A Confession And A Set of Apologies

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

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Literally this, it took the words right out of my mouth.  I don't know or care who you are and will never give a f***.  You're a f***ing a******.  Seriously.  You're a goddamn loser, which you apparently already know.  You cared so much about what some people on the internet think and needed so much fake ass validation that you FAKED SUICIDE.  You have issues.  I know PLENTY of people with actual depression, and suffered myself from both depression AND rampant drug use for a year and a half.  Never once did I, or anyone else with these issues, do something like that.  Using your "issues" like those & your supposed Aspergers & ADHD to make excuses and gain attention makes me doubt everything you say.  Don't say you don't want attention, you f***ing crave it like a newborn puppy.  Maybe some of your friends think you're genuine but I see through f***s like you from miles away.  

 

My grandfather, friend, and cousin have all committed suicide within the past 3 years and I can't tell you how f***ing horrible that feeling is.  It's awful.  It's something you never stop thinking about, and it's traumatic in ways unexplainable.  To think you faked something like that and could have possibly done that to someone else just tells me you're a whore for the attention.  You care little about other's feelings, only how they view you.  You're lightweight sociopathic, and it makes me f***ing furious.

 

4 Years ago I would have said go jump off a bridge, but in light of my own tragedies I've stopped saying s*** like that to anyone.  Instead, I'll say go see a f***ing therapist.

 

EDIT:  And too mods, give me all the warnings, y'all know I give 0 shits about warnings and bans.  I wasn't gonna downplay this b**** s***.

Oh look, someone who wasn't affected by it in anyway claiming to know anything about it. You admit not knowing them then claim they're making up s***? Let me tell you a very very important bit of information.

Not everyone is the same. That's it, not everyone who has certain issues is affected or deal with it the same way. Simple as that.

 

I find it hilarious you claim you see through "his s***" and that you know better than people who actually know him, like, how does that even work? Please.

 

Yeah they have issues, yeah they should get it fixed, but you have literally no right to say the rest of that s***.

 

It honestly just looks like "You are making up your problems because I think so" and that's kinda twisted.

[Guardsman Sly Marbo]

This thread only serves to remind me that, even in times that seem inescapable, there are a few asshats who really couldn't give a damn. Next time lads, don't f*cking post, because as someone with Aspergers, I know what trauma can do to your brain. Doctors can tell you anything they want but nothing beats experience firsthand.

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

As you probably know already, by doing whatever you did (fake your death, use the Queen persona as your own and finally reappearing a few days ago), you betrayed the trust of a good amount of the members who believed in you, and felt sorry that you had passed on.

 

This is also not counting some of the incidents elsewhere, which we've discussed in PMs over the past couple days.

 

Like I told you privately, I suggest you try to make amends with these members and rebuild your relationship with them.

It will not be easy, considering the situation you've created with your fake death and sudden reappearance.

 

At least you owned up to it, and that does take a good amount of courage to do, but again, you have a long road ahead of you trying to restore the relationships with other members who were close to you. 

 

I suppose that because I don't associate with people IRL much anyway, I wasn't too shocked at the news.

Granted, I felt a bit of sympathy for you ("Queen"), but not over reacting,

 

Now, with your reveal, I'm not angry about it, but it wasn't a good idea to claim that you suddenly died, and out of the blue, reappear a month or so later.

 

At least you're fine and well, but you should continue to keep your depression and other things in check.

We don't want this sort of incident to happen again, and I know you don't want to either. 

['tyleR]

Post.

 

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I am affected by sheet like someone faking a suicide for undeniably idiotic reasons.  It strikes a nerve, that's all the effect I need.  I know a fuckton about suicide and it's effect on people.  I don't care if you got issues, everyone does, I got a lot of them.  To fake something so serious is enraging.  It's insulting.  I don't give a funk about your blindness, I don't give a funk if he has aspergers or ADHD or if he's depressed.  That's low as dirt & it's pretty easy looking at it from the outside as someone who, like you said, is not directly involved to see it's some plain as day attention seeking.  

 

Everyone deals with sheet differently, I never said they didn't, I'm just saying doing that to deal with whatever issues he may or may not be going through is insulting as funk.  This is how I deal with my anger, get the funk over it.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

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I am affected by s*** like someone faking a suicide for undeniably idiotic reasons.  It strikes a nerve, that's all the effect I need.  I know a f***ton about suicide and it's effect on people.  I don't care if you got issues, everyone does, I got a lot of them.  To fake something so serious is enraging.  It's insulting.  I don't give a f*** about your blindness, I don't give a f*** if he has aspergers or ADHD or if he's depressed.  That's low as dirt & it's pretty easy looking at it from the outside as someone who, like you said, is not directly involved to see it's some plain as day attention seeking.  

 

Everyone deals with s*** differently, I never said they didn't, I'm just saying doing that to deal with whatever issues he may or may not be going through is insulting as f***.  This is how I deal with my anger, get the f*** over it.

Like, see, even that would've been better than what you posted. Thinking it's horrible and it striking a nerve is understandable. Just don't think it's right to straight up say you know they're lying/not having the issues they say/etc just cause of your own experience.

 

And if that's how you deal with anger, you probably need to get some help too honestly.

[Just Crouton]

Oh...

 

Well, at least no one's dead.

['tyleR]

Like, see, even that would've been better than what you posted. Thinking it's horrible and it striking a nerve is understandable. Just don't think it's right to straight up say you know they're lying/not having the issues they say/etc just cause of your own experience.

 

And if that's how you deal with anger, you probably need to get some help too honestly.

 

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Well, let's see, 3 accounts, multiple lies to keep up said accounts, a fake suicide, a supposed forcing of confession, etc.  

 

Yeah, multiple lies = me seeing through some bullshit.  My bad, I used logic.  Experience is everything, you learn from experience.  I have experienced a lot of people like this, although none of them have stooped to that level.  

 

And thanks, I'm in therapy it's pretty fun.  Shoulda seen me a year ago.  This is peas in comparison to what coulda happened then.  But then again this is the internet so I wouldn't have been able to physically assault him.

 

& honestly the only reason it's worded so calmly to you is because I have nothing against you.  You have done nothing.  He's an jabroni.  I don't have any obligation to be calm towards bastards.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

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Well, let's see, 3 accounts, multiple lies to keep up said accounts, a fake suicide, a supposed forcing of confession, etc.  

 

Yeah, multiple lies = me seeing through some bullshit.  My bad, I used logic.  Experience is everything, you learn from experience.  I have experienced a lot of people like this, although none of them have stooped to that level.  

 

And thanks, I'm in therapy it's pretty fun.  Shoulda seen me a year ago.  This is peas in comparison to what coulda happened then.  But then again this is the internet so I wouldn't have been able to physically assault him.

Well I mean. It's pretty obvious he did bad but like...the logic fails when you start making assumptions when you just know the basic idea. If you're not open to things that defy your current set of experiences you're gonna be for a rough time.

 

Ah, I see. Well good for you, honestly, glad to hear things are getting better for ya.

['tyleR]

Well I mean. It's pretty obvious he did bad but like...the logic fails when you start making assumptions when you just know the basic idea. If you're not open to things that defy your current set of experiences you're gonna be for a rough time.

 

Ah, I see. Well good for you, honestly, glad to hear things are getting better for ya.

 

 

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It's not assumption that he is a liar.  The logic doesn't fail.  Either way, assuming something doesn't mean there is no logic behind the assumption.  It's perfectly logical to connect the dots and assume a reasonable conclusion. 

I'm open, and there are things that have defied my experiences before.  I'm just skeptic & it has served me well for the most part & I find a lot of times I'm right.  Not saying I'm always right, but it has done well for me.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

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It's not assumption that he is a liar.  The logic doesn't fail.  Either way, assuming something doesn't mean there is no logic behind the assumption.  It's perfectly logical to connect the dots and assume a reasonable conclusion. 

I'm open, and there are things that have defied my experiences before.  I'm just skeptic & it has served me well for the most part & I find a lot of times I'm right.  Not saying I'm always right, but it has done well for me.

I can understand that. Honestly a lot of what you said does make some sense.

Mostly kinda felt you were being unreasonable with the first post, which now I see all the reason for. I just...don't want someone who may be still on a tipping point to suddenly get thrown "Your issues aren't real" or such at them which is how it read to me.

[Guardsman Sly Marbo]

Yes, he lied, we get it.

He apologized, whaddya want him to do? Backflips?

[Dwarven King]

Hello Darkness! I do believe this is the first encounter I have ever had with you, though I do have poor memory.

 

At any rate, allow me to start off with saying how happy I am to know that nobody is actually hurt. I despise bad news and seeing people hurt. I also understand that you are having a rough time. Sadly, you will still end up losing favor with quite a few people. *shrugs* It happens man. Every action has a equal, and opposite reaction.

 

However, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. So here is me hoping you learn from this experience and better yourself while moving forward in life. And if you ever need anything, my PM is always open to everybody. Also, listen to Sakura. He knows what he is doing.

[Night]

There's a lot of anger and lamenting going on in this thread, neither points are invalid, both are just sad really.

 

Yeah what you did was really shitty. You funked with peoples emotions for self gain. Don't downplay it as doing something "stupid," it was just funking greedy, that's it. God forbid you don't get any attention on the funking internet, it's literally irrelevant.

 

You won't get any sympathy from me, I do however hope you have people around you who can help you through this.That's not me giving a funk about you personally, that's just what I would want for anyone going through depression because like many others I've struggled with it myself. Difference being, we don't use that as a way to manipulate others into making us feel better about ourselves. That's just disrespectful to said people and to everyone else struggling with these issues.

 

However, that's not to say that you're not hurting just as much as myself or anyone else. 

Get help and get better.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Not everyone has an Ice heart mate. Regardless how you felt about yourself, you stayed around as Queen and your credibility is worth less than Greek currency at the moment. I'm not sad or angry, not because I'm ok with what you did, but because I can't feel those emotions. You have a lot to fix.

 

Jeez mate, I got fed up with this place for a while too, just take a few months off and clear your head, if it's better come back. If you were really going through a tough time you should have wanted company, not watched all the sheet go down as Queen and continue as normal.

 

Dissapointed mate, all I can say.

 

It's as night said, glad you're not rotting in some alley, too many good people are dying every day already, but you're not gonna get any sympathy from me cause of how insensitive this was to those of us who actully lost somone.

[ihop]

your credibility is worth less than Greek currency at the moment.

 

that metaphor would've been so much better if the Greek currency wasn't the Euro

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

that metaphor would've been so much better if the Greek currency wasn't the Euro

Just realized that haha. Ugh idk. German Mark maybe. The point stands.

[J-Max]

Wait.... I have seen members post as two different Persona's in one account (Such as with different colours for each person), but to actually take on a completely different Persona and act it out?) I understand that you suffer from despression but a split persoality does not spread to typing on the Internet. You knew full well that you were taking on the Persona of another member and I am sorry but you don't get my sympathy.

 

Its like people who say make a Youtube Video and then create multiple accounts just to comment on it. Or someone who sends Birthday Cards to themselves. Its just plain creepy... :/ 

 

EDIT: Wait a minute.... Just read a few more posts and you said your other Persona had DIED!? Low blow.... There's fishing for attention and there is this. You should be ashamed of yourself.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Wait.... I have seen members post as two different Persona's in one account (Such as with different colours for each person),

What kind of loser does that?

Sorry couldn't resist the joke.

 

 

Anyway I would like to make clear I don't condone what was done at all, and I think that it was really, really, shitty. I guess I'm just the type that wants to believe the best in someone or something idfk. And believe that people can make up for mistakes and blah blah too tired to get too into this XD

[mitchermitcher]

Wait.... I have seen members post as two different Persona's in one account (Such as with different colours for each person), but to actually take on a completely different Persona and act it out?) I understand that you suffer from despression but a split persoality does not spread to typing on the Internet. You knew full well that you were taking on the Persona of another member and I am sorry but you don't get my sympathy.

 

Its like people who say make a Youtube Video and then create multiple accounts just to comment on it. Or someone who sends Birthday Cards to themselves. Its just plain creepy... :/ 

 

EDIT: Wait a minute.... Just read a few more posts and you said your other Persona had DIED!? Low blow.... There's fishing for attention and there is this. You should be ashamed of yourself.

It's not a split personality problem he's faced. The reason he pulled what he did was because he wanted a new identity for people to perceive him with. It's not the same as the examples you've mentioned. It's more like creating a new Youtube channel without associating it with your old one.

 

He killed off 'DeVille of Darkness' because he's found that his alternate identity as Queen was receiving more, and more positive attention. When your fake self that you created on a whim is more accepted than your actual self, that really pulls your self esteem down.

[J-Max]

It's not a split personality problem he's faced. The reason he pulled what he did was because he wanted a new identity for people to perceive him with. It's not the same as the examples you've mentioned. It's more like creating a new Youtube channel without associating it with your old one.

 

He killed off 'DeVille of Darkness' because he's found that his alternate identity as Queen was receiving more, and more positive attention. When your fake self that you created on a whim is more accepted than your actual self, that really pulls your self esteem down.

Sounds like my phase when I was being extremely Ecchi just for people to like me. Now you put it that way, I can understand a bit more. Still cant forgive the whole Suicide thing though/

[Simping For Hina]

What kind of loser does that?

Sorry couldn't resist the joke.

 

 

Anyway I would like to make clear I don't condone what was done at all, and I think that it was really, really, shitty. I guess I'm just the type that wants to believe the best in someone or something idfk. And believe that people can make up for mistakes and blah blah too tired to get too into this XD

There is no best in a person if they haven't made up for mistakes.

 

Darkness has done nothing in effort to make up for anything prior, if he is doing anything now. A confession does nothing. An apology does nothing. These methods are sheet because it is for the composure of everyone else, while avoiding the actual problem here. Darkness is not doing anything for himself by talking about it and by replying here. And he hasn't been, which is a good thing. If you're looking for the good or the best in people, but you're not trying to get them to that point, then your effort is in vain as well. This mentality is a joke, and I am a person who only has this mentality. But I also know that if a person has problems such as this, then they don't have a best side to themselves and trying to defend (or give it the benefit of the doubt) something that doesn't exist is simply foolish.

It's not a split personality problem he's faced. The reason he pulled what he did was because he wanted a new identity for people to perceive him with. It's not the same as the examples you've mentioned. It's more like creating a new Youtube channel without associating it with your old one.

 

He killed off 'DeVille of Darkness' because he's found that his alternate identity as Queen was receiving more, and more positive attention. When your fake self that you created on a whim is more accepted than your actual self, that really pulls your self esteem down.

Understand why it was receiving more feedback, Queen was a new member that was simply doing a lot more in service while Darkness was already a member we have come to respect. It isn't about being more accepted, but trying to get someone new to fit in while Darkness was already a part of this community and didn't need to receive appreciation at all times because he was already respected, and he took that for granted because of the "new kid" effect.

 

When people are comfortable with you, they stop seeing you as a new product and they take you in as part of a community, not something to be on display that people need to get used to and vice versa.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

There is no best in a person if they haven't made up for mistakes.

 

Darkness has done nothing in effort to make up for anything prior, if he is doing anything now. A confession does nothing. An apology does nothing. These methods are s*** because it is for the composure of everyone else, while avoiding the actual problem here. Darkness is not doing anything for himself by talking about it and by replying here. And he hasn't been, which is a good thing. If you're looking for the good or the best in people, but you're not trying to get them to that point, then your effort is in vain as well. This mentality is a joke, and I am a person who only has this mentality. But I also know that if a person has problems such as this, then they don't have a best side to themselves and trying to defend (or give it the benefit of the doubt) something that doesn't exist is simply foolish.

I strongly disagree and think that way of thinking is plain incorrect.

Don't assume I'm doing nothing besides posting here. That's not for your eyes though, just Darkness'. Plus you seem to be under some kind of assumption that Darkness himself has only confessed and apologized and isn't going to try to get more to make up for it. I don't get where you're getting that idea from.

And it's weird, to me, to think that people with problems such as these don't have a "best side". That's essentially giving up on someone and I am not about to do that. I don't really care if you think it's stupid, if you have a negative opinion on me for that it's not really my problem.

[Simping For Hina]

I know simply that Darkness is talking to friends and unspecified help, also getting a therapist. And that is a start, but only a stepping stone. And he needs to do as much as he can to fix himself, while not trying to prove himself and rehashing our disapproval of him. If our comfort with him was a problem, think about what he must be dealing with as he reads all of what we have to say. That isn't going to go over well, either. He shouldn't even waste his time here. Any time wasted on here is a waste of good time and effort. The best a person can do is better themselves, not prove themselves. What Darkness has done here is try to correct himself for the sake of everyone else, and defines it as being forced to. You're doing more for yourself than Darkness is because you use this place to try and rid yourself of thoughts, while this place is where Darkness is trying to put himself back into that spot under different circumstances. You and him are in different situations, not comparable by the actions put forward.

[J-Max]

I know simply that Darkness is talking to friends and unspecified help. Any time wasted on here is a waste of good time and effort. The best a person can do is better themselves, not prove themselves. What Darkness has done here is try to correct himself for the sake of everyone else, and defines it as being forced to. You're doing more for yourself than Darkness is because you use this place to try and rid yourself of thoughts, while this place is where Darkness is trying to put himself back into that spot under different circumstances. You and him are in different situations, not comparable by the actions put forward.

Couldn't agree more. I often come on YCM myself to get away from the outside world and to chat with like minded people and guys and girls I call friends. I do have my Fiance Ashley to think about as well now but just the thought that the members here are always there to lend a ear in times of need or talk about the good things in life makes me happy.

[Azure Wolf]

Well didn't really know you, but if you need someone to talk to I am there. Haven't actually thought of suicide myself, seeing it as pointless and does more harm than good and while it does cure depression it can just cause more.

 

Still masquerading as someone else and lying about committing suicide isn't something you should do as it can pain the people who know you. Coming back afterwards is worse. Trust is important and by lying about suicide and then coming back has destroyed that trust, making it harder for people to actually believe you if you are going to properly commit suicide.

 

Putting up another persona when you think one thing can just destroy the people close to you, leading to more pain and suffering and just completing the circle.

 

Also just going to put up something my brother said as inspiration.

 

 

I've been thinking this for a while now and have finally decided to say it before I forget again.

You may or may not know that until earlier this year I was dealing with serious depression. There were some points where I had suicidal thoughts daily. But I managed to get past my problems, and want to get a message out to anyone reading this how feels life isn't worth living or anyone you know who you think is suffering from depression.

Find a dream.
I spent five years of my life just going along with what people told me I was good at, I never thought for a moment what I myself wanted to do with my life, so I just followed suggestions and blindly moved forward day by day.
It was when I finally got to a stage where I truly believe I was at breaking point that I realized what I was missing. When I actually thought about what I wanted to do and realized that it wasn't impossible, it turned my life around. I found my dream.
It doesn't matter if it doesn't seem like something you'd be good at, you can always get better. It doesn't matter if other people think you should be doing something else, it's YOUR dream and anyone who really cares about you will support you in it.
Just make sure you're doing what you want to in life, don't go ahead with what people tell you you should do and spend you're life in a place you don't want to be.
Find a dream.
That's all it might take to make your life worth living again.