TheWhiteWizard Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 His full name is Ian because he was born a nature spirit and that was the only name he gave his self. The bio I had copied from something I type perviously so sorry about that. He was born in a large forest with many lively things. His mother was the earth and so his powers do not come from mana but the earth its self. He wander the forest for many years without anyone or anything he can remember the first life of the many races but his birth was before years were counted so his age is unknown. While he is old far older than anything else, time does not effect him so the maturity he was born with, is the maturity he will have all his life. He is wise from his many years. He is neutral in sides of war however he will despises darkness. In years before the kingdom an evil force enshrouded in darkness poisoned his home and kill everything but the earth. I do not have much more for his appearance. He power like I said is directly from the earth and not from mana. In his eyes mana is a energy that needs protecting through mending such as trees and the earth. He can control nature but this does not include time, weather or night or day. The final part of his powers is he was gifted with an ancient light that the world has yet to see. Also sorry if they fell short suppose to be in bed but can't fall a sleep, and my phone makes it look like it takes up the required limit. Lastly my character only has magic no weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 If he has no weapons, at least say so. So he does have magic! In that case, you have to list out each individual spell. Again, check other apps we have for examples. I confess, while he's certainly interesting, I find his concept... more than a little overpowered. This is a fairly low-power campaign; playing a forest god is a bit much. You can go Druid, but Tom Bombadil himself is a little out of our depth. And if he never matures, that precludes the possibility of character development as the campaign progresses. That's a biiiig no-no. (Also: Only Techi knows the ancient past of Gnorfiend, and it'll probably be plot-important, so you may want to stay away from it.) Get some rest, and edit your app when you think you've got it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotic Angel Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Yes, I get where SG is coming from, Kuriboh... There's not enough detail in every field, if it was Techi, he'd probably straight out rejected you by now. You're lucky we're just co-hosts, so I'll be nice here. It's always good to follow SG's advice at the end of the day, but I could add one more thing in there: what's Ian's concept and reason? What is he going to do whilst in Gnorfiend? Maybe I added two things, but that's not the point. Have a think about all of this, then try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G4hardcore Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm not a co-GM here, but maybe I can throw in my two cents. Looks like there's a lot of potential in what you've written. I use my phone a lot too, so what you type tends to look like more than it really is. Playing a "forest god" shouldn't be too bad as long as he isn't your Zeus/Poseidon/Hades type of god. At the end of the day, he can take practically any title, as long as he isn't invulnerable, completely immortal, omni anything, ect. He could probably get away with an unknown age if he comes from some distant land where nobody keeps track of time. But to say he is definitely older than everything defeats the purpose of an unknown age. I don't really see what makes him over powered if all he can do is control nature. Manipulating trees is cool, but is that all? I'm wondering how far his abilities extend. Rocks and water too? Wind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not-so-Radiant Arin Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Well, dear ol' Kane can already manipulate wind it seems like, keeping poor Daphne and Maia locked inside the shop dealing with someone who's probably about to explode~ If you were going to go down the route of manipulating nature, Mr. Kuriboh, I would definitely say Geomancy (the art of transforming and creating earth) and/or Aquamancy (same thing, but with water) would be down your alley. And also, G4, if he could uproot a tree and throw it at your face with magic, I would definitely not call that underpowered~ :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Re: G4Hardcore: Well, first of all, he would be immortal, or at least ancient and incapable of maturing, so yeah, that's a problem. But bluntly, if you think the manipulation of "plant life" is underpowered... well, Yuuka Kazami would like a word with you. :P Domains in general are extremely dangerous - with enough creativity it's possible to turn even the most minor and prosaic of abilities into nightmares, and "manipulation of plants" is by no means minor or prosaic. The plant affinity is personally what draws me to the character. Well, I like the flavour of your D&D Druids and such. Having a manipulator of plants, in my opinion, is both a) more than sufficient to make an interesting and powerful character, especially if you're creative with it, and b) a cool way of giving the party a fresh perspective. Then again, I'm into very gimmicky characters (Touhou fan here), and I think adding anything else would be detracting from the character. Again, the main problems are being immortal or extremely old (let's not), the personality (pile of contradictions that it is), and the length requirements (not even close). And, you know, filling out the right application. :'u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotic Angel Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Yeah, I seem to have picked that problem up too. Anyways, I've posted now. If there's anything you want fixed, please let me know. I've managed to throw the clone out for the time being... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G4hardcore Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Er, you guys may be right about the powers. Having a tree grow out of nowhere could mean a tree bursting out of your mouth at any moment, or a shield made of bark a hundred feet thick. And, if course, tree throwing is not very nice--it'd kill the tree! I think manipulation of pre-existing plants is more manageable than the generation of plants from nowhere. Especially if the powers aren't tied in with personal stamina or mana reserves. Katrina is already a geomancer, though having two wouldn't be horrible. We do have three flame manipulators, heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not-so-Radiant Arin Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Three? Rosalina doesn't have any magical attunement at the moment; she's purely warrior-ish. Her only backstory involved fire with her burning her own house down, but that doesn't mean she has any direct correlation with it. I was thinking of making her something different later on down the line, but she's not a fire magician, and I don't think she will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G4hardcore Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Three? Rosalina doesn't have any magical attunement at the moment; she's purely warrior-ish. Her only backstory involved fire with her burning her own house down, but that doesn't mean she has any direct correlation with it. I was thinking of making her something different later on down the line, but she's not a fire magician, and I don't think she will be. Ah, my mistake. I thought I recalled something along the lines of being able to blow sparks at people as one of your spells. Even so, that leaves the fire werewolf Luke, Vellan, and our man Kane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'll be honest, I thought the replica was supposed to be an actual plot, not... Kane showing off how badass he was. It makes me look awfully silly for trying to assemble a party to go stop it. Hell, what was the point of him asking for help from everyone if he was gonna kill it in one shot anyway? And I thought Doom was suppressed? I'm so confused. Hold on, though. If Kane ran a few miles with it, that would have taken him hours to go all that way and back (he doesn't have any magic that would enhance his speed, so he has to go the normal way). So should we roleplay what happens during the intervening time and just make sure some people are back at the shop in time for Kane's apology, or...? That's all I can think of. ^^;; I mean, since the party isn't together yet, it's really important that we have an excuse to get everyone together and interacting, and that means coordinating our actions very carefully in my experience. So if anyone does have any ideas for how to get everyone involved in something, let me know. My personal suggestion: Should Maia (and possibly Daphne and Fayyad if they want) go out and ask Rosalina what happened, and then everyone stumbles upon Luke and Katrina's battle? They fight, and we make sure it's all settled by the time Kane gets back...? Obviously that's a tentative plan depending on what people say, but it's possible way of doing things, I figure. I'll post when I figure out what's going on with the plot, so I can actually advance said plot while maintaining character interactions :'u (Also, has anyone had any contact with Techi, by any chance? We were waiting on Techi to start the actual plot, I thought, but he/she/etc doesn't seem to have logged in in a long time.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not-so-Radiant Arin Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Negative. I all thought you were ones keeping this RP alive. You guys all have good heads on your shoulders; I don't think it's really necessary at this point to ask Techi for anything unless we need to interact with Vellan for a specific reason. Otherwise, we can just say he's doing duties for the king or something and completely cut him out of everything. I do like SG's idea of bringing the three girls together, but remind me again where Luke and Katrina's fight is taking place? Is it in another district of Gnorfiend or is it in the outskirts of town? Yami's posts aren't very clear as to where he's putting his character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWhiteWizard Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Name- Ian(full name because it is the one he gave himself) Age-Unknown(He was born before years were counted) Race-Nature spirt Gender-Male Personaliy-Ian is a neutral type person in most makers however he is willing to kill or destroy any darkness that may arise. His is wise yet youthful at the same time, he has the maturity of a teenager or young adult. Ian is always willing to help others, however he would rather mend the earth of its wounds, and the sounds cause by mana. Ian is hopeful that he can restore the once great forest of the world and make it whole again. The way he is neutral is in the sides of mortal wars. The reason is both wise and young is because he was born with the maturity he has and does age, however he is still learns and remembers. Ian is a caring and loving person he falls in love easily and has a tendisy of fall for mortals, although he knows they will not last. He is very passionate about the things he cares about, and the only gods he believes in are the sky and the earth. Although he considers his self a spirit that a child of a god. Apperance- Although Ian is a nature spirit, he takes the appearance of a tipical lord of the rings elf(which looks like a human with pointed ears and immortality). He has green eyes, black hair and pale skin. He towers over most humans. He wears a baggy white shirt with a leather vest. He has a sense of life that surrounds him. He is well groomed, and his hair is grown out to his shoulders. Ian has a young look to his face although he is almost as old as nature its self. Ian is six foot even, and he wieghs less then a feather. He is slim as a twig. He only has the clothes on his back, they have endured a rather long time and still look as new as they made, ian feels he does not need much more. His skin is perfectly smooth and there is no sign he has be wounded before. Bio- Ian was born in a giant forest that has long pasted, he wandered aimless until he met the first love of his life when she ask him his name he answered Ian that has been his name ever since. He was born before the shadow warriors and never ventured beyond his forest, his love was a mortal women who he taught his magic to and how to use it without any help except for the source of this original magic, the earth. As time went on his love left and joined her people who civilized a small part of the world that was lost. Before she left though she gave him a light the world has only once seen a power of her creation as a thank you. After some time a dark and evil force enshrouded in darkness poisoned the forest and killed his home. Ian hunted him down to no avail, only in recent years has his search lead to this magical island, which once housed the shadow warriors. However, never being here before this land is unknown to him. Ian is willing to teach people of his magic if he should need. Ian carries with him a well worn down book filled with records and journal entries, it has maps of the beyond world with place mark as a thriesh hold of darkness. Magic-Ian's magic is nature and some light, however it is very limited because of his maturity he can not unlock his full potential. Spells, earthshacker, orb of light, healing arua, nature attack, natural wall, poison air. Earthshacher causes a minor earthquake that nocks off Ian's enemies. Orb of light creates a small orb of light that illuminates a large area, any darkness within the area including shadow warriors are vapporised. Healing arua heals Ian's allies. Nature attack cause plants to grow and attack his enemies. Natural wall causes plants to grow as a defensive barrier. Posion air causes poisonous pollion or spores to fell the air. His plants can onlywarrior in land that can see the sky. Ian cast his spells though series of hand jestures, and he controls his plants with thoughts. He is incapable of using dark magic. Ian has no weapon, he only has his magic. He has never needed a weapon however is capable and willing to learn should he need.if he learned to use a weapon he would most likely learned how to weild a spear. I did not know how to finish magic. Darkness is an original element of magic that ian is apposed to and he came to the island to hunt down shawdow warrior. He knows who to heal mortals bevause of his first love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotic Angel Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 SG: Kane did run a few miles and back... Of course, it did take him a while, so we need to pay attention as to when he left, threw the once-again-dead corpse back in and when he came back again to give an apology for the trouble he caused. No magic was used there, apart for the one: Doom. The spell has already been suppressed before we started, so all he needed was a rune and a countdown. I'm assuming that's how other Doom spells work. I'll explain a bit more in my next post, it's actually taking me ages to explain it all in one. Kuriboh: Again, everything is WAY below par. The standards in the RP society is so high, we have very little chance of throwing people in who are incapable. Read all of our apps again as a guide, you'll see why. So, this is what I want YOU to take into consideration: What's Ian's full name? It's kinda confusing if the guy only has one name. EDIT: Birth isn't even in the application. I would strongly suggest removing it. Personality is okay, but we need depth. How had his personality affected who he is now? Any other problems in the past that we should be concerned about? Neutral personalities alone doesn't really cut it. It almost seems like to me that the person will end up emotionless, so what can you do to compromise that? If you add those bits in, it would add another 2-3 lines EACH and you'll be able to pass with flying colours. Right now, that needs serious work. Appearance is sluggish. Two and a half lines is almost certainly gonna give you the axe on the head. Here's some guidance questions to help you strengthen that up too: How tall does the guy measure himself in? How heavy does he weigh himself at? What build is he? Slim, Obese, Strong, Frail? Does he bring any additional clothing? If not, why not? If so, list a few here. Any tattoos, scars or any other miscellaneous items? Bio is fine as well, but it needs detail and explaining a bit more. That, I'll have to look into, but this needs work, surely. Magic is fine too, and again, it needs finishing up, I think. EDIT2: 'He has no weapons because he only uses magic': That explanation sadly is a bit too vague for my liking. Again, a set of guide questions I want you to answer: Why else doesn't he use weapons? Does he loathe the use of them? If so, why? Would he be able to learn how to use several weapons in the near future? If you can explain using the questions I've given you, then I would consider this a pretty good app. Overall, the application needs severe amounts of work. If you're still concerned, you can ask me or SG for some advice on how to apply properly for RPs. Trust me, I've been in the same shoes as you once. Nowadays, this amount of work isn't gonna be enough. If you applied to another original RP like mine: You'd be thrown out before you even look back tomorrow, you're lucky I'm just co-hosting this. SG, what do you think of it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWhiteWizard Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Sorry I was trying my best to follow the app on the first page, I manly improvise. Ian only has one name because he wasn't born to a family, he gave himself the name he has. I don't fell like typing up another app but if I have to I eill , can I add details to it in another post ?Also i explained that Ian was neutral in mortal wars however he hunts down darkness and seeks to destroy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotic Angel Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 You could just edit the app. Now, you applied twice, so I can't do anything about that. Simply edit the most recent app, that alone will suffice. I've taught another player the similar thing I'm teaching you now, so that shouldn't be a problem, more or less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWhiteWizard Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 OK thank you all your questions shall be answered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotic Angel Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 Great, thank you. I look forward to the finished product. Mind you, SG is a little more pickier than I am with apps like these, so I gotta make a good impression and you've gotta do well to impress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWhiteWizard Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 It was edited, thanks your feedback Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotic Angel Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 It's getting there already, but it's not quite up to par yet. I'll have to check again tomorrow as I'm on my phone. Until then, you'll have to rely on SG's feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWhiteWizard Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 OK, thank you. I look forward to being able to join you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 Negative. I all thought you were ones keeping this RP alive. You guys all have good heads on your shoulders; I don't think it's really necessary at this point to ask Techi for anything unless we need to interact with Vellan for a specific reason. Otherwise, we can just say he's doing duties for the king or something and completely cut him out of everything. I do like SG's idea of bringing the three girls together, but remind me again where Luke and Katrina's fight is taking place? Is it in another district of Gnorfiend or is it in the outskirts of town? Yami's posts aren't very clear as to where he's putting his character. Hrm, well, based on this quote: So I'm not mistaken, this shop seems to be relatively close to the woods, no? I mean, bears don't just come out of nowhere. I would assume the shop is somewhere near Gnorfiend's walls, and the fight was starting as Luke was coming back into the city limits...? That said, if Yami or G4Hardcore could maybe position themselves in their next post that'd be cool ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G4hardcore Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 Officially, there isn't a fight happening just yet. Katrina and Vanilor are positioned on the edge of the woods from which the bears came, the same woods that hold the home of the grandmaster. What's in question is just exactly how far the woods are from the shop. If it's anything more than a mile or two, then my next post will have my party officially leaving the woods to get closer so as not to lose Luke. If it's about a mile or less, than Katrina and Vanilor stay put and listen in on their conversation to get a grasp of who the people he is surrounded by are. I can draw up a map, unless one already exists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 I don't thiiiink one already exists. I think you should probably move closer, though - I didn't think the shop was suuuuper close to the outskirts of the city, though I'm sure given events that it's closer to the edge than the centre, and it kind of informed my descriptions of the city in my earlier posts, I think. But in the end it's honestly up to you. :u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWhiteWizard Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 SG yesterday before chaotic angel got off he said I would need to rely on your feedback on my app. Would you look at It and tell me what you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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