RocketWarrior Posted April 7, 2008 Report Share Posted April 7, 2008 How do u spell oricalcosCharacters: mikey, moastafa, bennet and jackSide Characters : jazz, thomas and miss dear (Teacher) Chapter 1 Intro: It was a week until mikeys B-Day he was having a non hologram duel with his best friend bennet ' Flame Swordsman attack bennet directly end this duel ' Shouted mikey' U win mike i gotta go home for dinner see you at your party ' said bennet' Bye ' waved mikey' oh man i cant wait untill we get our duel disks on my birthday for the tournament 'mikey opend a magazine and reads that yugi has gone missing by a strange flash of green light One week later...Mikeys friends arrive ( Characters at top except teacher )They begin there friend tournamentFirst duel Thomas vs mikey Chapter 2 Extreme tournament Duel! ' i summon Rocket warrior Blue and now i activate polomorezationFusing My blue rocket warior and my yellow one to summon rocket warrior green 2300 attack 2500 defense and play two face downs i end my turn' said mikey' i summon lord of d and i activate flute of summoning dragonssoo i special summon curse of dragon and red eyes black dragon now red eyes attack rocket warrior green' Shouted thomas' I activate a trap mirror force now its my turn i fuse my rocket warrior yellow 2# with my rocket warrior red to summon rocket warrior orange2500/2100 ( main card )Now my rocket warriors attack Yes i win sorry thomas ' said mikey'its ok ill go get some snacks and watch the next duel ' said thomss Next duel Jazz's machine deck vs moastafas Beat down deck Suddenly kaiba appeared on a big screen a big screen on every streetkaiba was planing all schools except duel acadeamy' guys i guess well do the tournament later ' said mikeyyou guys stay here me and moastafa will sort this outmoastafa was one of of mikeys best friend he was the only duel;iyst that could beat him once they arried at kaibacorp there was thousands of diggers and recking balls' You two i see your duelists duel me and i wont destroy your school ' Shouted kaiba Mikey and moastafa acceaptedsuddenly mikey had dissapearedmoastafa had no choice but to duel kaiba on his own!DUEL!meanwhile mikey landed in his school he was in class then he saw himself with a green circle on his head it was then that he thought he was dreaming he ran into the playground of the school only too see slifer the sky dragon card he picked it up then it flyed into his deckwhere kaiba and moastafa was time had stopped soo no matter how long mikey was there nothing would changehe then saw a golden stick he then renembered it from school in his histroy bookthe millenium roda figure came he had blue hair it was yami bakuraduel me and i will give you the millenium rod if not then i can use it too rule the world soo he had no choice duel or losse the world and be stuck in his dream area Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted April 7, 2008 Report Share Posted April 7, 2008 It's spelled Orichalcos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careless Whisper Posted April 7, 2008 Report Share Posted April 7, 2008 hmm, this is how you spell Orichalcos. And not bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted April 7, 2008 Report Share Posted April 7, 2008 Not bad at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RocketWarrior Posted April 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 k 2 more replys for chapter 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 Sorry for deleting my post, just didn't think I needed it anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RocketWarrior Posted April 12, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2008 Bump! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted April 12, 2008 Report Share Posted April 12, 2008 [sarcasm]hmm' date=' this is how you spell Orichalcos. And not bad.[/quote'] Not bad at all.[/sarcasm] Seriously, people could use this for examples on how to not write a story. You have serious flaws in spelling, grammar, and general storytelling.I'm telling you this because I want you to become better. The story itself - the part of it that's readable - has potential. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RocketWarrior Posted April 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2008 im only young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 19, 2008 Report Share Posted April 19, 2008 "Only young?" I'm twelve, and look at Exovarcéôs. The story is fail. The plot is okay, but the story is epic fail. (Where's a fail-in-a-can when you need one?) Try to at least write with good grammar. Spell check helps. You need far more character development. A chapter should be at least 1500 words. The plot has potential, but you need to convey your message in an understandable way. Concept: 4/6. Pretty cliché, but with a few plot twists, it could be great.Conventions: 1/6. Lousy. The story is barely readable.Genre Maintenance: 2/6. No duels have been described yet, but at least there's one canon character in it.Character Development: 1/6. Completely nonexistent. Tell us what your characters are thinking and feeling.Attention Maintenance: 1/6. The way you describe things is very anticlimactic. Plus, your conventions are so bad you have to try hard to understand what's going on, which is never a good thing.Overall: 3.3/10.0. Serious improvement in description, character development, and conventions is necessary. However, once the story is readable and interesting, it could go far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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