Baest Quest

[elamental hero's]

here is my new fan fic hope you enjoy.

sepron the sea seprent.

 

Welcome to the kingdom of Avantia.i am

Aduro - a good wizard residing in the palace of king

hugo.you join us at a difficult time.let me explain...

it is written in the acient scripts that our peaceful

kingdom shall one day be plunged to peril.

now that time has come.

under the evil spell of malvel the dark wizard,six

beasts - fire dragon,sea sepront,mountain giant,

horse-man,snow monster and flame bird-run wild

and destroy the land they once protected.

avantia is in great danger.

the acient scritps also predict an unlikeley hero.it

is written that a boy shall take up the quest to free

the beasts from the curse and save avantia.

we do not know who this boy is,only that his first time

has come...

we pray our young hero will have the courage and

the heart to take up the quest.will you join us as

we wait and watch?

 

avantia salutes you,

 

aduro

part1 of the proglue

the fishing boat rocked gentley on the

waves.calum loosened the rope and

let down the sail.his father began to

cast out the net,hissing softly

through his teeth as he worked.

"i don't know why we bother,"he grumbled."we haven't caught

any thing for a month!"

"you know what they say,"calum

said."the sea serpent has scared away the fish.:

his father snorted."old wives'

tales! anyway, i thought that sea

serpent was meant to help us."

calum glanced round, shivering

slightly.nothing in it.

"useless,"his father said.

he cast the net out again.as

calum watched it sink into the

depths of the water,he spotted

something happning between the

boat and the shore.it looked as if the

sea was boiling.then it began to

churn angrily,and foam and waves

dashed against the rocks.

"look!" he cried, pointing.

 

To Be Continued

Coming soon part 2 of proglue...

did you like that.

[CrabHelmet]

My eyes bleed.

[Deucalion]

My eyes bleed.

 

Quoted for the truth.

 

Major grammar mistakes, little/no plot, little/no character development, disturbing layout.

 

My advice: Use Spellcheck to check your work. Don't

use

the

enter

button

all

the

time

it

is

difficult

to

read, also, try making the duels flow a little smoother. We need character development as well. What are your characters thinking? Why do they do what they do, etc?

[elamental hero's]

this is a quest not got any duels

[Deucalion]

That's what I mean. This is a YuGiOh fanfic section, so let duels happen slightly more ofteb, or allude to them, or cards, in some way. They should integrate with the story smoothly, hence I said try and let the duels flow.

 

If you don't include duels/Yu-Gi-Oh content, its a good idea to tell people before hand.

[liverpool rule]

yeah it needs to be moved

[elamental hero's]

were to

[elamental hero's]

sorry about the double posting.

part 2 of the proglue

"over

ther!"

His father turned,grabbing the side

of the boat as it started to rock

dangerously.Then,out of the water ros a

monsterous head on a long, slender

neck.It was covered in thick,

rainbow-coloured scales and

barnacles.A golden collar around the

beast's neck glinted in the sunshine,

and a glowing chain stretched from

this down into the water.

"what is it?" calum's father yelled.

calum scrambeled for the rop to

raise the sail,but it was to late.The

beast's neck arched and it's vast head

loomed over the boat.Calum stared

up into huge,furious eyes that

seemed to burn with cold fire.

Choking with terror,he saw the

creature's jaws gape open.It's long,

curving fangs snapped the boat's

mast, and splinters showered down

on father and son like rain.

Sea water slopped over calum as

the boat tilted.Cowering down,

he wrapped his arms over his head

and squeezed his eyes shut,as the

roar of the sea serpent echoed all

around him...

To Be Continued

coming soon chapter 1...

any comments

[Lord monster]

cool bro

[elamental hero's]

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