Aethertouched [OOC/PG-16/Not Accepting]

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Your Light of the Court is finished!

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-interest-checkpg-16accepting/?p=6743586

[Kyng]

Calder Daniels is complete. Application can be found through the link below, post #14 on the first page of this thread:

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-interest-checkpg-16accepting/?do=findComment&comment=6743647

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

Nvm, i found the problem so here goes :

 

[spoiler=Revenge Demon]Name : John Michael

Age : 22 Years.

Birthday : 2nd December

 

 

 

[spoiler=Appearance]

John is very carefree about the way he carries himself, his eyes demonstrate his cold and ruthless attitude. His hair are messy and over the place sometimes and he likes to carry himself freestyle. His pale Yellow eyes are enough to strike a bad yet ominous feeling wherever he currently roams. He also wears the coat of his late brother in the memory of that fateful incident that changed his life forever.

 

 

[spoiler=Personality]John is very cold, calculating and quite mysterious to say the least. He is brash, hot headed and normally does not back away from any fight or debate. He likes to remain and explore the world in his own tempo and does not like to be bossed around. He believes that the only thing that stops you from doing what you want is yourself.

He is nasty with a cocky gangsta attitude but fights for his beliefs and ideals and protects everything dear to him even if it means doing something sinister along the way. The only thing he cared about was his family and his inability to save them drives his intense desire for power and led to him making his only friend - "Darkness". He is fond of exploring and becoming one with spooky and eerie places.

John is the wanderer of the Dark and can be found roaming and training in the most terrifying places in order to become strong to become worthy of protecting others. He considers himself the outlaw and does "good things in a bad way" to maintain balance. He comes as cold, creepy and nasty at first glance but boasts a spirit to eliminate darkness by embracing it and a desire to protect others.

Deep down he is angry, guilt ridden and power hungry - Simply put, the kind of people you do not wanna get casual around. He now searches for those who have the same powers as him to truly judge their purpose and intent.

 

 

[spoiler=Biography]John was never the way he is now in the past. John was a playful lad who although did not have that many friends and passions but really enjoyed life and nature and especially the dark. The only thing he cared about was his family consisting of his elder brother, small sister and mother. His father went missing under mysterious circumstances and his mother had to struggle a lot to bring up her children.

John had respect for his brother and often imitated his style and loved her sister and always stuck around her in case she got in trouble and idolized her mother for the struggles she went through. He worked part time jobs secretly to support his family and was the responsible one. One day when he returned home late night from one of his "trips down the dark places", he was captured by some mysterious people outside the door and his family was brutally murdered right in front of him while he tried to break free and help them.

This incident changed him and he had to go through several psycho sessions just to recover from it. He knew he was changed and the only thing that stuck with him was his love for the dark. But soon he came to know that his soul had manifested itself in the form of a scythe and cursed armor which reflected his intense resolve and inner darkness. He now works as a small time detective catching bad guys and doing dirty deeds hoping to catch the killers for his family's massacre and keeps tabs on those like him to make sure others do not go down the road he took.

 

 

[spoiler=Soul Manifestation]John's soul manifests itself in the form of a scythe of long proportions with a long blade and a greenish aura completely covering the blade and certain parts of his body. He also gets covered in a black armor which looks very ancient and is capable of taking some good blows with chain suit in built in the armor for added protection with buckles lose which gives him an extremely ominous look and helps protect his identity as it also covers part of his face. The scythe and armor provide different abilities.

Scythe (Offense ) : The Green aura of the scythe is extremely poisonous and is fairly potent for those who come in contact. The scythe can also convert the green aura into energy and fire it as cuts and slices of long and short distances embedding the target with fatal poison on contact which drains energy and slows the victim.

Damned Rain (Hyper Offense Move) : When in trouble, John points his Scythe in the air and blasts all energy in the sky creating dark green clouds and rain of the fatal poison in a target area. John's speed is boosted massively in the rain. However, his defense becomes lackluster while midst this move.

 

 

 

 

 

Armor (Defense) : The armor can take hefty blows from the opponent and is a good defensive backup. It has added utility to supply John with good defensive options in case he faces a formidable situation.

Poison Barrier : The Armor can create some blocks and shields out of the Aura for some protection from close and medium ranged attacks with a good chance of poisoning the target who destroy it with physical maneuvers.

Hades Ball (Hyper Defense Move) : By shedding all his offensive capabilities and his scythe, the armor absorbs and blasts the green aura protecting the user from a high offensive move and redirects it towards the opponent. This technique can only be used when John is about to be hit by a very brutal maneuver and drains quite some energy from John. John also becomes slow as time passes in this state although his defense reaches high levels.

John is still trying to master fighting in both modes effectively to balance defense and offense but only manages to fight effective in 1 mode at a time and rarely has the stamina to do both in a fight unless angered beyond the point.

 

 

[spoiler=Miscellanous]1) John does not prefer long fights, he likes to end it before it starts. Has won against the odds many times.

2) He is not very friendly and rarely behaves good to avoid making friends or getting attracted for fear of loosing his loved ones again.

3) Fights better and harder as his anger increases, the more punishment he takes, the double he delivers.

 

 

This is basically a discount Vajra, please change it.

 

As for everyone else, Nai and I will review all the apps on Saturday.

[Aman Indra]

Well, here goes the 2nd effort, i had way more fun making this one :

[spoiler=Nordic Fury]Name : Asmund Bruni
Age : 26 Years

 

[spoiler=Appearance]

 

[spoiler=Personality]Sheer combat ability, ruthlessness and courage are the true marks of a Warrior". That is what Asmund has based his life around since his childhood. He is a fairly handsome and bulky individual who likes to remain calm until stated otherwise or gets pissed off. He is very social and loves to party loud and hard the traditional way. However deep down he still misses his hometown and people and hopes to find and visit them again.

Asmund was brought up in a very traditional nordic environment and was trained in the arts of Viking Warfare and believes that every dispute should be solved with a brawl and ends up in trouble many times but he has learned the ways of the world. He is very protective of his friends and things and is a very greedy individual which makes him quite the unpredictable one.

His straight forward attitude and courage fuels his viking pride and he bows down to no one. He is a very fun company to have around and is very ferocious towards people who harm him and his friends. He seeks to develop his fighting skills and make them world renown to carry on his rich nordic history.

 

 

[spoiler=Biography]Asmund was born in the vast and large mountain side of Norway and was part of a rich but small tribe known as "Firar Tivar" ("People of Gods") which followed the traditional brawl and brash viking culture. Asmund's father was a devoted farmer and spent most of the time in the fields while his mother was a housewife and an exceptionally good cook.

Asmund's father wanted him to be a supportive son and work in the fields but Asmund was into combat and fighting styles and wanted to go explore the vast outside world. He was trained in the Norse fighting arts "Glima" which focused on technical and brash fighting style to deal crushing blows to the opponent.

Asmund left his people in order to explore and settle outside and make a name for himself and he struggled hard to master the ways of the world but ended up becoming a famous combat instructor because of his techniques and teachings. When Asmund returned home to share his success with his people, he found out that the whole place was burnt to the ground and the residents were driven out due to Urban Construction orders not to be found. This Incident left a scar in his soul and he went into depression but the spirits and teachings of his parents and friends allowed him to stay strong and carry on like the "Viking". He also soon found out that something else was on it's way : His soul had manifested itself in the form of a weapon wielded by one of their mighty God's  - A Hammer. Living in Tokyo, Japan currently to test and teach his skills and techniques in the land of various different fight styles.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Soul Manifestation]Asmund's Soul manifests itself in the form of a big hammer which basically can control the EARTH element at will which grants him the following abilities :

Sands of Despair : Asmund swings his hammer on the ground turning the area under 20 metres of impact to sand. Asmund can both use this sand as an attacking method by trapping his opponent in the sand or by shielding himself with quick blocks and diversions.

 

Desert Engulf : By conjuring a huge amount of energy, Asmund creates a huge pile of sand under the opponent trapping them and limiting their movement which takes some good force to break free from while draining them of health at a slow pace.

 

 

Mastering the "Glima" arts allows Asmund to temporarily access "Berserker" mode, this mode lasts for max 15 seconds and increases his attack dramatically and focus only on offense leaving him deadly but full of openings. While in this mode he can :
 

Final Burial : Asmund converts his body into solid rock to either play defensive or creates clone warriors out of the conjured sand to help him offensively. The clones take away some of his life on getting destroyed. The rock body transformation and the clones remain for 15 seconds max. Move requires heavy recharging.

 

 

 

Asmund's fighting style is his best and worst bet, he is only super effective at close range so long and medium range attackers can easily stall him out and his akeen moves leave his defense as a massive opening most of the time. Berserker mode is a deadly gamble which can backfire as well.

 

 

[spoiler=Miscellaneous]

1) Many Nordic words have been used to bring heritage into play.

2) The idea of this guy came from my school report on "Viking and nordic tradition and bloodlines".

3) The idea of enchantment comes from the viking style of laying low under the shield to pounce out and kill. The vortex displays their dual personality and combat versatility.

4) The hammer might sound cliche but its just a attempt at culture and reality and at the same time a little tribute to Thor.

 

 

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

There is already a character with fire-based ability, and I will not have two of a kind in this. No offense, but their app is much more solid than yours, so I would swap the fire theme for something else.

[Aman Indra]

There is already a character with fire-based ability, and I will not have two of a kind in this. No offense, but their app is much more solid than yours, so I would swap the fire theme for something else.

Changed the power, Sorry to keep bothering you but since this is my first shot at role play or app i dont really know much, i will improve as time progresses.

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

Don't worry about it. This is the easy part of the host's role, honestly.

[Maeriberii Haan]

Updated the OP with list of what has been taken/reserved in regards to power/manifestations.

 

EDIT: Updated the Application subsection in the OP with a necessary information about biographies. Please read, ok?

[👀 REP 👀]

I finally finished my application!

Here it is

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

App is almost complete. Only just started trying to properly flesh out the bio, but that's all that needs to be done.

 

Will work on that tomorrow

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

App reviews should be up shortly, but I would like to announce now that beyond the people here, nobody else may join.

 

There is one exception to this, being Toyo, and she will be allowed to join after she has a working computer, however long that may be.

[Admiral_Stalfos19]

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/343183-aethertouched-interest-checkpg-16accepting/?p=6744204

 

Complete and ready for reviewing.

[Makο]

App reviews should be up shortly, but I would like to announce now that beyond the people here, nobody else may join.

 

There is one exception to this, being Toyo, and she will be allowed to join after she has a working computer, however long that may be.

So, is "shortly" the normal version of "soon," or the Zai version?

[Asriel Dreemurr]

So, is "shortly" the normal version of "soon," or the Zai version?

I think we're dealing with something between the normal and Zai versions.

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

As an update, each finished character can be considered as accepted.

 

If your character isn't finished, finish it.

 

I have been feeling unwell today, after a weekend at the Grand Prix, which is the reason for the lack of visible progress, which I apologize for. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning, and after that will update OP and do a post with the reviews on each character.

 

Once again, I apologize for the wait, and thank you all for your patience.

[Immortal Chaos]

Sorry about the delay on an app. Been swamped at work. Should have it done tomorrow

[(GigaDrillBreaker)]

[spoiler=Blue is Nai, Green is Neph, I am Red]Fumeii (Kinka/Aez): Oppressed native seemingly, unfinished. Looking nice so far, but there aren’t much there yet. I thought Under Oath would be problematic but since it requires maintained eye contact, it’s good.

Fumeii (Aez) - Wow, certainly a bit on the older end. Such tall, much classy.

*clicks Personality* lolwat, pls finish

*clicks Bio* pls, finish

Powers seem relatively fine, nothing too broken, maybe even underpowered end as compared to the others.

Besides the fact it’s not even done, it’s sorta barebone minimum. :/

Nothing particularly in regards to personality, I would need to see more of that to form any strong opinions. The occupation is a nice touch.

Gareth (Sonic): Shonen protagonist, in personality, biography, and how these translate into the character’s abilities. All look quite fine, didn’t see anything complain-worthy. Flight’s a great ability to have.

Gareth (Ciaossunic) - Typical shounen character, not really anything wrong, but sort of bland. Solid app for what it is though. Also the fact that this RP is basically asking for cliches makes the shounen thing a little better.

Exactly what I expected and hoped for. Can’t wait to see him steal the show.

Manami (Seth): Love Freak, very traditionally minded. Weather manipulation to an extent is pretty solid, huge range but aren’t that effective in a direct confrontation.  Seems fine, doesn’t see much to complain about.

Manami (Sethera) - I like it, everything seems nicely done, and powers aren’t too OP, and it’s nice to have a character like that. Also, the emphasis on faults actually being faults and not excuses is nice. Might be a bit underpowered, but having a weaker/gentler character is nice for a change. Thumbs up!

The umbrella is one of the things that makes me wish we could better exploit a visual medium, but the character looks super fun to play with.

Jun (Neph): Yeah yeah, this is a co-host app. Anyway, straightforward, friendly, cheerful, has her head up in the clouds, but can be pragmatic and willing to kill if pushed. First of the burning hot willpower character. Kind of MacGyver-like in personal skill and outlook, which…felt a bit weird since her thought process is usually very straightforward. It does make her sudden turn into a tactical, efficient fighter when pushed make more sense, and I guess it can be handwaved as her just having not a really good social skill.

Years of intensive training in martial arts while she pursue her passion in engineering –and- spending a big chunk of her 16-years of life in her backwater island doesn’t really make sense. And she’s extremely skilled on multiple of them too. This also harken back to her personality deal. She’s said to be a ditz that thinks very straightforwardly, but she’s described to fight using her cunning and creativity a lot, adapting to various situations easily. This disparity is very jarring. It doesn’t help that her ditzy trait is played out as one of her main, actual characteristic.

And this doesn’t even include her eventual defining moment and awakening moment. And she’s only 16.

Also something more minor, does she even follow the normal education system of the country?  She would need to leave at a young enough age to not be severely left behind on it, but old enough age so that an interest and innate talent regarding -engineering- actually make sense.

Jun (Neph) - Made by a super wonderful and fantabulous RPer, best character 10/10 such amazing, perfect writing

Not even gonna bother commenting much on it, when he interrogated me through the character’s creation on what I would want.

Calder (Kyng): Passionate, realistic but more of a glass half-full guy that wanted to fill a meaningless life with something more fun. Personality and backstory is quite fine, and I really like how he can literally surf on concrete. Nothing problematic, as far as I can see.

Calder (Kyng) - I really love this app, seems well fleshed out and greatly descriptive. Only issue is that the father got him the surfboard apparently, but aren’t the weapons supposed to be manifestations of your own soul?

Well rounded, mobile aspect adds an interesting layer to combat.

Kokoro (Yui): Appearance mentions that her body has no scars, only to mention that her body has scars two-three paragraphs later. Colorful language to describe her personality, thoooooooough doesn’t really go in-depth. What’s her motivation? Her drive? Her personal philosophy? Her personality is as naked as her character image, and she felt like she’s written for the sake of writing a chaotic evil jabroni, though at least her bio does give some more insight on her regarding this. Still would’ve been nice to expand on this further. So she was the young lover of a gang leader (and I mean really young. She’s probably 14 or younger when this happens, and after her lover got killed, she developed her current personality so she could lead the gang in her stead. And she’s still in her teens when this happened, and she managed to not be screwed over by the rest of her gang over this, due to her age, gender, and the fact that she hadn’t even in the gang life for long. It could work, but idk, it felt really awkward as hell, factoring all these things. Her power…idk it felt underpowered compared to everything else, but her SOUL weapon would probably cover this weakness.

Kokoro (Yui) - To be blunt, just seems like this is meant to be the “overly edgy dark jabroni” type of character that’s just evil for being evil. Story seems a bit implausible, like Nai mentioned as well. Powers seem a bit on the weaker end.

While I am fine with a character who is edgy as funk, I would really like something more behind that to justify such a design.

Valerie (CowCow): Second of the hotblooded character here. Spirited, outgoing, but have high standards when interacting and could come off as rude. A free soul, kinda, and due to this she’s not the type to easily respect others. Bio is fine, ability is fine. Might need some description on how good her control of her flames or whether they’re just jets of flames that she could spout, and the volcano-level of power is problematic but Cow has been notified about this and will fix it.

Valerie (CowCow) - The sorta typical “hot-headed energetic shounen” character except as a girl. Of course, fire powers. App seems relatively solid, I quite like the backstory personally. Volcano-strength will be adjusted, so that’s fine. All in all, pretty good.

Has been discussed in the chat, and at this point I think all is just about well. A tad cliche, but cliches exist for a reason.

Hitomu (Hyde): self-serving revolutionist, reminding me of arcturus mengst from starcraft but far pettier and ofc on a smaller scale of operation. Self-centered with a superiority complex, and manipulative. Idk, would probably be nice if this got expanded upon. There are other sides of him that could give him more depth than the self-serving jerk that he is atm, as shown in his bio, so touching more on this would be good.

Top student has something to do with being a class president (that was done via manipulation)…?

Felt more comfortable if his power had more description regarding how potent it is. I trust Hyde to not go overboard IC-wise, but an in-app boundaries or extents would be nice to have.

Inoue (Hydreigon) - So the revolutionist/want-to-take-over-the-world kind of character. Not sure if it might cause an issue in the RP due to interaction problems/arguments. I do like that there is a character like this for a change though. I would like more information on becoming the class president. After reading powers, I see he’s completely fine with murdering/terrorism-esque activities. Relatively decent app in general.

I need more information on the ability.

Arthur (Nai): Hotblooded character #3, and literally weaponizes it. Nai said they would probably do some rework on her, so I won’t review her for now.

Arthur (Nai) - First thing I noticed was the name/gender thing, not that I mind particularly either way. After reading the personality, I like the glass-hero facade thing that’s going on with her, and I want to see how she manages to develop throughout the RP, or whether she’ll simply snap under the pressure. I’m reading the bio though, and I’m not sure how being in the slump made her want to be a hero though, given her recently awful experience with the gang bangd. How did the people get to know about her being a hero/get popular with her hero persona? And what is her daily life outside of being a hero? Just school student? The first power seems fine, but with the general idea the chest is the biggest target in any kind of fighting scenario, having the main weakness be a bright  red gem in the center of the chest feels like almost asking to die. Not sure what the second power is supposed to be quite really, so more description would be nice. Is it supposed to be a form of omnipotent creation/possibilities kind of energy? If so, that seems alright, but just give more details on sort of like maybe about how strong the “crowd love” for the lack of a better word, would have to be? Also, bonus points for actually giving a reason to calling out the attack name

Not much to say, out of lack of necessity, but probably my favorite app all-around.

Indra (Giga): Entire app is more naked than a nudist beach. Since Unstoppable Force/Unmovable Object is the limit of the RP’s powerlevel, need better description on both.

Indra (Giga) - Empty basically, needs more specifics on the powers.

I will finish him in the morning.

Kira (Mitcher): Warned you about the stairs, bro. You know, I honestly would like some insight on how he viewed the event of his Aethertouching, like, since he was back then quite the devoted, religious person, it’d be interesting to see, and it’ll be more insight to his character. His emptiness and lack of purpose…really reminded me of a certain someone. Kinda fun to think of. He felt empty and hollow-ish atm, but that’s probably the point. I wonder how he’ll go from this point.

Btw, wouldn’t making someone immune to earth’s gravity throw them away into space or something similarly gruesome? It’s like how intangibility should’ve worked if applying physics into it.

Kujikawa (Mitcher) - Holy sheet he’s tall.

rip, stairs 2 stronk

App seems solid enough, but the complete apathy in most cases could be a bit dull for the RP.

Agree with nai that perhaps more information on his feelings about the recent happenings work out, though this can be put through in the RP itself. I am totally ok with apathy, but do it right.

Conner (Mako): Determined, but secretly very insecure, and prone to breaking due to it. Has strong sense of morality and justice. Bio seems fine, and builds up his character very well. Ability is very nice too, and it ties really deeply to his character as a whole, which is a nice integration to see. His D E T E R M I N A T I O N is very strong indeed.

Conner (Mako) - Such tryhard, much killjoy, very determine, wow

Can’t work 110%

I like the flaw he has, and I want to see how he’ll manage to overcome it throughout the course of the RP.
I quite like the story behind it though, as well as his powers.

Works as an effective foil to many characters, great to have on the roster.

Michael (Tayla): Fatalist, calculating, and intelligent. Views his sister in high regards. Quite the cynic himself. Backstory seems fine, and it does explain why his Aether ability is quite more extensive than others, because of the fact that it’s composed of two SOULs.

Speaking of…it’s insane. The powers would be not too bad in itself, but it’s so extensive to the point of being worrying. I know Tayla’s not the type to abuse this unless really pushed to, but without much limitation on things, it could get out of hand, intended or not. Idk how to handle this. The self-screwing innateness is a way to balance this but…still not too comfortable with it. I’d honestly give him a predetermined hand of 2-3 major arcana and half a set of a minor arcana during each day. That fits his fatalist outlook on his life. Because if life’s a card game, his hand has already been dealed since before she plays.

Micheal (Tayla) - I quite like the story behind it and the app in general. Siscon. Reliance and connection that he had with his sister is great too. Wide variety of powers, Ten of Wands might be problematic if it instantly sets the target on fire, which basically prevents countering/etc. Stuff that basically prevents any Aethertouched abilities from attacking/affecting/negating him/his stuff should be perhaps considered more or restricted a bit more as it’s literally a “no you can’t fight me” to most of the Aethertouched. There might be a bit too much versatility though.

All for Nai’s idea, regarding manifesting a limited number of cards at a time. Simply makes for a cleaner execution overall.

Bill (Keto): Shell-shocked veteran, complete with nightmares and vivid imageries. Doesn’t take betrayal well, usually with some bullet to the face. Gritty, but…would’ve been better if we actually see him as a person. We did get insight on his character from what’s been described, but it felt lacking. Bio is fine even if it’s barebones. I guess it’s good since he’s meant to be mysterious and all, and this would also make do as the reason why the personality’s not that expanded. Felt like a character that doesn’t look like it’d be a good character on paper but would do quite better in practice, tbh. Power is fine, really.

Bill (Keto) - Suffers from PTSD after going through war for so long, turns into assassin, distrust of doctors, but overall the app is sort of really mysterious/vague-but-not-vague, not really sure how to describe. There’s a lot of description, but we don’t get to really know who this guy is. Definitely one of the stronger weapons, but it should be fine, abilities are alright.

Fits the standard soldier trope, though I have no issue with this. Weapon is cute and RWBY-esque.

Jessica (Stalfos): Hotblood girl #4, the rash one of the four. Determined to the point of being aggressive and stubborn. Looks perpetually angry, but making her actually angry is hard. Though she can get agitated if she’s belittled or reminded of her lacking figure (which…are not that bad for a 17 years old girl). Pretty fleshed out in my opinion even if the personality tab is mainly describing her being angry.

Alright, the fact she can make actual earthquakes in an urban setting is worrying me. Especially since not everyone can fly. She can make something stronger than 7 richter quakes if agitated enough. That makes buildings crumble, and the shocks would travel through a huuuuuuuuuuge area (250 km radius). This is why using scales half-assedly is bad. Making shocks on the earth rather than outright earthquakes is more reasonable, especially considering the setting. The rest is fine

Jessica (Stalfos) - Oh here we go, has pretty decent measurements for a 17 year-old but still gets upset if it gets pointed out, etc etc. The details on the measurements seem excessive. Personality is basically the super stubborn/firey girl, sorta like Val maybe but on steroids? How did Jessica get her Aethertouched experience? There’s bullying and all but it doesn’t explicitly say for anything. So the weapon is superheavy, but Jessica has strength from AT enhancements, which essentially makes it a light weapon, meaning that there really shouldn’t be balance/momentum issues like you mentioned in the sentence before this one. Earthquakes are just no, in my opinion, especially in a city setting. For the second ability, first of all, any sort of injury with a drill like this would probably be lethal just from blood loss. Second of all, that means Jessica is fully okay with killing, but I sort of don’t see any sort of connection. Sure, she was bullied and fought back, but killing is a whole ‘nother level. When did she get alright with killing in such a brutal fashion?

EDIT: See the bio was updated. I find it hard to believe that a fight club host would just be like “okay” and accept someone being killed by some new random girl that got dragged in, obviously by supernatural means. Ehh, yeah, no.

Nothing I wouldn’t expect from Stalfos, really. Needs cleanup on matters mentioned above, but otherwise, it can be made to work.

Maurice (Dad): Really liking his personality and backstory, and the fact it connects with Yu too. Ability seems fine. He’s insane but he’s not, he’s a less demented The Joker with quite a side behind that. And as mentioned in Yu’s review down below, I like his dynamic with her.

Maurice (Dad) - Why so serious? So he’s diagnosed as insane but he himself knows it’s not true? Well, I really haven’t seen a case where an insane person thought they were. I absolutely love the backstory though. I see the powers got changed from time control which is good. Powers could potentially be a problem, as it’s literally completely undetectable invisibility for 5 minutes, which is an eternity in a battle.

Characters having incorporated history is good sheet, yo. 5 minutes is a damn long time, but considering the inherent weakness to AOE attacks, it won’t end up as an issue, in my eyes.

Charlotte (Cosmo): Really rough and unlikable outside, but is actually a sweetheart. Hard to get into, but once she takes a liking to you, she’ll get attached, very much so, to them. Backstory felt weird. She saved her friend, but...moved to Japan and left her. Doesn’t fit the really attached part of her personality, and it felt like it’s weird for her to suddenly start over a new life like that. She definitely isn’t the type to abandon her friend like that, especially just after she saved her from suicide. Suicide urges won’t magically disappear after a suicide attempt is bungled. If she left her just like that, chances are she’d try committing suicide once more, especially since her best friend had left her behind. And without Charlotte to save her, no one would save her.

Would she really let this happen? I doubt it, unless that’s intentional and would be used in her characterization.

Ability seems fine.

Charlotte (Cosmo) - Smart and protective of her friends, cold towards most but opens up to a super warm heart if you manage to get her trust. Saves her friend from suicide… And then just leaves for Japan? Wat? Literally wat? Indestructible shield might be a slight issue.

Spells need a time limit and recharge rate.

Kurosaki (Aix): Polite, sarcastic, somewhat close-minded. Kept up his public appearance due to his family, also confident in himself due to his upbringing. Started to get out and open up after some retrospection and the loss of his friend. Really liking him, to be honest. Not really sure on his power, would probably need a better-defined boundaries. Though so far, he’s probably my favorite of the bunch.

Masahiko (Aix) - App is solid and good quality, and what I’d expect from someone like Aix. Personality is definitely great, I like it. The bio is super nice. Powers seem alright, the only issue being the glasses might fly off during a fight, so perhaps some sort of band or such to keep them on his head might be a good idea? The powers probably need to be described better to what extent and criteria it happens and how personally subjective it is. Overall though, the app is great, probably one of the best out of them all.

I don’t care if the ability isn’t confined to logic, it needs rules. As-is, it really just fucks with balance.

Mac (Saiku): Determinator that can read other people’s body language. Very perceptive, and it only get magnified by his ability. Bad at interacting and social life. Has some temper issues. Looks pretty fine so far, maybe would be nice to expand his motivation further? Though perhaps it’s due to how there’s a lot of similarly motivated character and with similarly awkward social life here. Felt weird that he uses boxing gloves as a weapon since it’s meant to be a safety measure usually afaik. Ability is fine. Underpowered in a glance, he’s very good at punching however, and he can pseudo flashstep too, so that’s a bonus.

Mac (Saiku) - “Even as a normal human, his willpower was strong enough to help him shrug off attacks from the best boxers in the world” You don’t shrug off getting hits strong enough to be instantly knocked out, j/s. Good at fighting, not so much at social skills, I see. Bio is nice, I like it a fair bit. Powers are nice, I’d like if you put how fast he can accelerate with them.

I am a fan of lotsofpunchman. Certainly underpowered, but has some very likable aspects.

Rose (Reptilious): A lover of the wilds and the open, living her fairytale dream. Stubborn and insensitive at times, crafty and spontaneous in thought. A free soul, doesn’t like to be bound much.

Note: typo of incident into indecent. Should be fixed, she’s not a streaker. I’d honestly would like more explanation on how can she manage to travel the world in search of her parents after disappearing from civilization for years. Probably should be mentioned since it felt a bit off. Expanding on her difficulties to readjust to the outside world too. She’s a kid when left in the wilds, and returns as a teen. It wouldn’t be simple at all to have her be a reasonable enough person in the modern world. Ability is fine.

Rose (Reptilious) - Personality seems fine, bio just seems weird. Lost at seven, apparently no search attempts right in that area, which probably would’ve resulted in the authorities finding her maybe? Grows to sixteen and remembers enough about civilization and actually wants to return and just goes off by herself?

Kinda disjointed. Both the bio and abilities seem like they were made by a group of people that weren’t communicating well with each other. I like the concept, but it could definitely be cleaned up.

Yu (VCR): The actual no-fun person of the cast. Gruff and have no sense of joke, generally a no-nonsense person but perhaps something else is inside of her...also she doesn’t actually seem to see Maurice highly at least on the surface. Really liking how the two’s dynamic works, definitely would lead to interesting things in the future. Ability seems fine, but I’ll wait Giga for this since I’m not sure on the implications yet.

Yu (VCR) - wow such deathly pale skin Oh yay, it connects with Maurice! That’s nice. :D Personality is a bit mysterious, I hope for more to be touched on in the RP/for her to warm up a bit. Bio is mysterious, mentions a “we” which I thought was Maurice first, but then it mentions Maurice later, so a bit confused to who that other person is. Powers seem okay, but I’d want a time-mass ratio for the explosive/pain thing perhaps.

Character is intentionally boring, but I trust she will be played right.

Asmund (Aman): Has the mentality of a warrior of ages past. Seems like he’s born in the wrong century. A party goer and generally boisterous and friendly, but dangerous if ticked off. Inclined to show the world about his nordic legacy. This seems fine.

Lives in seclusion as a part of a traditional nordic village that survives the changing age, but he decides to go out to the world and experience it, only to find that later on his village has been razed. I assume he ended up in Tokyo some undefined times later. Doesn’t seem to be problematic tbh, somewhat wishing that he has a deeper motivation, but I guess this is enough.

Ability is fine.

Asmund (Aman) - So many non-Japaneeeeeeeeseeeeeeeeee, whyyyyyyyyy. Seems like a surprisingly alright app (much better than your first). With his build and strength, angering him seems like definitely a bad choice. I get the reasoning for going to Japan, but why Japan specifically? Couldn’t said reasoning apply anywhere? The bio is nice otherwise. Powers are a bit IDK. Sand thing is a huge range, but logically, some of the lighter weight people should be able to still fight/run/etc upon it. How far down would the sand transformation go? And then the latter thing does make sense given his origin, but it just makes me think of Vajra so idk

Eh, literal thor, with the weapon being effectively similar to a less extreme Vajra? I have no big issue with it.

[Aman Indra]

The clones remain on field for as long as the berserker mode is active (15 seconds minimum-20 seconds max. (should have included it in the app).

[Asriel Dreemurr]

Does make me think on how to expand Bill's Personality.  By the way, Giga, Nai, and Neph, would you like me to send you a full and detailed history for him?  One that the other characters wouldn't necessarily be privy to.

[Maeriberii Haan]

Does make me think on how to expand Bill's Personality.  By the way, Giga, Nai, and Neph, would you like me to send you a full and detailed history for him?  One that the other characters wouldn't necessarily be privy to.

 

Sure, that will be appreciated.

[Cosmo.]

I shall change a bit the biography and add a limit to the powers. (Even though, i think i specified that the ones that are contininously active drain power constantly based on their power(or maybe i didn't.....))

 

 

Fixedy-fixed

[mitchermitcher]

Saw this a while ago but had to do something else until now. Revised the app a wee bit. For the apathy part, I didn't realize I made him look that empty as an actual character. He's empty and directionless but Kira does act cheerful and tries not to ruin the mood. Either way, all I can say is do trust me to not make him a bore to interact with in the RP.

 

As for his thoughts toward becoming an Aethertouched, I tried to add some details in the biography part but it's probably something I'll get a feel for as I write and develop him during the IC. After a while I'll get to typing his character notes and I'll probably expand on that then.

 

The idea for his making someone lighter and lighter until he's immune to Earth's gravity is, rather than say, applying force in the opposite direction to gravity towards a person in order to neutralize the effects of Earth's pull on him, it's instead making him less affected by the Earth's pull despite having mass until he is completely unaffected, as if he's in space. It does however mean that Earth's spin and orbit probably wouldn't pull him along now that you point that out. I really dunno how to fix it except handwave it as 'le magic' or get started on studying the physics of it so...I dunno, le magic I guess.

[👀 REP 👀]

Alright, I made a huge overhaul to the Bio, along with minor tweeks all-around to fit the new Bio. This should fix most (if not all) of the issues.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

 

Gareth (Sonic): Shonen protagonist, in personality, biography, and how these translate into the character’s abilities. All look quite fine, didn’t see anything complain-worthy. Flight’s a great ability to have.

Gareth (Ciaossunic) - Typical shounen character, not really anything wrong, but sort of bland. Solid app for what it is though. Also the fact that this RP is basically asking for cliches makes the shounen thing a little better.

Exactly what I expected and hoped for. Can’t wait to see him steal the show.

 

Love you guys too! xD

 

And bland, Neph? Oh man...I must be slipping then! xD

[Aix]

Essentially, how the power will play out is that any attack Masahiko witnesses will be buffed or debuffed. It's possible that the debuff will be pretty large, but I don't see that as too likely in most cases and in cases where it matters. Sort of edited some to make it more clear.