Cheating

[Fusion X. Denver]

What do you guys think about cheating on someone?

Is it the most deplorable thing you can do, is it just a shitty thing that you'll give them crap and move on about, have you done it, or what?

Would you take someone back if they cheated on you, or forgive them?

 

why yes there is a predicament amongst my friends right now (no I wasn't involved)

[Tentacruel]

I don't really date so I couldn't tell you.

 

I'd say it's definitely wrong but definitely not irredeemable. 

[Not-so-Radiant Arin]

As someone that was just cheated on nearly a month ago, cheating is definitely something deplorable. Especially when you gave up everything just to be with that one person and in the end it didn't even matter anyway. And now every time I hear or see that person's name I go insane. Mental. I mean, I gave up EVERYTHING to be with her, and none of our love was even real. She didn't care about me. 

 

In my opinion, you shouldn't be in a relationship if you can't keep your funking pants on.

[evilfusion]

Is it the MOST deplorable thing, no. But it is the ultimate betrayal of trust, and as such, can and SHOULD utterly destroy the relationship. It is possible to be redeemed, but it would be incredibly difficult and could take a long time. Ultimately, it is usually easier to start a new relationship with someone else than to repair one that has been destroyed. Trust is something that should not be taken lightly, because it is a fragile thing that tends to shatter into infinitely small pieces when handled carelessly or recklessly.

[Icy]

I think you worded your opening post wrong. The question lies more in how "open" a relationship is and to what extent. The terms that your partner is comfortable with as well as your own should be one of the first things you bring up. If you or the person you are interested in has a habit of it, take that into consideration. Some people just are really really sexual and get lost in the moment. Make your partner aware or bring it up. If you have some friends you flirt with innocently but are strictly friends, bring it up with your partner and inform said friend.

 

Some things may take time to bring up sure because no terms of agreement are every finalized in a night. Might even take years to bring some to light. It is your life after all, not your partners. And if there is no activity on that front for either sides then there is nothing to be concerned for, provided you are committed to this person and bring it up before you take action.

 

Tl;dr: Bring it up. Every. Time.

[epicmemesbro]

I notice that cheating in a relationship occurs due to lack of communication between the two parties. They appear to avoid discussing complaints to each other openly.

[Sethera]

Depending on the parameters of the relationship and how much you are invested, cheating can matter or not matter. Really, the key is mutual understanding of how you want to take said relationship.

 

For most serious couples though, cheating is usually a sign of stress in the relationship. Perhaps somebody doesn't feel like they're getting what they want, sexually or emotionally, from the relationship, and look for that in somebody else. Perhaps it's because of their personality, that they are the kind of person that strays. Either way, it's not a good thing, and as somebody who has been cheated on, I can say that it hurts a lot. Still, it's good to understand the reasoning behind it, because then you can either take steps to repair the relationship or break it off.

[~NOiSE~]

It doesn't really count as cheating if you both agree to see other people. If it's exclusive between the two of you though, it's a really dick move and a great way to break trust. . 

[Simping For Hina]

I was in a relationship with this girl, she was both depressive and abusive. I said that she needed to stop hitting me. I said that this is over. Her response was that she would kill herself if we broke up. I was 16, turned 17 around the time. It wasn't too long ago, but I am wiser now. I stayed with her because I felt guilty over it instead of going to get her help and me out of the situation. This went on for sometime and I was completely miserable. At a hangout, without her there, I was kind of flirting all over the place with random strangers that my friends just invited. I got to flirting with this one person, and we just talked for like two hours until I made out with him and cheated on my girlfriend. I wasn't proud of it, but I told her the first time I saw her. She ran off crying, slapping me, and kicking me in the nuts (all before running off). I called her to make sure she was okay, then she broke up with me. She mentioned that "If I wanted out of the relationship, I should've just told her". I called her mom afterwards to make sure someone was keeping an eye on her, but I was happy to finally just be out of that relationship, I assume you guys can get the idea why. Even though I cheated, I don't feel too bad about it since it ended up saving me. I don't plan on doing it ever again and if I am in this situation ever again, I will make sure to get her help that isn't me. And to get myself out before anything gets too painful. Just a heads up, though. I cheated at one point.

[- Minimania -]

It's despicable, especially if they aren't aware.

[Agro]

It depends on how much you put into the relationship.

 

For example, I'm selfish and lazy, so when I'm in a relationship, I usually don't put in much more than I would with someone else. I like my space and me time and can get uncomfortable around people if I'm around them for too long or if I need to put in more of my time, effort and resources than I want to. So if I was ever cheated on, I'd probably get depressed that it happened, but I'd probably understand it and wouldn't entirely blame them. Cheating generally happens because the relationship isn't working. It's merely a breakdown of the responsibility of the party that notices to point that factor out.

 

In Summary: I don't really get upset about relationships anymore. If it works, it works and if it doesn't, it doesn't, and it's no one's fault for it. That's just how relationships work. Because of that, I don't think I'd be that upset if someone cheated on me. I'd probably just end the relationship, and if my significant other really wants to get back together, I'd probably consider it, but they'd have to work to regain my trust.

[CLG Klavier]

Eh, you can get over it. Unpopular opinion but I was there so I guess it counts.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Even more unpopular opinion. Humans are not meant to be with one mate, nor is sex anything so coveted that you should lose your sheet over it. Now if they they loved someone else...that's devastating 

[Aerion Brightflame]

I mean, I'm not going to judge people for it, because the odds of me being in a relationship where I am emotionally faithful to my partner is going to be very slim. As in astronomically slim, but that's the kind of person I am. 

 

And emotionally cheating on someone is worse than physically cheating on them. Because one is more personal than the other. Like, if a partner of mine just funked someone else I'd be angry but I'd get over it. If they said they loved someone else, it'd crush me. Assuming I cared for them at least. 

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

Well I will say that while them falling in love with someone else probably feels worse, it's not as bad a thing to do. Because...You can't exactly help it.

[Tourmaline]

Well I will say that while them falling in love with someone else probably feels worse, it's not as bad a thing to do. Because...You can't exactly help it.

 

You can definitely help it. I've done in way too many times.

 

Though I'm at a point where I have zero care for a romantic relationship in the present or distant future with a plethora of hypothetical situations taken into consideration.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

You can definitely help it. I've done in way too many times.

 

Though I'm at a point where I have zero care for a romantic relationship in the present or distant future with a plethora of hypothetical situations taken into consideration.

I'm not sure what you think I'm saying can't be helped, but I don't believe at all that you can help who you fall in love with.

[Tourmaline]

I'm not sure what you think I'm saying can't be helped, but I don't believe at all that you can help who you fall in love with.

 

The particular function that separates humanity from the rest of the animal kingdom is the ability to suppress baser thoughts with unique intellect. Imagine if you could really not help it.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

The particular function that separates humanity from the rest of the animal kingdom is the ability to suppress baser thoughts with unique intellect. Imagine if you could really not help it.

You can not act on it, but being in love is not an action. I didn't say that you couldn't help not acting on the feelings, just that you couldn't help having them.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

I mean, I'm not going to judge people for it, because the odds of me being in a relationship where I am emotionally faithful to my partner is going to be very slim. As in astronomically slim, but that's the kind of person I am. 

 

And emotionally cheating on someone is worse than physically cheating on them. Because one is more personal than the other. Like, if a partner of mine just f***ed someone else I'd be angry but I'd get over it. If they said they loved someone else, it'd crush me. Assuming I cared for them at least. 

Did you and me just agree on something :O

 

There is a fine difference between making love and f***ing

 

The first you cannot share, the second is expendable. A bit radical of a thought maybe

 

Barty, I'm going to disagree with you on this line " I'd be angry "

 

For example, the level of love between my GF and me transcends sex, you can nor should you tie a physical embodiment to love, which is exactly what the word "cheating" does

[Aerion Brightflame]

I mean, it's not us agreeing, we just have similar views. That might sound like me just talking for the sake of not looking like I agree with you, but it is true. I don't place any emphasis on the 'physical' or rather sexual side of a relationship, and I'm pretty comfortable with the idea of being in a platonic relationship. That's not to say I'm asexual or anything, I just don't get anything out of it, thus I don't see the need for it. And for reference, it's not a radical thought that there is a difference between making love and f***ing. That's pretty apparent to a large portion of society. 

 

Thus why if a partner cheated on me sololy in a physical way, then I would only be angry. Angry because it's still a betrayal of my trust, but that's something you can get over, and recover and make a relationship stronger from. 

 

But to say they were cheating on me emotionally? Well that's the very foundations of my relationship with them. That's not just a simple betrayal of trust. It's... a violation of the very foundations of the relationship. And.. .well I can't really phrase it properly, but it's something much harder to forgive and to move on from. 

 

And now, someone reading that might think that makes me a hypocrite, but that's because my position on relationships is that I will go into any but 1 relationship knowing full well it's just a temporary thing, because they aren't the person I actually want to be with. They are simply someone I'll show temporary desire for instead. And that's a little heartless I know, but that's just part of who I am. 

[cr47t]

I don`t know if "cheating" is an appropriate term, because "cheating" is a word that often brings to mind cheating in games and stuff, which is nowhere near as serious (from my point of view) as the kind of "cheating" we`re talking about. It could be viewed from many viewpoints depending if you were doing the "cheating" or was being cheated on, or even if you`re not in the relationship. But if it`s that last one though, it`s not really your buisness. But we`re talking about the general topic and not about a single relationship here. Anyway, depending on how you were involved, or if you were involved in it at all, it can be seen as many things, from betrayal to an unfair failed compromise, to many others.

 

I dont really know much about this kind of topic anyway, so my post above was me half-speaking my mind and half-philosophysing. 

 

It depends on how much you put into the relationship.

 

For example, I'm selfish and lazy, so when I'm in a relationship, I usually don't put in much more than I would with someone else. I like my space and me time and can get uncomfortable around people if I'm around them for too long or if I need to put in more of my time, effort and resources than I want to. So if I was ever cheated on, I'd probably get depressed that it happened, but I'd probably understand it and wouldn't entirely blame them. Cheating generally happens because the relationship isn't working. It's merely a breakdown of the responsibility of the party that notices to point that factor out.

 

In Summary: I don't really get upset about relationships anymore. If it works, it works and if it doesn't, it doesn't, and it's no one's fault for it. That's just how relationships work. Because of that, I don't think I'd be that upset if someone cheated on me. I'd probably just end the relationship, and if my significant other really wants to get back together, I'd probably consider it, but they'd have to work to regain my trust.

Well spoken.

 

There is a fine difference between making love and f***ing

Ah, yes. If only some of the modern media could actually take that into mind.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

And for reference, it's not a radical thought that there is a difference between making love and f***ing. That's pretty apparent to a large portion of society. 

 

The hordes of "slut shamers" would disagree with you

 

I'm confused as to how you said you don't play importance on the physical aspect, but then say it would be a betrayal of trust.

[Aerion Brightflame]

The hordes of "slut shamers" would disagree with you

 

I'm confused as to how you said you don't play importance on the physical aspect, but then say it would be a betrayal of trust.

 

Because society creates this idea that women are not meant to have sexual interests or desires outside of relationships or marriage, or that they aren't sexual beings at all. Thus 'sleeping around' is atypical to the 'expected behavoir' of women, and thus is something that is shamed and ridiculed. It's a double standard, but it's how society functions, and it is gradually changing. 

 

I don't see why it's that odd for me to have that view. Just because I don't give a sheet about actually doing it doesn't mean that for some reason I'd be okay with the idea that they are getting it somewhere else without at least discussing it with me first. Again it's also a construction of societies expectations about relationships that they are meant to be monogamous, thus a violation of that is still a violation of my trust.  And violating my trust is a reason for me to be angry with a person, even if it's just briefly. 

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

Because society creates this idea that women are not meant to have sexual interests or desires outside of relationships or marriage, or that they aren't sexual beings at all. Thus 'sleeping around' is atypical to the 'expected behavoir' of women, and thus is something that is shamed and ridiculed. It's a double standard, but it's how society functions, and it is gradually changing. 

 

I don't see why it's that odd for me to have that view. Just because I don't give a s*** about actually doing it doesn't mean that for some reason I'd be okay with the idea that they are getting it somewhere else without at least discussing it with me first. Again it's also a construction of societies expectations about relationships that they are meant to be monogamous, thus a violation of that is still a violation of my trust.  And violating my trust is a reason for me to be angry with a person, even if it's just briefly. 

Ah we have different situations then. I mean like if she told me I wouldn't care or vice versa.

 

A "open" relationship has had its name dragged thru the dirt and degraded to FWB's