Official Character Review Thread

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Welp, since everyone else is having their characters reviewed...

 

Char: Giovanna Vignali//Bones

RP: Both Sides Now

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Now that I got things all cleared up with...things, I will try and review soon. Just making sure y'all know I didn't forget. Probably tomorrow I'll get one or two done.

 

In the meantime. Here, my literal first RP character. It's not good, but I am very fond of them nonetheless. I don't expect much from this. I assume the review will be very short, given there's not a ton there. I was very unsure how much I was supposed to write, and how in depth I could go and such.

 

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/325495-hotel-atlantica-ooc
The character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/325495-hotel-atlantica-ooc/?p=6520782

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

 

[spoiler=Review]Well first I’d like to say I always found it slightly strange when someone describes the image they used in appearances with little to no differences. But anyway, appearance seems about right so far so good.

 

I’m curious how she uses her ego to help, and what that entails. Okay so she’s cool and composed, but taunts enemies. It kinda makes sense in a sense of trying to install fear...sorta, depending on how she fights. But it kinda feels detrimental to stealth and it also feels conflicting with the personality.

She has no flaws, really. “Self preservation and her own intelligence are her greatest flaws” is kinda a bs line, if I’m being honest. Those aren’t flaws, those are traits trying to make themselves off as flaws. Self preservation can possibly lead to them doing something jerkish but it’s not that much of a problem in many cases. And you didn’t even bother explaining why intelligence was a flaw.

It’s not terrible, but it’s kinda dull and comes off as meant to be some kind of perfect person. Cool and collected but also a total fun-loving bro.

 

Hmm the Bio doesn’t seem too bad, simple, but it works. Except...why is she an expert at espionage and coding? Like, I don’t get it, that doesn’t seem like something that would be so easy to learn quickly, even with invisibility. So..idk this just seems a bit too fanciful and “perfect” really.

 

The abilities is fine but the tote bag bothers me. First of all is having it bedazzled and such seems kinda odd given its use and her personality, plus...a lipstick tazer would be all but useless.

 

Overall it’s not terrible but there’s not much to it, and it kinda feels like you gave up on trying part way through and just said “Yeah she has this go with it.” I’ll have to just give it a 68/100 based solely on this.

 

Welp, since everyone else is having their characters reviewed...

 

Char: Giovanna Vignali//Bones

RP: Both Sides Now

[spoiler=review]Okay so far appearance is fine, not sure you really have to go into all the details. Wonder why you specified she is underweight, hope that's not just a random thing. And...implants she was given? Um, alright then, strange, but let's see where you were going with that.

Wow bones showing? That's quite a bit more than just underweight I'd say O.o

I...don't get why she'd dye her hair in the back for her costume that seems impractical.

 

She seems like a sweet girl, and that's always nice to see. It's simple but definitely good to have in a group. I do wonder what she deems as wrong, that's my little pet peeve is not explaining that kind of thing. There's not a whole lot of depth, but the fact that she is so intent on self-reliance could be pretty interesting. I do wonder why again this underweight thing is being brought up.

Especially because that's actually a fairly healthy weight...so that's a thing.

 

"One would expect her to be in college" at 19 that's not overally true, but it's fine. And wow that's a lot of kids holy cow...

Oh, anorexia. Um...that's a tricky thing to pull off. I'm not sure that's how it works but...I don't know for sure. It just seems strange to call it that. As for the truck thing, honestly, that part was a little confusingly worded and it comes off as convenient and unrealistic, not gonna deny that.

Plus I'm extremely confused as to what this scaring you're talking about is and how it came to be. It just...this part of the bio seems a bit of a car crash of it's own ^^;

 

The power seems a bit crazy strong and way too vague. It seems like it can do so many things and be super powerful. With the pain suppressing choker thing the drawback doesn't seem like much of a draw-back, either....

 

You say she's a vegan but eats ice cream and milk. There seems little point to calling her vegan at that point. ^^;

 

Hmm...it's not a bad character, but it also is somewhat lacking and...some really iffy parts. the forced implants, the anorexia, the powers, and the confusing bio...I have to give it a 70/100. Not bad, but not really all that great, imo.

 

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

70/100. Not bad.

 

Although no, 114lbs is not "a fairly healthy weight" at all for someone at 5' 7". IIRC, a girl of that height is supposed to weigh around the 120 mark, and that's if they have a small frame. I was actually imagining that Giovanna would be of a medium frame, which would mean she's supposed to weigh around the high-120's/low-130's... I think

 

(EDIT: Recalced, and it turns out that a girl at 5' 7" is supposed to weigh exactly 130lbs on a small frame, and 139 on a medium. Still, that only further solidifies my point.)

 

I never said outright that Gio was a vegan either, though I will admit that I implied it when I stated that she tries her best to stick to a vegan diet.

 

Those are the only two real nitpicks I have; the rest of it is solid criticism that I'll be certain to take into account for. I'll expand on the power as the RP itself goes along. I intended the pain induced by the bone sprouting to be a major weakness, but then wondered what the choker that the image present would actually do.

 

...

 

Now that the review for Gio's done, I have another one that I would link right now if not for the fact that it's still a WIP. I'll link that when I finish it.

[King K. Azo]

Can I ask for Cowcow to read over Rohin? (The last one I submitted). I made some changes to him.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

*pokes head in*

 

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-not-startedalways-accepting/

 

The app: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-not-startedalways-accepting/?p=6812461

 

 

[spoiler=Rohin Bane-Team FARE]

 

 

"Is that really... the limit to your power? Do you honestly think that you won't get any stronger for the rest of your life? Instead of sitting around frustrated, it's better to keep on moving forward."

Personal Information:

Name: Rohin Bane

Gender: Male

Race: Fanus-Lizard

Age: 16

Reference: Dragons

Team: FARE

[spoiler=Appearance]

Rohin's height has officially been stated as 6'5, although most people claim it's actually just 'Bigger than you', for it seems he towers over any others in the room. His weight seems to clock in somewhere around 215 pounds, although this is undetermined at moment. His skin is a dark tan, and his chest is marred by a massive scar extending from his right shoulder to his left hip. His hair is a dirty blond while his eyes are purple. His hands differ from a human's by ending in small and sharp claws.

 

He normally wears some sort of short sleeves shirt and jeans, both of which are pretty tattered due to his small selection of clothes he actually owes. He wears shoes in public, although any time he can get away with it, he goes barefoot. He has a long red jacket he wears on colder days, which is also a bit tattered. If caught in the wind, it seems to resemble dragon wings. 

 

[spoiler=Personality] Athough Rohin is rather intimidating to be around, due to his height and toothy grin, he is living proof you can't judge a book by its cover. Contrary to appearance, he has a big heart and seeks to defend people. This big heart and desire to protect others makes him a very loyal friend. To those he befriends, he will do anything for, without question. He is a man of few words, usually silently observing. However, he will defend his beliefs, and debates on them are the rare times he starts conversations with strangers.

 

Due to growing up isolated from the world for most of his life, he is very awkward around people, which accounts for his quietness. He is always afraid he will say the wrong thing, or just scare off people. On top of all of this, he is very gullible, easily believing the words anyone tells him. Being raised by blunt and honest people gave him the belief all people are equally honest.

 

He feels most at home at the battlefield, which is where he lets loose. Against Grimm, he charges head first, using all his power to pulverize them with his fists before finishing off bigger ones with his weapon. Against people though, he uses his weapon more, despite being worse with it.

 

He is very uncomfortable with using Scarlight Calamity, as it is not actually his weapon. It doesn't help that this was the weapon that gave him his chest scar, and being his father's weapon, not his own. However, he sees it as a unavoidable evil, as he actually did not make his own yet. Besides, he needs to return it to its rightful owner.

 

[spoiler=Biography]Rohin grew up in the mountains, as a middle child. He, like the rest of his family, was home schooled by his father, and due to the isolated nature, they had to rely on themselves to fend off wandering Grimm. From a young age his father trained him in the art of battle, though they never made a weapon due to limited resources. His father taught the children how to both use aura and their semblance which, unlike most, was hereditary. They were taught balance, because the side effects of the semblance could be mitigated with mediation and inner peace. Rohin had a hard time controlling his alternate personality, and so he refused to dive deeper into the powers his semblance provided. Still, even without these, they were able to survive against Grimm, mostly due to traps they had set up around the woods.

 

One day while he was out getting firewood, he heard a loud snapping, and lots of cries. He dropped the firewood and sprinted home, to find the horror of what it had become. There were Grimm tracks, multiple ones. What was worse, the house was a smoldering ruin. Before he could even react, he saw his father rise from the ashes. His normal blue eyes were gleaming a fire red. With little warning, he lashed out at his own son. Being a bit sluggish on the parry, he was too late to even raise his aura, the strike happened too fast. A bleeding scar was opened up in his chest.

 

His father continued the onslaught. Rohin was hardly able to keep up, barely deflecting vital strikes with his own fists, and failing to land a single hit. The struggle and distress only attracted more Grimm, which were effortlessly taken out by his father as he attacked. When a Death Stalker interrupted the fight, Rohin's father struck it over the head, splitting it in half before dropping his weapon, his back to Rohin.

 

"Weak. Much too weak. Come, challenge me when you are stronger...," his deep gravelly voice echoed through the woods before the man disappeared into the mountains. Rohin slowly recovered, using his shirt to wrap his wounds. He then grabbed Scarlight Calamity before venturing off the mountain. He needed to become stronger...

 

He traveled across Vale, taking odd jobs to fill his pockets with money and using all his spare time to train to become even stronger. One day, however, some of the White Fang decided to attempt to steal Dust from a shop he was working in. Using only his bare hands, Rohin managed to fight them off, gaining the attention of Mirage. He was quickly asked to enroll into Mirage Academy, where he learned new fighting styles he incorporated into his own. Much sooner than he expected though, he was transferred to Shade Academy, in order to 'protect him from the White Fang mass recruitment'. He took this all in stride, seeing this as an opportunity to become even stronger.

 

One day, he would save his father from his own madness...

 

Combat Information

Weapon Name: Scarlight Calamity

[spoiler=Weapon Description]

Scarlight Calamity is, in essence, a flamethrower chain sword, which has two forms, sword mode and flame whip mode. The sword's flames are powered by Dust, which can be placed in the clip in the handle. The two fingerholes are also a trigger to activate the flamethrower aspect of the weapon.

• Sword Mode: The default form of Scarlight Calamity. It acts as a regular sword, although, the tip can open up and fire flames.
• Whip Mode: The alternate form of Scarlight Calamity. The links unlock, extending as it does, and the links open up. Each section can fire off flames.

[spoiler=Semblance]Burning Soul Force!: Rohin can use this semblence to create flames that cover his body and simultaneously increases his strength. He can also launch fireballs from his hands when using this semblence. It is linked to both his emotions and his desire for victory. However, if he gets too angry, or wants victory at any costs, he can lose himself to nameless alternate persona that is full of bloodlust. A easy way to spot if he has lost himself is to see if his eyes have turned yellow.

 

Because of this alternate persona, he is hesitant to use his semblence too much.

 

[spoiler=Miscellaneous Information]

• He has a great sense of smell, and decent night vision. Not as good as other fauna, but better than a human.
• He has nightmares almost every night, although he does his best not to let others know.

   

 

[spoiler=review]Well I have to say this guy does not look like a 16 year old at all but perhaps its a racial thing...which would’ve been nice to explain in the appearance. Also he is huge and that’s terrifying and similar to the previous issue of age. Overall he kinda feels over the top in appearance honestly, which is startling I guess. But moving on.

 

Ahhh scary looks with a kind attitude, always a pleasant personality to have. Though honestly I find the “go big or go home” approach of saying things like “He will do anything for” kinda feels unrealistic and just not very good.

Being silent is a tricky thing to pull off but it’s not entirely bad...though...I have no idea what his beliefs are. It’s a wasted opportunity to not expand on that, in my opinion, and leaves it a bit bland.

And the awkwardness and being gullible just doesn’t seem to fit well. Honestly I’d have preferred if he was silent due to a calmness as opposed to this, so it’s slightly disappointing to see.

And his battle style feels really really dysphoric and I don’t particular think it’s suitable.

The Scarlet Calamity bit feels more like a Bio thing and so I will not count that for this...Which leaves overall with kinda a lackluster personality, but one that can be utilized well.

 

Kinda interesting to see they were isolated and home-schooled, honestly. And the meditation thing explaining that the powers are wild was interesting, though again it leads me to think that he wouldn’t go aggressive in battle so much.

Also the fact that we know nothing about his father or siblings is odd. Since you specified he was a middle child. What was his relationship with them like? And why was the father able to teach them so well, who is he? Why are they isolated? Those kinda things can add a lot and it feels there’s hints of possibility here.

The whole father going beserk thing is kinda interesting really, I do like it, despite that it’s not the most original way of going about things. Only wish I had any idea why it happened but I suppose the character doesn’t know it himself so there’s that.

Though I will say I’d figure he’d be less trusting and gullible because of this, so that is a concern.

 

The weapon is fairly cool and the fact that it was his father’s makes it more interesting at that.

The Semblence is very very basic but it works.

 

Overall he’s kinda basic in many aspects, with a few potential twists thrown in. But I feel that the character is lacking the substance they really need to be great, and there’s a lot left out that could make him more interesting. One thing I have to point out is how much one would be affected by tragic events. Many people fall into the trap of tragic events without actually making the character affected correctly by it.

I’ll have to say... 70/100.

 

 

[King K. Azo]

Here we go again. Don't you love me?

 

The character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6744356

 

The rp: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-oocpg-16not-accepting/

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Not the char I had planned on getting reviewed, but I thought I'd give you one more to keep you busy

 

Char: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/350264-digimon-the-dark-continent-oocnot-startedaccepting/?p=6842021

RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/350264-digimon-the-dark-continent-oocnot-startedaccepting/

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Here we go again. Don't you love me?

 

The character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6744356

 

The rp: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-oocpg-16not-accepting/

course i do

warning, have minor headache

[spoiler=review]First of all the image threw me off hardcore. Because the reference is insanely obvious XD

I appreciate that he’s short but also realistic in height, that’s pretty cool.

 

The personality...It’s really rough to judge this. Because for the most part he’s just a silent observer type who happens to be stubborn. It’s really bland and generic. While it can be a fun character to play off of, for other people, he himself doesn’t seem to have much character to him.

The temper adds a little bit, but not much, since it doesn’t seem to affect him most of the time. Just gives him reason to take actions sometimes. Also the loyalty thing I’ve seen a lot lately so that doesn’t help. ^^;

 

I do like the reasoning of why he was trained, though the above stuff seems to imply it was really intense training which feels a little iffy...It also feels iffy that he was sent to pro boxing to test his skills. It seems quite unrealistic in all honesty. Also Doc sounds like a piece of trash. idk if you meant that but good god. Like he saved him in the end but he forced him to continue to fight for a championship, at a young age, when he was being threatened.

His manifestation was pretty well done though, so props on that. The Tokyo thing was kinda sorta forced but I know very well why that was so I don’t mind it so much.

 

The one thing I will say is he seems mostly...unaffected by what happened, from what I’m reading in the personality.

 

The ability is cool but also...it seems not to have drawbacks, or time limit, or anything, so that’s a negative.

 

Overall, I appreciate the reference, it still has me laughing. But I don’t think it effectively translated into a solid character. His personalty seems kinda boring, almost that of an NPC. And his bio had some confusing bits that were definitely a stretch. Overall I’ll have to leave this with a 66/100. Fun, but nothing special.

 

[Dwarven King]

So...if this is still a thing, I would like to become a reviewer. Why? Because I'm old and cranky. But for real, I used to do a lot of RPs and supposedly I was good at them. So...yeah. Pretty basic reasons. Oh, and I'm a Dwarf.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

So...if this is still a thing, I would like to become a reviewer. Why? Because I'm old and cranky. But for real, I used to do a lot of RPs and supposedly I was good at them. So...yeah. Pretty basic reasons. Oh, and I'm a Dwarf.

Oh sheet I didn't even realize we still had a review to do sorry Stalfos.

Well how about this.

Review Stalfos' character up there, send the review to me in a PM, if I think you got what it takes I'll let you know to post the review here. :3

 

I won't be here tomorrow though so might have to wait for me to check it.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

That's OK, Cow. I'm just glad that it'll eventually get done.

 

...

 

And oh hey, DK's reviewing it. Kewl.

[Dwarven King]

That's OK, Cow. I'm just glad that it'll eventually get done.

 

...

 

And oh hey, DK's reviewing it. Kewl.

 

...your response troubles me good sir.

 

If time does not permit, I'll get to it tomorrow morning after work. Otherwise, it will be done today.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

That's fine DK. What's one more day compared to well over a month? ^_^

[Dwarven King]

Not the char I had planned on getting reviewed, but I thought I'd give you one more to keep you busy

 

Char: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/350264-digimon-the-dark-continent-oocnot-startedaccepting/?p=6842021

RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/350264-digimon-the-dark-continent-oocnot-startedaccepting/

 

[spoiler=Review]Right then, let's take a crack at this one step at a time and look at the human first.

 

Name, Gender, Age, Digivice color, and Digimon choice all check out and meet the RP requirements. Name even sounds like something you would hear in the show.

 

Now, let's move onto the appearance. Not bad. Picture is a pretty easy one to keep in mind when imaging your character. Also fits the age and bonus description in my opinion. Excellent choice.

 

As for the personality...good god of run on sentences! One of the few things my English teachers beat into me in school. Aside from that, my only complaint is that he's..."perfect". I mean, his only "weakness" is that he hasn't told anyone he is gay? Now, I understand the troubles members of the LGBT community face. But saying that is his only weakness and what's stops him from being perfect is a bit of a stretch. Especially since you just described everyone's dream guy. But, it is well explained. So I'll give you that.

 

Honestly, my opinion on the biography is nearly the same as my opinion on the personality. The only thing I learned was that he was set up with multiple girls that thought he was perfect, but it didn't work out. He then revealed he was gay and a negative comment was made. Thus, he buried that secret and is now in a play. That's it. Though I will admit the biography brings to light why being gay is a "weakness" for him.

 

Well, that wraps up the human. Now let's look at the digimon.

 

Name, species, gender, and all that shenanigans all check out. So we will move onto the appearance.

 

Not bad. Again, excellent choice in picture. Though I wish I knew how big it was.

 

Personality? Right, he's lazy. That's about the only defining trait you explained. That and he takes pride in the actions he does decide to do. Not much else is learned. Which this was enough for the RP application. But I would have loved to learn more about his personality. Is he easy to anger? Does he enjoy joyous actions? Does he quickly jump to other's aid? Or is he just simply lazy?

 

...biography. Seeing how you ended that biography, I think it's quite clear you know my opinion. ;P

 

The rest is just more naming for the evolutions of the digimon.

 

Overall, I'd give it a 70 out of 100. It's a good application, but there is so much more you could have expanded on. And honestly, it doesn't pop out as a "WOW" application.

 

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

Another 70/100 I see. Um... hurray for consistency, I guess?

 

...

 

But yeah, Teiljo was my first ever stab at role-playing as a gay male, so... that might explain why I haven't dove straight into the personality like I usually do, I guess? I did manage the 3 paras that I now aim to make for personality every time I make a new character for an RP, but some of the sentences were just fluff.

 

I wish I could explain more on Cinder's side as well, though time was a definite factor. I was starting to run out of words I could use to show the contrast between Cinder and Teiljo as well, hence why I just outright said that they do on Teiljo's side, with Teil being a noble and respectable man and Cinder being lazy and... kind of a dick is what I was ultimately aiming for. Hopefully the RP actually lasts a little longer so I can show that contrast better, but you know how long RPs last around these parts.

 

Oh, and about the way I ended Cinder's bio... part of it was a slight troll due to being miffed about the time restraint that I had on the app, and part of it was referencing the part in JonTron's Firework song where he admits he had so much trouble singing the song itself for 4 years. What I said was tru tho :/

[Dwarven King]

Another 70/100 I see. Um... hurray for consistency, I guess?

 

...

 

But yeah, Teiljo was my first ever stab at role-playing as a gay male, so... that might explain why I haven't dove straight into the personality like I usually do, I guess? I did manage the 3 paras that I now aim to make for personality every time I make a new character for an RP, but some of the sentences were just fluff.

 

I wish I could explain more on Cinder's side as well, though time was a definite factor. I was starting to run out of words I could use to show the contrast between Cinder and Teiljo as well, hence why I just outright said that they do on Teiljo's side, with Teil being a noble and respectable man and Cinder being lazy and... kind of a dick is what I was ultimately aiming for. Hopefully the RP actually lasts a little longer so I can show that contrast better, but you know how long RPs last around these parts.

 

Oh, and about the way I ended Cinder's bio... part of it was a slight troll due to being miffed about the time restraint that I had on the app, and part of it was referencing the part in JonTron's Firework song where he admits he had so much trouble singing the song itself for 4 years. What I said was tru tho :/

 

I do understand how a short time restraint can mess up a potentially great application. Hopefully actually playing out the two characters will help develop them more.

[Mr. Hyde]

Been a while since I got one of these review thingies...let's see if I've improved at all.

 

The app: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/352345-pokémon-tournament-of-riddles-pg16oocnot-startedaccepting/?p=6874498

 

The Rp: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/352345-pok%C3%A9mon-tournament-of-riddles-pg16oocnot-startedaccepting/

[Dova]

Would you mind doing one of mine?

[spoiler=The App!]Name: Johannes Berger
Gender: Male
Age: 20
 
[spoiler=Appearance:]Johannes is a bit tall for his age, and somewhat muscular, owing to his less than regular workouts. He's got blonde, thick, not to mention spiky hair, that goes about half-way down his neck. His skin is a little pale, due to the fact that he doesn't spend all that much time outside any more, and he has dull brown eyes. His tolerance to heat seems to be amazing, as he wears a hoodie and tracksuit pants in rain or shine. Color preferences include black and red when it came to clothing, and other than his trainers all didn't wear anything else at all.

[spoiler=Personality:]Johannes is rather sadistic, however he is smart enough to realize when and where is the best place to give in to his desires, and prefers dealing emotional pain over physical. He is normally collected and prudent, yet attempts to disguise this and give false impressions to people by acting rash and maniacal as often as possible. Being the way he is, Johannes doesn't particularly like anyone, however he does respect certain people, especially if he knows they are to superior to him in one or more ways.
 
While being a particularly clever in his actions, he does prefer to take routes that would cause more pain over routes that might have a greater or more immediate chance of success, and one of his major weaknesses is the fact that when he goes over the edge, be it from pleasure or anger, he does start to act like the mask he wears, becoming cocky and slightly less sane. He also enjoys challenges, and, while not high on his list of priorities, he is keen to become the best duelist there is. Throughout all of this, Johannes often switches between English and Afrikaans, with the latter being used more often when he's stressed.

[spoiler=Background:]Average home, average family, average beginnings in South Africa. Johannes really led a normal early life, going to school, doing work, and playing Duel Monsters. However, he felt different to everyone else, as his desires were different to what others felt. While giving hints to people who asked close questions early on, he became smart enough to realize how odd these sadistic feelings were, and built up his first mask of normality. Those who had heard those strange answers by the young boy assumed it was merely a phase, as he seemed to be completely like any other boy his age after a while.
 
After slowly becoming a better duelist, Johannes was able to start to cause more pain in his duels, which went along with his new winning streak. Following the beginning of his rise in strength, he also started to become more reckless, and be more and more ruthless in his duels, until eventually it culminated in a duel in a back alley in his 10th school year. His opponent was left in a coma, but fortunately Johannes had enough technical know-how to wipe the records of their encounter from both duel-disks. Not many questions were asked, but the incident just managed to coincide with his family's move to Heartland, something for which he was grateful. He became much more careful after that, custom modeling a Duel Disk to give it the feature of inflicting pain on him to bring him back to his senses if he got too stressed. 
 
After leaving school, Johannes decided to take a career in dueling, preferring to stay on the underground and less legal side of things. He put quite a bit of time and energy into perfecting his skills, and his knowledge of the tech in dueling systems. While trying to keep a low profile, ever since the Numbers started showing up he has been eager to defeat one or more of the many holders, and wishes to have as many as he can for himself, in order to boost his own power.

 
Deck: Volcanic Burn
While mainly consisting of Volcanic monsters, this deck has a few other FIRE and burn cards mixed in for maximum effect. Liked for its slow but constant damage.

[spoiler=Anime Cards:]Volcanic Cyclone
Volcanic Wall

[spoiler=Custom Cards:]Volcanic Inciter
FIRE - ✪✪✪✪✪ - Pyro/Effect - 1800/1400
If you control a face-up Level 5 or higher FIRE monster, you can Special Summon this card (from your hand). If this card is used as Xyz Material for a Summon: Inflict 800 damage to your opponent.
 
Volcanic Blazer
FIRE - ✪✪✪✪ - Pyro/Effect - 1600/1500
You can send 1 face-up Spell or Trap Card you control to the Graveyard; Special Summon this card (from your Graveyard). If this card is Summoned while you control another face-up FIRE monster; You can add 1 "Volcanic" card from your Deck or Graveyard to your hand. You can only use each effect of "Volcanic Blazer" once per turn.
 
Volcanic Gardna
FIRE - ✪✪✪ - Pyro/Effect - 900/1700
When your opponent takes effect damage: You can Special Summon this card (from your hand), then gain LP equal to the damage your opponent took. You can only use this effect of "Volcanic Gardna" once per turn. Once per turn: You can target 1 face-up "Volcanic" monster you control; this monster's level becomes the same as that targets'.

 
Misc. Information:

• Battle Theme: Eye of Sorrow
• Main Theme: Kanden Theme
• Johannes' Duel Disk is mainly black with glowing red highlights on it, not to mention a slightly thicker base and spikes sticking out of the main blade. In fact, it looks like it could be used as a weapon.

 

The RP

I'm probs gonna fail, but hey, how else will I get better?

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Been a while since I got one of these review thingies...let's see if I've improved at all.

 

The app: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/352345-pokémon-tournament-of-riddles-pg16oocnot-startedaccepting/?p=6874498

 

The Rp: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/352345-pok%C3%A9mon-tournament-of-riddles-pg16oocnot-startedaccepting/

Oops it's been a while since I did one of these review thingies....I probably didn't improve at it ;)

[spoiler=Review]First of all she’s cute. Anyway.

lmao it starts with “cute looking on the surface” it’s like you know...

Wow she’s an jabroni XD A true tryhard type person. While the whole “manipulating boys with her looks” is a bit of a tired cliche at times it can work. And if she really is so desperate to win at any cost, it does make sense.

I’m confused by the “gushing idiot” part, like, she really gets excited about them? But only the tough ones? Does she think they’re cute, or cool, like...fangirling over tough Pokemon? It could be a fun trait but I feel it couldn’t been explained a bit better.

Hmmm...I’m not so sure I like that whole self-esteem thing. Simply because it feels...too obvious I guess? In a weird way. Since it’s not “obvious” to most but to a reader it would be expected. I like the idea of throwing out big words and hoping no one calls her out though. That could’ve been expanded upon more instead of the self-esteem issues you put forward.

The tryhardness can be fun, especially with the big word and tough Pokemon fangirl quirks.

 

Huh, well, the “raised to be the best” backstory is typical but I do like the idea of “The first one failed so let’s try harder with the next”. I’d like to know her thoughts on her brother honestly. And their relationship.

It’s simple but it does work, and has a twinge of more unique elements. More expansion might’ve been nice on a few things.

 

I guess for fun I’ll look over the team too. Well they’re certainly tryhard. ;) The lack of anything really defensive makes me wonder though as that’s not “competitive” exactly. And a few of the choices are a bit odd due to the “tough over cute” factor. Like Ampy instead of, say, Mega Manectric. But more/less fitting.

 

Overall I’d say she’s good, some things kinda typical, but enough things that shake it up a bit to make up for that. A few things could use explaining, and could’ve done better than self-esteem issues for negative stuff. However overall I’d say.... 76/100

I may have somewhat forgot how I was averaging these out, but 76 is pretty good.

 

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Would you mind doing one of mine?

 

[spoiler=The App!]Name: Johannes Berger

Gender: Male

Age: 20

 

[spoiler=Appearance:]Johannes is a bit tall for his age, and somewhat muscular, owing to his less than regular workouts. He's got blonde, thick, not to mention spiky hair, that goes about half-way down his neck. His skin is a little pale, due to the fact that he doesn't spend all that much time outside any more, and he has dull brown eyes. His tolerance to heat seems to be amazing, as he wears a hoodie and tracksuit pants in rain or shine. Color preferences include black and red when it came to clothing, and other than his trainers all didn't wear anything else at all.

 

 

[spoiler=Personality:]Johannes is rather sadistic, however he is smart enough to realize when and where is the best place to give in to his desires, and prefers dealing emotional pain over physical. He is normally collected and prudent, yet attempts to disguise this and give false impressions to people by acting rash and maniacal as often as possible. Being the way he is, Johannes doesn't particularly like anyone, however he does respect certain people, especially if he knows they are to superior to him in one or more ways.

 

While being a particularly clever in his actions, he does prefer to take routes that would cause more pain over routes that might have a greater or more immediate chance of success, and one of his major weaknesses is the fact that when he goes over the edge, be it from pleasure or anger, he does start to act like the mask he wears, becoming cocky and slightly less sane. He also enjoys challenges, and, while not high on his list of priorities, he is keen to become the best duelist there is. Throughout all of this, Johannes often switches between English and Afrikaans, with the latter being used more often when he's stressed.

 

 

[spoiler=Background:]Average home, average family, average beginnings in South Africa. Johannes really led a normal early life, going to school, doing work, and playing Duel Monsters. However, he felt different to everyone else, as his desires were different to what others felt. While giving hints to people who asked close questions early on, he became smart enough to realize how odd these sadistic feelings were, and built up his first mask of normality. Those who had heard those strange answers by the young boy assumed it was merely a phase, as he seemed to be completely like any other boy his age after a while.

 

After slowly becoming a better duelist, Johannes was able to start to cause more pain in his duels, which went along with his new winning streak. Following the beginning of his rise in strength, he also started to become more reckless, and be more and more ruthless in his duels, until eventually it culminated in a duel in a back alley in his 10th school year. His opponent was left in a coma, but fortunately Johannes had enough technical know-how to wipe the records of their encounter from both duel-disks. Not many questions were asked, but the incident just managed to coincide with his family's move to Heartland, something for which he was grateful. He became much more careful after that, custom modeling a Duel Disk to give it the feature of inflicting pain on him to bring him back to his senses if he got too stressed. 

 

After leaving school, Johannes decided to take a career in dueling, preferring to stay on the underground and less legal side of things. He put quite a bit of time and energy into perfecting his skills, and his knowledge of the tech in dueling systems. While trying to keep a low profile, ever since the Numbers started showing up he has been eager to defeat one or more of the many holders, and wishes to have as many as he can for himself, in order to boost his own power.

 

 

 

Deck: Volcanic Burn

While mainly consisting of Volcanic monsters, this deck has a few other FIRE and burn cards mixed in for maximum effect. Liked for its slow but constant damage.

[spoiler=Anime Cards:]Volcanic Cyclone

Volcanic Wall

 

 

[spoiler=Custom Cards:]Volcanic Inciter

FIRE - ✪✪✪✪✪ - Pyro/Effect - 1800/1400

If you control a face-up Level 5 or higher FIRE monster, you can Special Summon this card (from your hand). If this card is used as Xyz Material for a Summon: Inflict 800 damage to your opponent.

 

Volcanic Blazer

FIRE - ✪✪✪✪ - Pyro/Effect - 1600/1500

You can send 1 face-up Spell or Trap Card you control to the Graveyard; Special Summon this card (from your Graveyard). If this card is Summoned while you control another face-up FIRE monster; You can add 1 "Volcanic" card from your Deck or Graveyard to your hand. You can only use each effect of "Volcanic Blazer" once per turn.

 

Volcanic Gardna

FIRE - ✪✪✪ - Pyro/Effect - 900/1700

When your opponent takes effect damage: You can Special Summon this card (from your hand), then gain LP equal to the damage your opponent took. You can only use this effect of "Volcanic Gardna" once per turn. Once per turn: You can target 1 face-up "Volcanic" monster you control; this monster's level becomes the same as that targets'.

 

 

 

Misc. Information:

• Battle Theme: Eye of Sorrow
• Main Theme: Kanden Theme
• Johannes' Duel Disk is mainly black with glowing red highlights on it, not to mention a slightly thicker base and spikes sticking out of the main blade. In fact, it looks like it could be used as a weapon.

 

 

The RP

 

I'm probs gonna fail, but hey, how else will I get better?

Unexpected post / Brings feelings of pride and joy / Good luck; have fun, Dova

 

[spoiler=Review]First of all the name was interesting. It's different but something not "special snowflake" which is always a good start. An exact height can be nice for RP but your words give a decent idea of his size. I like you included typical clothing and such. Perhaps some other smaller details would have been good but this gives a decent base idea, and it's not too far our there.

 

Sadistic is always a tricky one to pull off. Acting rash, while "acting", is difficult to work with him being prudent. Simply because if you act rashly you must actually act which generally results in something not prudent. Perhaps a better way to say it would be that he acts rashly after analyzing the situation and deciding that a seemingly rash action wouldn't result in a problem? Though especially with the second paragraph the whole prudent thing feels off. I feel you intend them to be someone who WANTS to be prudent but gives into his base desires, and that would've been much more interesting imo, but as is he feels somewhat fluid in what he actually is. Trying to act rashly while being prudent is somewhat illogical, and also feels as though you're telling me "Just believe he's prudent, honestly, he is" when it doesn't give that impression.

 

I do like the beginning of the bio, how a normal person is forced to hide a more sadistic side. It's something that could be quite interesting. Though I would have liked to see more of a struggle between doing what's right and what he wants, given how he has enough understanding and grasp of his sadism that he can hide it.

That he ended up going too far was pretty nice, though...why does he have the technical know-how? It's another one of those "He just does" kind of things.

 

His deck makes sense though I can't say much about the custom stuff. XD Flavorful at least.

 

Overall. It had potential. There's a bit of a problem with the "just go with it" feel, and I also feel it takes a lot of cop-outs to force certain ideas. But it's a solid start and something that's certainly workable. I'll give this a 64/100

 

[Dova]

Thanks! I can see a lot of mistakes I made, and thank you for telling me he had potential. (Technically as the app has not been posted yet changes can still made) But I am very grateful for the review, and glad you took the time to do it. As for the name, I felt choosing an average name in another culture would be something that might make it more interesting. The want to be prudent and actually acting rash was exactly what I was aiming for, and a change could definitely be done there. As for the technical know-how...I see how badly that was done, I guess I carried on from my original idea of a technical expert, but I have an idea for a better way to do that. 

 

Anyway, will make changes. Cheers!

[ÆƵ–]

I know this thread is slightly ancient buuuut

 

App(s): http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/353040-pokemon-mystery-dungeon-pristine-lands-ooc-not-started-accepting/?p=6891366

 

Ooc: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/353040-pokemon-mystery-dungeon-pristine-lands-ooc-not-started-accepting

 

I'm curious about what peeps think. You can do either the first or second one, no preference, but i would be ecstatic if both were done (though that's completely optional).

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

I know this thread is slightly ancient buuuut

 

App(s): http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/353040-pokemon-mystery-dungeon-pristine-lands-ooc-not-started-accepting/?p=6891366

 

Ooc: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/353040-pokemon-mystery-dungeon-pristine-lands-ooc-not-started-accepting

 

I'm curious about what peeps think. You can do either the first or second one, no preference, but i would be ecstatic if both were done (though that's completely optional).

They're short enough I can do both.

 

[spoiler=Sigilyph]Well first interesting pick here, for sure. Lot of possibilities. First thing I'd like to say is that personally I would like descriptions for the moves, and how they'd work in RP. For instance Whirlwind and Gust are essentially the same thing logically, so it'd be nice to add what exactly makes it different and what the IC effect would be (Whirlwind is an awkward one for obvious reasons). But it is a cool set of moves, unique, and unexpected. Nice.

I like the slight appearance changes, that's always neat to see for Pokemon especially. Adds a bit of character to them. Though not sure how I feel about "unsure how and when that happened". Seems it doesn't need to be mentioned cause pointing attention to that it's odd without explaining is...awkward.

 

I'd like an explanation of what "acting as old as he is" would be. Is it the knowledge but forgetfulness? It's usually not good to have vague things like that cause it's tough to tell what you mean. Plus it looks like his knowledge is based more on his curiosity rather than his age. I'm not sure you explained the forgetfulness thing right too, since randomly spouting facts isn't exactly a sign of that. From what it reads his personality seems to be curious, formal (however this is iffy cause he evidently flies up and talks to people randomly), and forgetful. I'd like a bit more expanded upon about all these really. What's he curious about mostly, how forgetful is he, how does he feel about that. It does give me some idea how he interacts with people, but it all seems a bit vague and uncertain.

 

I love the bio, from a fairy tale sort of standpoint, and it's really neat and unique. However it just leaves me with a question of...how could they not tell he was alive, and why did it even happen? It's cool, and it certainly explains enough of his backstory despite its brevity so kudos, but it just is a bit confusing.

 

Overall he's an actually really solid character, perhaps lacking in some more deeper personality traits, and with a bit of a confusing history, but you've done well to give me an idea of what he is like. And the kind of character he is like is quite an interesting and fairly uncommon thing. So overall I'll give him a 75/100. With the idea that the base is great and would just need a little expanding upon. Good job. :)

 

 

[spoiler=Golett]I remember you talking about your AAA Golett before.

Again same thing about moves. Very interesting choices, and a lot more straight forward except Confide.

I enjoy that you actually have an image to go along with it, pretty nice touch.

 

Itty bitty personality! It kinda...falls flat, especially compared to the other character. Their only actual trait is obliviousness. And even that is only partially true because somehow, despite being oblivious, they're good at dealing with emotional problems and understands enough to know when people need caring or harshness. It's a cute start but it'd need a lot of fixing to make them a really memorable character.

 

Aww that Bio started off cute, and nice. It does explain a bit of their kind nature however I still stand by the fact it's a bit...unbelievable to be both oblivious and good at that (Now, TRYING to help and failing would be a different story). The bio is a bit jarring in its simplicity and suddenness. Due to how it's just like... "Suddenly they decided to do this thing based off one overheard story." However it could tie into their personality well.

Usually I don't mind shorter things but this one felt almost empty. Hard to glean anything substantial.

 

They seem sweet, and they seem like they could have some interesting interactions...but I'm gonna have to say 58/100 cause of just how little I can even base my rating on. And the seeming conflict in the two traits they have.

 

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

So... this time I'ma plant two RP characters for you guys that are on the same page, just so I know what to work on once I reboot the RP they're in itself or write it as a fanfic. I'm imagining one will do Skyler and another will do Jillian, which I'm fine with. Just don't try to do the WIP's :P
 
Chars: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-startedalways-accepting/?p=6781862
RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-startedalways-accepting/