Power Rangers’ 16 Most Useless Battle Zords

[Just Crouton]

http://screenrant.com/lamest-power-rangers-zords/

 

 

Power Rangers’ 16 Most Useless Battle Zords

• By Austin Carroll Baker
• 07.29.2016
• 11 Comments

780shares

 

Since its inception back in the early ’90s, the Power Rangers series has brought joy to fans young and old alike. Why wouldn’t it? The show featured monsters, cool power suits, unique weapons, giant robots, and non-stop action – it’s every kid’s dream! The series has spanned 23 years, with a 24th season (Power Rangers Ninja Steel) on its way in the near future. In March of 2017, Lionsgate is also set to debut a new film, simply entitled Power Rangers. The movie is based on the original season of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers with Rita Repulsa, Zordon, and the original team all set to take center stage.

In the Power Rangers lore, each ranger had their own Zord, a giant assault vehicle with a theme matching that of the current season. Near the end of each episode, the main antagonist would make the monster of the week grow to gargantuan sizes, forcing the Power Rangers to call upon their individual Zords. They would then combine together to form the Megazord, and destroy the villain once and for all. One of the main draws of the show was that with every new season came new costumes, weapons, enemies, and Zords. This gave us lots of unique, awesome designs, but it also brought about several Zord concepts that were probably better off if they’d stayed in their creator’s mind. These can be Zords used or hinted at any point throughout the American series. Here are the 16 Lamest Zords In Power Rangers History. 

 

ScreenRant Videos 10 Craziest Things HIDDEN In The BACKGROUNDS Of Famous Movie Scenes Watch More Original Videos

16. Spino Zord (Power Rangers Dino Super Charge)

Based on the Spinosaurus (as in Jursassic Park 3), the Spino Zord can transform into a completely new Megazord with an amazing design. Although it has made an appearance in the Japanese Power Rangers counterpart as the vehicle of the Talon Ranger, we have still yet to see the Spino Zord in the American version of the show. Luckily, fans won’t have to wait much longer – it has been confirmed by the showrunners that the Talon Ranger and his faithful Zord will be joining the Dino Charge Rangers at some point this season.

But maybe it’s for the better that we haven’t seen this one yet. Seriously, who designed this thing? They took the Spinosaurus’s defining feature and contorted it to make it look like the creature is suffering from Hunchback Syndrome. It also looks like they just took the same prototype they used for the Dino Charge T-Rex Zord, elongated the snout, and threw a new coat of paint on it. The design of this one just looks really lazy.

15. The Bear Brothers (Power Rangers Wild Force)

A bear is one of nature’s most powerful and majestic creatures; it would only make sense for there to be giant battle robots created in their image. Enter the Bear Brother Zords; they seem alright on the outside, to be honest. Originally disguised as two mute little boys, the Bear Brother Zords are summoned by the Yellow Ranger, and roll onto the scene whenever they are needed.

Sure, they can shoot beams of fire and ice out of their mouths, but something about them just feels… off. Maybe it’s the early 2000s CGI or the fact that they were only around a handful of times and thus don’t leave a lasting impression. Or perhaps it’s the fact that they turn into gauntlets for the Rangers’ Megazord, the last thing you’d think two bears would turn into. No matter what it is, the Beat Brother Zords suffer from something far worse than lameness – they are completely bland and forgettable.

14. Unicorn Thunderzord (Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Season 2)

In the second season of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, the evil Lord Zedd arrives on earth and destroys the Ranger’s original Dino Zords. In response, Zordon reawakens the ancient Thunder Zords as a replacement. The Red Ranger got a Dragon Zord, the Black Ranger got a Lion Zord, the Pink Ranger got a Firebird Zord, the Yellow Ranger got a Griffin Zord, and the Blue Ranger got… a Unicorn Zord.

A Unicorn Zord sounds like that should be something more appropriate for the Rainbow Ranger. If we want to be less sarcastic, it would fit the White Ranger perfectly! But nope, blue it is. If the name wasn’t lame enough, just look at the design. Not only is it designed to primarily serve as the Megazord’s foot, but is there anything about it that screams “unicorn” to you? When you take a closer look you find what appear to be wings and a mane like a horse; was this supposed to be a Pegasus Zord? Did the original name get lost in translation? All we know is that this one was bizarre.

13. Med Rescue V (Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue)

Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue is considered to be one of the better seasons of the series. It featured a more complex plot than earlier entries in addition to having decent production design. As the name may suggest, the Zords in Lightspeed Rescue were all based on rescue vehicles; this was not the first foray the Rangers had into modified civilian vehicles, but at least the creators seemed to at least try and make each Zord unique.

Med Rescue V (the Pink Ranger’s Zord) definitely fit the practical and unique theme of the season. The Pink Ranger’s vehicle would be the one to transport civilians out of harms way whenever there was a battle. However, practical as it may be, having an ambulance as a Zord doesn’t seem like it would be the best choice when a giant monster is attacking the city. In fact, an ambulance is the exact opposite of what you’d want in this situation.

12. Frog Ninjazord (Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Season 3)

The Zord so bad even that event its pilot is disappointed. In Mighty Mophin’ Power Rangers: The Movie, the villainous Ivan Ooze uses his evil powers to destroy all the original Zords of the Rangers. This sends the team on a quest to a mysterious island in order to get both their powers and their Zords back. At the end of their journey, the Black Ranger focuses his thousand yard stare at the ground as he receives his new Zord. “What’s wrong, Adam?” The sorceress Dulcea asks him. “I’m a frog,” he bemoans back.

He has a point. Just look at it. LOOK AT IT. The Frog Ninjazord appears to permanently match the cold, dead stare of its pilot as it flips its tongue around swatting away the bad guys. If that’s not bad enough, its face becomes the codpiece of the Megazord. Maybe that’s the reason for its lifeless eyes…

11. Chameleon Spirit Animal (Power Rangers Jungle Fury)

Power Rangers Jungle Fury saw the use of “spirit animals” instead of Zords, a unique spin on the concept. Even so, there was just as much variety of giant robots as there had been in previous years; lions, apes, bulls, sharks, and elephants all made up the repertoire of the Jungle Fury Rangers in their quest to stop the evil Dai Shi. And then there was the Chameleon Spirit Animal.

Piloted by former foe turned friend Camille, the Chameleon Spirit Animal just looks a little too cartoonish even for Power Rangers standards. Maybe it’s just the bulging eyes, but this Zord doesn’t exactly scream evil nor intimidating. When formed with the Megazord, it sits upon the arm and punches enemies with its tongue as a long-range weapon. Of course, there are numerous blasters and projectiles that are more efficient created by the other Spirit Animals. So, why is this needed again?

10. Pyramidas (Power Rangers Zeo)

The massive Pyramidas acts as the carrier to the other Zeo Zords, hauling them into battle against whatever villain the Machine Empire throws at them. Look, we know the Zeo Zords all had a mythological theme and that the Sphinx was already taken, but couldn’t they have incorporated a piece of Egyptian mythology better than having just a giant pyramid? Pyramidas is owned by the Gold Ranger, who is arguably the coolest Ranger in the entire lore. So why did they have to give him such a lame Zord?

There’s nothing too original about Pyramidas as it is literally just a pyramid that can fire lasers. Let’s not even get started on its Megazord form, which looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man if he was made out of Klondike bars and had a skin disease. There have been some cool redesigns of the Zord over the years, but the original remains as awkward and clunky as ever.

9. The Time Flyers (Power Rangers Time Force)

First off, let’s acknowledge the awful pun that comes along with these vehicles. These Zords are made to look like spaceships from the future that have traveled back to the year 2001, and they are called Time Flyers – as in, “time flies!” Ha. If you can get past the lameness of their names, you will see that there isn’t much substance to Time Force Rangers’ vehicles themselves, either.

For starters, they all look the same. Sure, there are some variations in the color and the shapes, but where are the textures or unique design features that are on so many other Zords in the series? Couldn’t they have at least been different types of spaceships with their own individual functions and weapons? Maybe the show runners were trying to make them sleek and uniform as a way to show off a futuristic design aesthetic. Even if that’s the case, they ended up looking bland and forgettable.

8. Dump Driver/Thunder Loader (Operation Overdrive/Turbo)

This one may be kind of cheating, as it combines two similar Zords from two completely different seasons of the show. Dump Driver (from Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive) and Thunder Loader (from Power Rangers Turbo) are, as the names suggest, dump trucks. As cool as a dump truck may be to a ten year old boy, they are hardly Zord material.

Something that both Zords have in common is the fact that they came from seasons that were themed to modern-day vehicles. Is there really such a shortage of cool cars that they had to resort to a construction tool? These Zords attacked by tossing common debris at their enemies. Once again, that’s fine and dandy, but it looks completely useless next to a race car that can shoot flames out of its grill. Maybe the creators were going for something that would work as both a Zord as well as a normal everyday vehicle, but that defeats the purpose of the Zords in the first place. They aren’t Transformers. They don’t need to be hidden away from the world!

7. Penguin Spirit Animal (Power Rangers Jungle Fury)

The Penguin Spirit Animal looks like something ripped straight out of a totally tubular ad from the nineties. Seriously, look at him. He’s riding a radical skateboard and has a smug look on his cute little face. We all know he’s a cool dude because he appears to be wearing Walkman-esque headphones as he prepares to ride the half pipe. It even looks like he’s designed to have little surfer shorts!

Let’s be clear the design of the Penguin Spirit Animal isn’t terrible. In fact, it is an extremely original idea. It’s just not very Power Rangers. If you put up a picture of this Zord next to just about any of the others from the series, they would look like they were from two completely different shows. The Zords in Power Rangers are supposed to be majestic and fierce; this one looks like he’s going to kill you with cuddles while spouting 90s catch phrases.

6. Rail Rescue Zords (Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue)

This is the entry that breaks my heart to put on the list because the Supertrain Megazord is one of the best Megazord designs in all of Power Rangers. Its building blocks, however, are a different story. The Rail Rescue Zords acted as transports for the Lightspeed Rescue Rangers’ primary and secondary vehicles until it was later revealed that they could lift off the track and form a Megazord of their own.

The only problem is that the trains themselves don’t really have any distinctive features other than the colored stripe and number on their side. Rail Rescue 1 took on the look of a standard freight train, but the rest of the cars look like variations of a standard freight car or bullet train. Supposedly each Zord is supposed to look like a different type of train (bullet, subway car, freight, etc.), but we’re not buying it. Individually, they were not equipped with any weapons, making them next to useless as anything other than a transport vehicle.

5. Lion Hauler (Power Rangers RPM)

The Lion Hauler Zord holds the award for silliest looking machine on this list. It’s literally a bus with a set of missiles and big, googly eyes. On the list of features for this puppy are tactical field scanning sensors and a large digital sign that can flash messages. No, we’re not kidding. So whenever the world is in danger, the Lion Hauler can at least make sure its enemies know the estimated time to the nearest bus stop.

While all of the other RPM Zords ended up looking out of place in the Power Rangers universe, the Lion Hauler takes the cake. What exactly are the tactical advantages of driving a bus into battle against a twenty-story tall monster? Where exactly is the “lion” in the Lion Hauler? Yeah, it kinda has a yellow things on the side that could be a mane, but even that’s a stretch. If that’s not enough, the clunky box-like design goes against every law of aerodynamics.

4. Pachy Zord (Power Rangers Dino Charge)

Dinosaurs have been a staple of this series since its initial inception in 1993. By the time Power Rangers Dino Charge came around in early 2015, creators were grasping at straws to think of cool new Zords to put into the lore. Of course they included fan-favorites like the T-Rex, Triceratops, and Stegosaurus. They also tried to include lesser known Dinos, one of which was the Pachycephalosaurus.

Anyone who knows anything about the Prehistoric Era would recognize this reptile. Equipped with a large plate on its skull, the Pachycephalosaurus would use its head as a battering ram to fend off attacking predators. On the Pachy Zord (piloted by the Graphite Ranger), they took the concept just a little too far. The plate atop the robot’s head is bulbous and awkward, completely ruining the look of an otherwise cool Zord. The plate honestly makes it look like some sort of Catholic Popeasaurus. Seriously, it’s laughable. All hail his holiness!

3. Zeo Zord II (Power Rangers Zeo)

What is this thing? Some sort of stoned alien? A crafty, bug-eyed ninja? After doing a little bit of research on Google (with a little help from the Power Rangers wiki page), we found out that Zeo Zord II is supposed to be a Dogu, one of a series of mythical carved figures originating in Ancient Japan. Huh. I’m sure the pre-internet era children could have figured that one out.

Despite its interesting origins, Zeo Zord II just features an awful design. Much like the earlier Unicorn Zord, this vehicle looks like the creators just needed another leg for the Megazord and tried to find anything to shoehorn into the spot. On top of its lame looks, this Zord couldn’t even transport itself; it had to be dragged into battle by another one of the Zeo Zords (usually Zeo Zord IV or Pyramidas). Still, at least it had two giant missile launchers on its shoulders, making it more useful than some of the others on this list.

2. Dune Star/Desert Thunder (Power Rangers Turbo)

Power Rangers Turbo sure did have lame Zords. Supposedly the Japanese footage from this season came from a spoof on the franchise, which explains a lot. There is absolutely nothing that could prepare you for the underwhelming sight of these Mechs. Dune Star and Desert Thunder were the personal Zords of the Yellow and Green Tubo Rangers, respectively. Naturally, they acted as the legs of the fully formed Megazord (hmm… I’m sensing a theme here). If you ever wondered what a soccer mom Zord would look like in the Power Rangers universe, here’s your answer – a bright yellow or green SUV!

Vehicles are a difficult thing to make “cool.” It’s easy for a race car or a firetruck or a police car to be incorporated into a battle vehicle, but it’s kind of a stretch to think that these super-powered warriors are driving around in an SUV. Poor Green Turbo Ranger; first the dump truck, and now an SUV. Look! There’s even a little place on the top to strap a canoe!

1. The C Zords (Power Rangers Lost Galaxy)

These Zords are not the worst for their lack of practicality or inability to fit in with the rest of the universe. No, the C Zords from Power Rangers Lost Galaxy take the #1 spot on this list because they are absolutely hideous. They may not be the primary or even secondary Zords of the Lost Galaxy Rangers, but come on, couldn’t they have put a little more effort into their design? It’s hard to tell what half of them even are.

The biggest issue with these is that they look like plastic McDonald’s toys. There’s no color, there’s no texture, there’s hardly anything unique about any of them. They look uniform yet completely disjointed at the same time. Exactly how much time went into these cookie cutter designs? Even the Megazord looks like his plastic pieces would shatter if you hit him hard enough. Unsurprisingly, it is eventually destroyed in the Lost Galaxy finale, probably returning to the depths of whatever place it originally crawled out of.

 

Do you agree? Disagree? Is there a glaring entry that we forgot? Let us know in the comments!

 

Power Rangers comes out March 24, 2017

 

____________

 

 

How dare he diss the Time Flyers D:

[Toffee.]

I find it funny how Pyramidas is on this list, despite the fact it was literally a walking death machine and could easily mow down damn near everything in it's path... Except for that purse monster, but this was sheer plot device.

[The Nyx Avatar]

I rather like Pyramidas and the Penguin (though, the latter for the wrong reasons).