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Actually serious for once (Okay much less serious)


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  I think everyone has had times when they have to look into the darkness, yeah? I have too, and I wanna say that it does get better, eventually. Having friends (IRL, in YCM, & other places) has helped a lot; but I've got a long way to go. Everyone else has shared their story so here's mine: Since before I can before I can remember, we've lived with my Grandma and let's just say we don't get along very well. When I was 4 1/2, I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. That I've learned to live with. Then the worst thing ever happened. My mom died when I was 10. I was the one who woke up that day... I walked up to her bed and tried to wake her up, in the process waking up my dad. He told me to call an ambulance... I don't remember the conversation, only the feeling that I started crying at some point, maybe I realized my mom wasn't going to get better... I don't know... anyway. My sister and I were taken to our family friends house so we won't be in the way. I still remember the book I brought. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It was my first time reading the series. I loved it. And I was still reading when we left their house and we were told what happened I remember being numb. And that's when I starting bottling myself up, only feeling when my 'bottle' of emotions broke and they came pouring out. But meeting Her in the sixth grade.. I felt something.. but She broke my heart latter. It hurt so much.

  At one point this year I told my freshman english teacher that I was a lazy asshole cause that's really what I am. When she I wasn't, I laughed a bit. I can be vain, and I can be hurtful; but I have only myself to blame. I stared into the darkness and blinked. That or I never faced it to begin with, just putting it off to avoid change. 

  Anyway. I've had at least three accounts on here. I remember the first time I saw on of your posts on the forums. I was using the account I had before this one. You were and always will be awesome.  

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