[Serious] I'm being radicalised. What can I do to stop this?

[Resident Fascist]

I feel I need to make a topic to get this off my chest. Lately I've been worried about radicalisation, especially religious radicalisation similar to that found within terror organizations like Al-Qaeda and ISIS. I will be brutally serious in this topic, and if any member from the UK wishes to call the counter-terror police on me, that is totally acceptable, I plan on phoning them myself at some point if this continues, I do not wish to be radicalised and end up in Syria. 

 

 I am an Asperger's sufferer with high levels of anxiety. Originally I put this down to just an Asperger's obsession but noticing that my recent action shows trends of religious radicalisation, I became distressed when I read upon the 10 common steps a person takes before becoming a radical. Lately, as in, since the 16th, I have found myself distanced from Western society far more than normal, finding it "repugnant" and "sinful", and how terror organizations recruit people who have become like this. Now, I am not a Muslim, but on the 22nd, I was heavily considering conversion to a Muslim. I do not believe in Muslim values yet, I had bacon this morning, pork spare ribs last night, but radicalisation slowly narrows a person's societal circles and inbeds new morality into their mind. I cannot afford to sit here and do nothing if I wish to maintain a happy healthy western life. 

 

 The step of radicalisation I have shown the most is a sudden and abrupt disinterest with any of my social friends, and all people around me can see this. I have stopped going to College, and when I go outside, I feel the distance between myself and everyone else. I feel different to everyone else now, I feel excluded from Western society and I feel vulnerable to radicalisation. Lately I have been doing research on religious texts like, problematically considering the group I fear radicalisation to, ISIS, the Koran. While I'd like to say I've not had the thought of going to Syria to fight with ISIS, I unfortunately have, and that is why I feel it may just be too late for me and I should be locked in a cell and prevented from leaving. Originally I was disgusted by the Paris attacks, and deep down my morality still is, but on the surface I have attempted to justify those horrible attacks by thinking that they think what they are doing is right. 

 

 While I do not show the sign of being distanced from my family, I have tried my very hardest to be around my parents at almost all times. This is the first time I have been alone all week and that is now why I am writing this to you, YCM. I need to get these thoughts out here before I become one of them. I do not believe I have found the path to religious enlightenment, I infact want to stay Agnostic, but the fact I have been reading religious texts and feel forced to take up some sort of religion worries me. I've stopped associating with things like this website, card gaming and even just general gaming recently, another trend with radicalisation.

 

 As I said, I'm not a Muslim, but I've debated becoming one. When I'm talking to my family, I abruptly feel like leaving them to recluse back to my room upstairs. When I'm in my room, I debate things about terror organisations and whether they're right or wrong. What they're doing, and why they're doing it. It's very scary and I wish I wasn't having these thoughts. I haven't turned my back on my life as it was prior to this yet, and I don't want to, unless that means forsaking my hobbies for these thoughts. 

 

 I've thought about committing terror attacks, yet I don't think I'd be able to commit to such ideas. I hate the thought of becoming a violent extremist, I don't want to hurt anyone and more often, I just feel I'm losing control of my life. I do not yet berate my family members, but I fear that I keep in mind whenever my family members do something a Muslim would see as "sinful", such as eating bacon or consuming Alcohol, or the fact my mother goes out without wearing a headscarf.

 

 I hope someone here at YCM can help me. I have an emergency mental health appointment tomorrow where I shall be bringing this up, however my mother has attempted to restrict my web access in order to prevent me "scaring" myself further when I worry all the information I need has been locked away from me. I'm finding my mind is slowly taking a more conservative approach and every night I lay there worrying I'm becoming a terrorist. I keep stating my moral grounds, the fact I was raised in a loving western home and the fact I was raised with morals and standards preventing me from becoming someone like that, but I don't really think that's how it works. I've been reading on strategies to counter radicalisation, but I'm not sure if it's just too late once something like this begins to happen.

 

 Why have I chosen to come clean about this? Because ultimately, I don't want to do it. I want my life back. I'm too young to blow myself up in the name of a god I don't believe in, I'm too young to pick up a gun and shoot innocent people. I'm too young to hurt innocent people, and I just want my damn life back before all this. Now that this is out there, I am sure I am likely on a government blacklist for fears by my government, that's fine. I'd love for the government to watch over me and prevent me from becoming an extremist.

 

 What can I do, YCM? I've identified it's happening, I've even lost all interest in music, something I listened to daily, and have not watched any YouTube videos despite being an avid watcher of many channels prior. All counter radicalisation strategies seem to revolve around attempting to reintegrate me back into society, make me feel wanted and connected to British society, because that's who I truly am. I am not a terrorist! I am a British citizen. I am proud of my heritage and I am not going to become like that! If I must spend time in a prison for this, then so be it. I will gladly accept anything that prevents me becoming a terrorist.

 

 ...Please tell me it's not too late. Please tell me I can be saved.

[Trebuchet MS]

Where was it...? Ah, found it.

 

 

It's good you're going to get some professional help. I don't think a lot of us here can offer more help than a professional could.

 

There is no need to take up a religion. There is no need to force yourself to. If you need to find hope in this world to prevent you from falling into radicalization, you don't need a religion to do it. Even if that source of hope looks trivial, hang on to it. Adjust your scope, change your pace of life, maybe try to find enjoyment in something new and different. Anything that can, at least, drown out your worries.

 

If your invasive thoughts persist, and you find yourself beginning to rationalize them, if you still continue to feel disgust, hold on to that feeling. It's perfectly okay to completely understand something and still be disgusted by it, and it's all the more reason to expunge these invasive thoughts.

 

Like I've said in your past couple threads, don't fall into despair. There should be no reason for you to convert to something you feel you cannot devote to.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Just looking out for you, careful who you confide this in. People aren't exactly too happy with Muslims and might vent their anger upon you

 

It's never too late

[bury the year]

Please find professional help. As soon as possible. Guidance councilor, licensed therapist, anyone. If these sorts of thoughts are intruding on you, the best thing you can do is to talk with someone.

 

If you're having suicidal thoughts, call 0800 068 41 41.

 

And add me on Skype. degausser18. We can talk. :)

[Dad]

I don't think this was the appropriate place to post something like this.  Even behind an alternate persona via YCM, the government tracks this sort of thing.  They probably know who you are and are watching your movements because of this post alone.  However, I will say that I do hope you find the help you're seeking.  It would be traumatic to lose another to suicide, for many.  And we certainly don't want to see you siding with people who are murdering and pillaging.  Please be safe.