I have a confession to make...

[Fusion X. Denver]

I miss when Clubs gave you post count. I feel like the drive to rack up my posts was part of what motivated me to be more active and invested with YCM. Seeing that number, dismissed as insignificant to most people, go up filled me with a drive that I wish I still had. Just a few more and I'll be at an even number today, just a week or two more until I hit 20,000 posts, stuff like that served as an ongoing purpose and a gave me a sense of accomplishment every time I hit a landmark.

I don't disagree or even deny some of the legitimate reasons said before in abolishing it and I don't plan on drudging up any kind of campaign to reinstate it, but it's something I wish was still around.

 

Anyways, the actual topic for this thread is to say stuff you want to get off your chest, whether it's IRL or YCM-related. Judgment-free zone, obviously.

[goodfusion]

I too have a confession to make, but I'm not going to tell anyone.

[Mugendramon]

I sometimes wish I got more attention than I do, but it would make me feel horrible to push people into pay attention to me.

[.Rai]

I too have a confession to make, but I'm not going to tell anyone.

yoooo avoid spamming, please. Muchos appreciated.

I wish I had a confession myself to make this post less off-topic, but alas, I cannot contribute in other ways.

[Madsen]

I have ridiculous (and ridiculously regular) mood swings. It fucking kills me. I have no energy to do anything or pay attention to anyone half the time. This entire post is literally the result of my mental state when I'm tired. I start caring about everything more than I should to. I want to feel like a good person for not laying any issues I ever have on anyone and let people presume I'm a dickbag because most of the time that's about the way I am because of one thing or another. Worst part is I probably am. I just like to think I'm not. I don't make significant contributions to anything and me just kinda disappearing would go by unnoticed and...I'm fine with that. Sad and salty is a melancholic state for me.

 

Wow that felt really nice to write out.

[Simping For Hina]

I wish I never let myself fall short of my own expectations.

 

I have ridiculous (and ridiculously regular) mood swings. It fucking kills me. I have no energy to do anything or pay attention to anyone half the time. This entire post is literally the result of my mental state when I'm tired. I start caring about everything more than I should to. I want to feel like a good person for not laying any issues I ever have on anyone and let people presume I'm a dickbag because most of the time that's about the way I am because of one thing or another. Worst part is I probably am. I just like to think I'm not. I don't make significant contributions to anything and me just kinda disappearing would go by unnoticed and...I'm fine with that. Sad and salty is a melancholic state for me.

 

Wow that felt really nice to write out.

Dude, I totally get this. I am already the douche of the forum and I am pretty douchy in real life even though I don't mean to be. It is in reality what I think is the biggest problem about me, as it is also what defines my interactions with others and how I tend to look at myself after a long period of time.

[Night]

I've wanted to leave for a long time now.

 

Even in admitting that, I feel tremendously guilty because whether I like it or not I've become one of if not the most influential person on this site. Contrary to popular belief I really fucking despise that. I've always had an ego, but not with this, I can honestly say that my being here has been the most genuine thing I've ever done. Looking back I only ever wanted to makes changes within the section I spent time in, one thing led to another and I found myself with more responsibility than I ever expected to have. I just wanted to make some changes to better my experience and the experience of a small group of others, I can safely say that I've done that and then some. But I can't bring myself to be content with that.

 

I also, recently, have begun to think about art and Showcase. My conclusion is that the two are one and the same, for me. Before Showcase, I drew shit, I painted (terribly), I was creative, but no one ever gave a fuck. Finding Showcase was like finding a companion. For the first time I could be creative and actually get a response, working on a piece for hours on end was worth it because I knew that when it was complete I would get that response. At first I was just satisfied with the response, over time I came to know these people on a level that's almost completely unique, it's really impossible to explain. Their influence on me was immense and it only heightened the feeling. I was creating art, something I've always loved to do, but at the same time it was so much more than that. 

 

When I think of creating art without Showcase it just feels hollow. I don't know if I'll be able to replicate that feeling, or if the lack thereof would be too daunting and I end up parting with the one thing I enjoy most.

 

I don't know, maybe all of this shit's irrelevant regardless and I'm just spewing incoherent nothings. Just wanted to say what's been on my mind since I keep it compressed far too often. 

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

I don't have anything to say personally (yet) but I felt it necessary to say this. So that it doesn't seem I'm liking Night saying he wants to leave. XD
I liked it cause, basically, it was a very personal and honest statement. One that probably a lot of people don't think about. I've often wondered how Night felt about his position here and it's good to know.

 

That being said. If you feel like you don't want to be "on top of the food chain" as it were, it might be a good idea to try and start limiting the things you have to do around here. Not because you're not needed...but because it's much much more important that you're comfortable happy and doing well yourself than what a forum decided it needs you to do.

 

 

 

Fuck it's midnight I shouldn't try and be deep, wtf am I doing.

[Forest Fire]

I care about the wrong shit way to much. Around the time middle school started is when my mom died and I just wanted to be cut off from everything (not that I was the most social person before that) so I just sorta stopped caring about like almost everything else, but myself and I thought that it would like, I don't know, stop me from getting hurt the way I was again. And I just started not doing work. I think I did it on purpose, I don't really remember. If it was on purpose, which I'm pretty sure it was my reasoning was along the lines of "Why does this matter? In the end I'm gonna be dead anyways, so who cares how smart I am, who cares if I don't do this one sheet of homework" also, no matter what answers I had, no matter I learn, there's no bringing my mom back. And eventually that attitude just spiraled my into being this. I care about me, myself, and I. Sure I care about my friends too, but not as much as I did. And no, I'm not blaming the fact that I'm an asshole on my mother, I know it was entirely my own doing, but... it played a role. Another thing: I'm not saying this stuff because I'm looking for forgiveness. I made my decisions. If anything I want to not be forgiven because it is circumstantial and I made the wrong decisions.
 
It kinda feels good to get this shit off my chest.
 

Fuck it's midnight I shouldn't try and be deep, wtf am I doing.

it's 1 a.m. for me. I need to stop falling asleep in the afternoon.

[Tentacruel]

Gonna make an honest post in a serious thread for once.

 

When drama bullshit goes down I actually feel left out for not being involved in it.  I realize how idiotic that is. 

[Blake]

I actually knew about Night wanting to leave. We've had conversations about it.

 

Where he feels like he has to stay to tend to the site as its leader, I feel like I have to be the one to speak up when people complain. Well, Koko, Icy, or myself. Because we're ex-mods, mostly. It feels like no one else will, even if they agree with the sentiment, and that leads to me getting in over my head a lot of the time.

 

This leads to 'drama', regrettably. If you look when I do one of these, I /do/ get a lot of reps, and other mods have agreed with me in private, but who wants to be made a public enemy of the team like that? That's why I feel like it's my responsibility to do it =T

 

Icy can do it as well, but the time I asked him to something came up so I did it instead. Koko can do it, but I often worry she won't care/it would be bugging her, so I don't ask her to. So I feel like I have to do it for people, even though fighting makes me sick x-x

[Tourmaline]

Other people have voiced opinions or concisely mentioned an issue that most were being coy with.

In terms of my own confessions in the context of this site that many or most would not be aware of....

I can think of none. I am already so genuine.

[Yasυ]

I got around $20 from a vending machine once in high school.

The goddamn thing had swallowed my coin, so I jammed a metal wire inside the money slot and moved it in circles as it kept spitting out coins. I felt guilty afterwards, yet it still was fun.

 

I may have a few more confessions, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait a year or two to hear about them, hahaha.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

There's something that I've noticed. I wanted to ramble a bit about this and figured this'd be a good place to put it.
Basically. I've come to realize that sometimes I need....space. Like. I enjoy talking to people. It's fun and I genuinely like the people I talk to. But sometimes when there's too much of it I start feeling...pressure. And I get more and more stressed and eventually it comes to a boiling point.
And in those times I have a major "fight or flight" response where either I can get vicious or I simply bail for an extended period of time.
There's several people on here who can attest to this... ^^;
But anyway. Point is. That I'm figuring out myself more. And I have come to the conclusion that every once in a while I HAVE to take a break from it. Not necessarily from talking and socializing because I do enjoy it mostly. But kinda...times where I need less of it. Especially when it comes to groups and such.

[Azure Wolf]

I can be very blunt about things, particularly birthday/Christmas presents. Last year I got flak for saying I didn't like or would never use a set of trivia cards and I haven't, don't even know where they are. 

 

I also have a fairly large ego if I'm one of the oldest people in a group and as such believe what I say is how things should be done, though saying this on a site where the main users are younger than me wasn't well received and was promptly threatened by the admins.

 

I believe I also have shoplifted chewing gum once, though not sure if I actually succeeded or not. Though I was around 3ish so I didn't know better, and I wouldn't even have eaten it anyway.

 

As I have said before in places I have missed a lot of school starting from when I was 7-8ish for a few months, which ended up in a court case, didn't help the principal was probably the least helpful one I have known. After that I changed to a smaller school and was absent from it for a few months in total before entering my current school which I have probably missed around 1 and half years of total.

[Simping For Hina]

Confessions? I don't know if I have any. I am pretty open about my life. 

 

I do have one to tell my mama, though, but you can hear that from a freddy mercury song. 

[Yosuke-kun]

I keep too many of my thoughts to myself. Mostly because I'm always afraid that what I say might offend someone and then I'd feel bad and like I have to apologize, which makes me feel worse because I'm basically apologizing for being myself and speaking my mind. I'd imagine nobody would want to feel that way. But seeing as this is a confessions thing I may as well.

For a while I thought I was shy and tried masking this with humor, but over time I've realized that I'm not really shy at all, I just hate people. I would never wish any harm on anyone (at least not seriously) but I can't stand most if not everyone I meet. It's not really a problem at first, but after I start growing close to some people I end up distancing myself from them because something about them just pisses me off. This makes it hard to talk to people because I get the mindset of "They're beneath me. Why would I talk to someone who will just annoy me?" I know that I'm not better then anyone and that I annoy the hell out of a lot of people myself, but I still feel that way more often then I care to admit.

When drama gets mixed in, it gets even worse, but I guess that goes without saying. There's been times where I ignored people who needed help and were in tears just because I didn't want to deal with their crap. I don't even feel bad about it sometimes either. At least not until it's too late for me to do anything, then I feel horrible. In my defense though, I do have what I feel is a pretty good excuse for this. For whatever mysterious reason, I always end up being the "peace-keeper" in arguments. I look at both sides objectively, and that often results in both sides getting angry with me, and I don't handle those situations well.

It really doesn't help that I seem to view myself as if I were the main character of life. I seriously seem to think that I'm in a book or movie sometimes, and that the plot focuses on me. I guess it's not so much like that as it is that I think I'm way more important than I am.

Because of those I end up feeling lonely sometimes and completely overwhelmed at others. I hate that I get like that, and I've left the site a couple times because of that too. I'm honestly not looking to get sympathy or apologize to anyone ( I don't even think there's anyone I need to apologize to here) I more just wanted to say that stuff without it feeling like I was just yelling at myself.