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Stupid stupid story help pls


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So here's the deal. Making a stupid, really crappy Christian Sonic the Hedgehog short story for my Atheist cousin. I want it to be really bad and dumb.

I need puns, puns and quotes that combine Sonic and Christianity/God.

I've got a few things. "Gotta go fast! To confess my sins!"

"You're too blasphemous"

I know he's gonna call Chaos Emeralds "Christ Emeralds"
And I'm trying hard to compare God to chilli dogs.

And I will have Shadow use his quote "The builders never understand how their creations truly feel." at some point.

 

Any help/ideas would be awesome.

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GOD TO GO FAST

Yes!

Okay, this is just a basic idea idea now. Scenario: Tails lies, dying at Sonic's feet. Sonic promises him to become a good Christian.

 

"Tails no!" Sonic's scream ripped through the otherwise quiet night. As the tears poured down his cheeks he spoke determinedly. "I gotta...No. I GOD to go fast!"

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Because it's like, the only somewhat amusing thing I was able to write in the story, I'll post this part.

 

“Luke 9:16.” Tails said weakly. “Taking the five hot dogs and the two bowls of chilli and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and combined them. Then he gave them to the disciples to distribute to the people.”
    Sonic’s jaw dropped. “You mean...”
    “Yes, Sonic...Jesus...created the chilli dog.” And with that, Tails died.

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