Polygamy

[Aix]

So I was reading some power fantasy set in a fantasy world light novel (don't judge, I have a weak spot for the fantasy genre regardless of quality) when it comes to the point where the main character marries, ends up cheating, and then ends up marrying the other girl as well. Quite frankly, I felt disgusted, 1. because this was a shallow otaku-pandering story (meaning simply appealing to a guy's fantasies) and the main character was an uncontrollable pervert, but also 2. at the thought of polygamy itself, which brings association with misogyny and sexism. However, I thought about the concept of polygamy again, in the novel the wives were okay with it (although I still feel repulsed because this is really just wish fulfilment more than seriously trying to deal with the concept of polygamy), understanding that the guy did like them both (this light novel is just wish-fulfilment, and the guy is a total creep who gropes his wives whenever possible, but w/e).

 

So being completely non-religious, my thoughts are that if all parties are consented and no sexism is involved, polygyny, polyandry (where a single woman have multiple wives) and group marriages (where there are multiple wives and husbands) aren't particularly wrong per se, though it is illegal in most of the world.

 

What is YCM's thought on the topic?

[Maeriberii Haan]

Not necessarily illegal, but frowned upon. You might want to fix that point. Several religions and culture do permit it, with many rules and regulations that many of the people that were involved in doing this ignored. Pretty disliking this practice since, real life is not perfect, and most of the cases of Polygamy these days were at the expense of one of the sides of the marriage, even if they didn't admit it.

[JadenxAtemYAOI]

Okay with others practicing it but rather not do it myself.

[Aix]

Not necessarily illegal, but frowned upon. You might want to fix that point. Several religions and culture do permit it, with many rules and regulations that many of the people that were involved in doing this ignored. Pretty disliking this practice since, real life is not perfect, and most of the cases of Polygamy these days were at the expense of one of the sides of the marriage, even if they didn't admit it.

Most of the world doesn't allow it. Hence most.

[Maeriberii Haan]

That is what I mean about what need to be fixed. Many parts of the world (mainly most of non-western countries, and even some western ones) does not outlaw it, but it is frowned upon even in many places where it's legal to do so.

[Goose]

inb4culturalbiasandbigotism

 

Of course it should be legal.  The government banning it is in essence legislating thought since it's them saying you can't love two people equally.  That is government overreach by most definitions.

[Maeriberii Haan]

There's like, problems with both outlawing it and legalizing it. On one hand, what welche said. On the other hand, "loving 2 (or more) people equally" is like a far fetched ideal that I almost never actually see during my time in life, or even heard about. Would probably still manageable because of society pressures, but the thought of men using it for picking mistresses left and right without caring much about his first wife, or something even worse. Once again, not saying that I'm against Polygamy as a concept, but its applications were less than ideal most of the time.

[goddamnit names are a pain]

It's just another kind of marriage and love thing to me. If we are approving same sex marriage and things, I don't see why this couldn't be. You know, within reason, number wise. I mean the concepts still weird, but that's because society has made it seem weird. 

 

But if you honestly think you can equally love two+ women with all of your heart at the same time, then go for it, I suppose.

 

And what you read sounds disgusting. I hate the "uncontrollable pervert" main character. Ugh.

[Lunar Origins]

Only really one person is good enough for me.

[Raine]

Polygamy should definitely be illegal because it is an institution that tends to disregard the state. That said, I don't mind polygamy and if people want to have 3+ persona relationships it's no skin off my back. However, I don't think mutual love conforms very much to fit something like that so it doesn't fly in my mind. I think people should do what they love but multiple person relationships that are genuine and not just symbols of sexual freedom or conventional rebellion are rare. People shouldn't expect everyone to be okay with what you do anyways! So it shouldn't be legal. No one should need to stop someone in that polygamy if it's mutual but... that doesn't mean they're right and people should accept them... 

[Goose]

Polygamy should definitely be illegal because it is an institution that tends to disregard the state. That said, I don't mind polygamy and if people want to have 3+ persona relationships it's no skin off my back. However, I don't think mutual love conforms very much to fit something like that so it doesn't fly in my mind. I think people should do what they love but multiple person relationships that are genuine and not just symbols of sexual freedom or conventional rebellion are rare. People shouldn't expect everyone to be okay with what you do anyways! So it shouldn't be legal. No one should need to stop someone in that polygamy if it's mutual but... that doesn't mean they're right and people should accept them... 

 

You sound like someone talking about homosexual relationships.

[Raine]

You sound like someone talking about homosexual relationships.

 

POLYGAMY DOESN'T SOUND LIKE LOVE AND I AM ON THE SIDE OF LOVE!

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

This is a tricky situation. I'm pretty sure there are some legal issues with it. I'm not sure what but I kinda remember hearing about problems it causes.

But personally, not taking anything else into account, if it's actual mutual love between multiple people I think it's fine. But I don't know how many legit cases of that there are.

[goddamnit names are a pain]

This is a tricky situation. I'm pretty sure there are some legal issues with it.

There are also legal issues with same sex marriage and stuff. Our law system (U.S) is subject to reforms, as history has shown.

[Tentacruel]

You can fuck whoever you want, but I don't have to give you my approval.   

This can apply to pretty much any issue like this. 

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

There are also legal issues with same sex marriage and stuff. Our law system (U.S) is subject to reforms, as history has shown.

Not entirely. One of the issues are if same sex marriages count as "actual" marriage, by law. (Which I think it does.)

I mean more, being married to more than one person causing issues with, who gets benefits, do they all get them? If so how much? What if there's a divorce, and stuff like that.

[Tentacruel]

I'm actually of the mindset that marriage shouldn't be a legal construct at all.  Incorporate the benefits into other things so people can get them regardless.  Set up join tax returns with people you just live with, etc. 

 

But even then, people could practice marriage in a manner they see fit, religious or otherwise. 

[Fusion X. Denver]

I don't agree with the practice, but I wouldn't be dead-set against it to the point I'm fighting for it to be illegal. If there's a triple of people who really want to go through with it, why should I care enough to go out of my way to ruin their happiness?

 

Don't know what to make of it on the technical side of things though. I'm kind of ignorant on the nitty gritty details on the benefits married couples get with stuff like taxes and other stuff like that. I'm wondering if polygamy would be able to take advantage of things on that side, but I could be talking out of my a*s right now, idk.

[bury the year]

I, for one, wouldn't want to have to deal with the legislative implications of legalizing polygamy. Benefits, social security, etc. Eugh. I'm also personally against it, as a polygynist situation inherently tips the balance of power towards the husband (and vice-versa for polyandry), which could result in a lot of potential abuse situations. I've read too many articles and have heard enough stories from my old boss (who was a Mormon growing up in Utah) to know that while theory it shouldn't hurt anyone, in practice it too often does.

[Sleepy]

I am against that practice personally, but I wouldn't go out of my way out there to oppose it actively and I wouldn't judge anyone that would want to practice it.

However, all party members must agree on it. 

 

A cousin of mine went to some African country a while ago and she stayed there for like 6 months. She did tell us that polygamy is rather common there, but that doesn't mean that the women actually agree with it. I heard a few cases where a woman and my cousin were talking and it'd turn out something along the lines of:
"How do you feel about your husband having another more recent wife here?"
"I don't really have a choice. Men always tell you that you are special and will be the only one, but after a few years of being married, he suddenly brings out another woman and tells me to get along. What am I supposed to do? I can't unmarry him and I did try to stop it. Some guys have 4+ wives and they have to eventually learn to get along. Men are allowed to have as many as they can maintain."

 

That said, it is basically a forced harem much of the time, and I hate harem.

Might there be also cases of a single woman with many men? Probably, but it is much more rare. I actually didn't even know there was a term for that before this thread.

Might there be also a group that works where all members have real consent and all love each other? Possibly, but from what I've seen, it is abysmally more common to find women that didn't have a choice due to their culture's laws, women that were indoctrinated since early age into accepting it (like a certain small society/group of Mormons somewhere between the border of Mexico/USA), or men that decided they had enough power and money to get them. Iirc there was a king in history that had like a thousand wives. Some of us can't even have that many people in our memory (friends, family, enemies, acquaintances, etc, all combined) without starting to forget names. Evidently, marriage can be very different from what is expected.

What I just said can also get the genders flipped btw, of course.

 

 

I can see how it'd be legal considering the possibilities of true love transcending single-partner couples, but I can also see why it'd be illegal too, or why the majority of the western world wouldn't want to go that route by reasons other than "cultural differences".

If it was up to me to dictate, it'd have to have a ton of restrictions or at least try a ton of measures to make things fair, and it'd probably be a lot more trouble than government workers could handle or would be willing to handle.

 

Gay marriage never involves unwilling party members, and polygamy can do so at times. It is different. I'm ok with things like gay marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

Then again yes, you can argue that I'm biased by my culture of single partners. I definitely am to a degree....

Also, I think no matter who you are, it is most likely gonna happen that the more members a group of lovers get into the picture, the less personal they usually are with each one of them, and it can easily reach the point where it'll just be a bunch of friends at best, or the point where you don't even remember who some of them are, at worst.

 

Once again, if that's what you want and your party members all consent, be my guest, I won't judge you.

[Agro]

The fun part of polygamy happens when you realize people don't actually like sharing.

[LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow]

That's another point. They might go into it thinking it's fine, but it happens quite often that afterwords there starts to be jealousy and possessiveness and that never ends well. It's human nature, especially with our modern ideas.

[Greiga]

I wouldn't be able to do it. I already have enough trouble sticking to people, marrying two different people seems impossible.

 

If someone wants to spend the rest of their life with multiple people and everyone involved is cool with it then have fun. I won't say "marry" because government marriage is really just handing and signing sheets of paper (for the most part), but that's a totally other topic. All I can think is that it could be hella awkward in various situations.