EndUser Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 About an hour ago, I noticed an old picture of me, being 4-5 years old. I looked at it, kept looking at it,... Wow, what memories! The joy I had doing the simplest things, the laugh I could not keep inside me, the honesty and kindness I kindly offered... Years not to be forgotten. (Although, not everyone had good times then, so my apologies for being too hyped up.) Years of no regret. Sadly, those years have slim to no chance of seeing the light any time later. The stimula, the already grown people, the changing environment, the way I think of most things,... So much has taken a toll on me. The desires and comforts I had back then are, at most part, gone. Not from me myself, but from the weigh they had back then. Some, a lot more than the others. At times, all these last years, I've been thinking: Could that hidden child inside me ever be able to break from its chains? If yes, what would the impact be: Me, becoming a "child" and not maturing and going on as I have to? Or the others, feeling sorry they hadn't known me better? Would it matter anyway, though? What I mean is: Do I really know if it's the "mature" me who holds the reins, or the old me who drives me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise? Sure, I had no clue how to pay the bills, use a computer or make food by myself. However, this didn't stop me from helping others, being kind to them and tidying my room a bit. Things that, fortunately, I keep doing. Also, the manners of mine that, strangely enough, are these same "childish" ones! I would dream of toys, heroes and other things that enthused me so much. I would play Nintendo Gameboy, walk around the house for no reason and eat lots of snacks. Most importantly, I would help others and be kind and generous without thinking of it... I've grown up. I can achieve TOO many things - even those I would do back then. Why am I not doing them at the same rate? Did I forget the way? Do I find other things more interesting and better? Or it is because I'm afraid I won't be accepted from the others as equal; because I'll be acting as "a child"? I have responsibilities and duties. A face to show and respect to gain. A school to finish and an income to ensure. And... a lost child who tries to find a way to escape in agony, who wants to rise again, who wants to tear apart all the burdens and shitty stuff and make me feel relaxed and happy. Relaxed from the stress of my surroundings. Happy for doing what I can best. TL;DR Something you can spare some moments to read, to understand me, to understand yourselves. You all had a childhood, you all have changed through time. Or haven't you...? Have you abandoned the dreams and joys of the child inside you? Are you struggling to let it out but it's too difficult? Have you found an harmony between your desires and beliefs then and now? ... The questions can keep coming, but I can't spend an entire paragraph for them. I must have already informed you and triggered you enough to have something to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halubaris Maphotika Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 About an hour ago, I noticed an old picture of me, being 4-5 years old. I looked at it, kept looking at it,... Wow, what memories! The joy I had doing the simplest things, the laugh I could not keep inside me, the honesty and kindness I kindly offered... Years not to be forgotten. (Although, not everyone had good times then, so my apologies for being too hyped up.) Years of no regret. Sadly, those years have slim to no chance of seeing the light any time later. The stimula, the already grown people, the changing environment, the way I think of most things,... So much has taken a toll on me. The desires and comforts I had back then are, at most part, gone. Not from me myself, but from the weigh they had back then. Some, a lot more than the others. At times, all these last years, I've been thinking: Could that hidden child inside me ever be able to break from its chains? If yes, what would the impact be: Me, becoming a "child" and not maturing and going on as I have to? Or the others, feeling sorry they hadn't known me better? Would it matter anyway, though? What I mean is: Do I really know if it's the "mature" me who holds the reins, or the old me who drives me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise? Sure, I had no clue how to pay the bills, use a computer or make food by myself. However, this didn't stop me from helping others, being kind to them and tidying my room a bit. Things that, fortunately, I keep doing. Also, the manners of mine that, strangely enough, are these same "childish" ones! I would dream of toys, heroes and other things that enthused me so much. I would play Nintendo Gameboy, walk around the house for no reason and eat lots of snacks. Most importantly, I would help others and be kind and generous without thinking of it... I've grown up. I can achieve TOO many things - even those I would do back then. Why am I not doing them at the same rate? Did I forget the way? Do I find other things more interesting and better? Or it is because I'm afraid I won't be accepted from the others as equal; because I'll be acting as "a child"? I have responsibilities and duties. A face to show and respect to gain. A school to finish and an income to ensure. And... a lost child who tries to find a way to escape in agony, who wants to rise again, who wants to tear apart all the burdens and shitty stuff and make me feel relaxed and happy. Relaxed from the stress of my surroundings. Happy for doing what I can best. TL;DR Something you can spare some moments to read, to understand me, to understand yourselves. You all had a childhood, you all have changed through time. Or haven't you...? Have you abandoned the dreams and joys of the child inside you? Are you struggling to let it out but it's too difficult? Have you found an harmony between your desires and beliefs then and now? ... The questions can keep coming, but I can't spend an entire paragraph for them. I must have already informed you and triggered you enough to have something to say.Jesus, way to hit me in the feels bro. I have some Amnesia and I don't remember a lot of my childhood, my mom says I never liked having pictures taken of me, so those things are pretty few. I don't know what that child was like, but I damn sure hope he was happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azure Wolf Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I honestly can't remember from most of my childhood, and have real reason to want to, from what I can remember is that it was sort of boring, though current events may make it feel like that. Still I have actually changed a bit. I use to be more outgoing and actually playing with out people, and making friends. Now I just sort of sit inside and use internet, have been going out with classmates now though after classes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I can remember about 3 events from before I was 5 in decent clarity, otherwise I just remember waking up one morning and suddenly being very concious of everything from then on. Which kinda sucked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndUser Posted October 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I can't argue your difficulty to remember guys, but don't you have something, ANYTHING, to remind you of then?Old tapes, photo albums, your parents or relatives...? (besides Paragon, who already explained) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I don't especially desire to recall my childhood. It wasn't bad, aside from being bullied for like a good 7 years of it, it just wasn't exciting either. If I'm ever going to want to recall anything, it'll be things that have happened within the past 5 years, because those things have done much more to change who I am. And I don't really need photo's to remind me; My memory is really good, so I can recall a lot off the top of my head, or with some minor stimuli EDIT; That's not to say I dislike who I used to be. In a lot of ways, I envy him. I just am who I am now as a result of those 5 years, and thus those are the important ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azure Wolf Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I just see no reason to remember them. The only video I have from when I was younger I want removed from the internet. I haven't talked to anyone from my primary school in years and only one person from secondary as they're in the same class as me. After I turned 16 I swore to redo my life. Stop skipping school, and just generally make my life better, so the way I saw to do that was to just forget about previous experiences, and rebuild from the ground up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guardsman Sly Marbo Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Myself 7 years ago and myself now are two completely different people.God I hate old me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I find I'm a different person in some way every couple years or so to be honest. I'm very different from when I was a child though I still get excited over similarly stupid things XD However like a lot here I don't remember my childhood much. Honestly I barely remember things besides random events and such from 5 years ago and beyond. I'm not sure I want to remember my childhood cause what I remember is somewhat positive besides some especially negative things. But my parents both are...well they have issues and my former step-dad was a horrible beast so it's quite possible I don't want to remember. I do remember playing with a lot of cats and dogs, that was good. *pets my dog who happens to be laying next to me* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sethera Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I have vivid memories of my childhood and I miss it. I was a much better person in a lot of ways then than I am now. Less jaded, more optimistic, I loved freely and had no problems making friends with any stranger on the street. I believed in people, and trusted. Sure, I was also more spoiled and a bit careless, but yeah...overall I was purer and better in a lot of ways. I suppose, as one of the threads showed me, I'm still very much that person, and I've always been "the gullible one" in my friend groups, but much less so than I used to be. Tbh, though I'm relieved I still haven't lost that aspect of myself, I'm also dismayed. I don't want to turn into a bitter person, but I also don't want to destroy myself after being taken advantage of one too many times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King K. Azo Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 Well, considering I spent a good majority of my childhood being beaten, made fun of, molested, straight up raped at one point, having all his art defaced, being called stupid, having immense pressure put on me to succeed, accused of raping a girl, and wondering if I will get another meal... No. I hate my childhood and teen years. I hope to never relive it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 I wish I could tell young me something. I wish I could tell him that "Older you is gonna be just fine. You have fun, try not to let your bullies wear you down, through those punches back, and keep on trucking. Things get so much better." Otherwise, damn, my childhood was great. Perhaps a bit sheltered, but I'm never gonna complain about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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