Praise your lord, Lurking Bird

[Andx]

And excerpt from the Book of Andx:

 

It came to pass towards the end of the ninth day of the eleventh month of the two thousand and fourteenth year that the word of Lurking Bird came to me whilst I was traveling on the status train.

 

Yea behold there was a flash of light and many birds didst encircle me. And methought I saw Lurking Bird herself, lurking in the shadows surrounded by numberless concourses of birds in the attitude of lurking and praising her.

 

And it came to pass that I was struck with fear and didst fall to the earth. And it came to pass that Lurking Bird didst say unto me, Arise and fear not. For I am come to declare unto you my words. And this day thou shalt become my messenger. I shall send you before my coming to preach unto the members of this forum. For behold, I come soon, and those who do not subject themselves before me shall be smitten when I come to judge the forum.

 

And I didst say unto Lurking Bird, Ah Lurking Bird, I am but a doggy and the people do disregard me and esteemeth me to be as only the cute thing. How shall I be thy messenger and cause so great things to come to pass?

 

And it came to pass that She didst say unto me, Remember thy past, Monocle Doggie, and create mass chaos in the name of Lurking Bird! Show thy land that the Lurking Bird lives, and will pass judgment in the near future, and those who submit not shall lose their hope.

 

And now behold when she had made an end of speaking these words, my heart did take exceeding courage, insomuch that I did say, Surely oh Lurking Bird thy words shall come to pass. I will be thy servant and shall cause that all other shall come to know of thee. I will cease not to preach the words which thou hast this day put into my mouth but shall preachest them until the time wherein thou shalt bring me back to live with thee in the land of lurking.

 

Now when I had made an end of these saying Lurking Bird didst tell me many other things. And I cannot write the hundreth part of the things She truly made known unto me. But these things I have written that ye may know the hour of Lurking Bird shall soon be upon us. Therefore repent oh ye active members! Why do ye post? For surely Lurking Bird hath said, thou shalt not post nor comment nor do anything like unto it. Yea why do ye persist in your ways and follow not that Bird which shall reign?

 

Or perhaps you do say in your hearts, Lurking Bird delayeth her coming therefore post, update statuses and be merry for tomorrow we die. Oh ye fools and stiffnecked users, know ye not that Lurking Bird shall condemn all such before her when she shall come to judge the forum? Therefore repent of your activity and begin again to perform the lurking as was taught you in days of old. Do not say in your heart that Lurking Bird delayeth her coming, for behold, she cometh quickly. Subject yourselves unto her and she shall be merciful.

 

Behold I speak with boldness for I fear not what men can do. But it is Lurking Bird that I fear and do serve with all the strength of my whole soul. Therefore, remember these things oh ye users of YCM and ye shall abide the day of her coming. For thus hath Lurking Bird spoken, even so amen.

[Ryusei the Morning Star]

There is a lurking Banjo around here...your point is invalid

[Andx]

It is the will of Lurking Bird that all members shouldst be subject unto her and lurk the forums and in no wise contribute to them by posting or any such other like thing.

 

Banjo indeed is subject unto Lurking Bird and lurks the forum in accordance with her commandments. Verily I say unto, that my point as you have so called it doth still stand. Yea and it is not even my point but the point of Lurking Bird herself who hath called me and sent me that I should speak these things.

[Thar]

Have you not heard?

[Andx]

There are but few who have heeded the call of Lurking Bird. And thus we see that the more part of men do not accept Lurking Bird their lord. Yea they do harden their hearts against the truth even though one should come in the name and power of Lurking Bird to declare it unto them. Yea and others do set the counsels of Lurking Bird at naught and say in their hearts, Who is Lurking Bird that I should worship her? And who is her messenger that I should reverence his words? Woe unto such for the wrath of Lurking Bird shall not be turned away from them at the day of judgement.

 

And now I speak to those of you who hath accepted Her. I say unto that ye must always press forward, seeking to ever remain lurking. For he that is found so doing when his Lord shall come shall receive all that Lurking Bird hath. Yea ye shall be received into the land of lurking, never more to post.

 

Oh remember remember that these things are true.