Remember "C"

[Just Crouton]

Something short.

 

[spoiler=PROLOGUE]
So, there's this crazy dude in a crazy straitjacket with crazy bandages all over his face in a crazy room in a crazy house. And his doctor walks in, err, Dr....something, who gives a s***? He's gonna die in the prologue.

"John Doe?"

Crazy guy looks up. "Got my flashlight?"

"John, we've talked about the flashlight."

"I KNOW it makes bridges!"

"John, that is not true."

"Not with that attitude!"

"John."

"What?"

"Who are you?"

Crazy dude scratches his head against the wall "Why're you asking me?"

"Because you're 'you' and only you truly know you."

Oh, and a ninja with big shoulder pads has been sneaking up behind the doctor during this conversation and straight-up kills him.

"Holy s***!" Crazy dude exclaims.

"I'm a ninja and I'm here to kill you!" The ninja declares, pointing his ninja sword at crazy dude.

Then another crazy dude smashes the ninja over the head with a steel chair. The ninja falls down on his face, dead. I think. Nobody checked.

"Holy s*** again!" Crazy dude exclaims.

"I'm the crazy dude next door." Other crazy dude informs Crazy dude. "Call me Earl."

"Uh-huh."

"Let's get outta here!" Earl demanded.

"Yeah, let's roll!" Crazy dude excites...or something to that effect.

Crazy dude and Earl run into the hallway which is full of ninjas killing the crazy house staff and s***.

"Ninjas everywhere!" Crazy dude reacted in horror. "And they're killing the bastards that stole my flashlight!"

"Forget the flashlight! Let's go!" Earl ordered.

Ninjas chase after them, and its intense, I think. Things randomly explode, so there's that. Oh, and crazy dude found his flashlight randomly lying on the bloody floor during the carnage.

"Look! I found my flashlight!"

See? Anyways, the dudes run outside and see a Fred Flintstone-looking guy with a tank.

"Cenk Potato" Earl scowled.

"We've come for C!" Cenk Potao declared, pointing his fat finger at crazy dude.

"C?" Crazy dude responded.

"OF COUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURSE!!!!!" Cenk Potato roared.

"f***s***, we gotta get outta here" Earl shouted to crazy dude.

Earl and crazy dude run away.

Cenk Potato's henchwoman, The Proud Armenian Baroness, signaled for their forces of tens to attack.

"NO!" Cenk ordered. "Let's shake our fists in moral outrage!"

Cenk's army began shaking their fists in moral outrage, cries of "RACIST!" "HOMOPHOBE!" "TRANSPHOBE!" "SEXIST!" "FAT f***!" could be heard in the clusterf*** of screaming.

Earl and crazy dude escape into an open field, where Cenk Potato's army could easily see them if they chased them.

"So, who's this 'C' guy?" Crazy dude asked.

"You are." Earl responded.

"I don't remember."

"Figure it out. I got s*** to do."

"Oh ok."

C and Earl part ways, going in random directions.
 

 

 

 

[spoiler=CHAPTER 1: MR. ACE]

C ends up at a gas station in the buttcrack of nowhere. Also, it's 2 days later.

"I need a car." C tells the gas station dude.

"This is a gas station" the confused gas station dude responded.

"I know. That's why I need a car so I can get some gas from this gas station." C explains.

"We don't sell cars here" the confused gas station dude told C.

C stared blankly at him. "How about a hot dog then?" C points to the dry, wrinkly weiner in the display.

C buys a hot dog with money he magically has.

C's walking down the road, eating his hot dog.

The chemicals in the hot dog, created from night after night of dousing with Windex to resell the next day, causes a chemical reaction in C's brain, making him hallucinate.

"Hey, I'm hallucinating" C repeating what I just said.

A fiery platypus appears before C.

"Jesus f***, it's a Fairy Godplaypus!" C exclaimed.

"Look towards the Ace" The platypus tells C, pointing down.

C looks down, and sees playing cards on the ground.

The most prominent is an Ace of Spades.

C's head turns left to right, and back, staring at the card.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?"

The Ace of Spades emerges from the card.

"Iiiiiii don't geeeeeet iiiiiit?"

"Ace...the beginning of your journey." The playpus softly told C.

"Whaaaaat jouuuurney??" Ace drooled.

"Oh goddammit!" The platypus raged. "YOU. WERE ACE. YOU. YES, YOU. YOU BEGAN AS ACE. f***DAMMIT!" The playpus exploded into bacon bits.

C wakes up on the side of the road.

"In the beginning" C continued, his head turning towards the cactus on his left. "I was Ace."

Ace marches down the road and runs into zombies (just roll with it,) so Ace kills them and steals their car.

Ace returns to the gas station.

"I need gas" Ace declared. "And 3 of those hot dogs."

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2 (whenever I feel like it)]

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 3 (whenever I feel like it)]

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 4(whenever I feel like it)]

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 5 (whenever I feel like it)]