[1st Draft] Selfie (Creepypasta)

[CybZer0]

This is my first attempt to make a creepypasta tale. I just came up with it today. Now it may not be great or creepy after you read it and it may still need some work (a lot of work) before publishing, but I got excited wanting to share this with my fellow community.

Now I'm not sure if it follows the rule of being a creepypasta, but anywho, I would strongly like your feedback and opinion on this story.





Detective #1: "Dr. Dwight Nelson, would you like to explain your perspective of the matter?"

Dr.Nelson: "I received a call from her doctor recommeding for Lisa-my patient- to see a psychologist. I agreed, I didn't have to much work on my hand and uh, I thought it would be just "another case" for me (chuckles). Before scheduling her appointment, I asked what issues is Lisa having and a possible background of her so I can get along with her in the future. The doctor answered: Her name is Lisa. Lisa is 17 about to finish high school in May and soon to be 18 in June. She's an open person, smart, loves her friends, and likes to express herself. She's dealing with social issues, low-self esteem, and strange dreams. So we schedule an appointment to have Lisa visit my office at one o'clock pm, two weeks after the call. During the two weeks I kept wondering what could have put Lisa in such a down mood."

Two weeks later...

Dr.Nelson: "Afternoon Lisa. How are you?"
Lisa: "Okay, I guess."
Dr.Nelson: "Well I'll assure you'll be uplifting after good talk. Please, take a seat." Dr.Nelson showing Lisa a nice comfy leather chair in front of his desk. Lisa sits down.
Dr.Nelson: "Your doctor and family told me somethings about you. Your open, smart, and have high-self esteem."
Lisa: "Yeah..."
Dr.Nelson:"Well, uh, if you don't mind Lisa, I would like to jump right into your situation."
Lisa: "Sure doc. Whatever helps, I just want to get this over with, don't even want to be here."
Dr.Nelson:"I understand you don't want to be here, which is why I want to jump right in. If you may Lisa, explain your issue and where'd you like to start."
Lisa:"(Sign) It started with a selfie,"
Dr.Nelson:"Taking a picture of yourself?"
Lisa:"Yeah... thats what it is."
Dr.Nelson:"Go on."
Lisa:"I took picture of myself in front of a mirror as a I always do and-"
Dr.Nelson:"Pardon me, but how often do you take a selfie?"
Lisa:"Like, 3 or 4 times a week. But the thing is doc, I kept taking more and more selfies because I saw something in the flash, or I think I did."
Dr.Nelson:"What did you see? Can you describe it?"
Lisa:"It was a face, too bright to see. But everytime I blinked after the flash, I could just barely make it out. So I took a few more pictures in front of the mirror and I saw myself but looked different. Again, couldn't make it out because of the flash. After that, I knocked it off that I just saw the ole plain me in the mirror. When I went to sleep, I dreamed I saw myself taking selfies. I walked towards myself taking the selfies, and as I walked towards me, I saw myself in the mirror. With each selfie that myself took, I looked different, pale, dry, old, and dead. The next day I woke up remembering my dram and how strange it was. I knocked it off as a bad dream. Later on in the day, I took a selfie in front of a mirror. In the flash I saw, just barely, what I saw in my dream. Me smiling, and my strange looking self. My heart sped up, scared of what I saw, I didn't know how to explain it. I knocked it off as hallucinations. The same day, I went to sleep, not thinking about selfies. The same dream! And I didnt even took any pictures today! Me taking selfies in front of a mirror and walking towards myself. As I walked towards myself taking pictures, in each flash I could see more details of myself. What I saw was myself dead. Hollow dark eyeholes, long black hair, hard skin, mouth slightly opened, blood dripping from my mouth and eyeholes. Then the-"
Dr.Nelson:"Lisa, sorry to interrupt, but we have gone overtime with your story. As you know this was supposed to be short introduction of the two us, however seeing-"
Lisa:"Yeah, I know doc, it was a short appointment...Sorry."
Dr.Nelson:" No nees to apologize. I'll have to schedule an appointment for tomorrow to discuss on some resolutions to your situation and continuing with your story."
Lisa:"Oh, uh, okay. Sure."
Dr.Nelson:"Great. I'll be sure to look into it, until tomorrow Lisa, take care."
Lisa:"Likewise."

The day after her appointment, Lisa slept fine with no harmful dreams. She woke up this moring with her usaual morning routine and a wake up call to hang out with her friends later aftrnoon before her appointment witb Dr.Nelson. Before Lisa goes out with her friends, she pondered on taking selfie, remembering the dreams she had. Seeing how it could do no harm, Lisa goes to her room in front of a mirror and prepares her phone's camera. She took the picture and saw nothing. She then looks at the picture from her phone and sees her dead, hollow eyeholes, blood dripping, hard skinned, long haired, self. Lisa quickly looks up at the mirror and sees the same image. The dead image of Lisa turns her head slowly facing Lisa's head. Lisa, petrified to move and not looking away from the mirror. Lisa then hears breathing from behind her and a touch of a cold hand on her shoulder. Lisa, continuing to look into the mirror of her dead self image portraying every move. Lisa hears the image on the mirror yell in a young-old deep cracking ghastly voice into her ear: "SELFIE!"
The mirror flashes.

[Peridank]

This is the last place I expected to read this... needs work. I like the tone you set... but all together seems childish, the theme can be pointed into a more dark direction. The phenomenon makes little sense,  while that adds to it-it also makes it feel rushed, in a way. Turning as stated can be hinting at the (Jewish?) mythos of when your picture is taken, it absorbs bit of your soul. The goal is to implement that without it being obvious or cheesy. Besides that nice work.

 

PS... I like the ring origins vibe as well...

[CybZer0]

Dang it, you're right, it is childish. I need to make Dr.Nelson sound more like a pyschologist, add more details, and better wording. More dark direction, okay. I'll explain the phenomenon in details in the story. It is rushed, I think I'll add an actual plot to it and build up from intro-end. Jewish mythos huh? I didn't even knew about that. Implement it without being cheesy or evident, do you think you can give an example of it being cheesy of evident, like where in the story was it cheesy or obvious? That way i get a clear idea and can avoid being cheesy and obvious.

Oh the ring, that movie gave me the creeps.

Anyways, I'll work on this and update it when i can.

[Peridank]

I meant in rewriting it.... stay away from things people expect... as much as possible anyways. *looks at jeff's story* ya... that's about it... cant wait to read the rewrite...