First Cousin Relationships/Marriage

[epicmemesbro]

Do you think its normal? do you think its wrong? Will the children turn up normal?

Should I make a move?

[Mr. Hyde]

Eh not really.  Eh not really.  I think your genetic makeup is different enough to not have mutant ass sloth kids.  

JUST. DO. IT.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Well. I don't really care. If it's mutual and not harmful there's barely any form of pairing I am bothered by.

However you have to keep in mind that it would be a difficult path, even if mutual. There's many people who would dislike it and say and do terrible things. Family could get involved, it could get messy. Not saying to keep someone from it but just be sure to remember it.

Oh but children could be risky. So I personally wouldn't want to take the risk.

 

My honest advice? Release sexual frustration on your own, without thinking about the cousin, and see how you feel after. If it's just a physical thing, overcome it.

[epicmemesbro]

For those that don't know. I have feelings for my first cousin for about 6 years now. We used to be kinda close. I am not certain if the feeling is mutual. I don't think she knows. I'm not sure if our family will approve. There has been like 3-4 unexpected pregnancies in our family and one of them is her sister....so my mom is kinda on edge. She's like a year older than me. And for those wondering. She does NOT resemble my imaginary girlfriend, I'm using her as a surrogate of sorts.

 

Well. I don't really care. If it's mutual and not harmful there's barely any form of pairing I am bothered by.

However you have to keep in mind that it would be a difficult path, even if mutual. There's many people who would dislike it and say and do terrible things. Family could get involved, it could get messy. Not saying to keep someone from it but just be sure to remember it.

Oh but children could be risky. So I personally wouldn't want to take the risk.

 

My honest advice? Release sexual frustration on your own, without thinking about the cousin, and see how you feel after. If it's just a physical thing, overcome it.

 

Idk if its just physical. And as for the "release", too late 5 years and going for that...

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Well you really really have to make sure if it's just physical or not. Cause that could definitely change things.

[VCR_CAT]

Honestly, big fat "NO" here, and not because of any chance of "Mutant Children". It's weird, it's gross, and just don't. Stop encouraging the thought, because that's why you're angsting over it at all, and stop listening to people here that encourage it because "Does it mean getting booty y/n". If leaving it be means no sex with that person, then who the frick cares. Sex isn't all that matters, and it definitely saves you from an awkward taboo relationship that everyone in your immediate family is probably not going to think to highly about. Save yourself the drama and the angst and stop encouraging the thought.

[ihop]

 

(18+ or whatever, watch with discretion)

 

I recommend against it.

[Tourmaline]

When the ick factor is a valid reason.

 

Do it, Deadpool. Love is above the law, and more so above the ignorance of anyone but yourself.

[Maeriberii Haan]

I'm just a bit confused on why would you ask about it here.

[VCR_CAT]

I'm just a bit confused on why would you ask about it here.

 

I just want to second this. Why HERE of all places?

[Aix]

It's weird, it's gross, and just don't.

Why so judgemental?

 

Though, seems like risky business. Not really because of the birth defects and such, since the increase in risk for cousins is minimal. The social aspect of it all, things could go pretty wrong. You'd know your surroundings and the people around you better than us though.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

What others think doesn't matter. 

 

You don't want to live your life miserable, if it's a true love, and agreed up on both sides, funk that. 

 

You can ask all the people here, and they can (mostly) shut you down, but you're the one going to live your life, not them, not me, not anyone else

 

Do what YOU want, and ignore the haters

 

Love is love

 

(also you can always adopt if you're worried about that)

I just want to second this. Why HERE of all places?

Maybe because he feels safer asking it here than to a family that won't support him?

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

What others think doesn't matter. 

 

You don't want to live your life miserable, if it's a true love, and agreed up on both sides, funk that. 

 

Love is love

Because Deadpool takes your opinion very closely I feel I need to respond to make sure something bad doesn't happen. Even though he likely doesn't care about my advice.

 

First. What others thing doesn't matter, yes. However what others think should be taken into account for some people. Because it's bad to not take into account that people irl WILL have issues, and they WILL make things hard for him if he tries (especially if he fails). I don't want anyone to suffer through that so the warning is important.

 

And that's the other thing. We still need to be sure it's actually love, and it's mutual. If either of those aren't the case this all is moot.

[Mr. Hyde]

Seeing as how he's been in love with her ever since he was 6...I don't see it being just a physical thing cow.  And that's the biggest thing!  Is it mutual in your case DP?  First you gotta ask before you start thinking about marriage and stuff.

 

I might be a little biased as well since one of my favorite animes is oreimo >w>...besides the point!  

 

He felt safe amongst his peers enough to share this information.  Although the warnings are worth mentioning, I still say he should follow his heart.

 

The heart wants what the heart wants after all.  

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Because Deadpool takes your opinion very closely I feel I need to respond to make sure something bad doesn't happen. Even though he likely doesn't care about my advice.

 

First. What others thing doesn't matter, yes. However what others think should be taken into account for some people. Because it's bad to not take into account that people irl WILL have issues, and they WILL make things hard for him if he tries (especially if he fails). I don't want anyone to suffer through that so the warning is important.

 

And that's the other thing. We still need to be sure it's actually love, and it's mutual. If either of those aren't the case this all is moot.

Sure, I mean more so he shouldn't care what John Doe or Jane Doe on the street feels about his relationship. I would go a step further and say he shouldn't even give his family too much thought in the matter, because again, they aren't going to live /w what follows.

 

If it's mutual, he should go for it. And it's not nearly as it might seem on first glance. From my exp, living with someone, when your heart belongs to someone else, only festers resentment and anger, and I don't want him to go through that just based on social pressures

 

Hina is correct here, and it's really not helping him when you guy try to trivialize something that's genuinely hurting him.

[VCR_CAT]

This isn't so much about what people on the street care about, though. Marriage very much involves the family, and a person's family is typically very important to keep in mind when it comes to making those decisions. Going ahead with this kind of thing has a huge chance of not going well with his family at all, and there's a huge chance that it's going to cause a LOT of problems, and a LOT of people getting mad at him; especially when it involves a first cousin, so you're involving the extended family in on this as well.

 

Unless your family is going to be okay with this sort of thing, I highly, HIGHLY advise against it; even making a move, because it's not going to go over well otherwise, and what you may potentially gain in relational happiness, you're probably going to break your relationships with the rest of your family; it's not something that should be taken likely or just glossed over because of some Disney ideal of true love.

 

Like, for one thing Cow is right in that people will make things hard; but I want to expand on that by saying that you're playing with gas next to a campfire if your family isn't okay with this sort of thing.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

This isn't so much about what people on the street care about, though. Marriage very much involves the family, and a person's family is typically very important to keep in mind when it comes to making those decisions. Going ahead with this kind of thing has a huge chance of not going well with his family at all, and there's a huge chance that it's going to cause a LOT of problems, and a LOT of people getting mad at him; especially when it involves a first cousin, so you're involving the extended family in on this as well.

 

Unless your family is going to be okay with this sort of thing, I highly, HIGHLY advise against it; even making a move, because it's not going to go over well otherwise, and what you may potentially gain in relational happiness, you're probably going to break your relationships with the rest of your family; it's not something that should be taken likely or just glossed over because of some Disney ideal of true love.

 

Like, for one thing Cow is right in that people will make things hard; but I want to expand on that by saying that you're playing with gas next to a campfire if your family isn't okay with this sort of thing.

His family won't be the one living with a broken heart if he ends up marrying someone he doesn't love. Also you're doubly funking the girl if she's interested in him too

[VCR_CAT]

His family won't be the one living with a broken heart if he ends up marrying someone he doesn't love. Also you're doubly f***ing the girl if she's interested in him too

 

I honestly really, really hope you're not being serious with any of those statements, because I'm having an incredible amount of trouble saying you're very much wrong in all of those statements without it coming across as rude. So, gonna screw being polite, and give it in a nice bullet point list:

 

• Deadpool isn't going to live with a broken heart for the rest of his life because he didn't hook up with his cousin
• Deadpool's only other option isn't hooking up with someone he's not going to love
• Implying that Deadpool won't ever find anyone else to love is honestly completely LUDICROUS
• Ditto for the girl
• Not going through with this isn't at all going to absolutely mean anything you just said; and Deadpool will be fine
• I'm sure Deadpool can meet someone else that he'll be very happy with

 

Again, because I'm honestly starting to feel like one of the only voices of reason here and I've basically entirely depleted my entire reserve of patience because of this:

 

Only, ONLY make a move if you're dang well confident your family would be cool with it. Even then, I still very much don't encourage you make a move and instead stop encouraging the thought and look elsewhere.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Do you think its normal? 

By current societal standpoints, no. Marrying your cousin's laden with stigmatization in Western society and I agree that if you proceed with this, it's not going to be easy.

do you think its wrong? Will the children turn up normal?

I don't actually have an issue with it. I still believe that a few decades from now, there will be a social movement to accept incestuous and robosexual relationships just like the LGBTQ movements we've seen growing up. 

A big concern people often cite with cousins getting married is from the heightened genetic risks, but the number isn't all that much higher. A given, non-related couple usually poses 3% risk of their child having a disorder whereas the number's around 5-6% between first cousins.

There are genetic counselors if a couple wants to seriously assess the risks, but it doesn't seem to be as big of a thing to worry about as people make it out to be.

Should I make a move?

I'm not close enough to either of you to give a proper answer, so I can't say. But I do urge you to seriously think this through because there are a lot more factors mentioned in this thread already to consider afterwards than you would in a relationship with someone you're not related to. Ask yourself if it's worth it or not.

 

Worst comes to worst, you're 19. You've barely lived a quarter of your life and even if you're having hard luck with love at the moment, that's not a prescription for the rest of your life. And any love you've felt so far, whether it was a crush for a week or your cousin for 6 years, isn't wasted because it all comprises who and where you are today. Not telling her won't rob you of that.

[Aerion Brightflame]

Really you only have to care about the legal implications of it, so look at whatever your country or your state has to say on that. The morality and social impact of it are dependant on you, and what you believe. So we can't really advise on that. 

 

However you probably shouldn't ever actually make a move. Because if it goes wrong, it will go really reeeeally wrong. Like potentially isolating you from the entirety of your family wrong. 

 

I will say however, that you shouldn't dwell on the idea of this girl thinking you'll never find anyone else. People do find ways of surprising you, and well dwelling on unrequited feelings for that long can probably cause lasting emotional damage. Sometimes, despite how much it feels like a single person defines your life, the best solution is to let go. As hard as it is. 

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Six Years is a damn long time Cat. It's gonna have a pretty drastic negative impact on him. 

 

@Deadpool don't go balls deep, slowly edge the question, and back off if you see resistance, HOWEVER, if she's for it too, don't give that up. You might be able to slowly win her over even otherwise, but play it carefully, but still play it.

[VCR_CAT]

Six Years is a damn long time Cat. It's gonna have a pretty drastic negative impact on him. 

 

I'm sure he'll be fine and not have as big an impact as you think it will.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Yeah I got turned down, and had a really bad nearly lose her and some others as friends things during it, by someone I was (am?) in love with like...several years ago, and I can certainly say I haven't given up all hope on life.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Really guys? This is like saying don't come out of the closet cause you live in a extremely conservative family.

 

Follow your heart deadpool, but do it slowly.

 

If it's consensual, there is no god damn reason you shouldn't go for it

[epicmemesbro]

I'm not going for it. I'm just wondering, if I would that's all. First cousin marriage is allowed in the state I'm in. Idk if the feeling is mutual. And I'm not that attached to the point of having oneitis. I think I'll stick with the imaginary girl friend for now.