kingdom hearts man95 Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 PROLOGE 10,000 years ago dinosaur monsters ruled the earth but then 1 day they all died at the same time...no one knows how or why they all died but one things for sure they did die out. All that was left was there fossils 10,000 years later they stared to pop up one at a time and now are trying to rule the world one more time. CHAPTER 1 Mike: Yo rick slow down! Rick: Sorry Mike! hay look the card shop wanna Go in Mike? Mike: Well why not! Mike and Rick rush into the card shop only to find Lane there arch enemy. Lane: hay look its chicken wuss and dumbo his idiot sidekick. Rick: I'm not his idiot sidekick!!! Lane: whatever you say dumbo. Rick: grrr let me at him!!!Mike: Rick! wait I got this one. Mike & lane: duel! Mike: My Go! I summon "Deck reloader!" in attack mode! A machine about the size of Mike came out of the the card and onto the field. atk 1000 / def 0000. Mike: Now I set two cards face down on the field and thats that. Lane: Okay my draw. Now go "dark murderer!" attack mode! A dark figure came onto the field. atk 1700 / def 1500. attack! Deck reloder exploded.Mike lp: 3300 lane lp: 4000 Mike: when you destroyed Deck reloder its special effect activated now I Get to draw 3 cards then your hand and one card on your side field goes back to your deck! Lane: Dang it!!! Mike: My turn! oh ya go "Blaze knight!" attack mode. atk 1900 / def 0500. and if I sent any cards to your deck last turn he Gains 0500 attack points for each card! Atk 4900 / def 0500. attack directly! Lane lp: 0000 Lane: no how could I lose! Mike: I don't know oh wait I do...your the worst duelst in the world! To be continued... sorry its so short but its still good right? and i change it becuse it was VEARY bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tefached Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 seperate your paragraphs, and speeches please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingdom hearts man95 Posted April 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 A. It's all one big paragraphB. what do you mean "speeches please?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 "I could list everything I don't like about fan-fics, but thanks to kingdomhearts man95 I don't have to. Now I can just point at "the fossil monsters the drestroyers of the world" and say "Pretty much that"[/zeropunctuationreference] Seriously, though. It's like reading a cinderblock. Whenever you have a new line of dialogue, remember that the Enter button is your friend. I'll give you an example. Mike: Yo rick slow down! Rick: Sorry Mike! hay look the card shop wanna Go in Mike? Mike: Yo Rick! Slow down! Rick: Sorry' date=' Mike! Hey, look! The card shop! Wanna go in, Mike?[/quote'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeppeli Gyro Supreme Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 Other than what has already pointed out, I think you need to create better names of your cards.. ^^;; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingdom hearts man95 Posted April 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 sorry not to creative gota go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiffMaster Alex Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 Badly written. Punctuation flaws everywhere and lacks creativity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tefached Posted April 12, 2008 Report Share Posted April 12, 2008 A. It's all one big paragraphB. what do you mean "speeches please?" A:Dont make it one big paragraph b:I mean when the people talk seperate it, like in a real book! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingdom hearts man95 Posted April 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2008 sorry it was my frist time doing one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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