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I'm not the Fanfic mod, but I can basically tell you that stuff isn't following directions.

Might want to read them, before Aix or Nai get at you: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/255950-ycm-creative-writing-forum-rules/

 

Anyway, there's a good reason why script format isn't particularly liked; doesn't allow you to elaborate much on the characters.

If you can give this to some random people and they act out this scene, that's great; but based on this context, I don't believe that would be the case.

 

Here, Atem and this other duelist don't have clear indicators of what they look like, nor did you provide any information on Kikotry's monsters (remember, they are customs so we don't know what their powers are).

 

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If Atem didn't know about Xyz Summons, then how did he manage to get one out of the blue, and then proceed to OTK?

This is why you need to flesh out the chapters, so we get a better picture of what's going on.

 

Lack of announcements for when a character draws, ends their turn and so on.

 

 

Story's okay, but severely lacking in details.

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Exactly what Sakura said. Thank God I'm a writing expert. The whole concept is lacking depth and detail, not just one or two things.

The fact that you made a duel that ended with a OTK really overdid it a bit, so that kinda ruined everything for me, sorry.

Also, follow the rules. Why is it there in the first place?

EDIT: Plus, judging by this, the whole fiction is just under, if not less than two pages. Better go fix that too.

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