Having/Not having a girlfriend/boyfriend: the impact to your lives

[EndUser]

  I don't doubt having one is great. However, some of us (admittedly) don't have one.

 

1) For those who do: Do you think your life would be worse, emptier, meaningless or whatever, if you didn't have one?

2) For those who don't: Does it affect you negatively or you just keep going and are fine?

 

  If it's hard to answer with specific words, you can answer roughly speaking (i.e. how does it affect you in general).

 

  Those who have broken up may not say a word if they don't feel like it. (Breaking up means they lost the person they wanted, or something went wrong, so their feelings can be mixed and confusing). Although, I won't mind if you do.

 

 

 

  Here's something to start things up:

I don't have one. I'd love to, but I can't (for silly, yet harsh reasons). Whenever I think of it, I sometimes feel bad. However, I don't give up and continue doing what I've been doing all along. Although not having good social skills (+1 reason for the absence), I'm very friendly and can be open and ok with many people and situation. Thing is, a girlfriend would make my life a lot better (since I like caring. And for other reasons of course).

[Rodrigo]

I've never had a girlfriend and I've never felt the need to. I'm completely satisfied with how my life has been so far. I don't know how it'll be if/when I start dating someone, and I'm not necessarily looking forward to having this experience, but I'm not completely opposed to it.

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

Right now, I technically don't, although not bothered by it much.

Although I don't have to worry about breakups and stuff like that, so there's one good thing.

 

Having one might make me feel less lonely though, although I'm in no rush for it. 

 

Would rather find a girlfriend who doesn't want me to buy her everything, and then ditch me at a later date for another guy.

Or someone who can accept my character traits and stuff.

 

I'll find one eventually, but otherwise not bothered.

[Aerion Brightflame]

I probably need to be in one for various reasons, but I also know I shouldn't because I would just slowly and surely poison and degrade the relationship to the point where it just collapses. 

 

Or at least that's what I've convinced myself of a lot of the time. 

 

In all seriousness, I'm staying away from relationships hopefully till I'm in a better mental state than I am currently. Because it's a futile attempt otherwise. 

 

Well... that and finding the right person. 

[Simping For Hina]

I like how people only see the good things about dating, but never reflect on the bad things until it happens. I slept around, dated around, and screwed off more people than I would honestly enjoyed. The end result of it all is that I have been screwed over, and have gotten better. Being in a relationship doesn't change your life negatively or positively, but changes everything about it. And there is so much more to it other than caring. I think that people shouldn't look for a relationship in the vague of it, but for a relationship without someone in particular. How I say it is: A relationship won't make your life better because you're more attracted to the idea of dating than being attracted to one person in particular. A relationship with someone special is what will matter more than anything, and that is what makes this part of your life special.

[Thomas★Zero]

I myself don't and am fine since I have a bit of my own free time after work where on my own end. (properly due to lack of experience saying this) feel it can be a little bit high maintenance where you need to balance keep the partner happy while being able to do your own things (outside of work) otherwise it can breakdown or on the other side if you can get along with your partner in the good way it might end out alright.

 

Still for me am alright without one for myself as I mentioned before with having your own free time, though if something happens to click the girlfriend concept well...

 

...it happens.

[EndUser]

  I'm actually happy that many are you who aren't bothered, or not affected negatively, by not having a girlfriend (this, because all of you are guys so far; same goes for girls too).

 

I probably need to be in one for various reasons, but I also know I shouldn't because I would just slowly and surely poison and degrade the relationship to the point where it just collapses. 

  Being in one is a responsibility for both of you. You're not the only one who should be burdened by it.

Also yeah, not being in one because you feel it won't go well is a safe move; you should be ready for this, however "love is blind", so....  ;)

 

I slept around, dated around, and screwed off more people than I would honestly enjoyed.

 

 there is so much more to it other than caring.

 

A relationship with someone special is what will matter more than anything, and that is what makes this part of your life special.

  The first sentense is what I want to avoid at all costs... Of course there's more to be in relationship with another person for the sake of it. Caring has a meaning then as well.

[Simping For Hina]

I love the fact that I didn't avoid it.

 

Everything has a meaning in a relationship, and you shouldn't separate one part of it from another.

[Makο]

I would like a relationship. I don't know how to go about getting one.

 

I'm a very lonely guy. I'd like the companionship.

[Tourmaline]

I see absolutely no need to get into a relationship (especially not for myself) and have zero desire for one, especially considering the best that there is for me comes from the self. It is not a thing that takes emotional strength as much as a far enough intellectual prowess (though admittedly there are things most could never reach). It would certainly be a nuisance to have someone expect I obligated myself to their well-being when I have goals particularly for myself that will indeed make me happy.

[EndUser]

  So far, noone being in one has shared their thoughts on the matter. Is it so out of your interest to reply, I'm curious.

 

(No need to reply because of this! Just saying....)

 

I would like a relationship. I don't know how to go about getting one.

 

I'm a very lonely guy. I'd like the companionship.

  You're in a forum. Try to enjoy your time here, find things that please you,...

 

Being lonely is different from being alone, by the way. But I understand what you're trying to say; I can't really help but sympathize with you for now.

[Aerion Brightflame]

I mean, I can share my thoughts of when I was in relationships; 

 

My first relationship was with someone who defined my life and who I am. Losing them made me worse as a person. In many many ways. 

My second really didn't mean much, because it wasn't something I intended to mean much. Losing it really didn't affect my life in a bad way, in fact being in it was worse because she just wasn't right for me. 

 

It's really subjective to the specific relationship and the specific person. 

[Susie]

i dont have a girlfriend or boyfriend and neither do i really plan on actually getting one as of now, i just feel its a bit too early for me to be having a relationship with someone, im not interested, i really dont feel the need to and im okay without one. i used to have crushes when i was a kid because i thought thats what the "cool kid crowd" did but yeah that didnt really work out very well.

[~British Soul~]

I have never had a girlfriend tbph, and I don't think I'll be getting one anytime soon or at all quite frankly (Most likely due to noone actually wanting to be with me). Honestly I'm fine with this but at the same time I do feel lonely on occasion. I will admit I did have crushes at school, but ofc it was a one-sided affair and I was friends with a few of them anyway.

[VCR_CAT]

Currently single af, and partly due to a really messy break-up I had few years ago. From that experience, I can impart this wisdom:

Being in a relationship is awesome, and having that level of companionship can give go persons a lot of something that you can't really find in another relationship. They're something else and no way should anyone undermine how wonderful they can be.

 

That said, don't let your sense of meaning or happiness hinge on that relationship. Things like that are fundamental to our mental health lives, and putting that much pressure on your partner is unfair for them and can lead to some really bad stuff in the relationship, and especially if it ends. Understand how fantastic a relationship can be and how much it can do for a person; but go into one with a sense of independence and autonomy towards your own self-meaning and mental health. A relationship is a give and take situation; and you need to be prepared to do just as much giving, if not more. 

[Krein]

I'm not currently in a relationship, but I highly doubt that the lack of a girlfriend has affected me in a negative way. I'd honestly say it's been a blessing, since being alone has allowed me to focus on myself, which in turn has made me grow in maturity and self-sufficiency. I don't think I'd know the things I do now, or be the way I am now were it not for the need to find encouragement and strength within myself.

 

On a less philosophical level, being single lets me indulge myself; all my time and resources are my own, and I don't need to worry about stuff like loyalty or whether or not the relationship will last.

 

I have had relationships though, three. The first was online though, so I'm always questioning if I should count it as a relationship or not for that reason. Ironically, I'd say it was the most genuine one out of all of them. Regardless, all of them obviously ended in a breakup for one reason or another, which was rather hurtful. I might not have then, but I do thank God for having allowed the breakups to happen, because it was during these times where I was able to do much of my thinking and self-repairing, which of course eventually culminated into much of the stuff mentioned in the first paragraph.

 

I can't say I DON'T find myself wanting a girlfriend though. I think it would be nice to be with somebody again and perhaps find and experience love in its fullness. At the same time though, the questions of loyalty and whether or not the relationship will last, along with the fact that I feel being in a relationship would humble me and make me vulnerable (taking away the "self-sufficiency"), all dissuade me and make me question if it would be worth it or not. Still, the feeling is there.

[Sethera]

My life has been a rollercoaster in terms of relationships. I've experienced some of my highest and lowest points with them, and I agree with Dae that going into it for the sake of a relationship, rather than the person, is the wrong way of doing it. It's a surefire way to mess it up.

 

More and more I'm just not seeing the point in them, though. At least not for me personally. I've found other things that give my life more meaning and happiness than romantic relationships, and I guess that's just one more way I'm growing up as a person.

[Tentacruel]

I've never had a girlfriend and I've never felt the need to. I'm completely satisfied with how my life has been so far. I don't know how it'll be if/when I start dating someone, and I'm not necessarily looking forward to having this experience, but I'm not completely opposed to it.

This is me, kinda.  On one hand I don't really care, but on the other hand it's super weird when it gets brought up because of societal norms in America.

 

I kinda wish I had tried to date someone at some point just so I could say I did. 

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

I had a girlfriend once. It wasn't a good time.

 

However I am the kind of person who would like to be in a relationship, but only with the right person. I am fine not being in one, I've not been in one for a long time, but if one happens that'd be good.

I don't do well with loneliness. ^^; (mostly why I'm here at all really) But clearly don't need a relationship to fix that.

[epicmemesbro]

I've been single for 19 years (I'm 19 years old). Not being with someone hasn't really affected me through the years not even in high school, although I did like someone, I never tried to purse that. Although since my senior year in highs school some of my friends were in a relationship. From there up until now, I've noticed them and others going through relationship problems over petty reasons and making stupid decisions. I didn't feel bad about this until the spring of this year....life felt less meaningful and more empty. However I came to terms with knowing that I will remain single for a long time and decided to focus on my pursuits and goals. I was back to having a positive outlook on life and being getting closer to my goals however that came of at a cost of becoming misogynistic, I kinda was since high school but it became more apparent. That is another reason why I should not pursue a romantic relationship... Through my years in high school women used me and picked on me >_>...and I kinda don't get along with my mother sometimes. I really don't wish to complicate my life nor getting into necessary drama and being in a romantic relationship causes plenty of that. I also dislike rejection and definitely have no desire to work hard in a relationship just for it to end abruptly. One thing I do not abide by is a trial and error methodology. And being in a relationship has plenty of that. I would rather have been born asexual then have the burden of that instinct to mate -_-. Based on this one can notice that being single for prolonged periods have made me a tad skeptical and snide. I can cope with feeling alone and being lonely...but I don't know for how long. I have made a pact with myself that no matter how desperate or lonely I get I will not try to get with someone since that will most likely result in failure. I also decided that if anyone tries to approach me I will reject said person even if I had a desire to get with that person. Being with someone will slow me down and on top of that it may screw my life up. I don't care if I remain single for life, that's my decision.

[Smesh]

I don't have a girlfriend right now. I've had 2 in the past, and I don't talk to either of my exes anymore and it doesn't bother me. They both crazy.

 

I almost got together with one of my friends, but once college was around the corner she decided she didn't want to really start anything. She only lives an hour away so I mean the s*** could work out, but if she don't want to then oh well, what you gonna do.

 

Being single doesn't really bother me from like a day to day standpoint, but having a girl around really is cool. 

 

i miss titties

[evilfusion]

I've never had a girlfriend or any sort of relationship in that front ever. It was something I've vaguely desired at times, but being a relatively socially awkward person, it was never something I actually gave serious thought to pursuing, and part of my nature includes a necessity to treat things with skepticism to be sure it's not someone baiting for a reaction, so I doubt I'd pursue anything if they came to me instead of vice versa.

 

As I've gotten older, more mature, and more self-aware, I've concluded that I will probably never get married, or have any sort of serious relationship on the basis that I do not like being around people much. I can manage easily in small, isolated doses, but you can't really do that with people, just put them in a box and take them out when you want to socialize with them. As such, I feel I am not equipped to handle a relationship where I am expected, if not personally obligated, to be their shoulder to lean on when they're stressing, or be available to hang out or go on dates, or things like that.

 

Really, I have next to no desire to have a romantic relationship, period, to the point where I currently label myself as borderline asexual just because I can see the appeal to relationships, but view it as something I can ultimately live without.

[mitchermitcher]

As of late the thought of having a significant other's been on my mind a bit too often for my tastes so I guess this is a fitting topic to rant.

 

As expected, I never had a girlfriend. Do I want one? Well, yes. Do I want the emotional problems that come with trying to uphold a relationship? Maybe, if I can overcome it, but probably not. I see myself as being a bachelor until the very end(;_;) and I've accepted that but it would really be nice to find that one girl I can open up to. It does take two to create a world together after all.

 

However I've never been the proactive-type of guy who goes around searching for the right person. I really dunno how to. My idea of love and dating between two people is from romance movies and anime/manga and god knows how terribly removed from reality both of those are, for differing reasons.

 

As for the topic question....well, does it affect me? I can't say that I would have this same mindset that I have right now if I'm in a relationship or if I ever was in one. But at the same time I'm actually kind of fond of my mentality right now and wouldn't change it. It affects me and I'm happy(?) with it.

[Sploda]

To answer the questions posed in the first post, you have to take into account the difference between a normal relationship and a meaningful one. Let me say right now, that all relationships have a purpose and mean something, but when I mean meaningful I say that in a way that it unconsciously affects you as a person in a way you don't notice until it is either pointed out or gone.

 

Having had one of those relationships at one point, I can say that losing such a thing is mentally devastating and can completely change your life. Ignoring the social implications that a breakup always brings, you really do feel "emptier", if at the least only because you now have free time you aren't used to having and don't know what to do with it.

 

That being said, not being in a relationship shouldn't (and in my case doesn't) adversely affect life. I am perfectly capable of achieving my goals and pursuing my dreams without a relationship. Yes the desire for companionship is there, but it's not at the forefront, because self happiness should always come before the happiness of others. If you can't make yourself happy, then no matter how benign your acts are, they aren't going to bring true joy to others. The same goes for relationships. If you aren't happy with yourself when you go into the relationship, then you just end up hurting both parties in the end.

 

But to avoid a full blown rant, Imma stop and summarize and/or simplify my response.

 

1.) Yes losing someone you care about does hurt, and being in a situation where this question applies will more than likely elicit a response along the lines of "I don't want to think of a world with out him/her."

2.) It has no negative effect at all, and if it does then you should probably seek friendship more than a steady relationship, because you're less likely to get hurt or hurt another in that situation.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

I've been in and out of relationships. I can't really take a stance on it, but having someone who cares about me, makes me less likely to do reckless things that will end up hurting them. Relationships basically act a control mechanism on me, as terrible as that may sound