that he told her about Yugo, but this doesn't work as well as when it was just Dark Rebellion and Yuto, because Yuzu had met Yuto multiple times, and knew Dark Rebellion was his card that Yuya now had.

 

And why is Shun aware of Yuto being in Yuya's body? Shun being alarmed and suspicious by Yuya having Dark Rebellion was kind of a big deal at the time.

 

In addition...the timing doesn't work out for Yuri to allegedly have battled Yugo and Yuto when they faced off in canon. Yugo showed up in Standard mere moments after Sora got withdrawn to Academia. It was only by inspecting Sora's memories that the Professor realized Yuzu was Ray Piece #4, and sent Yuri to Standard (although he bafflingly didn't arrive until after the Obelisk Force and Sora). There was NO planned invasion of Standard for Yuri to prepare for "early". The only reason Standard got invaded was because Serena ran off to Standard to try to locate the Xyz resistance that Sora mentioned and prove her combat skills. The Professor sent Sora and the Obelisk Force to retrieve Serena (because Barrett notified Academia of her location after Reiji defeated him), and this invasion coincided with Yuri's secret mission to capture Yuzu.

 

Since Serena went to Standard a couple days after Sora's withdrawal, there is no planned Standard invasion, and the Professor doesn't know about Yuzu yet. There is literally no reason for Yuri to be there. (You could probably get away with saying Starve Venom brought him there, though. Clear Wing brought Yugo to Standard because of Dark Rebellion/Odd-Eyes, and Yuri once commented about Starve Venom seeking out Yugo)

 

If you're going to tweak or rework the canon, you should establish the divergence in full prior to remaking a scene where...Yuya plays both Clear Wing and Dark Rebellion, even though he doesn't even need Clear Wing to win the Duel, and creating plot holes by disregarding details of the canon that you DIDN'T tweak. Otherwise, the audience is just going to be confused, or, like me, just point out the gaping holes you created.

 

 

[Yuya-Kun]

Yeah i really should've told you about the changes before the fanfic. And as for I did it with Clear Wing? Well, i didn't want to go through the Xyz Monster's don't have level thing, so i went with clear wing, also coz i love it's chant.